Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Did Roy Moore Bully-Sign Boy's Yearbook?

BREAKING NEWS!!

Did Roy Moore bully-sign the yearbook of that Tennessee middle schooler with the funny schnoz? If so, can we all agree that maybe the judge has gone a little too far this time!? 

To Keaton,
If there is another Tennessee 
middle schooler with a funnier 
nose, I could not say.
Roy Moore - senator 2017

The Chattering Teeth Blog has the boy's original Horace Maynard Middle School yearbook, and their handwriting expert on staff is carefully analyzing the script as votes are being cast in the Alabama senate election (though the milk stains are distracting him). Will the results conclude that Moore bullied this young Jimmy Durante doppleganger? Will they be available in time to affect this election? Will Gloria Allred represent 'Rocky' after she gets a whiff of his mother's crowd funding efforts? Stay tuned for the exciting answers.

THE END

And now for a visit from the spirit of the Father from Christmas past.

Dude. Man up. 
Stand up for yourself. Don't ever willingly allow anyone to pour milk on you or put ham down your clothes without fighting back (or adding 2 slices of Wonder and squirting a mustard chaser down the front of your drawers for the laughs - chicks dig that kind of stuff). Don't be afraid to lose. In fact, you most likely will. But if you play your cards right, you won't lose before you get a good shot in on the biggest bully. And after you are knocked down and possibly bloodied, stand back up and confront them by yelling, "YOU QUIT, YOU LOSE M&**er F*%^ERS!!!!" Rinse and repeat. Trust me, they will think you crazy and leave you alone. There are always easier pickin's then 'crazy'. You see, there is no shame in losing my son. Only in not standing up for yourself. And not knowing which bathroom to use. My time is now done here. You will now be visited by the spirit of Christmas present. NOW whatcha gonna do when they come for you!?

4 comments:

Jess said...

Crazy is good. Even the most corrupt are afraid of crazy. They need to be, I don't know how I'll react.

DaBlade said...

I don't think you or I have anything to worry about in that department.

Kid said...

Yes, the young man should take defense lessons in the martial art of his choosing. And concel carry.

DaBlade said...

And maybe some pancake makeup in order to conceal carry that schnoz. Ok, that was uncalled for