Monday, January 20, 2020

SHOCK! Kato Kaelin is the Whistleblower!

Chattering Teeth Fake News Exclusive! The perpetually high Kato Kaelin of OJ Simpson trial fame is making a comeback.

Thank goodness! And here I thought that this whole impeachment was nothing more than a partisan circus. But then we learn that Kato Kaelin is their whistleblower and the Dems totally redeem themselves. 

Here's what we know. Kato has been living in the crawl space of a Kyiv, Ukraine Starbucks and living on cake crumbs and coins that slip through the cracks in the floorboards.

According to anonymous sources, Kato is expected to testify later this week that back in July, he overheard U.S. Ambassador Gordon Sondland in line to make his order for a venti green tea Frappuccino with soy milk while also on the phone with President Trump. Kato says he knows Sondland was on the phone with Trump because the president’s voice was so loud that it made Sondland “sort of wince”  and held the phone away from his ear.

Kato claims he was able to overhear Trump order the ambassador to get Ukraine to launch an investigation. A short time later, Kato says he shared a bong with Hunter Biden in a dark alley.

This sounds completely legit!

5 comments:

  1. When do you collect your Pulitzer?

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    1. I don't have any more room left on my shelves. Maybe just a parade would be appropriate.

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  2. What a crazy mixed up topsey turvey world... Totally turvey. Dang, Now I won't be able to sleep until Mad Maxine and spongenana pelosi get taken out by some homeless people on PCP.

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    1. I hadn't even considered this possibility, but the thought of it has certainly brightened my day.

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  3. Wow! this is Amazing! Do you know your hidden name meaning ? Click here to find your hidden name meaning

    ReplyDelete