Monday, March 31, 2008

It's on like Donkey Kong

Coming this summer, the motion picture event of a lifetime! Who will get the golden ticket?

Watch the movie trailer at You're the man now dog

Yes I know it's opening day for the Tigers, but if I can't say it better, ( why try?

And...Out of Bounds: You Heard It Here First: Verlander Hall Of Fame-Bound

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Dittos Rush

This has been blogged to death already, but I'm still confused. Rasmussen Reports:
Twenty-two percent (22%) of Democratic voters nationwide say that Hillary Clinton should drop out of the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. However, the latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey found that an identical number—22%--say that Barack Obama should drop out.

A solid majority of Democrats, 62%, aren’t ready for either candidate to leave the race.
Let's see... 22% plus 22% plus 62%. Check my math on this...

We know from experience that when a number of democrats are asked a simple question, at least 30% are "undecided", meaning they do not have the ability to formulate a coherent thought. Therefore, there must be about 36% of the 106% quoted "democrats" in this poll who are really super-secret Rush Limbaugh conservative Operation Chaos operatives.


Saturday, March 29, 2008

Saturday Sports Ramblings

First, let's start with boys high school lacrosse and Thursday night's matchup between Flint Powers Catholic and Detroit Catholic Central. Folks, I know this is Michigan in the springtime, but c'mon!

Algore was nowhere to be found in the stands on this one. The spring blizzard brought between 4-6 inches, and it all seemed to fall during the lacrosse game. It added another dimension of confusion to the game, as blowing snow and freezing temperatures limited my visibility, as well as my brain's ability to fire synapse. Final score, DCC 9, Flint 7. Not too shabby, considering that DCC scored the first 5 goals in the first quarter to take a 5-0 early lead, and DCC makes a regular appearance in the state championship game. We kicked their butt after we "warmed up" (read: froze solid and lost all feeling in extremeties). I think the boys will be very good. This was the first official game of the season, so we shall see.

On to hockey, where the Detroit Red Wings lose in overtime 5-4 to the hapless St. Louis Blues last night, spoiling Darren McCarty's return. The Wings could have wrapped up the President's Trophy with a victory over the Blues, coupled with a San Jose loss to the Ducks. Anaheim didn't cooperate either, losing 3-1 to the Sharks. This only postpones the inevitable, which will start with the President's Trophy and end with the Stanley Cup. Oh, and a plethora of individual player awards handed out to Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Lidstrom, etc. That's the plan at least.

And finally, I know it is March Madness time, but I couldn't care less about the hoops tournament, and it's not because I have fallen to the bottom of the office pool sheet... OK, maybe that does have something to do with it. But you can give me the NCAA College hockey Tournament and the Frozen Four over basketball any day. My alma mater Wolverines advanced to the second round and are heading to a showdown between the winner of the Notre Dame and Michigan State game.


Sorry Greg, I know you are probably still sore about Izzo and his Spartan B-ballers bowing out against Memphis. But if the hockey matchup becomes Notre Dame versus Michigan, you know my chant will still be... "GO IRISH!"

Hey, I figure I'm allowed to switch loyalties, what with my eldest being a domer and all.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Dodd's been smokin' somethin'

if he thinks Hillary will quit.

The solution?
I think the race has been determined, anyway, at this point. I think it’s very difficult to imagine how anyone can believe that Barack Obama can’t be the nominee of the party. I think that’s a foregone conclusion, in my view, at this juncture given where things are. But certainly over the next couple of weeks, as we get into April, it seems to me then, that the national leadership of this party has to stand up and reach a conclusion.
And then the followup questions, "So you’re talking about putting together, what, a committee of elders?" There would only be one thing more frightening than a bunch of aging liberal hippees meeting around a campfire in an attempt to solve this one.

Just give it to Gore?

Yikes. Democrats holding some Bad weed.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Hillary kneecaps Pelosi

Hillary made a March 19th visit to downtown Detroit in hopes of turning up the pressure on the Obama campaign to accept a re-do Michigan Democratic primary. So Hillary... Talk about your arrival at Metro Airport in Detroit...

I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles," Clinton told this reporter. (THAT explains the whole Bosnia flap!)

OK, not really, but Gordon Trowbridge of The Detroit News did write:
Putting aside her standard campaign speech, Clinton made a stark appeal to Obama, saying his failure to allow new votes in Michigan and Florida -- both states have been stripped of their national convention delegates because they held January primaries -- will help Republicans carry those states in November and violates "a bedrock American principle" that every vote should count.
Then I read the Drudge-linked reuters article with this bold headline "Clinton backers warn Pelosi on superdelegate rift". Thunder Thighs is upset with Pelosi for her statement that superdelegates ought to put their full support behind the candidate that obtains the most pledged delegates. Hillary was so angry, she had a group of "donors" (read: flat-nosed Brooklyn guidos) send a letter (read: severed horse head in bed) asking her to "clarify" (read: threatening her to see it her way) that the 800 or so superdelegates are free (read: yah, right!) to support the candidate they think would be the best nominee (read: It better be ME dammitt!).

Hey Hillary. What happened to that bedrock principle of every vote counting? Pelosi was just stating that every primary vote should count, but you seem to be stating that only the super votes should count, and that they should override the paltry primary voter.

This is shaping up to be an August brawl on the convention floor in Denver ladies and gentlemen. I just hope it's in HD!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Flint Township office space for lease

1187 W Bristol
Conveniently located near I475, I75, and US23 (as well as across the street from Snapper's law office!) [Click Here] for the rest of the details.

Pic pic must have found my advertising rate card agreeable. Lease one of the two available office suites and I will get my golf paid for! I know what you are thinking. That the odds of business executives who are seeking professional office space somehow cyber-stumbling their way here to see this ad are slim. You might be wrong. Don't forget that I have an uncanny ability to draw attention to myself. Remember... CNN was here. Don't doubt me.

Selling something? Buy me a beer and some golf and advertise here.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Jack Kevorkian interview

In case you missed it, convicted murderer Jack Kevorkian is running for Congress this year. Dr. Kevorkian had read the interview I did with John Kerry back in 2004 and liked the way it was handled, and so he enthusiastically agreed to sit down with me for this interview.

Me: I appreciate you agreeing to talk to me today. I imagine that you are being hounded for interview requests, what with your announcement that begins your candidacy.

Jack: Anything to get away from that Feiger character. I swear. One of these days...

Me: Before we discuss your future political aspirations, I'd like to talk to you about your past. You spent 8-plus years in prison for second degree murder. It is reported that you are responsible for an estimated 130 deaths from "assisted suicide". Any chance you can narrow that number down into an exact body count?

Jack: I might. But then I'd have to kill you.

Me: Very funny Dr. Death. Seriously though. call me crazy. I know it's probably just me, but before I cast my vote for a candidate, I'd just like to know how many citizens they've offed.

Jack: Why don't you ask that question of Bush and his unjust war?

Me: Wow. You are comparing what you did to the war against terrorism? AND you're quoting Andy Heller? You really are wacked, aren't you?

Jack: Viva La France!

Me: Uh hem... Right. OK, Let's talk platform. Where do you come down on the death tax?

Jack: Now who's trying to be the comedian? As a matter of fact, I am against it. I don't think the government should profit from other people's death and misery. That's my job.

Me: You are said to be an advocate of the Ninth Amendment to the U.S. Bill of Rights, and are quoted as stating, “You can’t take my innate rights away from me without a fight.” Would your "innate rights" include sir, assisted suicide- the precise crime that you were convicted, incarcerated, and made to be somebody's "Nancy" for?

Jack: It would. Hey!

Me: Let me rephrase. Would it be my innate right to take a steaming dump on the hood of your car?

Jack: NO!

Me: Oops. I wish you would have stated your position on the 9th more clearly. Moving on. You fancy yourself to be an inventor of sorts. You wanted to talk about your latest creation.

Jack: Yes. Thank you. I have been concerned ever since the 2000 elections about the imperfect touch-screen voting machines and the propensity for disenfranchising the electorate. Everybody has a right for their voice to be heard! Unless of course, they don't want their voice to be heard, and then I suppose I could see to that as well.

Me: Is this going somewhere?

Jack: Sorry. I do tend to ramble on, don't I? It goes back to those years spent in the basement morgues chock full of all those good listeners. Would you like me to teach you the lesson of being a good listener?

Me: Uhhhhhhh. Please go on.

Jack: As I was saying. Imagine a world without the hanging chad.

Me: I didn't know chad. One of your previous 130 (or so) "clients"?

Jack: I have created the perfect polling booth. With a few modifications installed in the back of each booth, you have the first ever error-proof voting machine! In fact, I have offered to install these free of charge all over the 9th Congressional district.

Me: Cool! How does it work?

Jack: It's proprietary information. Let's just say there are computer chips and vote recognition software and just leave it at that. Would you like to try the demo machine?

Me: Errr. Sure. Hey, what are these wires that are connected to the button for your opponent? Why do they lead to this car battery and what are these test tubes of colorful liquids, this series of pulleys and a hydraulic powered syringe doing here?

Jack: It's all very technical, but it is to ensure accuracy. In fact, Hillary had planned on using this baby in the do-over primary against Obama, but it doesn't look like she will get the chance to give this baby a test spin now. Go ahead. You can be the first. Make your selection. Vote for me, or vote for that other guy.

Me: I'm sorry Mr. Death. You scare me. I'm afraid I need to vote for this other guy... *press* Ow! What was that!?

Jack: That is the sweet sound of democracy in play.

Me: I feel sleepy. Hey! Where'd the tunnel come from? I see a light. You in there Mr. Death?

Jack: Please. Just call me "doctor". Or better yet. Call me "Congressman".

Monday, March 24, 2008

Nancy Pelosi in "Clueless in DC"

Brother Snapper made the following post to the golf site guestbook:

state you handicap: Confused constantly by the separation of powers thing in the constitution
Comment: Thank you Nancy Pelosi for again injecting yourself into foriegn policy of the US, meeting with the lama dolley, raising your middle finger at china while neglecting any and all lesser important matters like doing your real job and trying to pass legislation and make laws.

Come on Snap Daddy. I'm not sure I want to encourage Pelosi to work on passing legislation and making laws. Besides, what harm could Madam Speaker cause by jetting all over the world (global warming-mongerer?) donning the silly local headwraps, and "injecting" herself into foreign policy? She is, after all, just trying to help!

Oh sure, there was the time when she tried to sabotage relations between the United States and Turkey (thereby trying to hamstring the war effort) by bringing to the floor a resolution condemning Turkey for genocide against the Armanians back in 1915.

Pelosi, like the rest of the Democrats, are invested in our defeat when it comes to Iraq specifically, or the war against terrorism in general. How else can you explain her fighting every step of the way against the extension of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA)?

Or how about her meeting with Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad claiming that, "the road to peace leads through Damascus."

And now her latest foreign policy fruit cake: visiting with that spiritual dude in the wife-beaters robe to criticise Chinese "oppression" in Tibet. The point here is not to defend China (or to make fun of Dolly Parton Lama), but to cringe when Pelosi the hack tries to take on delicate foreign policy matters. Maybe China didn't notice.

China has called US House speaker Nancy Pelosi a "defender of arsonists, looters and killers".

If only we could replace her gavel with a live salmon.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Peter Hussein CottonTail

The Easter bunny used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was a kid. Not the dude in the obvious cheap mall costume, but the REAL Easter bunny. You know... Peter Cottontail. Remember the song?

Here comes Peter CottonTail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
hippity hoppity
Easter's on its way

Santa Claus never scared me this way. St. Nick may be an elf, but he always reminded me of a kindly and gentle grandpa who brought me presents and candy once per year. The Easter bunny on the other hand, is this humungous beast covered in fur, with razor sharp teeth, whose sole mission is to HIDE the freakin' eggs I worked my a$$ off coloring!

On Christmas eve, all tucked and snug in bed, I would fall asleep with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. On Easter eve, I would lay awake terrified, straining to hear any sign of the giant rodent with it's rodent brain thinking alien rodent thoughts. Would it stick to the script again this year by hiding the eggs, leaving some candy, and move on? Or would the creature twitch it's nose outside my bedroom door and decide to deviate from the schedule? No? Maybe it was just me then.

Jeremiah Wright's Easter message

Friday, March 21, 2008

Lacrosse- Excuse my French

High school lacrosse season has arrived and I couldn't be happier. Lacrosse season bridges the gap between the regular HS hockey season and the summer hockey season. While lacrosse does not hold the same sway over me as hockey, in some ways it's better. They both have goals on either end of the ice/field with the object of sending the game's designated projectile (puck/ball) into said net. Lacrosse is a game of skill, athleticism, and grace, interrupted by numerous violent and indescriminate assaults to opponent's upper torso using your stick. Cool!

Let me tell you a little bit more about lacrosse, for I have studied it intensely for many years. The word "lacrosse" comes from the french, and literally means "the crosse", and refers to the stick weapons used by the Christians to defeat Napolean in the French Revolution.

Ok, a quick google search and 30-second visit to wikipedia suggests that the prior paragraph is not entirely true, and that lacrosse has it's origins in North America. The game was invented by the plains indians and originally called "dehuntshigwa'es", meaning "men hit a rounded object" (like Custer's head). In fact, early lacrosse balls were actually skulls of early settler's. I can not completely swear to the veracity of the last sentence, but it's probably true. Savages.

In any case, the game today is played with a very hard rubber ball that, when thrown with the crosse (stick thingy), can travel over 100 miles per hour. Did I mention that you can two-hand your opponent with your crosse? Don't worry though, the players are covered with pads that shield and armor over 3 % of their bodies. Anyway, it is an interesting game (and an interesting ride home, as I watch my son in the rearview mirror counting contussions, welts, and purple bruises scattered about his chest and arms). Why is he smiling? Honey, did he take a blow to the head?

This is the beginning of my second season as a lacrosse fan, and yet I can't tell you the function of any of the chalk lines. It's like the groundskeeper got hammered and started wheeling the chalk cart around the football field, staggering while releasing a thick line of chalk. Just look at the shapes! I see squares, rectangles, parallelograms, and, if I'm not mistaken, a rhombus or two! I'm not entirely convinced that the referees know all of the rules either, but occasionally they will call a foul, and the offending player will have to kneel down for a minute or two on the sidelines. What? No humiliating penalty box? They could make the player sit in the porta potty for the term of his penalty sentence.

My ignorance of the game does not stop me from cheering enthusiastically. Maybe that's just my teeth chattering, because it's usually 20 degrees with a biting wind in the bleachers this time of year. And the players in those shorts! Not me coach. I think I'd at least rig a battery powered cup warmer.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Too busy to blog

This week's "blog of the week" goes to Monkeydarts. Monkeydarts is an investment banker from South Carolina, and apparently an avid Detroit Tigers fan. Thanks for the comment on the Tigers post, and yes, they shall win it all! Obviously you are a very wise and learned sage. So let's see... My attorney's name is "Snapper", my mortgage specialist is "Pic Pic", and now possibly my new junk bond day trader's name is "Monkeydarts"... Hey Monkeydarts! Do you play golf?

You must go read his blog. Now. Go.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Curtain opened on Obama of Oz

Obama throws his grandma under the bus for political gain in his "Ridin' Dirty" address yesterday. Evidently, since grandma was a hate-spewing racist, he should somehow be immune to criticism about taking a 20 year "spiritual" journey with Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Huh? Charlatan.

Is it just me, or did the beginning of his speech sound familiar?:
"I don't feel no ways tired. I come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me that the road would be easy. I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me"

In other news
* Supreme Court justices decided not to rewrite or ignore the Constitution (ala Roe v. Wade), and that Americans DO have the right to bear arms. Woo! (they weren't getting mine either way). The case was the culmination of a suit against the District of Columbia brought by Dick Anthony Heller, a 65 year-old security guard who's application for a home protection firearm was denied. "Heller", eh? Sharing a surname with a "war mongerer" has to really irriate Andy the pacifist.

* Yay! The DOW was up over 400 points in the stock market rally! Maybe I will be able to retire when I'm 80 after all! (no thanks to hockey, parochial schools, and my 3 boys eating habits)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Obama's "Ridin' Dirty" speech

I can't wait. This promises to be one "big fat nasty"!

It is being reported that Obama will address race and politics in his speech tonight. Pundits are comparing the importance of this speech to JFK's Catholic speech, and more recently, Mitt Romney's Mormon speech. I think it has the potential to be as impactful as Nixon's "I am not a crook" speech. It should be interesting to see how the debonair but vacuous Obama straddles the fence of embracing the Rev. J Wright, while at the same time stiff-arming him.

Jeff Emanuel has a great post on this subject at, titled"GOD D#$% AMERICA (and other stories straight from the bible)". Here's the gist:
If there's one lesson that has been abundantly clear from the fall of public figures over the last few years -- Bill Clinton, Roger Clemens, Rafael Palmeiro, Eliot Spitzer, Mike Vick, Alberto Gonzales, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera -- it is that the bad deed is not what does in the person who commits it; rather, it is the persistent lying about it that does.

Barack Obama's continued pathetic attempts to spin (read: lie about) the situation regarding his involvement with Jeremiah Wright's black-separatist megachurch shows that he, like all of those listed above and so many more, is afflicted with the same elitist mindset that drove the others to maintain that they were innocent of those things which they were rightly accused of.

Good point! If guilt by association is unfair, may we at least question Obama's honesty as he tries to spin his way out of this?

I wonder if wife Michelle is still proud of her country (for the first time), or if this controversy has sunk her back into the life-long mode of hatred and shame for the “US of KKKA”. This is too rich!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Democrats need the Smart Goggles

Smart Goggles Don't confuse beer goggles with Smart Goggles, invented by Professor Kuniyoshi at the University of Tokyo. These goggles have a built in camera, display screen, and computer-powered brain thingy. Other than making the wearer look like a complete dork, they reportedly remember where you last saw your keys, your iPod, your pocket protector, etc.

Just read the following assorted features and tell me that you don't have the urge to run out and buy one of these Goggles: could also be used as an educational tool. If given the right programming, it could allow wearers to walk through gardens, stare (at) unfamiliar plants and find out their names instantly.

More sophisticated versions could also help people who are bad at remembering names get through awkward social situations.

The invention does have flaws. It cannot cope with family members who insist on hiding or moving objects. And it struggles to cope with objects placed in unusual positions.
OK, listen up Yoshi, allow me to help you out with a few things. First, I get it. You invented these glasses because in some nerd-logic way, you thought that it might help you get a girlfriend, and not one that has one of those valve stems, am I right? What you need to do immediately is to STOP walking through gardens with those goggles staring at plants. You're scaring the chicks. Seriously.

Next, you say that these goggles will remind the wearer the name of the person they are conversing with, thereby avoiding that "awkward social situation." The computer evidently has face recognition technology and will flash the name of your subject on the view screen, correct? well, unless you are trying to pick up a cyborg "woman" while wearing these goggles, EVERY situation might be construed as "awkward". Man, you are just trying too hard! Turn the viewscreen on ESPN-HD, grab a cold one and chill. Your rugged disinterest and anti-social behavior will actuallly ATTRACT the females. Trust me here, Yoshi.

Lastly, what the $%^& kind of sick family members do you have, and why do they insist on moving and hiding your keys? You might want to equip those goggles with a little side laser. Keep that baby on "stun" and let them have it if they get close to your stuff. This laser should also be equipped with a lethal setting, as you never know when you might run into Godzilla in the streets. (GO-ZEE-RAAA!!) Just kidding. Didn't mean to scare you.

Hope that helped.

Now I'm thinking that this invention might help the Democrats find a solution out of their current cunnundrum. Perhaps these Smart Goggles could allow the wearer to discern the true nature of the candidate. A glimpse at their soul, if you will. This should be within the parameters of what these goggles can do. I mean, these are Democrats we are talking about. The software wouldn't need to be any more complicated than the program used for plant staring in that garden.

So rather than an expensive re-do of the primaries in Michigan and Florida and being no better off for it, just try the goggles. What do you have to lose? Certainly not your dignity. Put them on and power them up. Let's start by taking a closer look at Barak Obama. No, no, no. I mean, Really LOOK at him. After cutting through the packaging and marketing, what do you think the goggles might reveal? If the goggles worked as advertised, you might just be staring at that empty suit. Maybe you want to give Obama the goggles and let him wear them throughout his presidency. Obama has no real experience to draw from in a time of crisis. Maybe the goggles' viewscreen would constantly display correct responses to world leaders for unlimited hypothetical situations. The goggles could be programed with a smart chip routine called, "what would Ronald Reagan do?". Nah. As Ron White says, "you can't fix stupid".

What about the true Hillary exposed? Yikes!

On second thought, just put on those beer goggles!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Michigan Mulligan on primary re-do

So Michigan Democrats will get a mulligan with a tentative June 3rd "do-over" primary. Evidently, DNC rules dictate that a re-vote must be held by June 10 for the results to count. If there is one thing we know for sure, it's that these people are real sticklers for the rules. Oh sure, Michigan thumbed it's nose for the rules by originally moving up their primary, but that was done in order to coronate Queen Hillary on Super Tuesday.

Hmmm. That didn't work out so well. Clinton operatives argue that Hillary won the January 15th primary and that those votes should count. Of course, she was the only candidate on the ballot, but why should that trifle be used to disenfranchise those who voted? Obama argues that he shouldn't be penalized for his unilateral withdrawal.

I asked Jeremiah Wright (Obama's pastor of 20 years,) after church last week, what he thought about this Michigan delegate debacle. He answered, "God Bless Michigan? No, no, no, God #$%* Michigan!.” Whoa there fella. You have a little bit of spittle foam at the corner of your mouth.

In the spirit of fairness, I want to step in and offer a real solution before Cuomo's prediction that this fight could become ruinous is realized. First, we need to level the playing field. If the DNC insists that a do-over be held before June 10, then Michigan should schedule it for June 11. This time however, the ballot should offer Obama as the only option to the voter. I will go out on a limb here and predict that Obama would win this election.

Now what?

Well, they would have several choices at this point. The Dems could compare the results of this re-do with the January tally, with the highest vote-getter declared the winner. Or they could simply declare a tie and run both as the co-presidential candidates (as they are equally inept). Obama could govern by day, since he gives better speeches, and Hillary could take the night-shift, since she feels more qualified to answer that 3 A.M. phone call.

The important thing here is that they continue to spend money to beat each other up rather than save it to use against McCain in the general election.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Go Bucs and Chargers!

Go Flint! Bring home the hardware boys!

Congratulations Beecher!

Beecher makes it to "the show" by beating number one ranked Negaunee Thursday night. The Bucs will take on the winner of today's matchup between Ann Arbor Gabriel Richard and Kalamazoo Christian. The Class C boys basketball championship game is Saturday at high noon.

And Powers!

The Chargers dumped the top ranked Detroit Country Day team to advance to the semis tonight against Forest Hills Northern at the Breslin Arena and I will BE THERE!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Democrat Dream Ticket

Camille Paglia, feminist writer for, makes a compelling case that Hillary is toast (my words, not hers). She touches many areas in this column, including knocking Rush Limbaugh's appeal to his listeners to cross over and vote for Hillary to prolong her beating. Vote tampering, she calls it. I almost blew coffee out of my nose for laughter when she wrote about the 3 a.m. phone call ad, where she makes this observation:
If it's 3 a.m., why is the male-seeming mother fully dressed as she comes in to check on her sleeping children? Is she a bar crawler or insomniac? An obsessive-compulsive housecleaner, like Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest"? And why is Hillary sitting at her desk in full drag and jewelry at that ungodly hour? A president should not be a monomaniac incapable of rest and perched on guard all night like Poe's baleful raven.

What hillarious imagery Paglia paints! I also happen to agree with her observation that a Hillary/Obama or Obama/Hillary ticket is not the dream ticket for Democrats that many have espoused it to be. As she points out, a VP candidate should be someone who fills the vast void of the other's weakness on military and national security issues. Like Renee Zellweger to Cruise in the movie "Jerry Maguire". "You complete me." Can Hillary and Obama say this to each other?

As Mitt Romney so eloquently stated, Listening to Obama and Clinton discuss their national security credentials is akin to “listening to two chihuahuas argue about which is the biggest dog,” and McCain is the "big dog".

Let me just think out loud here for a second... So Obama will get the nomination. Who should he select as his running mate? Geraldine Ferraro stated the obvious with her comments that Obama wouldn't be where he is if it weren't for the fact that he is black. Isn't he only half black? Hey, maybe that explains Obama's sudden rise from virtual obscurity (and zero experience) to the lead. Maybe folks are thinking to themselves..."Obama is black and it would make me a good person if I voted for him because of this, but he is really only half black, which makes him much more palatable then, say - Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. It would mean that our democrat party really is progressive and anti-discriminatory, but since he is of mixed race it hedges our bet."

If this is true and a person of mixed race needs to break the race barrier, then wouldn't we need a halfway measure before we ever elect the first woman as president? Someone that was called a woman, but really wasn't feminine entirely? Someone who wears makeup and a fancy hairdo, wears dresses, but has a penis? In other words, would the country find it more palatable to elect a transvestite in an interrum step?

If so, then Obama's VP selection becomes obvious. Nancy Pelosi.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

A tale of a fateful trip

Gilligan's Mary Ann busted for dope possession

"Come and taste my herb" -Jimi Hendrix

Other notable Gilligan busts...
Thurston "Thirsty" Howell III, for bootlegging jungle juice to support Lovey's crack addiction:

The professor caught running an island meth. lab:

and perhaps the saddest vice story of ex-islanders involves the Skipper getting busted for running a boy prostitution ring (poor "little buddy"):

What about Ginger?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Eliot Spitzer, phone home?


E.T. phone home...

E.S. call girl...

Monday, March 10, 2008

DaBlade's "Hall of Rock"

Madonna is officially inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame tonight at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York City. I will waste no space here to discuss why this is a travesty in the highest magnitude. You are on the wrong blog if you believe that Madonna rocks. While I am horrified to admit that I found her hot during her "material girl" days, no amount of alcohol ingestion ever made me believe that she "rocked". But hey, VH1 is broadcasting the ceremony (VH1-need I say more?) so watch it if you "dare".

There are many great bands that are not in the hall, and undeserving ones in my opinion that are. Obviously the official R&RHOF list will not suffice for me and so I will ignore it completely. Jed Gottlieb of the Boston Herald has come up with a beautiful formula to "change the Hall’s express train to obsolescence". Here's how he would fix it:
The revised criteria for getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

1. You have to rock. If Janis Joplin, Bon Scott or Joe Strummer wouldn’t have toasted your tunes with a pint, you’re out.
2. You have to blow minds. The Beatles and Hendrix switched the world from black and white to color. Well, you gotta do that. Or at least come close.
3. You have to have done at least one thing that categorically qualifies as rock ’n’ roll: lighting your guitar on fire, getting busy with your 14-year-old cousin or writing a letter to the Hall of Fame calling it a, um, urine stain after being inducted (as the Sex Pistols did) all qualify.

While these rules would never be adopted, it is nice to dream, and it did inspire me to create my own list. I do so knowing full well that this list could be upsetting to some of you (especially my older brothers). Feel free to give me crap and tell me the errors of my ways (nothing has ever stopped you before:), but before you do, understand the criteria that I used. Rather than just make a hypothetical list of my favorite rock bands, I decided to back my list up with personal evidence.

To make my "Top 15" list, two criteria needed to be met. Number one, it must be an individual or a band that I have seen in concert at least once. Number two, I must still actually own at least one recording in vinyl album format from their heyday. The "Next 15" list is a compilation of bands that I really wanted to put in my top list, but they couldn't meet both criteria. Aerosmith, for example, is one of my all-time favorite bands. I own 6 or 7 of their first albums but I have never had the pleasure of going to any of their shows. Same with Van Halen. I hate that neither of these are on my top list but I had to stay true to my own rules. So here goes...

DaBlade's Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame:

TOP 15
Ted Nugent
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Alice Cooper
J Geils Band
The Rolling Stones
Tom Petty
Cheap Trick
Eddie Money
George Thouroughgood
Blue Oyster Cult
Jethro Tull

Van Halen
Lynyrd Skynrd
Huey Lewis
Grand Funk Railroad
ZZ Top
The Who
Eric Clapton
Bad Company
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd
Thin Lizzy

The third criteria is that they had to comply with Gottlieb's list above. In other words, they had to rock. I did not allow consideration of bands that met my other criteria, but were from my 20-something "new wave" years. I am guilty of still enjoying that stuff, but it ain't rock... (B-52s, Devo, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, Joe Jackson, to name a few).

By the way, I just noticed that my top 3 are all from Michigan (pure coincidence). On the "Next" list is Grand Funk, who are from Flint.

My favorite band in concert would be unquestionably The J Geils Band, with Peter Wolf and Magic Dick. I still play their early stuff on a regular rotation in my car. Ted Nugent, Alice Cooper, and KISS also put on unbelievable shows. Flaming arrows from the back of a buffalo, snakes and guillotines, Pyrotechnics and vomiting blood. Does it get any better than that?

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Our time is now

Everyone who knows me will understand that there is only one thing on my mind today. Our time is now.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Delegate Debacle

So Howard Dean weighs in on the Michigan and Florida delegate debacle:
Officials in Michigan and Florida have shown renewed interest in holding repeat presidential nominating contests, and Dean has urged party officials in both states to come up with plans for how that can be done so their delegates can be counted at the national convention in late August.

If there is one blue state in this union that should stand as an example to the rest of the country of the devastating impact of full-on governmental liberalism, it's Michigan. Spread the misery around, I say! Let Michigan dumocrats be heard!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Hillary playing dirty with O's picture in ad?

Hillary's round of Texas commercials doctored O's photograph, claims left-wing nut J. Thomas Cronin, a Daily Kos blogger. "Call me crazy, but it certainly appears to me that Sen. Obama's skin tone is significantly darker in the Clinton campaign commercial" than it appeared in the debate, he writes.

"Darkening a black person's skin is seen by many as a deliberate way of making them seem more menacing", says Bill Sanderson inThe New York Post.
The Obama campaign declined to comment on the ad, which appears on the Clinton campaign's Web site. Clinton campaign spokesman Jay Carson rejected any suggestion that Obama's skin was deliberately darkened as "totally bogus." A person's skin color "in every single screen shot looks different . . . It looks different in every single place," Carson told the New York Post.
I love it when liberals "eat their own." I don't know if there is anything dirty or underhanded going on here. Certainly, Hillary wouldn't stoop to these means herself, would she? You be the judge...

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Brattleboro Yahoos!

First the Berkeley City Council commits an act of treason against the US Marine Recruiters stationed in their city. Now comes the yahoos in Brattleboro Vermont:
BRATTLEBORO, Vt. (AP) - Voters in this southern Vermont town were deciding Tuesday whether to approve a measure calling for the indictment of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney on charges of violating the Constitution.
The symbolic article seeks to have police arrest Bush and Cheney if they ever visit Brattleboro or to extradite them for prosecution elsewhere—if they're not impeached first.

If Bush has stones, he would gather a handful of the few and the proud, march down Main Street Brattleboro waving and smiling, take a leak in the street when the urge hits, and have orders to waterboard the first f#@& that even looks sideways at him. Better yet, he doesn't need the marines (God bless 'em) to deal with the panty-waste liberals that apparently infect this town. I'm sure Cheney would love to go hunting quail with him.

Super Tuesday Two

What happened to the "Do not resuscitate" order?

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

It's 3 A.M., The phone rings in the White House

There is a crisis brewing.
Who do you want to answer the phone?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Hussein? I invoke a peremptory challenge!

By now, everybody has heard ad nauseum about conservative talk show host Bill Cunningham using Barak Obama's middle name, Hussein, during a crowd warm up last Tuesday for McCain. “at one point, the media will quit taking sides in this thing and start covering Barack Hussein Obama,” said Cunningham.

You know the rest. McCain immediately "repudiated" Cunningham for attacking Obama's integrity, character, honesty." Cunningham, apparently upset for being repudiated, got out in front of the cameras to endorse Hillary.

On Hannity and Colmes, Cunningham said this:
CUNNINGHAM: Well, Alan Colmes, let me tell you my intent. Instead of you speculating in the dark, let me give you the facts. Some of the great presidents of American history where Obama wants to be John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Ronald Wilson Reagan, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, one of your heroes. Ronald Wilson — how about Jefferson Clinton? How about — how about Hillary Rodham Clinton?

I gave him three proper names, elevating him to almost a presidency. In fact, isn't your middle name Youssef? Alan Youssef Colmes?

Not only is that funny, but he has a good point. Three proper names is very common for the leader of the free world. This story will just not leave the news cycle. Every roundtable full of political pundits has had their say on this so I figured I might as well briefly chime in, so here goes...

Barak HUSSEIN Obama, Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,...etc

Karl "The architect" Rove says this tactic could backfire on Republicans and reinforce views that they are biggoted, and so therefore we should abide by Obama's request that his middle name not be used. Well, I must admit to having a bias against terrorists and dictator thugs.

Don't misunderstand. I do not confuse Barak Hussein Obama with Saddam Hussein, although I wish Obama would find his own spiderhole to crawl into. I will even accept at face value that Obama is not a Muslim, and that as a 6-year-old boy studying in an Islamic Madrassa, was not brainwashed into becoming a terrorist mole, sent to the US so that he could become president before being "activated". There is plenty more to be afraid of with the prospects of a president Obama than this fantasy.

However, Hussein is his name and should be a consideration for voters before they pull the lever for him because of the "slippery slope." I do not want the American public to become desensitized to muslim and/or dictator names when it comes to the big chair. That goes for either party too. If John McCain's middle name was "Mahmoud", "Gengis Khan" or "Pol Pot", that alone should be a disqualifier. As Simon Cowell would say, "sorry!".

Slippery slope. Incrementalism. Insidious creep.

In fact, I say we install the Voir dire system used in our legal system for jury questioning, examination and selection during the primary season in a presidential campaign season. Let's give each side one peremptory challenge. According to Wikipedia: "Peremptory challenges are largely based on hunches of how a juror may vote. These hunches are usually due to the stereotypes given to people of different occupations, socio-economic backgrounds, and ethnicity. This use of stereotyping in the configuration of a jury could result in some groups being challenged more than others, going against the principle that a jury is a uniform sample of the community."

Works for me. Barak Hussein Obama? Your out.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Happy Colorblind Conservative

Mucho Gracias' to C. Bearup for emailing me the link to an article titled, "In election 2008, don't forget Angry White Man." It appeared recently in the Aspen Times Weekly of all places. That's in Colorado, right Kalush? I didn't think they had any Hillary haters there, what with the thin mountain atmosphere clouding brain functions and all. Or maybe Gary Hubbell is your pen name? Anyway, good article, although I do have a slight bone to pick with it. Hubbell makes the point that there is a very large constituency of voters who are being ignored and "marginalized," yet they will rise up and decide this election. If you are too lazy to click the previous link provided, here is the meat of the article...
The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he’s willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.

He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

He also might be of Swedish descent and live and breathe hockey, although he probably can't skate himself (just guessing). He may also be an African-American family man who loves God, is a good husband/father/friend, and plays by the rules.

Yes, you heard me. My point of contention with this piece is that it labels the wrong group as disenfranchised and unrepresented. "Angry White Man?" Couldn't this label describe Barney Frank when he can't find his male page boy? Or wouldn't Senator Kennedy be an Angry White Man if the bar closed early?

This election has left out the CONSERVATIVE. White males may make up a block of the larger pool, but it is LIBERALISM that we collectively despise. We recognize that liberalism is what has been tearing at the very fabric of our country, and it is liberalism that is at the root of our problems. And while we may get "Angry" and frustrated at times, we do not walk around "Angry".

Hubbell singles out Hillary Clinton at the conclusion of this piece as the target of the so-called Angry White Male's loathing. While I have no love lost for Senator Clinton, I found the author's omission of any mention of Barak Hussein Obama as rather conspicuous. It is almost as if he stopped typing at this point, began to wring his hands thinking, "should I or shouldn't I?" and deciding that mentioning Obama would open him up to charges of racism. Well, I don't know about Hubbell, but I believe Obama is even more dangerous to our "Hope" and our "Future" than even Clinton. Why? Because of LIBERALISM!

Am I an "Angry White Man?" If you ask me, I'm a "Happy Colorblind Conservative."