Friday, September 26, 2014

"Cowardly" White House Fence Jumper runs "fast and furiously" away

There has been another White House Fence Jumper, but this latest episode might be the most bizarre. Up until now, previous jumpers have entered the grounds and made their way towards the White House. This time the situation was reversed, as the jumper was spotted already on the grounds before hopping the fence to escape down Pennsylvania Avenue.

BULLETIN: Be on the lookout for an unknown male suspect being sought for allegedly jumping the WH fence and running "fast and furiously" down Pennsylvania Avenue wearing a dark sweat suit with hoodie, with a weak chin and smelling of marijuana.

Don't be confused if you haven't heard about this story anywhere else, as this is the fruit of another of my under cover Chattering Teeth blog reporting assignments. As readers know, I am able to get these scoops because of my uncanny ability to go deep cover and become one with my environment. Hey, when in Rome, I wear a toga. But if I want to blend in as an every day D.C. tourist and interview agents at the White House Northwest gate without arousing suspicion, I go nude and smelling of urine. I had no pockets for my notepad and pen, so I recorded the facts on my arms and chest with my own dried blood and excrement.

Secret Service agents have taken much criticism for the recent rash of mentally disturbed and/or dangerous individuals hopping the White House fence and running across the lawn towards the White House, but they can hardly be blamed for this latest incident of someone escaping from the grounds. "Hey, we were looking the other way!," said an anonymous agent.

In conclusion, there is now one less mentally disturbed and/or dangerous individual in the White House and that is a good start.

4 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

" there is now one less mentally disturbed and/or dangerous individual in the White House "
They will still have a plethora of mentally disturbed and/or dangerous individuals in the White House .

Z said...

The MAIN "Mentally Ill in CHIEF" is still there.. We're not even close :-(

Sparky said...

You always make me laugh, and cry a little because it's so true.
You know, at first, I was elated that that POS Holder is leaving (preferably in a coffin), but then my husband reminded me that there will be some fresh new hell with an unknown devil that O'Liar will have approved. *sigh* It just never ends, does it.

DaBlade said...

Ed, yes they do still have "a plethora of mentally disturbed" folks there. At least I am feeling much better now. *twitch*

Z, I just watched Ted Cruz' speech at Values Summit he linked on FB. It's almost a half hour but I think I could listen to that guy all day. It's so easy to get depressed at the state of our country and culture. It takes a powerful voice to break through that veil and Cruz always has that ability with me. As he states in his close, "God is not done with America yet."

Sparky, Glad you laughed :) They do have a seemingly never-ending parade of these clowns. Our time is coming back around though. The pendulum is swinging. I have a feeling.