Tuesday, June 2, 2015

INSANITY FAIR

Full disclosure. I do a little freelance over at INSANITY. Probably NOT a huge surprise to regular Chattering Teeth News readers, as they would be considered "under suspicion" themselves. Here's a sneak preview of this month's feature!

DIANE SAWYER INTERVIEWS CORPSE OF SECLUDED MOTEL MANAGER'S DEAD MOTHER!

Full disclosure, part two. I should state here that Miss Sawyer was not exactly a 100% willing participant in this interview, as she was tied to a chair and forced to question a dried husk mummy corpse in a rocking chair, while Norman answered for his "mother" while sharpening a kitchen knife. I LOVE a good ventriloquist.

MOTHER: I’ve been thinking about this day forever. How do I tell my story?... Grab some tissue... and maybe a tourniquet for later.

SAWYER: So "mother" is...

MOTHER: Mother is sad. It's sad, when a mother has to speak the words that condemn her own son. But I couldn't allow them to believe that I would commit murder. They'll put him away now, as I should have years ago. He was always bad, and in the end he intended to tell them I killed those girls and that man... as if I could do anything but just sit and stare, like one of his stuffed birds.

SAWYER: And Norman is...

MOTHER: Everybody has stuff in their life that they have to deal with you know? He is a psychopath stuck in his dead mother's clothing, but aside from that, he is a very good motel manager.

NORMAN: I’m me. I’m a person and this is who I am. I’m not stuck in my dead mother's dress. It’s just who I am as a psychopathic serial killer. My brain is much more rotting female corpse than it is male hotel manager. It’s hard for people to understand that. But that’s what my soul is.

NORMAN: I look at it this way. Norman always telling a lie. He’s lived a lie his whole life about who he is. And I can’t do that any longer. Should I take my collection of scalped ponytails on a rope out? Yeah, why not? We’re talking about all this stuff. Yeah, let’s take the damn collection of scalped ponytails on a rope out.

SAWYER: *lip quivering* C- c- can I g.g.g.go home now?

MOTHER: They know I can't move a finger, and I won't. I'll just sit here and be quiet, just in case they do... suspect me. They're probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, "Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly..."

8 comments:

Jess said...

I saw an article where they likened Bruce to Jessica Lange. I e-mailed them and suggested a trip to the optometrist.

Sparky said...

Eww ... creepy! Good analogy there DaBlade. Bruce is creepy now.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Perfect.

DaBlade said...

Jess, Now I read that Jessica Lange is enjoying those comparisons. Well good for her! What a downright open-minded, progressive secular humanist she is! I still think Jenner looks more like Norman Bates in drag.

Sparky, the jenner transition mask will be all the rage this coming Halloween. Get yours now!

Ed, Almost! But I'll keep trying.

cube said...

OK, is it weird when I recognized Norman's mom BEFORE I read your post? Maybe my husband is right about my watching too many forensic crime shows... Naww.

cube said...

BTW I want Annie Liebowitz to photograph me 'cause she can work miracles.

DaBlade said...

Cube, who am I to judge? Everyone has a fetish. Yours just happens to be famous movie corpses.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...