CNBC MODERATOR: Mr. Trump. My progressive media comrades believe you are running a “comic book” campaign. In fact, we find it highly suspicious that Dr. Otto Octavius, better known as Doc Ock, is a super-villain and arch enemy of Spiderman, and is described by witnesses as an out-of-shape, middle-aged guy with a hilariously bad haircut. Is it a coincidence, sir, that there are no photographs of Doc Ock and you together? Mr. Trump, are you Doc Ock?
TRUMP: That’s not a very nice question. Though I will admit to having four super strong metallic appendages attached to my back. And another thing, THEY'RE HUUUGE! But that's what happens when there is an accidental radiation leak that ends in an explosion.
CNBC MODERATOR: Mr. Trump, you've stated over and over again about building a wall. How will you do so, sir, and do you hate immigrants?
TRUMP: I LOVE the Hispanics. It's HUUUGE spiders that I hate. As for the wall, I will build the wall using large, steel tentacles that I control telepathically from a great distance. And I will make Mexico pay for it.
CNBC MODERATOR: Mr Trump, Isn't it true you've filed bankruptcy in the past?
TRUMP: I used the laws to my advantage as a business man. I've got a lot of hands in a lot of different businesses with my Sinister Six organization, believe me. A lot of hands. And they're HUUUGE!
CNBC MODERATOR: So you're saying you ARE or are NOT the legendary Supervillain, Doctor Octopus?
TRUMP: Doc Ock is a Seventh Day Adventist, ok? I don't know about that. I am a middle of the road Presbyterian. Now if you'll excuse me, your two hours are up. I've got to get the hell out of here. I have a business appointment with Peter Parker, and his consciousness isn't going to clone itself.
Racist Salad? - More micro-aggressional madness, this time from the op-ed essay *Why Is Asian Salad Still on the Menu?* by Bonnie Tsui, the author of *American Chinatown...
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