Thursday, October 22, 2015

Paul Ryan adds bizarre demands before agreeing to serve as Speaker

I think it a little bizarre for a RINO like Paul Ryan to be making a list of demands when he instead should be adding to a lengthy Mea Culpa list.

Cue wavy lines for another Chattering Teeth dream sequence...

Paul Ryan adds to his conditions for serving as House Speaker. Now that the tide of support seems to be going in his favor, he's doubling down.

RYAN: I cannot and will not give up my family time. And by "family time", I mean I will not miss one weekend sitting on my couch in Wisconsin, wearing my cheesehead hat and watching the Packer's game. I know one of the Speaker's main jobs has been to raise money for colleagues. Well, you're welcome to put some money down on the Packers yourselves.

CT NEWS: Mr. Ryan, are you saying you plan on treating the Speakership like a 40 hour per week job?

RYAN: 40 hours? I don't think so. I'm not a machine. I will also require long lunches. Walks in the park... and do you think this hair gels itself? No, I'd say we can agree on a good 2 or 3 hours of solid Speakership each week, not counting the times we go on break.

CT NEWS: Earlier this week, you stated, "we need to move from being an opposition party to a proposition party." Can you expound on that?

RYAN: It's not a deal breaker for me. I could live with us being an Imposition party if we can't get a unanimous agreement on that proposition thing. I mean, I'll even accept an agreement that we move from an opposition party to a Supposition party...

*crickets*

RYAN: Can I get an Amen for a Malposition party?

CT NEWS: Any other conditions you'd like to add, sir?

RYAN: Yes. We need to unify as a party and rally around the radical idea that I am not a complete doofus.  I don't want to hear anymore talk about how I helped Romney lose the last election by losing my debate with Joe Biden. In fact, I demand each member of the Freedom Caucus give a filibuster on the subject, stating I dominated... and complimenting my hair.




What a waste of hair gel.

7 comments:

Jess said...

Plastic surgery worked well. Maybe he'll one day find the "precious".

cube said...

You'd make a better speaker. Really. I'd vote for you over Ryan.

Sparky said...

The Republicans are trying yet again to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. ~:)

DaBlade said...

Jess, He DOES resemble gollum a bit. If he becomes Speaker, maybe he should be given a live trout instead of a gavel. "Our only wish,to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!"

cube, I prefer to remain Chattering Teeth Blog Committee Chair CEO, founder and president. However, if tapped for the Speakership, I have a much longer list of demands.

Sparky, Excellent way to describe this. Indeed.

cube said...

Well, you didn't want the job, so I had to nominate a cat.

Kid said...

I don't like Ryan at all. In his first 15 minutes in the sun, he tried to frame social security as an entitlement program. Try to sell that to my ass that's been paying into it since I'm 15 and which was originally sold as a Personal Retirement Account where money would be held IN YOUR NAME.

I agree that because of the sociopathic democrats social security funding is a problem. But let's put the blame where it lies. Government pissing away all the money starting with lbj who stole it and created another perpetual life sucking problem - welfare.

So, paul ryan can kiss my A*

Then his demands that he's only going to put so much time in because he needs his family time. Really paul? Guess who else needs family time.... Out military members (and their Families) who are out there in combat in completely useless dysfunctional no win situations lie Afghanistan. Why not talk about that stuff.
So you know what paul... If you're not willing to put in overtime for america, why don't you go f* yourself.

DaBlade said...

Kid, I couldn't add a thing!