Thursday, December 31, 2015

2016 Blog New Year's Resolution #6

Today, I'd like to unveil my 2016 Blog New Year's Resolution #6. But before I do, let's recap the top 5 resolutions I carry over from year-to-year.

#1 I will make every effort to post on a more regular basis, even when on temporary asylum in a Russia airport.

#2 This blog will persevere to obtain the rest of the story through investigative reporting (googling) and keeping an inexpensive hooker on retainer.

#3 Iwill make evry efort to proofr-ead at least 10% of my bloogs 6efore posting.

#4 I promise the continued arrangement of words in such a way as to project flowery rhetorical flourish and self-defecating humor (without the aid of a teleprompter... or diapers).

#5 DaBlade will continue to wear lederhosen while executing this blog until (A) Everyone reads his scribblings daily, or (2) Lederhosen becomes mainstream business-casual attire.

I now will officially add...
#6 I promise to no longer use sarcasm as a lazy form of humor in this blog because I now realize sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as humor. sarcasm derives from the Greek word “sarkazein” which literally means “to tear or strip the flesh off.” The last thing I want as your blog host is to offend the atheists, the secular humanists, the progressives, the marxists and/or the effeminates and transgenders. That's a mouthful. Let's just call them democrats. Or "freaks" if you prefer. In a nutshell, I just want the freaks to consider the Chattering Teeth Blog their very own internets "safe space".

Be safe  in your New Year's celebrations tonight. I think I may spend it by going to see that new movie titled "Concussion". I think it's a movie about how football can cause headaches, or something. Hey, it has Will Smith with a bad fake accent in it, so it has to be good. I'll just grab a couple Appletinis at the concessions for me and my new good buddy, Kenneth.


Hope I find a parking spot!

8 comments:

Jess said...

I'm glad you decided to not offend the liberals. They're so thin skinned, a passing breeze will cause bruising.

dr hirkimer said...

Well, it looks like you should be all set for tonight. You've got the top 3 things for a memorable night at the drive-in - booze, a hot date and a bad movie. Enjoy and Happy New Year cuz!

Sparky said...

So you were Lederhosen too? I thought I was just a freak (not that it can't still be true) ... *giggle*
Happy New Year silly man. Hope your day is bright and safe. ~:)

Ed Bonderenka said...

#6. Were you being sarkazeinic?

DaBlade said...

Jess, I'm turning over a new leaf. It's a poison oak leaf, but a new leaf just the same.

dr h, Wanna join? There's room in the trunk!

Sparky, Leather Lederhosen for motorcycling? That was you I saw on I75! Happy New Year to you!

Ed, Well, it is still 2015 as of this posting. Starting tomorrow, I swear!

WomanHonorThyself said...

Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door...oh wait Jerry..is that sarcastic..LOL

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIEND!!! :)

Kid said...

On #6, I think you left out kissing moslem ass. Just fyi,

DaBlade said...

Good one, Angel! And it's not sarcastic when you say it. Only one more year of the revolving executive orders door president! Buckle up! It's going to get a little bumpy 'round here!

Kid, You are correct. izlamofascists should be toward the front of that list. "Freaks" is a very large and inclusive big tent party. Good catch!