Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The First ThanksFacebookgiving


The blogosphere is wound tight with anxiety and anticipation for the answer to this trending questions: When Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg meets with a select group of prominent conservatives today at his headquarters in Menlo Park, California, will the tall and handsome Chattering Teeth founder and reclusive conservative blogger known simply as DaBlade be among them? 

Conservative radio host Glenn Beck said he was hopeful about the meeting, and that "It would be interesting to look him in the eye as he explains..."

Well, the Chattering Teeth Blog HAS NEVER trended on his liberally biased trending news feeds, and I want him to look me in my red and puffy bloodshot eyes and explain THAT ONE to me!


BREAKING!!!! Chattering Teeth News has this exclusive inter-office Facebook memo...

- MEMO -

TO: All FB Employees
FROM: Mark Zuckerberg
DATE: 5/18/2016
SUBJECT: Conservatives Alert!

In anticipation of the conservative contingent gathering on foreign Facebook soil, I have instructed the chef's in the lunchroom to prepare celebration feast of Tofurkey. I also wanted to give some strategy tips for their visit here, as I know this will be a first contact any of you have had with a conservative.

It’s best to alert conservatives of your presence by talking loudly, singing songs or breaking sticks. Try to meet in groups, in established conference rooms and during work hours. Do not ever be caught in an enclosed cubicle after hours when conservatives are known to be in the area.

I also want to dispel any myths you may have heard about conservatives. Some of this is just speculation on my part, but I do not believe its true that they have poor eyesight, or that you should play dead if they attack you with any of those sharp fact thingys they wield with such ease. Please feel free to retreat to the designated 'triggered' areas and 'safe spaces' if this occurs.

Lastly, in deference to our guests, please use the correct bathrooms for today only. And if you happen to be menstruating, for Gaia's sake, STAY HOME today.


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2 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

You must have worked tirelessly to develop leads and sources like that.

DaBlade said...

Ed, it is amazing how my sources open up at 5am and a pot of coffee.