Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Fellowship of the Drunks

On today's blog show - The first feel-good story of 2018 has a Tolkien theme

*Cue Theme song*

*start fog machine* 
[My handsome silhouette appears behind the back-lit stage curtain - arms crossed and head down...]

ANNOUNCER-GUY: LIVE! From the Chattering Teeth Studios, it's your favorite blog feature game show where I first quote from a linked story, then I comment on the contents of said quote with a pithy, sarcastic or otherwise unoriginal response that will quite literally change the world! Immediately. Seriously. Literally, as in symbolically in my own mind. So COME ON DOWN! you're the next reader on DaBlade is Right!

Today's featured story takes us to the other side of the globe... where Hobbits actually once roamed.

New Zealanders build island in bid to avoid alcohol ban

"A group of friends came up with a creative plan to avoid a New Year's Eve alcohol ban, by building a makeshift island in coastal waters."

First off - An alcohol ban on New Year's Eve? Have we landed in North Korea? Or worse yet, Mordor? Well good on them for finding a creative solution. Load up the barrels, boys! We're off to New Rivendell, where the mead flows freely!



"...they built the island out of sand during a low tide on Sunday, and it was just big enough to fit a picnic table and an Esky."

The sandbar island was not, apparently, large enough to include a porta-Loo. And there are no Ents on the island, though they might object if they were. You may try to hold it until your Sting glows blue, but at some point you will need to release the orcs into the pool.


"Because the friends were in "international waters", they technically were excluded from the alcohol ban."

and so begins Fellowship of the Drunks.

[CUT SCENE]
Frodo Baggins: I wish the alcohol ban had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Police Commander Sauron: You can not hide, I see you! There is no life, after me. Only!.. Death!

"The friends stayed on the island throughout the night, drinking alcohol and watching the fireworks."

That was good. Let's get another one.


"The island was still standing on New Year's Day... It was great to see some Kiwis having a bit of fun."
THE END

3 comments:

Kid said...

I like Heinz Genuine Dill Pickles. They are sour dills, and all you can find in the store anymore is Koshper or Polish Dill which I hate. The Heinz are great with burgers and dogs off the grill. Available at Amazon and stores with a Large Diverse inventory like Jungle Jims in Cincinnati.

Outside of that I know nothing of the ring. I don't have the ring. Honest.

Ed Bonderenka said...

My precioussss...
Gives me my preciousssss...

DaBlade said...

Kid, I had my suspicions, but now they are confirmed. Welcome, Senator John F'n Kerry. OK, that was not necessary just because you like Heinz. But you claim to have no knowledge of the ring! *GASP*

Ed, Yes! but first you have to guess what is in Bagginses pocketses.