Monday, March 26, 2018

Schtraight talk with Shpeaker Ryan

BLADE: Today we welcome back to the Chattering Teeth blog, the Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. Thank you for doing this Mister Speaker.

RYAN: My pleashure.

BLADE: Let's get to it. What do you make of all this Stormy Daniels 'news'? 

RYAN: Schtormy schtrumpet, you mean. The main schtream media makes her out to be some schtrong woman, but she is jusht a schtreet walker... no relation to Schcott walker, our illushtrioush governor in Wishconshin. I call her, Schtormy Whore, no relation to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

BLADE: None taken. Schpeaking... errr, I mean speaking of 'walkers', what do you make of these Wisconsin students and their 'HEAR US ROAR, 50 MILES MORE' walk  in your hometown and demanding gun control?

RYAN: I want to lishen to these Shorewood schtudents. I schpoke about Schtricter gun legishlashun lasht month. I'm no schtraw man for the NRA. If the reshent Omnibus schpending bill proved anything, it should have deshtroyed the noshun that I am some conshervative.

BLADE: I washn't... I mean, I wasn't going to ask about that Omnibus abortion of a bill - which coincidentally still funds abortion and Planned Parenthood. You are a disgrace, sir. And a liar.

RYAN: Schticks and shtones... but don't be frushtrated with this adminishshtration. It's shtressfull in Washington. Washington. Hey, I didn't deshtroy that word with a lishp! Washington, Washington, Washington. "The schtrange schtriped oshtrich went to Washington." "The rain in Schpain..."

BLADE: Nicely done Mishter Schpeaker. But you might have an easier time with this phrase: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog". Just think of "lazy dog" as the nonexistant border wall, thanks to you. 

Mishter Schpeaker, I believe you have guaranteed a democrat rout in the upcoming midterms, followed closely by a democrat led impeachment of Trump. There are more and more of us every day that are beginning to realize there is no difference between the two parties and that a good chunk of us are no longer represented in Washington.

RYAN: Well, like I told my donors. Misshun Accomplished.

5 comments:

Kid said...

Lyin Ryan would be the perfect man child to talk to Kim Jong Un. Un would have him tied to a stake, destroyed with a mortar, eaten by wild dogs then he'd have Mitch McChuckles eat the puke from the dogs and die a horrible death while dressed in women's undies, casting poisonous Mitch and Ryan and Dog germs into the environment to be consumed by 100 % of the democrat politicians and from 80 to 98% of the republican politicians who would then cast their upchuck into a large pit so it could be consumed by the hildebeast, her entire family and anyone within 6 degrees of separation from them. That would surely do in every steenkin moslem on the face of the Earth as well, including bath house barry and every lgbtqrstuvmouse sucker on the face of the Earth and Damn! We could start Over and not have to look at some ugly dude with nylon stockings again for at least another 1,987 years. Which would work for me.

Sorry for the run on sentence.

DaBlade said...

Run on, brother. Run on! Loved it! The problem, as I see it, is that it falls apart where Fat Boy involves Mitch McChuckles, as both of these losers are puppets to the Chinese government. Other than that, I love the plan!

DaBlade said...

BTW, shortly after posting this interview, the Druge Report headlines screamed a rumor that Lyin Ryan would be resigning soon. He didn't mention that to me and I doubt this narcissistic egomaniac is going anywhere (unless we can smuggle him into NK)

Kid said...

I think I read a story that the Chinese already gave large sums of money to biden's kid,or maybe it was another pestilence in human form. Then The Chinese or the Iranians shoveled a bunch of money to J fing Kerry's daughter. I think they be doing this long time ! I'm knows it ! Why worry about conflict with the USA when you can just buy the American government.

The Constitution is the Only thing that has kept this country alive even this long.
Imagine how many people have no idea.

America is a great Sequoia now being feasted upon by huge termites created when the radioactive water from Fukushima made landfall in California Nov 13th 2017.
If it ain't one thing it's another !

DaBlade said...

Another spot on visual. And the democrats insist on further bankrupting our country with wasteful redistribution in order to fund our military and the repubs willingly go along with this blackmail. where is the gigantic can of Raid?