Chattering Teeth News - Fumbling, mumbling, stumbling... When Democratic candidate Joe Biden stepped to the podium in Florida fumbling with his phone while mumbling, "hang on here..." - and then "Despacito" began to play while Biden slowly stumbled to and fro - The next Latin dance star was born.
"There you go! Dance a little bit, Joe, c'mon..."
*I catch Biden as he exits a back door into the alley of this Florida venue as he fervently waves to an empty parking lot and the wall of an adjacent building... Forrest Gump never waved as fervently from the boat dock when spotting Lt. Dan.
BLADE: Mister Vice Senator Biden! DaBlade here from the Chattering Teeth Blog. May I ask you a few questions?
JOE: Who am I? Why am I here?
BLADE: Still trying to figure that one out myself. Quickly, before your handlers break through this door brace. Why did you play the 2017 hit song "Despacito" from Fonsi?
JOE: I've always loved that Arthur Fonzarelli. I tell you what, man. I don't want to jump a shark here, but if I had the talent of any one of those Happy Days folks, I'd be... I'd be... I'd be elected president in a Harris administration by acclamation.
BLADE: Wrong Fozi, sir.
JOE: *gives the thumbs up* Ayyyyee!
BLADE: Excuse me, but what are those stains all over your white shirt?
JOE: Oh, that's just my lunch. I had never heard of Despacito before. I thought the young folks back stage with the cold hands and vacant stares told me I would be playing "Gazpacho," and I love cold soup with vegetables. I wouldn't go on stage until they got me some Gazpacho. That's where I learned about roaches. And kids jumping on my lap. And I love kids jumping on my lap...
BLADE: Riiiight. Back to tonight. Why did you play that particular song? Some say that the lyrics are inappropriate.. "I want to breathe your neck slowly - Let me tell you things in your ears - So that you remember when you're not with me - Slowly"
JOE: Well, they wouldn't let me play my first choice. That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
BLADE: Good choice. So is this going to become a regular signature bit at each of your stops?
JOE: When I'm president in a Harris administration, I will mandate social workers go into parent's homes to make sure their kids have their record players on at night so they hear a million, billion more words. C'mon, man!
BLADE: Sir, you will never be president, but I do believe you may have found your special purpose. You can spend the next 4 years of the Trump administration in your basement, singing and dancing your retirement away. May I suggest Desperado by the Eagles...
[*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *CRACK*]
BLADE: It looks like your friends were able to unlock the alley door and that's all the time we have today. I will leave with this little diddy for your next stop...