Saturday, September 26, 2020

Trump Selects Coney!

 PICTURED: "Two-up" coney island hotdogs side by side. The Detroit-style coney, with it's runny chili sauce on the left, and the more beautiful and delicious Flint-style coney, with the normal drier (diced beef heart) sauce topping a Koegel's Vienna. What kind of sick maniac would prefer a runny coney that requires a fork!? C'mon, man!


Now on to the news...

If President Trump selects Amy Coney Barrett (ACB) for the Supreme Court, it begs a few follow-up questions.

*Where does ACB stand on the controversial topic of Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys?

*Should there be a litmus test between the two to determine her fitness for office? (Yes. I will be performing numerous tests later today)

*If Amy Coney Barrett selected a Detroit-style coney, would she have to wear a barrett to keep her hair out of the coney sauce?

*If Amy Coney Barrett wore a barrett to eat a coney, would the barrett be a coney barrett?


These are the things that I think about and that keep me up at night... 

Speaking for myself, I am a one-issue voter and cannot ever imagine voting for someone who prefers a Detroit-style coney island over my beloved Flint-style in a head-to-head litmus test.

If you're not from Michigan, you may be woefully ignorant on this hot topic so let me get you up to speed.

DaBlade's Chattering Teeth Blog History of Flint:

For many people, the City of Flint is synonymous with General Motors (as well as for more than a few homicides). However, well before cars started coming off the assembly line here, folks were consuming coney dogs at a voracious clip. We have Greek immigrants to thank for coming here and opening their weiner stands in the early 1900s. We also have the Greeks to thank for the invention of the f*&%ing alarm clock in the 3rd century BC, but bringing coneys here makes up for that fiasco. In fact, these red hot beauties are probably the reason GM located here in the first place, and the "Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys" debate is also probably the cause of so many shootings here.

Flint Workers GM Sit-Down Strike in 1936 Caused by Coney Shortage


...and was only resolved with the arrival of Flint-style coney vendors


So there you have it. If Trump nominates someone other than Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court later today, we may safely assume she did not pass the coney litmus test, and you should not read this post.

But if you check on Etsy, you may still be able to score an Amy Coney Barrett (below)!


THE END

4 comments:

  1. Amy invented the Coney. Fagabbouddeet. Don Lemmmmone says she is a Russian plant though. Could be as she is good looking enough.

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    1. Don Lemonade says a lot of crazy stuff when he's been drinking on the air. tHo the drunkier he gets, the more normalier he sounds.

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  2. In Texas, we don't need no damn judges. We've got a hog leg or two to take care a-most disagreements. Cheaper, too.

    Well, I hafta say that the Coney Island hotdog looks damn good. I’m just not sure about the lee-gality of hijacking a Coney Island gob stuffer, and then re-branding it as something that comes from the Upper Hand. Yer law firm must keep busy working on behest of the Chattering News Network.

    Now, in Texas, we do steaks. Onliest thing is, if yer a real Texan, you gotta go out to the range, select yer critter, capture his ornery ass, kill him, dress him, and then butcher him so’s you git the cut most desirable. Then ya gotta drop the meat into some bourbon for a few hours, slop on the ho-made Bar-b-q sauce, which no self-respecting Texan will share his recipe for, and then put the cut on the charcoal grill (none of that propane crap). Now to git all this here stuff done b’fer eat’in time, you gotta start off at around 0500, mostly ‘cuz the little woman don’t allow nobody inside tha ranch house all covered in blood n stuff (yer’s and the steer’s), so ya hafta shower off in the outdoor dripper. Oh, an anybody what puts steak sauce on his steak is probly one of them commies you read about in the funny papers.

    Come’on down now, ya hear?

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  3. Mustang, Flint may not have invented the hotdog or the coney island, but they have both been perfected here.

    I will say that the texas BBQ you described sounds mighty dang tasty (even if it is a possum yer probably grillin') with enuff bbq hot sauce texas style, it's gonna be good. Just don't overcook my rodentia. I like them slightly bleedin' and squeaking on my paper plate next to the loaded baked 'tater. mmmhmmm. and musterd on da bisquit mmm.

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