Tuesday, April 25, 2017

With the 21st pick in the 2017 NFL draft, the Detroit Lions select...

In the "Too Soon" Department - Bad Taste Post #693

***cue squiggly lines and blog dream sequence***

Apr 27, 2017. NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, grasps both sides of the podium and says, "With the 21st pick in the 2017 NFL draft, the Detroit Lions select the corpse of Aaron Hernandez, tight end.

*gasps* *whispering* *looks of shock and stunned disbelief*

*silence*


Then somewhere towards the back of the seating... Waaaay to the back, a slow clap begins...
*clap...       clap         clap*

And like a thunderstorm cloud that suddenly opens a trap door and unleashes a torrent, the crowd joins in and goes wild with raucous applause and whistles, and even begins to break out"the wave"!      

Let's go to our panel for in depth coverage of this surprise pick by the Detroit Lions.

Chattering Teeth (CT): I love this pick.
Mustache Glasses (MG): I hate this pick.
Rubber Chicken (RC): *blank stare*

CT: Clearly, the Detroit Lions needed to upgrade their tight end position. Aaron Hernandez may not have the mobility he used to...
MG: Umm he's deceased.
CT: Even so, he must have better hands than Eric Ebron.
MG: What about the tight end's pass blocking responsibilities and protecting the quarterback?
RC: *blank stare*
CT: THAT IS BRILLIANT, RUBBER CHICKEN! At least Hernadez' corpse would provide a potential tripping hazard to rushing opponents. Again, an upgrade over Ebron.
MG: But what about the character issue? Aaron Hernandez was a convicted murdered, after all, before hanging himself in prison. Won't he just create a big stink in the locker room...

Shhh! Here's Roger again.

GOODELL: "With the 22nd pick in the 2017 NFL draft, the Detroit Lions have traded up with a pile of cash, the rest of their draft picks and any semblance of a future football team to select... 42 large industrial kegs of Febreze Extra Strength Odor Eliminator."
This might just work!

**ALARM CLOCK RATTLE***

9 comments:

Kid said...

Sports? I've just ever understood the home run touchdown hole in one nothing but net concept so I just tune out sports.

DaBlade said...

Understood. I'm more of a homer and love my Red Wings, Tigers and Lions (yes, I know. Hence, the post). I quit on basketball (college and pro... can't stand it) I also love my Michigan Wolverines and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.... and the Kentucky Derby, and the PGA major tournaments... and this thermos. And that's all I need.

Z said...

SPORTS? Ptui!! :-)

Kid said...

I watched the last hour of the Masters..

dr hirkimer said...

That was a pretty funny post, and those of us who know the Lions well, understand the seriousness of this "dream". I have faith in this gm Quinn and look forward to this Thursday.

Kid said...

So, now it occurs to me...
SO many people are geeked up about sports. All we need to do is connect sports and politics so that they talk politics on ESPN along with the sports. Then looking back when obama scored like 32 on the bowling alley and 197 on an executive (par 3) golf course, he'd have been rejected by the majority of America. Trump on the other hand is one hell of a golfer even at 69 years old. He could be president for the next 20 years.

DaBlade said...

Z, Ptui? Not even synchronized swimming or something? There has to be some sport you like?

Kid, That was a good hour too. Relaxing, right?

Doc, Actually, I do like the boy wonder and his first pick. He did a great job last year, his first year too! Time will tell.

Kid, I thought ESPN was already entirely comprised of leftwing political hacks? I don't know, as I don't watch them. Of course, they would find a way to spin Obama's low bowling scores. Sort of how NK media covers Kim Jung Un's 18 straight hole-in-ones.

Kid said...

Yes, the Masters is good for that relaxing effect. The music, the ambiance, the scenery. I do like to play. Playing there with a caddie even if I shot 174 would be a great time for me. In fact, I view a big part of Heaven as golfing the best courses in the universe with a caddie.

ESPN, Left Wing, Yea probably, But I did hear that Steve Smith of sportscenter did suggest giving repubs a try since nothing has changed with dems...

cube said...

All my life, I always preferred to play a sport rather than watch a sport. Now, I do neither.