Cinco de Mayo does not have to be racist.
Hola, y'all. I have a confession to make. I used to believe that it was ok for a white male to celebrate Cinco De Mayo by wearing an over-sized sombrero and dancing the macarana after getting hammered by consuming mass quantities of cervezas and margarittas, and slurring spleaking splanish with phrases like '¿ donde esta casa de pepe?'
Of course, I also used to believe that the Boy Scouts was an organization with the mission of turning young boys into men, and not a misogynistic institution of toxic masculinity, and that girls belonged in the Girl Scouts and baking my cookies.
I used to foolishly believe there were only two sexes (Millennials read 'genders') and that men should not use the ladies restrooms.
Back in those old days, I used to respectfully stand for the national anthem, with my hand over my heart, and not on a knee in solidarity with cop haters and clueless discontents.
That was before I was 'woke'.
Thankfully, I'm no longer homophobic and I believe that its none of my business what pedophiles do in the privacy of their own cell blocks.
So this Cinco de Mayo, I will not participate in any cultural appropriation. For instance, you will not catch me at the local Chipotle or Taco Bell, telling the fast food worker to "andele with that order, senor!" Nor will you catch me posting any of those racist 'Mexican word of the day' memes like this one:
No, no. Instead, I plan on total immersion and full appreciation of this Mexican culture. In fact, I am currently posting this from the middle of a caravan full of Mexicans heading north towards the U.S. border in hopes of crossing illegally to escape this godforsaken place.
Yo, Juan! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba!