I woke up a short time ago in a cold sweat and more than a little disoriented. I was thinking, "Something... historic... significant... about... today." I was still a little fuzzy as I shook the cobwebs out of my head. "Why do I feel all strange...?"It was like the answer was just outside my peripheral vision. Two words kept coming to me like a mantra - HOPE & CHANGE, HOPE & CHANGE, HOPE & CHANGE! And as the fog lifted, I realized my problem. My Spiderman pajamas were on backwards! I HOPE I CHANGE out of them! The footies on them are a little constricting!
Yes I'm kidding! Like my wife would let me sleep in Spiderman pajamas. Get real people! What kind of grown man wears footies? It's called satire. A little misdirection. I wanted you to think that I was talking about "He Who Must Not Be Named" today.
Truthfully, I did feel strange when I awoke this morning, but it was only because I had slept with my cheetah-print thong on backwards again. Strap goes in back. Strap goes in back. Some things are impossible to remember.
It did cause me to have a very scary nightmare. It was a cross between an old Twilight Zone episode titled "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" and the significance of today's events.
In the original TV show, William "Captain Denny Crane Kirk" Shatner plays a salesman on a flight home, after having spent 6 months in a sanitarium recovering from a nervous breakdown. He has a window seat on the plane, out of which he sees a gremlin on the wing messing with the engine. Every time he screams and draws other's attention, the gremlin flies out of sight. This goes on and on until the end where Shatner's character saves the plane, but ends up in a straight jacket for his efforts.
In my nightmare, I was the salesman with the window seat, but every time I looked out of my window, instead of a gremlin, I saw that creepy mustached guy from the YouTube video of Sarah Palin's visit to the turkey farm. To my horror, he was jamming a turkey into the engine of the Airbus!
I must have been thinking about the recent water landing into the Hudson by an Airbus that had sucked up a flock of geese. I also must have been dreading the overkill of coverage from all media outlets related to "He Who Must Not Be Named".
So in conclusion, what have we learned?:
* Don't look out the window today. Read a book instead.
* Watch old movies or TV shows for entertainment.
* Strap goes in back.
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