Saturday, March 5, 2016

Chattering Teeth U

So you want to be a millionaire blogger? You want to know the secret to acquiring a million dollars while spending your mornings like DaBlade at Chattering Teeth U - slamming coffee and two-finger punching your QWERTY keyboard in rapid staccato while producing such bloggilicious results?

If you answered "YES, I want to be a millionaire blogger!" then YOU MUST ACT NOW by sending me a check in the very affordable amount of $38,000 and I will reserve your spot in the incoming freshman class here at Chattering Teeth U.

Our 3-Step Program will have you up and blogging with one million dollars in your bank account before you know it!

STEP ONE: Inherit one million dollars from your billionaire father
STEP TWO: Surround yourself with expensive Ukrainian beauties
STEP THREE: Get to bloggin' mister!

What your very affordable $38,000 tuition will include:
* A spot for your Avatar in our virtual dorm

* A slightly used Flobee, the revolutionary home haircutting system
* Chattering Teeth U Season Football tickets

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!

If you're one of the first 5,000 enrollees, I'll throw in a FREE PHOTO of you with a cardboard cutout of our beloved mascot, Chattering Teeth!

Still not sure if a Bachelor's Degree in Blogahaulics from the prestigious Chattering Teeth U is for you? Don't take MY word for it, take it from one of my assorted blog characters in this disturbing testimonial...
I was looking for something to do from home since this electronic ankle tether won't let me leave my yard and boy howdy am I offal glad I sent DaBlade my life's savings and you can prolly tell how much his courses have helped me string together my innermost thoughts in such a compelling manner but I'm still not sure how I get my million dollars now but Ill go ask him just as soon as I manage to saw thru my shin with this bone saw... Gullible Gabe


ACT NOW!

6 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

Shut Up And Take My Money!
I've been going broke blogging MY way.

Sparky said...

Unless those Ukrainian beauties have two wheels and a motor I'll have to pass. I have enough money anyway. Don't wanna hog all the dough ... *lol* ~:)

DaBlade said...

Ed, It's a wonderful program. Believe me. Just fill out the report card with an "A+" and sign the Release & Covenant Not to Sue and the we can get started as soon as the check clears. It's gonna be yuuuge!

danggit Sparky, What went wrong with my pitch!? Do you already have a Flobee? I'll throw in a signed copy of my book, The Art of the Sarcasm...?

Z said...

"yuuuuuge!" in the comment above is HILARIOUS!
Ya, the WHARTON SCHOOL GRAD's vocab runs through the gamut: DISGUSTING, MEAN, NICE, THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS, YUUUUUGE....
I'll bet HIS SCHOOL does it better :=)

Kid said...

So, Where in hell do I send the money ?!?!?

DaBlade said...

Z, You always crack me up! Trump's school curriculum definitely Common Bore.

Kid, send check to:

DaBlade
Chattering Teeth News Bunker, Spa, Bar & Grill (and Do-It-Yerself Acupuncture Clinic)
PO BOX 555
Flint, MI