Friday, March 11, 2016

Reince Priebus is the "RINO Whisperer"

From the producers of Cesar 911 staring Cesar Millan as the "Dog Whisperer". Now comes -
Reince 911

Reince Priebus is the "RINO Whisperer". As the chairman of the RNC, he answers emergency calls from the GOP-insiders who become terrorized by unruly candidates. Renowned RED-DOG and RINO behavior authority Reince Priebus is beckoned by the ruling elite establishment and status-quo corporatists to address rogue Republican candidates exhibiting conservative principles.  

In each episode, Reince is briefed by the power brokers in a darkened and smoke-filled back room, then he evaluates both the offending candidate and their supporters through impromptu visits to campaign headquarters and rallies to see for himself these outrageous liberty-loving behaviors.

Rehabilitation programs are set up and referred to by Reince as the "Doggie bisquet vs the stick" technique. First, committee appointments and/or campaign contribution bribes by crony capitalist lobbyists are offered in exchange for submission. If there is not the desired behavioral changes with the candidate recognizing the establishment as their pack leader, Reince will then resort to "the stick" that involves threats, coercion and arm twisting.

If all else fails and the candidate continues to insist on exhibiting a love of conservative principles and the Constitution, a surreptitious smear campaign is launched with the help of the establishment media led by Fox News in order to destroy the offender and to push their own big government agenda.

surveillance cameras are used to track progress and ensure a lasting solution. The final test comes when voters gather together in the community polling booths.

PILOT EPISODE TEASER


Somewhere deep in the bowels of the RNC headquarters, a secure landline phone rings in the chairman's lair...

***RING*** ***RING***

REINSE: Reinse 911, what's your emergency?

ANON DONOR: Yah, we got ourselves a rescue candidate with good papers. His daddy and his brother were good show RINOs, but this one we picked early is just so low energy. I can't even take him for a slow stroll through the neighborhood without the low energy catcalls. What should we do about our RINO, Jebster?

REINSE: Low energy RINOs don't even want to be a Pack Leader. Drop the Jebster back at the kennel and try again.

and now its time for the "Ask Reince" mailbag segment of our show.


Reinse, we have two stray candidates we have been unable to run off the property. The problem is, they are both leading the pack, but We can't seem to get a leash on either one of them. The big bull with the funny hair and small paws is just as likely to bite the hand that feeds him. The other one refuses to train on the constitution papers we spread on the basement floor. Why, he isn't even a RINO at all!

The most important thing to remember is that its all about secrecy and cronyism, and a good RINO candidate will subordinate to the establishment as their pack leader. One of my successful strategies is to roll out my fully trained RINO, Mitt, in order to socialize the candidate to model his behavior. Mitt is exactly the kind of moderate loser we look for every four years. 

If all else fails, you need to play for a stalemate by claiming the open doorway and creating an invisible boundary. You can do this by using your trained RINOS, Kasich and Rubio to stay in the race even though they have no path to outright victory. They will siphon just enough support from clueless voters to ensure a brokered convention. In this scenario, we could even insert our perennial loser, Mitt, back  as our candidate. Hey, what about that low-energy Jebster as his running mate?

Season Finale for the establishment...

What would happen if the establishment were muzzled and the winning candidate is a conservative who believes in individual sovereignty and liberty? Stay tuned...

9 comments:

Sparky said...

Excellent DaBlade! And you're spot on, as always. ~:)

Kid said...

The last time the GOP begged me for money, I printed This out and sent it to them.

DaBlade said...

Sparky - thanks glad u liked. I'm guessing you are a fan of Cesar also? If only we could say, "TSSST!" to quiet the libs!

Kid, A ticket to the Big Top! I would never give $ to the GOP (tho I did make a donation to my fav candidate directly). Giving money to the GOP establishment in hopes they would spend your money for good and not evil is like giving money to Planned Parenthood if they promise not to use it on abortion, but to use it on all those phony women's health care services they claim to provide.

Ed Bonderenka said...

The RINO Whisperer will get eaten by that lion.

Kid said...

I got one of those Official Gov Documents - do not destroy on penalty of death, wherein it asks if you support obama's policy of killing the first born of every registered republican, and at the end of course asks for money. I thought about writing some stuff on it and sending it back, but what the hey, threw it in the trash instead.. That part of the trash that will be eaten by rabid raccoons.

Honestly, Who would send the GOP money? Supporting your favored candidate is one thing but sending money to the GOP who has given us the finger since we voted them into majority? The only responses I could think of in sending that form back probably would have gotten me arrested.

Well, in full disclosure, I have never sent a politician a dime. Nor will I ever. Your mileage may vary.

DaBlade said...

Ed, Hopefully. If he isn't trampled in a gorge by a migrating herd of wildebeests like Mufasa.

Kid, Those rabid raccoons are actually AI government robotic drones monitoring your garbage. Frozen Digiorno Pizza last night? That stuff will get ya quicker than an Oregon backroad govt ambush.

K:"Well, in full disclosure, I have never sent a politician a dime. Nor will I ever. Your mileage may vary."

It was small and it was the only time I have. If Mr Smith goes to Washington with "Hoover Flags", then all we get for candidates are self-funded billionaires. Objects (and donations) may appear smaller in the rearview mirror.

Kid said...

No Digiorno, Bellatoria Mien Friend. Also check out Bertolli 10 minute dinners. The ones without breaded chicken are better imo. (Penne margerita for example)

DaBlade said...

We should hang out Kid. You are a grin my friend.

Kid said...

Maybe it will come to pass. The wife and I should be hitting the road in 4-5 years.

I figure we'll drive our RV 15 under the speed limit on the freeways at rush hour(s) just for laughs.