Friday, August 4, 2017

Trump's new "3 Questions" immigration policy

Trump says he wants immigrants 'who speak English' and won't 'collect welfare'
"This competitive application process will favor applicants who can speak English, financially support themselves and their families and demonstrate skills that will contribute to our economy," Trump said today at the White House alongside Cotton and Perdue.

You mean our immigration system should be built on adding assets and not burdens? What a novel concept! The applications only need those 3 Questions:
1) Do you speaka dee English?;
2) Can you assimilate and contribute to our society?;
3) What is your favorite color?

Here's how the Raise Act will work!
Monty Python and the Holy Grail: 3 Questions



BREAKING!!! CHATTERING TEETH EXCLUSIVE UPDATE!!

The keeper of the Immigration Bridge of Death will ask each wannabe immigrant three questions. If the traveller answers all three correctly, they may cross in safety and become a productive member of this country. If any of the questions are answered incorrectly, they are cast into the Rio Grande Gorge of Eternal Peril. Let's peek in on the new immigration policy in progress...

KEEPER: Stop! Who would cross the Immigration Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, o'kay? This I will tell you. Buhleave me. What is your name?

IMMIGRANT: f*&k you, cabrón! Me llamo Jose'. Abre la puerta!

KEEPER: I don't think so...

KEEPER: Next! What is your name?

IMMIGRANT: Muhamid Bin Bangin GoatZ el Abdullah. Allahu Akbar!

KEEPER: Nice try f&*ker. You had me at Muhamid...

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

KEEPER: Next! What is your name?

IMMIGRANT: Barry Soetoro.

KEEPER: What is your quest?

IMMIGRANT: To redistribute wealth and fundamentally transform America into a socialist utopia.

KEEPER: What is your favorite color?

IMMIGRANT: Pink.

KEEPER: Right. Off you go.

IMMIGRANT: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

KEEPER: Just kidding! KEEPER: I don't think so...

6 comments:

Z said...

Mom got a little ticked off at a relative the other night who was talking about how awful immigration is..Mom was right (again!); she came legally, people here vouched for her that she'd be supported, she had to pass all sorts of health tests, and SPOKE ENGLISH.
Our house for the Bicentennial made the King Family TV Special look under decorated :-)

Ed Bonderenka said...

Have you run this idea by the Department of Silly Walks?

DaBlade said...

Z, Moms are always right. A caller on a talk show said her parents used study guides and are the most patriotic citizens who can be found this side of the pond. God bless our legal and assimilated immigrants. THEY built this.

Ed, I believe it is the Ministry of Silly Walks, but I'm hoping my new friend, Chris Christie, wil be an intermediary.

Chris Christie said...

Ed, Shape up.

Kid said...

Each republican must pass this test. And when they fail they are automatically replaced by a constitutional conservative. Yippeee kai ayyyy.

DaBlade said...

Kid, I like it in theory but I think we'll need a bigger gorge of eternal peril.