Sunday, January 22, 2017

Madonna Blows Up White House Inflatable Bounce House!

Madonna in Secret Service probe over ‘BLOWING UP White House rant'
Wearing a black p***y hat, she repeatedly dropped the F-bomb and then told the audience she had considered “blowing up the White House”.
I thought those hats were supposed to be pink? Madonna must have dragged her through the mud a few times too many, and...

We interrupt this blog for a word from our sponsor, Madonna's White House Bounce House! (with washed-up ex-pop icon, Madonna)
Planning a bachelor party and want to do something unique? Introducing Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House! What better way to keep a crowd of grow a$$ed men entertained than with the rental of this commercial grade bounce house able to withstand an up-and-down all-niter? Our polyurethane walls can even accommodate a 500lb donkey without the seams splitting!

But wait! Why spend a few hundred dollars for a High-Velocity Commercial Grade Utility Blower to blow up your White House Bouncy House and to keep it inflated when you can get Madonna for free? That's right! If you act now, we'll throw in the use of this washed-up pop star from the 80s absolutely free!!

Q: How do these inflatables work?
A: All inflatable bounce houses depend on continuous airflow, and Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House is no different. Our equipment includes our patented high pressure hose able to withstand hurricane force winds. Just hand Madonna your thick gauged blowing tube and stand back!

Q: Can she over inflate?
A: We never say never, but every inflatable is made of breathable material to allow air to pass thru. Do not be alarmed with air flowing thru seams as well.

Q: How many people can use a Bounce House at one time?
A: Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House has yet to find her limit.

Q: Will your bounce house collapse during use or be soft?
A: Each Inflatable is different. However, Madonna personally gives this guarantee: "I am good. I’m not a douche and I’m not a tool. I take my time, I, uh, have a lot of eye contact."

Meh. I think I'd rather use my bicycle pump.

6 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

Don't catch anything.
At least now we know she wasn't threatening the president.
Thanks for explaining that.

DaBlade said...

Nope just a party favor. She also seconds as a coaster for your beer when playing cards with the fellas.

Kid said...

I just stopped by to say that I wouldn't let madonna blow me if she paid me. Well, if we're talking a million+ (cash or money order), then maybe - otherwise...

DaBlade said...

Haha! I think we've given the level of respect that old has been deserves.

Jess said...

This post reminds me of an old joke about a bar that sells cheese sandwiches, among other things.

Anyway, I wonder if they charge more if she has to gargle? I imagine that's one of those things you pay for after you make the deal.

"How much for her to gargle? You gotta be kidding!"

DaBlade said...

HAHA! That joke reminds of the lesson I learned from my older brother who took me out on a fishing boat for the first time in my youth. When it was lunch time he asked me if I wanted a tuna fish sandwich or a tuna fish sandwich. When I inquired why he hadn't packed my favorite (PB&J) he told me that, "if it is gonna smell like fish anyway, better if it is fish." The moral of the story? Madonna can't make me a sammich.