I'm not really sure why I seem so fixated on Sasquatch sightings. It's not like I actually BELIEVE in huge, hairy ape-like biped creatures that roam the forests and mountains - smart enough to evade capture or leave any actual evidence of their existence, but so stupid as to preoccupy itself by making stick structures and rock arrangements. I mean, THAT'S CRAZY TALK!
I'm more of an Occam's razor kind of guy and therefore choose the simpler explanation. 'Squatch are superior humanoids who are actually future versions of our evolved selves from some time in the distant future when we have managed to master time travel (and run-on sentences) and can move back and forth from our time to theirs through invisible portals of energy hidden in large oak trees to evade capture while our future ancestors study us.
Since almost every Sasquatch sighting seems to involve them throwing rocks and not firing ray guns, I'm left to conclude that no weapons or materials can go thru these portals, and the 'Squatch travel naked - just like the Terminator.
It's a crazy world and sometimes a tad overwhelming just trying to absorb it all. That's why when I am reading the latest story about a Sasquatch sighting, I will just imagine it is a story about North Korea's Kim Jung Un. Try it!
Kim Jung Un - Real or Hoax?
It works the other way also. Here is how I read the latest headlines in order to cope...
Sasquatch could soon develop a trebuchet with the potential to hit hikers and capmers and irritate them many miles away.
No Sasquatch talks while rocks are flying, Tillerson says
US spy satellites detect rogue 'Squatch building rock pile.
The U.N. Security Council on Saturday voted unanimously to introduce a set of punishing sanctions against these hairy, rock-throwing creatures.
Sasquatch promise 'thousands-fold' revenge in response to United Nations sanctions
Chicago mayor, Rahm Emanuel, likened these sanctions to “blackmail,” and declared that Chicago will remain a Squatch-welcoming city.
Attorney General Sessions said the city of Chicago has chosen to protect criminal Sasquatch who prey on random hillbillys instead of enforcing laws
There. I hope you feel better now.
THE END AGAIN
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