|LANSING (WJRT) (5/8/2020) - Golfers got the OK to get back on the fairways on April 24, but until now they were required to walk the fairways. Gov. Gretchen Whitmer is allowing motorized golf carts again in her latest executive order.|
Additional requirements under the latest from the governor's 42-stage plan for re-opening the golf courses:
1) While golf carts are now allowed, they must be left in reverse. When asked about this seemingly arbitrary requirement a spokesperson stated, "we are not out of the woods yet," which seemed to clarify things quite well.
2) Two to a cart will only be allowed if the non-driver lays on top of the roof while screaming at his partner to 'slow the f*** down!' as they careen wildly on two tires down a side hill toward the tree line.
3) Golf balls must be washed after completion of each hole in the the convenient tee-side ballwashers, regardless of whether or not you suspect an earlier inebriated golfer may have urinated into it.
4) Golfers who fail to achieve a hole-in-one from each tee box will be required to pick up their ball and card a score of 'one' in order to enforce social distancing.
5) No golfer shall be denied permission to play through solely based on a confirmed or suspected diagnosis of COVID-19. (Governor Cuomo helped The Gretch with this one)
6) Lastly, if Governor Whitmer pulls up in the beverage cart, you are required to purchase beer. Failure to provide a large tip will earn you 7 days in jail. Calling her a C*** is punishable by firing squad.
PICTURED: (From left to right) Hollywood, The Rick (DaBlade's golf partner and course chauffeur), and Little Timmy. This picture was taken Thursday, 24 hours BEFORE the governor loosened the cart restrictions. Apparently, the golf course owners in Michigan were standing tall and thumbing their noses because they selfishly didn't want to go out of business. Our home course here is impossible to walk. I still was nervously looking over the tree line for black helicopters and I imagined seeing "that woman" around every bend.