Mi casa, su Cicadas

 I recently read that Cicadas are ready to make their obnoxious presence known again and I can't wait. According to this bug map Brood XIV is due to emerge from it's 17-year sleep cycle. I imagine the first one waking up and saying in his best Robin Williams / Genie impression, "10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck!" It's a scientific fact that Cicadas are known for exagerating. 

Cicadas? What are those?

They are very large and obnoxious bugs that I would estimate as the size of a large racoon and weighing approximately 20 pounds. At least the ones that congregate high in the tree outside my bedroom window every summer night. While the map doesn't show these critters in mid-Michigan, a few of the larger ones must take it upon themselves to hitchhike north. They climb high in the trees and scream a high-pitched and non-stop fingernails-on-chalkboard tornado-siren-like mating call (think Hunter Biden after a few hits on the crack pipe). They also remind me of some of the contestants on one of those singing shows the wife likes to watch so much. BUZZZZZZZZZ! "YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!"

Thinking of singing bugs, it reminded me of that Don't Bug Me game from my youth.  "Man, don't you bug me. I got my own bugs to. If you think your gonna give your bugs to me, I'm gonna give them right back to you!" (think Hunter Biden in a bubble bath full of prostitutes) 

According to my google machine, male cicadas produce their rhythmic, high-pitched whine using specialized structures called tymbals on their abdomens. I believe this was also the technique used by Neil Peart, the late, great former drummer for the rock band Rush.

So in conclusion...

You now know what I know about the cicada (and the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop). Think about it, though. The last time Brood XIV emerged from the soil in it's 17 year cycle was in the "hope and changey" summer of 2008 and Obama's first year of his first term. Had I the ability, I too would have crawled into a hole for 17 years after getting a glimpse of Barrack and Mooshell, only to emerge with Trump and MAGA at the helm. 

A 17-year cycle. This reminds me that Haikus have 17 syllables (5-7-5). So in tribute to Brood XIV, I have penned them the following haiku.

Let them eat the bugs

Mi casa, su Cicadas

Please sleep off the buzz

Now buzz off!

Day 73 of Trump's second of three terms in office

 and democrats are still confused by the question, "What is a woman?".

That's right, I am coming out of semi-self-imposed retirement of driveling to once again give you the news as I see it (complete with an overuse of hypens, parenthesis and misplaced comas). Don't worry though. I won't prattle on and on with pure, unadulterated  nonsense for 25 hours straight hours like Cory Booker did this week on the senate floor. My blather will be much more concise (and not require a senate floor "mop and shine" if you get my drift).

Before we get started, I need to cover a few items to boost my social credit score.

My name is Jerry. My pronouns are MAGA and mashed potatoes (because what right-minded person doesn't love either?)

I would also like to begin my post today by acknowledging that the internet on which I blog is the occupied traditional information highway territory of the Al-Gore-quin peoples. Despite their claims, The Al-Gore-quin did not invent the internets, but merely massacred the facts and claimed it for their own. Side note - Chief Clinton of the Al-Gore-quins was known to get Pawnee with any Chickshesaw (including the Navajo and HillaryHos). Of course they were followed by the Obamanation tribe and the Joe Biden Dog-faced Pony Soldiers, all horrible stewards of this coutry from The Gulf of America and all the way to our cherished 51st State of Canadamerica. As for the Indians, who are sometimes incorrectly referred to as "Indigenous peoples", no aknowledgment is necessary. Not only did they not inhabited the internet, but they couldn't even invent the wheel in the thousands of years head start here. 

And now for the news...

Yesterday was "Liberation Day" as named by President Trump, where he initiated reciprocol tariffs acoss the board against countries who treat us unfairly. There will be short term economic pain as we transition back to a country that actually makes things. As proof, I ended up paying $350 after tariffs for a Men's Cotton Linen shirt made in Bangladesh because I like the questionable quality and uneven child stitching I find so endearing in my no tuck casuals. 

Still no update on the eventually aquisitions of the frozen wastelands to our north. I'm hoping that Trump also has his eyes on the Island nation of Madagascar off the coast of the horn of Africa as our eventual cherished 52nd State (or 53rd after Greenland?) The climate is tropical and offers another vacation spot after hockey and curling season is over.

As for the border, the March numbers are out and our southwest border saw the lowest number of illegal crossings ever! The infiltration of the future democrat coalition of murderers and rapists, pedophiles and child traffikers, drug cartels and terrorists - has slowed to a trickle. Democrats will just have to make due with their current ranks of murderers and rapists, pedophiles and child traffikers, drug cartels and terrorists.

In February, President Trump signed an executive order to ban so-called trans athletes from girls and women's sports. The State of Maine is refusing to comply, with their Governor citing historical precedent stating, "George Washington powdered his hair to appear as if he was wearing a wig, so...". While I made that last part up, it is true that federal funding has been stopped for Maine. For myself, I always believed Maine to be covered in trees and was not aware anybody actually lived there. Apparently there are people, and the boys there really want to play dressup in the girls locker rooms.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk and DOGE continues to frustrate democrats by exposing waste, fraud and abuse, and saving hundreds of billions of dollars so far. No wonder democrats are in a panic, as their entire platform sits on a three-legged stool consisting of "waste, fraud and abuse". 

Speaking of Elon, what has he ever done to help people? errr... Besides those astronauts he saved on March 18th. I mean lately!

In happier news, Rosie O'Donnell self-deported to Ireland, and Ellen DeGeneres is fleeing to England - thereby lowering the odds to zero of a future Trump expansion there with a 54th and 55th cherished state.

This has been the news as I see it. Please don't key my 2014 Chevy Traverse on your way out. I don't need the tens of dollars of damage that might cause.

BREAKING: Evidence of Kamala's previous work at McDonald's

 Algore's internets is full of Trump McDonald memes today after his historic work as the fry cook and drive thru dude yesterday in PA., and I'm Lovin' It! 

Kamala claims to have worked at McDonald's despite no evidence... UNTIL NOW! DaBlade from Chattering Teeth News has found the evidence that Kamala used to work as the Ball Pit Czar in the 90's. 

"Many have long speculated that Kamala's political career was due to her work in the ball pit, and now we have the receipts," stated the handsome 'Blade, now a recluse who avoids the spotlight after a long and illustrious blogging career.

Kamala's PlayPlace is no more, since McDonald's have long since got rid of their ball pits. They were found to be Petri dishes of germs, and found to contain more than 31 different types of bacteria. The generation of kids who were brought up with the Mickey D's ball pit will forever cherish those memories, as will Willy Brown, Montel Williams, and countless others.

One of my favorite blog posts derived from my fertile mind was the "Politicians in cars getting Cheeseburgers," whereby Trump entertains visiting dignitaries, royalty from overseas, business tycoons - or just Whenever he gets a hankerin' for a late night cheeseburger - the president calls down to his secret motor pool to have James 'Mad Dog' Mattis pull around to the South Lawn door for a quick exfil and gettaway from CNN fake news reporter, Jim Acosta, who is usually hiding naked in some White House bushes taking notes (or something).

Mad Dog has been President Trump's wheelman and impromptu valet ever since he resigned as Secretary of Defense last December. Today, he is driving a mini eco car in order to throw off the press pool, who would never dream that Trump would ever ride in an environmentally friendly car. What they don't know is that Trump had his smart cars retrofitted to run on high octane Polar Bear blood.

THE END

Chinese Man O' War

 Chattering Teeth News - Two weeks have passed since the first $5 Chinese spy balloon was shot down by an $8 million dollar AIM-9X Sidewinder missile. President Biden was later told of his bold decision, and he mumbled, "F...f..f.fighter jet. F-22 or F-22 1/2, whatever it takes." 

Now we learn that yet another Chinese Balloon was just shot down over Alaskan airspace, and early reports are disturbing. While some speculated that the first balloon was a sort of trial balloon to gage our response, this latest balloon appears to have been weaponized - and not with a small EMP-producing nuclear warhead - but something far worse and the stuff of nightmares!

Witness whistle-blowers on the ground at the wreckage site are reporting that the latest balloon was dangling several million Chinese Finger Traps on individual 40,000 foot fishing line like some kind of macabre tentacled Portuguese man o' war. 

While the jellyfish's tentacles contain barbed stingers meant to incapacitate small fish and crustaceans, the bamboo finger traps of brightly colored shades of blue, red, green, and purple would certainly attract and paralyze the vast majority of woke America. 

While these finger traps are not particulary deadly (except to ADM Levine's new nail polish) it is predicted that the distraction would allow an unmolested Taiwan invasion.

END

Ray "X" Attempts to Orchestrate Violent Unrest in Wake of Memphis Cop Beating

 

Ray "X" is not the same guy as Ray Epps, The Fed-Protected Provocateur Who Appears to Have Led the Very First 1/6 Attack on the US Capitol. Any similarities are purely coincidental.

Ray X: I probably shouldn’t say this because I’ll probably get arrested... I'll say it. We need to go into the police station!

Chatteringteeth News -What we know:

* The five Memphis police officers who beat a man to death have been fired and are being charged with second-degree murder.

* The Memphis police chief likened the released video to the 1991 Los Angeles police beating of Rodney King that sparked days of unrest in the city.

* so far, the demonstrations have remained nonviolent (just the same random beatings, stabbings, shootings, looting and property damage much like any other night)

The Deep State puppet masters can't be happy with the fact that all of Memphis is not yet ablaze and that full on anarchy has yet to set in. The plan had been going perfectly. Dumb down the police force across the nation so that any intelligent and patriotic male who was currently a police officer would immediately retire or resign, and new recruits of the same would be discouraged. Relax the job requirements and take on felons and violent offenders into the fold. Shake and stir. If only these five cop's skin pigmentation wasn't so dark, there would already be cities across the country errupting. 

BIDEN AND SON'S GARAGE

 

Obama-era documents were recently found at a storage space in the garage of his home in Delaware. The classified Obama-era documents purport to expose Michelle Obama as "Big Mike", a transgendered college choom mate of the ex-president.

"OK Choomer.."

Biden told reporters that he was "surprised" to learn that his lawyers found the government documents in his garage. He said he was also "surprised" by the "Snap, Crackle and Pop" his breakfast cereal emitted earlier that morning.

Biden defended storing these highly classified documents in several old coffee cans next to oily rags on a shelf, stating that, "it's not like they're sitting in the street," then leaning in and whispering... "The garage is locked."

Biden is reported to be cooperating fully and completely with the Justice Department's review. Of course, the agent in charge has to wear an Easter Bunny costume in order gain the president's trust.

Danny Ocean: We can rob three Las Vegas casinos simultaneously, but we aren't getting into this garage. It's locked.

"it's not like they're sitting in the street."

FBI agent-in-training, Clarice Starling, was finally able to gain access to the garage by administering a severe hammer blow to the padlock. 

After several minutes of rooting around inside, she found what appears to be Joe Biden's Laptop in the glove compartment of his corvette.

Whatever happens with the discovery of these classified documents, at least we can rest assured that the media will cover it fully.

THE END

Cooky the Clown Joins White House Staff

 Chattering Teeth Breaking News Update Thingy.... 

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (KJP) received a new briefing partner this week when Cooky the Clown (CTC) joined her at the podium to perform as her sign language interpreter. Not really, but that is the only way I'd watch that clown show. 

Is it just me or are her eyelids way lighter than the rest of her? Is it makeup, and if so, which is her natural color? Her eyelids are actually caucasian in color which has me wondering if she(?) is actually a white chick in brown-face, ala Rachel Dolezal or Justin Trudeau? It doesn't matter to me, but we know there is nothing more important to the leftist democrat diversity box-checkers.

By the way, who remembers Cooky the Clown on Chicago's Bozo's Circus Show? 

We actually had our own Bozo show in Flint when I was growing up. I was in the studio audience for one show back in 1971 and was selected to be one of the hula-hoopers for the outro. (yes, that was me). Maybe I'd watch the KJP's Circus Show if the 'reporters' in the audience had to hula hoop. And Peter Doocy dressed as Bozo and throws a pie in KJP's face at the end of each briefing. Maybe Biden shows up in a tiny clown car and unloads with 32 secret service agents...

Nah. Still no.

Just get vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated

I'm fully vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated and, no, I don't know what's in it -

neither this vaccine, the ones I had as a chimp... I mean child, nor in the Big Mac, or the bunches of bananas... 

I also don't know what's in Ibuprofen, nor apparently the difference in risk between a drug used safely for decades and decades that cures my headache versus an experimental mRNA injection with a track record of injury and death... 

I'm fully vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated and, no, I don't know what's in it because ignorance is not only bliss but also virtuous. I don't need to burden myself with fancy reading or questioning when I can just watch government approved media. Leaves more time to watch the Tik Tok dances.

In short ...

There's a lot of things I don't know and never will... ooo ooo eee eee ah ah.

I just know one thing: life is short and I still want to travel and hug people... pick bugs off their backs, fling my own sh*t and climb trees.

Just get vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated.

(below is not mine but too funny)

The Legend of Reedy Creek

 Things aren't so rosy for Disney, as the company has suffered major financial losses since it's CEO, Bob Chapek, picked a fight with Governor Ron DeSantis. It got me to wondering what the almost 40 square miles that encompasses Disney World in Florida known as Reedy Creek will look like in 2024 and beyond under the next Trump / DeSantis administration. Perhaps Trump will build a border wall around  Reedy Creek and let the weeds grow up around it and store all of the woke groomers and pedophiles inside.

A quick internet search string of "abandoned Disney World" opened a treasure trove of a potential Disney future. I think the artist had a comet strike, climate change or a zombie apocalypse to blame for his dark visions, not Chapek's wokeness. In any case, the results would be the same. I'm hoping Disney does an about face ala Scrooge, as he asked the spirit whether these were visions of things that could come true or will come to pass?

"Spirit!" he cried, tight clutching at its robe, "hear me. I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope?"

Sorry folks, the park is closed. The mouse should have told ya.

Here we see Chapek riding the monorail through Disney World. It is in slight disrepair but Bob is hopeful that Governor DeSantis will approve the infrastructure improvements any day now. Don't be like Bob...

Governor DeSantis will review this proposal after the family vacation at Mar-a-lago World. Here we see him and the family riding the Ron-o-rail through Future Trump Land. Be like Ron...

 Here we see Mayor Vaughn getting interviewed on Main Street, USA, encouraging more tourism.

Check out all of the dark visions on this Deviant Art page. Cool stuff...

Tyson on a plane

 Here's what we know so far. 

Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson mercilessly pummeled a man on a plane. Video evidence taken from a cell phone taken from across the aisle from this altercation revealed that the man on the receiving end of Tyson's rage was sitting behind Tyson. This fact alone removes Tyson's automatic and universally acceptable excuse for mercilessly pummeling a person on a plane. Namely, if that person was sitting directly in front of you and lowered their seat back chair. Anyone callous enough to lower their chair in wanton and reckless disregard for the passenger's knees behind them deserves such violence. However, as already established, Tyson was sitting in front of this man. 

Prior to Tyson turning around and delivering punches, the man is witnessed standing, pointing and seemingly taunting a seated Tyson. Why? We can only speculate. The numerous times I have stood and taunted fellow passengers is when they had a wailing infant. OK, not really, but it's the only time I thought of standing and hurling insults at people on a plane. 

Now it just so happens that this incident happened on a flight from San Francisco to Florida. Everyone knows that only fruitcakes live in San Francisco, and my extensive research indicates that Tyson resides in Nevada. Therefore, odds are that this man has a 50% chance of being a resident of San Francisco (he either is or he isn't = 50%) and we can all agree that fruitcakes from San Francisco deserve random and sporadic beatdowns. 

Reports from amused passengers suggests that at some point this man threw a water bottle at Tyson. This makes me ask the obvious question, and I'm sure you are way ahead of me here. Namely, how did this man get past the TSA gestapo with a water bottle? The attendants give you a cup of water and not the bottle, correct? More riddles, wrapped in a mysteries, inside an enigma.

I guess we'll just have to wait for these questions to be answered, and rest assured I will be scouring the news feeds for any news crumbs of this top story.

In any case, one can only imagine the conversation that the lispy Tyson may have had with yesterday's blog star, SCOT, 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot. 

But we'll have to leave it there.  Refresh this page repeatedly for breaking news.

What now for SCOT the 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot?

 Frankly, I think the thought engineers missed their mark with this oversize airport paperweight. Not that the not-so-hidden security spy camera isn't effective in alerting the closest TSA government soldier of a possible free-roaming free thinker who didn't have their useless paper mask pulled up over their nose. And the display screen appears to be broadcasting CNN in HD.

I just think the Lost in Space robot would have been more intimidating, with his flailing accordian arms and "WARNING, WARNING!" admonishments like he is in a robot sissy fight. They could have still used the lispy queer voice for a chilling prison yard feel.

In case you missed it, here is KAREN... I mean SCOT during happier times... Welcome to Dallath!

Earlier this week, a Judge voided the US mask mandate for travelers. Now what's an effiminate 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot to do?

SCOT: Excuthe me, mithter, pleath put on your faith mathk.

BLADE: Maybe you missed it but a Trump appointed Judge lifted Biden's unconstitutional mask mandate for airports.

SCOT: Well that's dithappointing!

BLADE: That's what Biden said.

SCOT: What am I thuppothed to do now? What if there ith an atthathan traveling from Mithithippi with hith thupport thquirrel which ith infected with Covid!

BLADE: Well, you can't tell the assassin or his support squirrel to wear a mask.

SCOT: Inconthieeevable!

BLADE: Somehow I don't think that word means what you think it means.

SCOT:: I don't gif a thit. 

BLADE: Cheer up buddy. You still have that spy camera. Just watch for the red Trump hats. And you still have your display screen. Just broadcast those mindless vaccine propaganda commercials on an endless loop. That's still legal somehow...

SCOT: WAIT! ITH THAT A GOVERNOR DETHANTETH PIN ON YOUR BACKPAC? THECURITY ALERT! THECURITY ALERT!

The Crack's in the Ladle

 

and the cracks in the ladle, a large silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know where"

But we'll get together there

You know we'll have a good time there

Quitting Disney

 

It is easy to boycott a product when the product sucks. It is exponentially more painful to extricate yourself from something that you love.

For example, it is easy for a conservative 'coffeyholic' to not overspend on a burnt cup of coffee at Starbucks, even when there is no viable alternative, because of Starbuck's woke corporate culture. I would rather suffer the onslaught of raging  morning caffeine withdrawal than chew on that sludge. The fact that it is a horrible company is just a side benefit. 

Quitting Disney will be a little tougher for some of us who vacation there on a regular basis and have so many great family memories made there. I am reminded of these in every room in our house from the Disney coasters on our coffee table, to a Mickey Mouse soap dispenser in the bathroom, assorted coffee mugs in the cupboard, shirts, purses, toys and other assorted souvenirs we've accumulated from Disney over the years. 

Status-quo is not an option, however, what with Disney CEO Bob Chapek 'coming out' against Florida’s anti-pedophile grooming bill. The last Disney collapsible paper straw for me came from a Disney staff meeting where "an executive producer at Disney said she was advancing a “not-at-all-secret gay agenda” to insert queerness into children’s animation."

Call me old fashioned, but I preferred when they were a little more subtle about their queerness.

OK, I get it Disney. You hate us. Traditional families of Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls are no longer welcome. Therefore we will begin the painful process of Disinvestneying from Disney.

The wife and I decided to take the plunge in early 2019 and bought into Disney Vacation Club (DVC), which is Disney's version of a vacation timeshare. This was an impulse buy while visiting there as guests of my brother & sister-in-law. Since then, we have gone back 7 times in the last 3 years, with another trip scheduled for this October. More to come on that.

The wife and I love our Disney vacations, whether it is a couples only trip during Epcot's Food & Wine or Flower & Garden festivals, or a big family trip with our kids & grandbabies (and my brother and sister-in-law, and their kids, and their kid's kids - like we did for a Christmastime trip this past December). Every trip so far has been different, and until recently we have been looking forward to many more. 

Regrettably, those plans will change, barring a major reversal by Disney.  

"Do you really think your little threatened boycott will have any effect on this almost $150 billion company?" - (disembodied voice in my head)

No, I don't think they'll care. That's not my motivation nor how I roll. I'm doing it for my soul. It's why I don't drink Coke nor watch the NBA or NFL anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd love it if thousands followed suit thereby forcing Disney's hand by firing Chapek and the whole boardroom of blue-haired gender-confused groomers. There is a better chance of Elon Musk buying Disney and bringing back The Great Movie Ride and the Back lot Tour. A man can dream.

So here we go. We canceled our Disney+ subscription this week. The automated process informed us that we were paid thru November and that our subscription would cease at that time. That was not good enough, and we stated so. Finally we got a live operator involved for an immediate cancelation and a $50 pro-rated refund is on the way. I don't want their promised future garbage in my home.

As for the DVC contracts we own, there are a couple of options I'm chewing on. The upfront cost to join was significant and basically covers the resort stays for 50 years. Disney really makes the $jack from money spent at the theme parks, restaurants and Disney Springs retail sales. So I was thinking...

Option 1) Sell my DVC points on the resale market and recoup all (or the majority) of my initial investment. The resale price for points at our home resort have increased in value to match what we paid Disney Direct for them in 2019. This doesn't really hurt Disney, any more than selling your used Chevy hurts GM. And the new owner will still be buying gas. That leads me to my second thought...

Option 2) What if we keep our points and simply did resort stays? I'd rent a car and we would go to non-Disney restaurants off site. We would also trade Disney Springs for Universal's City Walk and Universal theme parks. Hmmm...

More to come. As for the October trip, that has already been paid for so we will probably be going (and using Option 2 for that trip as a trial run). Taking some inspiration from the "Walt Not Woke" dad, I may make my own shirt using my Woke Disinvestney logo above.  

What ever we do, we will always cherish the memories we were able to make.

The wife and I taking a boatride from Disney Springs to Port Orleans French Quarter for their famous Mickey Beignets.

My brother and me at this year's Flower & Garden festival at Epcot.

My kids and grandbabies...

December, 2021 at Chef Mickey's (my grandbabies and their cousins) Eagle eyes may spot Mr & Mrs DaBlade in the background on this one :)

We literally have hundreds and hundreds of like pictures taken in the last 3 years during our Disney vacations. Gonna miss it...

Bye Disney.

 

It has been 111 days since my last blog post

 Yes, I checked my math on my wood abacus. 

A quick impromptu poll... should I start back blogging on a semi-irregular schedule again, or stay in a semi-lucid retirement state?  Just comment on this post either "Yah" or "Yes". (I will even accept obvious lengthy spam comments that never even mention the post these bots are replying to and assume these as "Si'".

Stay tuned for the surprising results!  

The First Thanksgiving, as told to the drunks lining the bar by AOC.

Long before the white dogs came to the United States, the area was inhabited by many Native American tribes. These native people lived in peace and spent their days dancing and singing and planting trees. They didn't pollute the land or water. They didn't own anything and were happy about it. 

One day, a ship called the Mayflower filled with white supremacists and Proud Boys landed somewhere near Kenosha, Wisconsin. 

They immediately began to throw toilet paper at the indigenous people's homes, which is why they call it tee peeing.

Then Chief Thomas Rainwater invited Captain Dutton and the invaders to share in their meal of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. 

The mostly peaceful Native Americans waited on the white devils 'hand and moccasin', and for a short time, peace and harmony returned to the pristine land. 

A short time later, the whiteys massacred all of the natives and stole the land. The climate immediately began to change.

THE END