Monday, January 30, 2017

The Terminal II - Extreme Vetting

The Terminal II - Extreme Vetting is about a traveler with a fraudulent birth certificate who arrives at New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport, only to find that his passport is suddenly no longer valid due to President Donald Trump’s immigration ban. He is no longer permitted to either enter the country or return home as he is now considered to be stateless. He meets fellow unfortunate illegal immigrant, Viktor, and they decide to settle in at a closed off section of the terminal living on peanuts and handouts from the occasional passersby. They mutually decide not to break out of the terminal but wait patiently until he can legally enter the United States.

This is their 8-year story...

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Trump's Extreme Vetting Syrian Pita Bread Recipe

 Trump's Extreme Vetting Syrian Pita Bread in 4 Easy Steps

1. THE FOUR-MONTH HOLD: Set your pizza stone on the bottom rack and preheat the oven to a four-month hold. Absolutely no ingredients go into the oven for four months. This is just a temporary oven ban until can figure out what is going on. We only want the best ingredients. Believe me. Set up a safe zone in a bowl, and combine the best water and the best yeast and let stand until foamy, about 10 minutes. It's gonna be great.

2. STRINGENT SCREENING PROCESSES:  Pulse the flour with the salt in a food processor, OK? Add the yeast mixture with some warm milk and process the dough into a ball. Then knead it on some flour. Rough it up a bit. I will defer to General Mattis on how rough to get with the dough ball. But do I feel it works? Absolutely, I feel it works.

Transfer the dough to a holding area in a bowl with some olive oil. cover the bowl with plastic wrap - maybe give it another jab - and let the dough rise in a warm, dark place in solitary confinement for about 1 hour. Then it will want to talk. Believe me. It's gonna be abolutely fantastic.

3. EXTREME VETTING: Dust a work surface with flour and turn on the heat lamps. You don't want your mixture getting too comfortable. Punch down the dough and separate them into 16 individual balls. Then flatten into 6-inch rounds and let rise until puffy... We have to do it. Something like 25 minutes. It's gonna be phenomenal.

4. RESETTLEMENT: slide 4 of the rounds onto the hot pizza stone at a time and bake for about 5 minutes. Pass the time in your personal tanning bed... Cook until the pitas puff up (or your skin is a beautiful orange hue). Serve hot or wrap in foil to keep warm.

Friday, January 27, 2017

The Ghosts and Mr Muir

This was EPIC!
Trump Slams Mainstream Media for Not Covering March for Life
MUIR: Let me just ask you while we’re standing outside, could you hear the voices from the Women’s March here in Washington? We know there were more than a million people who turned out, and you are their president now too.

TRUMP: That’s true.

MUIR: Could you hear them from the White House?

TRUMP: No, I couldn’t hear them. The crowds were large, but you will have a large crowd on Friday, too, which is mostly pro-life people. You’re going to have a lot of people coming on Friday. And I will say this, and I didn’t realize this. But I was told. You will have a very large crowd of people. I don’t know as large or larger. Some people said it will be larger. Pro-life people and they say the press doesn’t cover them.

MUIR: I don’t want to compare crowd sizes again. I – I—I–

"I don’t want to compare crowd sizes again. I – I—I–"

BLOG: Let me just ask you this, Mr Muir... Can YOU hear the voices? There are almost 52 million of them. 52 million individual voices crying out for justice. Now do you hear them? It's not hard if you try.

Of course, they are now ghost voices, Mr Muir - so you have to use your own heart and soul to hear them. That makes it a little harder to hear. Impossible to hear if you're life is based on falsehoods, and ignoring Truth has become a habit of yours.

Prayer for Aborted Babies
Heavenly Father,
Thou hast given us the gift of freedom
to love and to follow in Thy ways and commands.
Some parents choose to abuse this freedom
by destroying the gift of life
which Thou hast given to their offspring.
Please forgive those who destroy human life
by aborting their unborn babies.
Give these unborn children the opportunity
to enjoy Thee for all eternity,
if it according to Thy ordinance.
Assist me in being one in solidarity with Thy little ones
by taking to heart the words of Thy Son,
"whatever you did for one of these least brothers of Mine,
you did for Me." (Mt. 25:40)
Therefore, allow me today, Father,
to adopt spiritually an unborn child
and to offer my prayers, works,
joys and sufferings for that little one,
so that child will be able to be born and live
for Thy greater honor and glory.
We pray this in Jesus' name,
in union with the Holy Spirit one God forever and ever.


Thursday, January 26, 2017

Madeleine Albright in New Super Bowl Coke Commercial

Madeleine Albright 'ready to register as Muslim' over refugee suspension

"I was raised Catholic, became Episcopalian and found out later my family was Jewish. I stand ready to register as Muslim in #solidarity." 

"So in a nutshell, I have no idea what I believe. Or where I am, for that matter..."

 The Hill reported that she is following in feminist icon Gloria Steinem’s vow to become Muslim if there is ever a registry.

 Pleeeease! Someone start this registry.

Remember when Albright Declared there was 'A Special Place in Hell' for Women Who Don't Vote Clinton? Wasn't that great?


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Captain Kirk Meets Ashley Judd

Where no man would ever want to go...
(WARNING! Captain Kirk's restraint is painful, and this blog refuses to believe that Picard would have suffered this assault as long...)

Apparently, this nasty woman's rant has caused a Judd Family Feud!

Monday, January 23, 2017

Kellyanne versus Chuck Todd - Round 2

CHUCK: Let me start by saying thank you to Kellyanne Conway, counselor to President Trump, for agreeing to this "do over" after yesterday's contentious leftwing agenda-driven interview.

KELLYANNE: Well, you did agree to get to the substance and the actual issues confronting the new administration, so I'm happy to finally do that.

 CHUCK: Excellent, then let's get started. The graphic on the screen is just a random picture of ants. I know it's a very small and petty thing, but How many ants would you say there are?

KELLYANNE: I'm sure I have no idea. Ultimately I don't believe an ant colony's success can be judged by the number of ants in your picture. I think they're judged by their accomplishments. But I thought we were going to be discussing the dismantling of obamacare, and...

CHUCK: The average number of ants in an ant hill is approximately 700,000. That's less than HALF the 1.8 million people who attended President Barack Obama’s first inauguration in 2009. Does that surprise you, Kellyanne?

KELLYANNE: Chuck, I mean, can we talk about President Trump's plans to rebuild this economy and getting Americans back to work? Or how about his planned executive order that defunds International Planned Parenthood? Maybe we could discuss his desire to move the U.S. embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem?

CHUCK: Do you believe it undermines the credibility of the entire White House Press Office on day one if the press secretary doesn't know how many M&M's are in this jar? Would you say there are  more or less than the number of people who attended Trump's inauguration?

KELLYANNE: I'd say, "Less".

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Madonna Blows Up White House Inflatable Bounce House!

Madonna in Secret Service probe over ‘BLOWING UP White House rant'
Wearing a black p***y hat, she repeatedly dropped the F-bomb and then told the audience she had considered “blowing up the White House”.
I thought those hats were supposed to be pink? Madonna must have dragged her through the mud a few times too many, and...

We interrupt this blog for a word from our sponsor, Madonna's White House Bounce House! (with washed-up ex-pop icon, Madonna)
Planning a bachelor party and want to do something unique? Introducing Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House! What better way to keep a crowd of grow a$$ed men entertained than with the rental of this commercial grade bounce house able to withstand an up-and-down all-niter? Our polyurethane walls can even accommodate a 500lb donkey without the seams splitting!

But wait! Why spend a few hundred dollars for a High-Velocity Commercial Grade Utility Blower to blow up your White House Bouncy House and to keep it inflated when you can get Madonna for free? That's right! If you act now, we'll throw in the use of this washed-up pop star from the 80s absolutely free!!

Q: How do these inflatables work?
A: All inflatable bounce houses depend on continuous airflow, and Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House is no different. Our equipment includes our patented high pressure hose able to withstand hurricane force winds. Just hand Madonna your thick gauged blowing tube and stand back!

Q: Can she over inflate?
A: We never say never, but every inflatable is made of breathable material to allow air to pass thru. Do not be alarmed with air flowing thru seams as well.

Q: How many people can use a Bounce House at one time?
A: Madonna's backyard White House Bounce House has yet to find her limit.

Q: Will your bounce house collapse during use or be soft?
A: Each Inflatable is different. However, Madonna personally gives this guarantee: "I am good. I’m not a douche and I’m not a tool. I take my time, I, uh, have a lot of eye contact."

Meh. I think I'd rather use my bicycle pump.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

The Year 1AD of the new Trumpian Calendar

It was the first day of the new year 1 AD ("After Donald") and there was a lot to rebuild after the pillage and destruction from the previous 8 years from 8BC through 1BC ("Barack's Change").

The new president inherits a country severely divided. The media has been complicit in the continued indoctrination of these masses, taking up where the state schools and institutions of higher 'learning' have left off.

Half the population is so confused they aren't even sure which bathroom they are supposed to use. They have spent the last several decades trying to normalize and streamline mental illness. They worship the environment, and the mutilated and dismembered corpses of their offspring are their sacrament.

And Barack Obama was their ultimate Caesar. He spent 8 years in his Colosseum of Change, giving a thumbs up to cop killers and Black Lives Matter, anti-Semites, moozlim clerics, 3rd world dictators, the LGBTQ and sometimes Y community, Eco terrorist, illegal aliens, dead babies, low esteem #Bernie snowflakes and the rest of the statist America-haters; while giving a thumbs down to God, guns and our constitution.

And then there's moi' and the rest of us.

Now don't get me wrong. I LIKE change. Change has been very, very good to me. Sometimes I actually WANT change. When I am at a vending machine and I am really thirsty, I want change. When I am parked in front of a parking meter on a busy downtown street, I want change. When I have an unfortunate occurrence of cheese a$$ on a hot summer day, I want change.

And when I have been subjected to 8 years of tyranny from the obama statist machine, I want CHANGE BACK.

"Hey obama, now that you're out of work, be a doll and go get me a coke, some coins for the meter... and wash my shorts."

Lincoln once famously said that a house divided against itself cannot stand. Well if that's the case, I say, "All democrats meet out on the back deck immediately for participation trophies and free stuff!"

Friday, January 20, 2017

Inauguration Day and a Peaceful Transfer of Power

Obamabot Declares Martial Law in Magic Kindom

Chattering Teeth News - On the day when Donald Trump is to be sworn in as the 45th POTUS, chaos broke out at Disney World's Liberty Square when the Barack Obama animatronic declared martial law in the Hall of Presidents attraction. Authorities believe this 'nuts and bolt-less' coup was an inside job and that the obamabot had help - as a large rat with white gloves, a buck-toothed hound and a pants-less duck in a sailor's coat (believed to be an ex-college roomie of obama's) were spotted fleeing the scene.

When word had spread through the park that the obamabot planned to extend his 8-year term, Frontierland temporarily seceded from the Kingdom. When the Country Bears who led this resistance later learned that obamabot's character coup had failed and order was restored, the bears went back to pickin' their banjos and resuming their jamboree.

Park authorities, now under the direction of the Washingtonbot, the Lincolnbot and the Reaganbot, have put out an all-points bulletin to be on the lookout for the dastardly obamabot. So far, he has eluded capture.

The obamabot has disappeared,  virtually melting into his surroundings like a chameleon. Where could he be?

When the Washingtonbot, the Lincolnbot and the Reaganbot were asked what they planned to do with the obamabot once he was found - they all promised he would be subjected to a well-deserved and "peaceful transfer of power".

THE END (It's O-ver!!!!)

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Wednesday, January 18, 2017


Chattering Teeth News - In what seems to be a parting shot to conservatives, President Barack Obama on Tuesday granted clemency to iconic entertainer Carol Channing just 2 weeks shy of her 96th birthday. Channing is an actress, singer, dancer and comedian extraordinaire with a distinctively exuberant voice who has appeared on Broadway and numerous films.

She is perhaps best known for her starring role in Hello, Dolly!, but has also been called "a gay man’s fantasy figure" and drag queen hero.

This blog has no idea why Germans Love David Hasselhoff, or why Jerry Lewis was so popular in France, but I can take a wild guess as to why the drag queens love Carol Channing - she is a relatively easy woman for a man to imitate. This is probably the reason why Barrack Obama decided to shorten her prison sentence. I imagine Obama donning a wig and standing in front of one of his countless house mirrors while doing an imitation of Carol.

When Channing was asked if she believed if her drag impersonators get it right, she responded, "Every time I see someone impersonate me, I can't help but think I must have a hormonal imbalance. Johnny Depp has said he wants to play me in a movie. Wouldn't that be great? People say, 'But he is a man,' but it doesn't surprise me at all. I can’t remember the last time one of my impersonators didn't have a 5 o'clock shadow."

Obama's love of the drag queens is no secret (He is allegedly married to one). However, this blog has absolutely no idea that this 95-year-old actress was in a high security prison - or what she possibly could have done to land there. I suspect her performances on The Love Boat in the 80s may have finally caught up with her, and...

[covers blog's ears]
***whisper*** ***whisper*** ***whisper***

I am now getting a report that President Obama did not shorten the prison sentence of CAROL CHANNING, but rather some fella named CHELSEA MANNING.

This is embarrassing... This blog has no idea who Chelsea Manning, is, or what team he plays quarterback, but this new information may call into question this post's main assertion that Obama has an affinity for the drag queens, and...

[covers blog's ears]
***whisper*** ***whisper*** ***whisper***

My pet squirrel and blog producer has just shown me a bio and photo of this Chelsea Manning fella. [reading] Blah, blah, blah, and "Chelsea Manning's treachery put American lives at risk and exposed some of our nation's most sensitive secrets..."

Hmmm. A drag queen responsible for damaging our national security? Sounds like an obama wet dream. No blog correction required. Carry on.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Obama's Moving Day Hidden Picture Puzzle

Can you find them all???
Speaking of moving day, Obama found some help!
I meant George in Nairobi.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Oldies But Goodies Monday (Countdown = 4)

A look back at civil rights giant, John Lewis, doing what he does best... ZZzzzz

Remember when the WH gay chef opening topped the news cycle? There are a few more openings getting filled this week (and I'm not talking about Bill Clinton's interns)

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Crocheted Crotch Cat Caps - and other "C" words

In case there was any doubt that liberal women are certifiably nuts...

Pussyhat Project has hot pink yarn flying off Michigan shelves
The sudden popularity in this particular shade, yarn shop owners say, is due to the Pussyhat Project, a national effort to flood the nation's capital with women wearing pink, cat-ear hats at the Women's March on Washington on Jan. 21.

The project's goal is to make a visual statement on the first day of President-elect Donald Trump's administration to show that women stand united when it comes to protecting their rights, said the Pussyhat Project's cofounder, Jayna Zweiman.

"It's about the knitting, but it's also about so much more," Zweiman said, noting that hats can be hand knit, crocheted or sewn. They used the term "pussyhat" for the project as a play on words referencing the way Trump bragged about groping unsuspecting women.

Yes, because all liberal women and Hillary Clinton supporters care about is what Donald Trump SAID, not what sexual predator and accused rapist, Bill Clinton actually DID.

But I want to be sensitive to these liberal women's concerns, so I visited the official website to see how I could get involved. And found this?
We love the clever wordplay of “pussyhat” and “pussycat,” but yes, “pussy” is also a derogatory term for female genitalia. We chose this loaded word for our project because we want to reclaim the term as a means of empowerment. In this day and age, if we have pussies we are assigned the gender of “woman.” Women, whether transgender or cisgender, are mistreated in this society. In order to get fair treatment, the answer is not to take away our pussies, the answer is not to deny our femaleness and femininity, the answer is to demand fair treatment. A woman’s body is her own. We are honoring this truth and standing up for our rights.

Cisgender? I admit not knowing what this word meant so I looked it up. The definition said, "Not Obama".

OK, this convinced me to take you whackjobs ladies(?) seriously, so I took you up on your appeal to make you a hat for the march.
Pro tip, ladies. REAL women don't murder their babies. You want to march, then do it for an honorable cause. March For Life.

Here's your hat.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Is Disney Updating the Hall of Presidents With A Meryl Streep Bot Instead of A Trump Bot?

Official Magic Kingdom Update

The Hall of Presidents
The Hall of Presidents will be closed for refurbishment from January 17 through June 29, 2017. Please check back later for updates.

Unofficial reaction:
Wha!? Disney's presidential robot show is down until the end of June? After Trump won the election, Disney posted that the Presidents Hall of Fame would closed for refurbishments on January 17 through January 29, 2017. Why the 5 month extension? It just so happens that Chattering Teeth News has just received a super secret Russian dossier that seems to explain this sudden change of plans.

Apparently, the Imagineers had already spent 6 months constructing the Hillarybot in anticipation of her election. Day and night was spent in a labor of love by these progressve Imagineers in order to create the most realistic presidential bot to date. It's state-of-the-art animatronics programming called for sporadic and frequent coughing fits, as well as stage stumbles meant to pleasantly surprise the audience.

Trump's election changed their plans. However, despite reports to the contrary, they will not be adding a Trump-bot to take center stage. Instead, they will be constructing a Meryl Streep robot that they plan to unveil later this summer.

Unlike the real Meryl Streep, her animatronic counterpart will have actual acting ability - at least that is the Imagineer's hope. The Streep-bot will take advantage of the captive audience by spewing hateful anti-American and communist rhetoric (otherwise known as the democrat platform).

Can't wait.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Chattering Teeth 10-Day Forecast

BREAKING: Climate Change Front expected in 10 days!

Awwww. The poor Pamphleteer will soon be back out in the cold.

Monday, January 9, 2017

I apologize in advance for this highly offensive graphic

Hmmm. Grama Ruth's "greens" fried in bacon grease.
And everything my mom ever made for me.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Woman Worships Cardboard Cutout of Obama

It appears this Illinois woman can't bear to see President Obama leave office — so she's taking him with her wherever she goes. - (She) has become well-known on the streets of Chicago for carrying around a life-sized cardboard cutout of President Obama... "I take [him] with me whenever I can. He actually folds up so it's very travel friendly."

Yes. we've found that the actual obama folds at the waist rather easily in a full treasonous bow when in the presence of third-world dictators and despots.

How times have changed. I remember back when the cardboard cutout of obama lead in the Chattering Teeth polls.

BTW, guess who else loves his life size obama cardboard cutout? That's right! The narcissist-in-chief himself!
I only wish this cardboard cutout was more forthcoming on how it spent those lost 13 hours during the Benghazi attacks. Was he 'napping' too?

Enuff snarkasm. Back to the bimbo with the corrugated cardboard crony:
"I was raised by a single mother, and to me, Barack Obama meant that possibilities exist," (the woman) explained. "Things were possible, and dreams could really come true."

How'd that hopey changey treat ya, lady? As for being "raised by a single mother," I say God Bless her - but obama would have had her just kill you in the womb. 

"People get really excited about this Barack Obama cut out," she said, explaining that people often approach her, and tell her their own experiences relating to Obama's presidency. "He's gotten a lot of damage because people just want to hold him, and carry him, and hug him."

...Or throw him in the recycling bin, I imagine. Well, my friends, our version of BOXING DAY is almost here. If box cutters could be responsible for taking down the towers, they certainly can handle this cardboard obamanation.

And that's the memo.

IN OTHER NEWS - Finally, after several years of outcry regarding this long-running show that has left a bloody trail of victims, his time is coming to an end. The reign of this  half black, half white killer with the funny name is almost over.

Sale of Shamu's Cardboard Stand-Up for $34.99 are expected to be brisk. Get yours now for the short time he is still performing.

Wha? WhoDidJa think I meant?

Friday, January 6, 2017

Uncle Sam Bound & Tortured For Last 8 Years By Chicago Thug Almost Free

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Throughout the last 8 years, the victim has been held hostage, repeatedly kicked and hit, all while he is tied up with his mouth taped shut. He was only released temporarily for short times in order to make him drink toilet water and suffer other untold indignations. The perpetrator encouraged other despots, dictators and third-world thugs to kick and abuse our unfortunate victim.

"Well, no more," thought the victim, as he had almost cut through the ropes that bound him. He would be completely free again in 2 weeks, "then we'll see what's what..."

Who could be responsible for this unprovoked and repeated assault?
Uncle Sam the latest victim "Point-em-out, Knock-em-out"
I was walking home alone through the National Mall last evening in my black patent leather shoes, neatly pressed red and white striped trousers, navy-blue tailcoat with the lapels trimmed in red and white stripes, and feeling well at ease under my matching Ten-Gallon bucket hat banded in white stars. I was minding my own business and whistling the Spangled Banner, when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end...

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Obamas Offered "Cash For Keys" To Vacate White House Early

What is "Cash for Keys"?
If foreclosure is imminent, and you are considering a deed in lieu of foreclosure, some lenders are willing to offer “Cash for Keys,” whereby the lender will actually pay you to vacate the home in a timely fashion. The money you receive in exchange is intended to pay for your relocation costs.

No, no, no... The money paid to you IS NOT out of the goodness of the bank's heart and motivated by their desire to "aid your relocation costs." It is made as a ransom and contractual agreement that the occupant will accept consideration in exchange for leaving early and to NOT TRASH the home they would be losing anyway.

While the Obama's may not have a mortgage on the White House, they will never-the-less be losing this home and forced to vacate in less than 3 weeks. Should taxpayers fund the Cash for Keys program to kick the Obamas out a little early? What's another $Trillion stimulus associated with this administration? NAH! What are the odds that the Obamas will trash the White House?


Obama's to host one final bash at the White House on Friday
President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama will host a goodbye party for close friends and major donors Friday, according to a person with knowledge of the marquee affair. The Obamas themselves confirmed during an interview with People Magazine last month that they’d have one final bash at the White House. The president told a young fan that they’d have a “grown up” party before packing their bags.
"grown-up party?

At least Obama will finally be responsible for shovel-ready jobs.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Obama's Upcoming Farewell Speech - the most eagerly awaited speech of the last 8 years

Obama Plans Farewell Speech From Chicago
(This is ONE obama speech I am eagerly awaiting.)
HONOLULU — President Obama will give a farewell address next week from Chicago, his hometown, most likely his last chance to defend his legacy directly to the country before Donald J. Trump is sworn in, the White House announced on Monday.

...He added: “So I hope you’ll join me one last time. Because, for me, it’s always been about you.”

Wait... did he really say that? It's always been about who?
OK, makes perfect sense now.

Per a quick google search, Obama used the pronouns "I" and "me" and the adjective "my"--199 times in a speech he delivered in 2014 vowing to use unilateral executive action to achieve his policy goals that Congress would not enact through the normal, constitutional legislative process.

He referred to himself 45 times during his speech at a memorial service in Dallas for the five slain police officers.

Obama referenced himself 119 times when endorsing Hillary AT HER convention.

In fact, it has been documented that "President Narcissism" refers to himself once every 12 SECONDS on average in a 40 minute speech.

By contrast, President Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address was only 272 words and did not include any form of the first person singular.

Mr. Obama said in the email that he was “just beginning to write my remarks.”

I'm thinking this could make a fun "Over/Under" wager pool. Shall I set the odds at "200" for the number of times Obama refers to himself in this speech? Any "under" takers?