Thursday, April 30, 2015

Baltimore mom now Slaps Obama - Thank You, From a Grateful Nation

Toya Graham, the Baltimore mom caught on video slapping her son and pulling him out of the riot, has made the news again. This time for roughing up Obama, guaranteeing her the "Mother of the Year" award.

"He has been embarrassing himself," she said.

Today's blog inspired by Ed (Not of this World), who will be sent monthly checks from here on for his portion of the Chattering Teeth Blog Ad Revenues generated from our print product. You have my word on this, Ed!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

More Dreams of my Fodder

Obama curled up on the first couch after dinner for a nap. A bit of undigested Consomme En Croute and Wagyu Beef Tenderloin caused him to dream....
What would it take to wake our slumbering president, napping while the world burns??


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Democrat Party - Giving voters who wish to destroy, space to do that

SHOCKING PHOTOS OF DETROIT After the riots last night in Baltimore.

Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake admitted in a press conference on Sunday: that she asked the Baltimore Police Department to “give those who wished to destroy space to do that.” Why is this woman not leading the negotiations with Iran?

Friday, April 24, 2015

California Water Crisis Solved

Governor Jerry Brown sat on his tie dye beanbag chair, his bony and hairless legs protruding from his bath robe as he watched the latest MSNBC coverage of the California water crisis.

He emanated an overpowering putrescence due to the fact he hadn't taken a shower in over a month, a practice of his long before any water shortage emergency.  Like all liberal progressives, Governor Brown was clinically insane.

Three weeks had passed since he ordered mandatory water reductions of 25%, and now he was learning that San Francisco has been using potable water to heat City Hall.

"Potable? I don't know what the f*^@% potable water is, but if I find out it was water that had been rationed for use in my medical marijuana fields, SOME HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!!," yelled Brown at his TV and the news broadcast.

But the anchor had already moved on to the next bit of utopic progressive splendor regarding California's intention to grant health benefits to illegals under a new amnesty plan. And THAT's when Governor Brown had an idea. An awful idea. The Governor got a wonderful, *awful* idea!

Brown grabbed a crayon and began to scribble on the wall as he brainstormed out loud.

* There are 2.6 million illegal immigrants living in California.

* The average human is comprised of approximately 60% water.

* the average weight is 185 pounds.

so, 2,600,000 illegals X 185lbs x .60 = 288,600,000 pounds of water

* If 1 Pound of water = 0.12 Gallons [US]

Then illegals hold a combined total of 288,600,000 x 0.12, or 34,632,000 Gallons of water!

"That's a good start," giggled Brown. "That's enough water to keep my pot plants healthy, as well as keeping President Obama's favorite golf course nice and green. Besides. Sacrificing a few million innocent people for convenience sake never stopped a good democrat."

"But we'll need an unending supply of freshly squeezed agua for drinking of course," thought Brown. "Montezuma's revenge be damned!"

Obama to Allow Illegal Aliens to Literally Ride Into U.S. on Giant Conveyor Belts

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Spherical Earth Day Theory

Happy Earth Day from here in mid Michigan, where we are expecting the temperature to reach a "high" of 42 degrees. The historical data reflects an average high to reach 60 degrees around these parts on this date. THAT'S AN EIGHTEEN DEGREE DECREASE! CLIMATE CHANGE IS HERE!! I plotted this on an XY line graph and was SHOCKED to discover that Swartz Creek Michigan will be 180 DEGREES COLDER IN JUST 10 YEARS!!

That is, unless we act fast by taking these steps!
1) Abolish the IRS - dismantle the tax code and replace with a fair, flat tax.
2) Restore the Constitution of the United States.
3) Throw Obama in an alligator pit.

Fat chance on the first two, but there is still a small chance for number three. In fact, the only way I would ever go to an obama speech is if he were delivering it from within a pen of live and hungry alligators.

President Obama marks Earth Day on Wednesday by traveling to the Florida Everglades to promote his climate change agenda.

The speech highlights a week actions devoted to climate change, built around the celebration of Earth Day *Blah *Blah *blah...

Here is an excerpt of today's speech at Everglades National Park:

OBAMA: Fun fact. Many baby alligators never make it to adulthood, as their elders eat them. In fact, young gators are a perfect bite to eat for large gator adults. Studies show that between 6 percent and 7 percent of juvenile gators become dinner. This practice helps control the cold-blooded reptile population and to keep the swamp pristine. I know if my daughters made a mistake, I wouldn't want them punished with a baby gator.

*CHOMP* Hey! uhhhh.... Let go my leg!

Chattering Teeth Earth Day celebrations from years past (with my fav clips)

What is this "Earth Day"?

Many worshippers of Earth Day apparently pray to a deity figure called Gaia, or Mother Earth. I'm not sure if she is a drug-induced hallucination, a bit of undigested potatoe, or Al Gore in drag. But in any case, all I can say is, "Gaia, you go girl"! From The greenwoman:
Gaia is our earth mother, who nourishes, heals, and teaches us. At The Gaia School we believe that our teacher is the earth itself. Through developing a deeper connection to the earth we heal ourselves- mind, body, and soul. Gaia is our guide, her spirit supporting us through our life walk. Her hands- the trees, plants, and animals, all her many voices here to teach and guide us back to wholeness. We work with the spirits of Gaia to find our way back to union with her and all of life.

How to Celebrate Earth Day for the Uninitiated (and Feel wholly anthropocentrically cleansed)

DISCLAIMER: Garbage is defined as any discarded item thrown out by a capitalist, including but not limited to worn or broken household items, leftover packaging, uneaten non-vegan foodstuffs, or other items resulting from capitalist consumption. Garbage DOES NOT include Earf-friendly items such as dirty drug needles, spent roaches, stacks of discarded and bloodied unwanted fetuses with severed spines, etc., and also the following: Any item purchased with any form of government transfer payment, including but not limited to Social Security, welfare, food stamps, unemployment compensation, etc.  

Friday, April 17, 2015


“Chewie... We’re home.”

Great. A new Star Wars movie. I saw the Revenge Attack of The Phantom Menace Sith Clone thingys... and for that reason, I'm out!

I loved the original trilogy. I also loved Pong. However, some things should stay in the past so we can remember them as they were.

Why drag things out from the past, now all smelly and wrinkly, and try to dust them off and prop them up?

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Hillary appears lifelike in campaign video

Hillary Clinton announced this past Sunday that she was running for president.

Here's what some of Hillary's 2 million fake Twitter followers are saying about her campaign rollout...

They did a wonderful job... She appears so lifelike...

I'll say. I can barely smell her any more.

I just hope the wax doesn't melt under the lights...

you'd think that was a real nose if you didn't know where to look.

Someone needs to slip in there and loosen the screw in her navel to let some gas out before the mourners arrive

They really did an excellent job, especially since she's been lying there since the 90s.

HILLARY - I'm waddling running for president. Everyday Americans need a Bimbo Eruption champion, and I want to be that champion.

So what say we go get some burritos!? Who's driving? One of the regrets I have about my public life is that I can't drive any more... or go out in public without being mobbed by admirers...

PICTURED: Hillary buys a burrito at Chipotles. Doesn't tip because none of the kids recognized her. Note to self: Bus in supporters to act as those "real Americans"...

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I wonder what kind of gaffe mileage Biden gets

After stumbling upon the Ridin' with Biden logo and website yesterday, I couldn't help but fixate on ways to improve it. I kept picturing Joe in a miniature Shriner's parade car.  So, in an attempt to cleanse my mental palette (?)... You be the judge.

The original

The redesign

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Ridin' with Biden, or Tow for Joe?

Are you Ridin' with Biden?

C'mon Plugs, RUN! It wouldn't be the same without ya bro! We have "funny-sad" and "funny-scary" covered in the dimbocrat field. We need your special brand of "funny-funny".

This is not the official Biden logo, should he decide to run. He is currently working on a prototype and promised more flames and 3d arrows than any of the other logos out there. He is working with balls of red, white and blue yarn, but says he will not announce his run until he gets all those knots untangled.

Monday, April 13, 2015

State Dep’t Clarifies Hillary’s Muddled Campaign Announcement stating she has "Fought Children"

Hillary Says She’s ‘Fought Children And Families All Her Career’ in Campaign Announcement

You may remember State Department political apologist Marie Harf's performance just last week in explaining what Obama meant to say in a recent NPR interview when he got 'a Little Mixed Up' in admitting his Iran deal assured them of getting nukes.

Miss Harf is back, having been hired by Hillary to help her with an expected unending litany of gaffes. Lets listen in to her press conference and the downloading of talking points to the state-controlled media on what Hillary's campaign announcement meant to say.

"Outside of a hand full of underage female White House interns during her husband's presidency, Hillary has not fought children and families All her career," stated miss Barf.

That campaign message was "a little mixed up” and “a little muddled,” and Hillary was referring to a hypothetical future state of affairs in which she is somehow not elected president in 2016.

"If I'm cheated out of the presidency again, the gloves are coming off! Unless you vote for me in 2016, I will personally kick your children's a$$es!," slurred Hillary.

The State Department blames Hillary's irrational statements on the lingering effects of her cankle accident. "If you've ever tripped and fallen while dodging imaginary Bosnian gunfire - hitting your head on your club-like cankle which resulted in a subdural hematoma of the transverse sinus venous thrombosis, you know how painful that can be."

Sunday, April 5, 2015


From Amen Corner. The Master is risen!
Who's on your leader board?

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Pet Rocks Psychology Center

Gary Ross Dahl, the creator of the wildly popular 1970s fad the Pet Rock, has died at age 78.
The smooth stones came packed in a cardboard box containing a tongue-in-cheek instruction pamphlet for "care and feeding." Dahl estimated he had sold 1.5 million of them at roughly $4 each by the time the fad fizzled. The Pet Rock required no work and no time commitment.

I was 14 years old at the time Pet Rocks appeared on the scene, so obviously, I was not of the age to participate in this fade.

In fact, regular readers of this blog know quite well that I did not start talking to rocks until my college years, and by then these beauties were no longer available for sale. *sigh*

It might be hard for today's generation of "yutes" to comprehend just what the heck was the draw for those who purchased these inanimate Pet Rocks. Kids would lock themselves in their bedrooms, stroking and talking to their Pet Rock, sometimes sharing their innermost fears with them or just the latest school gossip. How sad that such a large percentage of lonely kids in the 70s fooled themselves with this illusion of friendship and isolated them from reality.

Thank goodness for social media, right kids?

R.I.P. Mr Dahl. You were a marketing genius. I can't help but wonder how he would have fared with this idea in front of the Shark Tank.
 Full Disclosure: While I never owned a Pet Rock, I did have Sea Monkeys and an Ant Farm.