Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Did that mean orange man hurt your feelings?

Biden IS the face of the democrat party, after Trump was through with him.

A little stream of consciousness from DaBlade... 

Did that mean orange man hurt your feelings? F&*k your feelings, and f&*k that nasty old stumbling fool, Joe Biden, and that political hack of a so-called moderator, turned Biden debate tag team partner, Chris Wallace. There is a country to save. Be part of the solution or get the hell out of the way. 

If you're still confused before or after this debate as to who you're voting for, then let me just say that, "you ain't American."

The leftist marxist BLM and anitfa are rioting and looting in our cities and Wallace wants to know if Trump will condemn white supremacists? What a Jackass. 

Forests are burning because of liberal democrat policies and Wallace wants to know if Trump will now embrace global warming? What a complete and utter jackass.

It is a very dangerous world. President Trump has kept us out of wars, has been bringing our troops home, and all the while staring down the barrel of a rebuilt military at the likes of a very evil Russia and China and keeping them in check. He didn't send planes with pallets of cash to our enemies. 

Who wants to return to the obama days of surrender to our enemies and endless apology tours? Did Wallace ask even one question regarding foreign policy? Did Wallace even ask one serious question? "Did you pay $750 in taxes?" "Will you wear a mask?"... Give me a break!

Remember that "Quid pro quo" bs? The real corruption was from from Joe and his son, Hunter. I thought Trump did a great job giving Biden a face wash with that, and his corrupt dealings with the Ukraine prosecutor. The half of the audience who watch MSNBC, CNN or the other democrat propaganda fronts probably didn't even know what he was talking about, having never heard this story before. Good on Trump for shoving this down their throats.

"Will you accept the results of the election? Trump nailed this by reminding Wallace that the leftists never accepted 2016, as evidenced by the weaponizing of Intelligence agencies and the FBI to spy on him, leading to the fake Russia collusion charges and impeachment coup attempt. The largest corruption scandal in our history, yet you're concerned that a billionaire businessman legally used tax laws set up by his opponent?

As for you dipshits that are butthurt that "Trump didn't follow the rules," or that he kept interrupting.... as Butch Cassidy reminds us...  Everyone knows there are no rules in a knife fight.

Monday, September 28, 2020

Debate snippet

 WALLACE: Mr. president, why did you select Amy Coney Barrett?

TRUMP: I wanted to choose a textualist for the Supreme Court. That's a very important word... textualist.

SLEEPY JOE: Excuse me, Chuck...

WALLACE: It's Chris, but anyway.

SLEEPY JOE: What am I saying, Chuck? Stand up, Chuck, let'em see ya! I was just going to say that the senate should wait until after the election when I will get to pick a replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

WALLACE: Since you bring up the subject, where is your list of potential court nominees? Are you afraid they are too radical to announce in advance?

SLEEPY JOE: No, no Chuck. I would also pick a textilist.

TRUMP: A textilist? did you mean a textualist? I knew he should have been made to take a drug test.

WALLACE: Mr. Biden, the president is correct. You said "textilist", which would indicate you wanted a worker in the textile industry for the court. A person who designs, produces and distributes cloth, yarn and clothing as your Justice. 

TRUMP: I think he meant to say that he's a "testicaless".

WALLACE: Mr. Biden, a textualist is someone who adheres strictly to a text. In this case, the constitution. Something democrats abhor.
TRUMP: My textualist uses the best words. This I will tell you.

SLEEPY JOE: Text and words? Why didn't you say so to begin with? It's my lunch time! Clap for that you stupid bastards!

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Trump Selects Coney!

 PICTURED: "Two-up" coney island hotdogs side by side. The Detroit-style coney, with it's runny chili sauce on the left, and the more beautiful and delicious Flint-style coney, with the normal drier (diced beef heart) sauce topping a Koegel's Vienna. What kind of sick maniac would prefer a runny coney that requires a fork!? C'mon, man!

Now on to the news...

If President Trump selects Amy Coney Barrett (ACB) for the Supreme Court, it begs a few follow-up questions.

*Where does ACB stand on the controversial topic of Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys?

*Should there be a litmus test between the two to determine her fitness for office? (Yes. I will be performing numerous tests later today)

*If Amy Coney Barrett selected a Detroit-style coney, would she have to wear a barrett to keep her hair out of the coney sauce?

*If Amy Coney Barrett wore a barrett to eat a coney, would the barrett be a coney barrett?

These are the things that I think about and that keep me up at night... 

Speaking for myself, I am a one-issue voter and cannot ever imagine voting for someone who prefers a Detroit-style coney island over my beloved Flint-style in a head-to-head litmus test.

If you're not from Michigan, you may be woefully ignorant on this hot topic so let me get you up to speed.

DaBlade's Chattering Teeth Blog History of Flint:

For many people, the City of Flint is synonymous with General Motors (as well as for more than a few homicides). However, well before cars started coming off the assembly line here, folks were consuming coney dogs at a voracious clip. We have Greek immigrants to thank for coming here and opening their weiner stands in the early 1900s. We also have the Greeks to thank for the invention of the f*&%ing alarm clock in the 3rd century BC, but bringing coneys here makes up for that fiasco. In fact, these red hot beauties are probably the reason GM located here in the first place, and the "Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys" debate is also probably the cause of so many shootings here.

Flint Workers GM Sit-Down Strike in 1936 Caused by Coney Shortage

...and was only resolved with the arrival of Flint-style coney vendors

So there you have it. If Trump nominates someone other than Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court later today, we may safely assume she did not pass the coney litmus test, and you should not read this post.

But if you check on Etsy, you may still be able to score an Amy Coney Barrett (below)!


Wednesday, September 23, 2020

SHOCK! Trump Taps Gun-Wielding St Louis Woman for High Court

 Chattering Teeth News - President Trump answers the left's call for him to postpone nominating a replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsberg's seat by doubling down and tapping Patricia McCloskey, the gun-wielding woman from St Louis. McCloskey, who with her husband, was the barefoot woman who stared down an angry BLM mob outside their home back in June.

"Patricia will make an outstanding Justice and will protect your Second Amendment rights, this I will tell you," said Trump to DaBlade from CT Blog news in his exclusive interview.

McCloskey has already been to the Court in order to give her seat a deep cleaning from the numerous drool stains and satanic markings. She was last seen bonding with the other two woman on the court. She had Kagan in a head lock was overheard telling a racist joke to the hispanic Sotomayer. "I bet you think Roe V Wade refers to the two options to cross the Rio Grande, dontcha?" 

When Roberts tried to intercede, she pistol whipped him in the temple. It was a light tap, as he was only out for a short time. This is the kind of judicial restraint a great jurist shows. Think about how tempting it would have been to pick off a few of those BLM stragglers threatening to burn their house down.

Now things can finally return to normal...

Monday, September 21, 2020

Saturday, September 19, 2020

M. Night Shyamalan’s The Ninth Seat


Cole Sear from The Sixth Sense is back, but this time he means business.

Cole Sear: I see democrat people. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're brain dead.

Friday, September 18, 2020

Joe Biden new front man for Menudo


Chattering Teeth News - Fumbling, mumbling, stumbling... When Democratic candidate Joe Biden stepped to the podium in Florida fumbling with his phone while mumbling, "hang on here..." - and then "Despacito" began to play while Biden slowly stumbled to and fro - The next Latin dance star was born.

"There you go! Dance a little bit, Joe, c'mon..."

*I catch Biden as he exits a back door into the alley of this Florida venue as he fervently waves to an empty parking lot and the wall of an adjacent building... Forrest Gump never waved as fervently from the boat dock when spotting Lt. Dan.

BLADE: Mister Vice Senator Biden! DaBlade here from the Chattering Teeth Blog. May I ask you a few questions?

JOE: Who am I? Why am I here?

BLADE: Still trying to figure that one out myself. Quickly, before your handlers break through this door brace. Why did you play the 2017 hit song "Despacito" from Fonsi?  

JOE:  I've always loved that Arthur Fonzarelli. I tell you what, man. I don't want to jump a shark here, but if I had the talent of any one of those Happy Days folks, I'd be... I'd be... I'd be elected president in a Harris administration by acclamation.

BLADE: Wrong Fozi, sir. 

JOE: *gives the thumbs up* Ayyyyee!

BLADE: Excuse me, but what are those stains all over your white shirt?

JOE: Oh, that's just my lunch. I had never heard of Despacito before. I thought the young folks back stage with the cold hands and vacant stares told me I would be playing "Gazpacho," and I love cold soup with vegetables. I wouldn't go on stage until they got me some Gazpacho. That's where I learned about roaches. And kids jumping on my lap. And I love kids jumping on my lap...

BLADE: Riiiight. Back to tonight. Why did you play that particular song? Some say that the lyrics are inappropriate.. "I want to breathe your neck slowly - Let me tell you things in your ears - So that you remember when you're not with me - Slowly"

JOE: Well, they wouldn't let me play my first choice. That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

BLADE: Good choice. So is this going to become a regular signature bit at each of your stops?

JOE: When I'm president in a Harris administration, I will mandate social workers go into parent's homes to make sure their kids have their record players on at night so they hear a million, billion more words. C'mon, man!

BLADE: Sir, you will never be president, but I do believe you may have found your special purpose. You can spend the next 4 years of the Trump administration in your basement, singing and dancing your retirement away. May I suggest Desperado by the Eagles...


BLADE: It looks like your friends were able to unlock the alley door and that's all the time we have today. I will leave with this little diddy for your next stop...

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Were Mueller’s team phones wiped with a cloth?

 It would take a criminal mastermind with experience in covering their own electronic tracks in order to coordinate the wiping of Mueller’s team phones. 

Who could have done this?

Friday, September 11, 2020

Joe Biden tries to remember 9/11



CNN's Jim Acosta Says, "This was Lunch Bucket Joe at his best - relating to the little people."

NYT's reporter David Brooks says, "This was real leadership."

MSNBC's Larry O'Donnell says, "STOP THE HAMMERING!"

Here is an excerpt:

As long as I can remember, I will never forget. What we're we discussing? I want to be clear, I’m not going nuts. I’m not sure whether it was the Empire State Building or the Eiffel Tower... 

But it was in New York in the year 2000. (<- Yes, he really did forget)

I have the memory of an elephant... It was big and grey.

C'mon, man! Three million, billion lives lost on 9/11. Do you really feel safer under Donald Bush? Osama Bin Bama has taken this year, just since 9/11, has taken more than 100 years. Look, the lives, when you think about it, more lives this year than any other year for the past 100 years.

Monday, September 7, 2020

Welcome to the Condo Caledonia

I'm sitting on the lone bench in this 8x8 room walled in white cushions. They say that a blind or deaf person adapts to the loss of one of their senses by compensating with more focus and accuity with the senses remaining. I don't know how I know that. I don't even remember my name... Geranium?.. Geranimo?.. Gerard? What I do know is that I can't feel my fingers. My arms have been pulled across my body in a self-hug and these oversized white sleeves are fastened somehow in the back. I hid the pills from that dixie cup under my tongue and spit them out after the large, tattooed nurse left. Sometimes she forgets to check. I can feel my senses returning now... those... horrible memories like worms eating my brain... They're back. I find my red crayon under the bunk. The one I stole from the crafts room the other day. I pick it up with my mouth. I move to the far corner, drop to my knees. Put crayon to flooring and I hum that eerie tune cycling nonstop in my head and begin to document this story. 

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair

Whoever coined the phrase, "You can never go back," must have stayed at this condominium. That had been my intention when planning an overnight trip to visit family in the wealthy district in the city of Grand Rapids. But with everything from The Amway Grand to area Motel 6's booked to capacity, our sights were once again turned dejectedly from the bright, vibrant lights of GR to the darkened underbelly and seedier outskirts of Shag town in Caledonia.

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light

My email spam folder was filled with pleadings from this proprietor insisting that he had rectified the areas of complaint from our last stay, even offering steep discounts, with "expensive $5 downtown parking included" if I picked up the proprietor and his wife's expensive dinner & bar tab".  "Won't you please consider giving the Caledonia Daydreamin another try?" I should have deleted these emails and went instead with that Nigerian Prince fellas multiple offers of laundering his hefty inheritance. I believe it would have been a less risky option.

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night

Nonetheless, I was ultimately drawn in by the proprietor's promise of our trip experience starting with lunch at Founders Brewery, an establishment that has been on my bucket list of musts. I envisioned our host having rented one of those fun looking beer pub cruisers to take us to our reservation at Founders upon our arrival, loading and sitting at the pub cruiser bar stools, drinking, laughing, clapping and singing while being transported to the restaurant... 

And I was thinkin' to myself
'This could be heaven or this could be hell

Instead, when we arrived at the proprietor's establishment, he and his wife jumped into our back seat and I was told to drive. Upon arrival we noticed a long line of masked hipsters on the walkway at the entrance. I was told to 'circle the block' repeatedly while the proprietor's wife tried unsuccessful in securing a table. I was deeply disappointed having my dreams of dining at Founders dashed once again, but the proprietor did find a forgettable alternative. It might have been the drivethru at Popeye's Chicken washed down with a bottle of Ripple from 711, I really don't remember now...

Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way

When we returned to the proprietor's tenement, he stated matter-of-factly that I should remove any valuables from my 2014 Traverse, as it would likely be ransacked during the night. "Those flashy vehicles in these parts are like magnets," he said.

There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

We were then promised a high-end nightcap in the common room and entertainment via a large screen TV with 4k. What I wasn't told was that the sound emanating from the TV sounded like it been piped in directly from the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in the movie Silence of the Lambs. The proprietor bowed several times as he rushed around unplugging and plugging in cables in the router and soundbar, explaining that the geek squad gave him quite the deal on this open-boxed beauty.

Welcome to the Condo Caledonia
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)

I decided to call it a night before the proprietor sprung another leak. I knew he was "accident-prone" and had been since childhood, when he would come home sporting a new contusion from a neighbor's porch post or another broken brittle bone when trying sports with the boys. Heck, he had already required an emergency band aid from his wife earlier in the day, and who's purse seemed to hold all manner of emergency medical supplies, medications, bandages and tourniquets. 

Plenty of room at the Condo Caledonia
Any time of year (any time of year) You can find it here

I'd like to say that at least I had a peaceful night's sleep after having suffered these travesties. I'd like to say that, but as I pulled the covers over my weary body, I noticed my every move was being watched by Woody, Jessie and Mickey Mouse, who seemed to be placed between the two Toy Story dolls as some sort of macabre chaperone on a far chair in the corner of the room. I stifled a scream, not wanting the proprietor to have that "win". At least it was quiet as a tomb, as that clock that had tormented me the previous stay had it's chimes neutered. "So quiet I would be able to hear the dolls make a move," I thought. But just in case, I lay awake the rest of the night watching these dolls unblinkingly watching me. 

And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

I got up around 5:30 the next morning and decided to read in the proprietor's impressive and cozy library. I curled up and with legs overhanging on the small bamboo couch, I inadvertently knocked over a full glass of water that had been set precariously on the floor and out of sight next to one of the back bamboo legs. "Why would he boobytrap his own place?," I thought, as I mopped up the water with paper towels. He wouldn't set a crude water IED so he could try pinning an upcharge on me, would he?

Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice

It was then I noticed the wall clock in this library as it began to chime. It was 6am now, as the clock worked thru it's preamble of chimes... Doo, doo, doo doo.... Doo, doo, doo, dooo. Doo, doo, doo doo.... Doo, doo, doo, dooo.... While I continued to read from my book, the lizard part of my brain was listening very intently to this clock. *GONG*.... *GONG*... (silence)... Wha?! Why did it stop at 2 gongs? Clearly it was 6AM!  I verified as much with my phone... Am I in some kind of space-time warp, and could that explain the strange occurences here? I sat there shivering, while keeping one eye on the darkened corrider so I would see any dolls attempt to surreptitiously round the corner. Before I knew it, an hour had passed. It was now 7AM and the wall clock began it's bizarre cycle once again. And then,  *GONG*.... *GONG*... *GONG*. "At least there is something to say for consistency," I thought, as I sat there quietly sobbing.

And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast

It wasn't long before I was joined by my wife (had she also been sobbing?) as well as the proprietor and his wife. I will say that she put a wonderful breakfast of eggs, sausage & potatoes, toasts and jams in front of us. I reluctantly shared my story of the haunted clock, fearing they would think me mad. It was explained to me that the clock was a retirement  gift from the proprietor's previous employer. I knew he had worked at GM doing something or other, so I figured the clock was just trying to recover some of the time lost from the numerous 7-day weekends and bi-monthly, month-long shutdowns the proprietor enjoyed during his yet-understood career.

They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast

I began to hope that the madness was now behind us, and even answered to the affirmative when asked by the proprietor if I wanted coffee. I chuckled to myself, thinking about the scene from Vacation, when cousin Eddie asked Clark whether he could use a nice cold one... the warm fuzzy feelings lasted until the proprietor pulled out a coffee percolator from his cupboard. It was rusty and dented, and appeared to be from the late 1800s. "Why wouldn't he use an automatic drip," I thought. I immediately felt like Jack, from the movie The Shining, when he encountered all of the ghosts of previous staff of the Overlook hotel. It was then I glanced out the window and let out a blood-curdling scream. For, hanging from the branches of a nearby tree was a teapot amongst various bird houses. And were those dinner plates and silverware hanging from other branches? I had no doubt if I looked hard enough, I would see a BUNN coffee maker hung from a far-off branch like some twisted modern day appliance lynching!

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before

As I exited the door and sprinted toward my vehicle, I stopped and dropped - for like Marty and Doc Brown watching an earlier version of themselves in that parking lot from the movie Back to the Future - I watched in horror an earlier version of my wife and I pulling into the parking space from the day before!

"Relax", said the proprietor
"We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave"