Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Isolation - A Haiku

Bored? Try the Haiku generator. Here was my first try. I liked it so I kept it. The auto praise made me feel loved and appreciated.

Isolation - A Haiku
by DaBlade

For isolation sneezes
betrayed by the loud

Auto Praise for Isolation - A Haiku
"The juxtaposition of isolation and loud is truly inspired."
- The Daily Tale

"I don't like short poems. So why am I reviewing a haiku, you may wonder? Well, I liked the title - 'Isolation'. It went down hill from there."
- Enid Kibbler

"Amazing how so few words can set a scene so perfectly. I close my eyes and all I can see is the coronavirus."
- Hit the Spoof

"I felt that I was an isolation. It was spooky. I hope to read more by DaBlade. Perhaps next time, something longer."
- Zob Gloop

"I've always wanted to write a haiku about an isolation. I can't belive DaBlade has beaten me to it."
- Betty Borison

" coronavirus is a popular first line for a haiku. It's incredible how much diversity can be achieved with those final lines."
- Chris Critic, otherwise known as Cristic

build your own at:

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Trump Quarantines Cuomo

Chattering Teeth News - President Trump backs off on his threat to quarantine the city of New York, and instead just has Governor Cuomo put into a border cage.

PICTURED: This is only concept art photo shopped by VP Pence during a coronavirus task force meeting after the boss blue skyed the idea. Thankfully, Cuomo is not really 3 stories tall or we'd have another "giant monkey loose in downtown NYC" to cover.  His cats, however, ARE reported to be as large as taxis.

“A quarantine will not be necessary,” Trump tweeted Saturday night.... But I didn't like Cuomo's mouth. He's a real dumb guy. A wise guy. So I thought he needed a little time out spent in one of those illegal immigrant cages Obama liked to use at the Mexican border. After Mexico built the wall because of the China virus, and paid for it by the way - just like I promised, these cages weren't being used.

Let me also say that there are plenty of cages for any unappreciative woman governors who are in way over their over-sized foreheads or cutie pie reporters, this I will tell you.

PICTURED: Governor Cuomo takes a nappy as AOC looks on. The combined intellect of these two democrat politicians tends to draw the pigeons, and consequently quite the mess is created on the sidewalk. Not by the pigeons, but by cortez feeding on them while sitting on the curb.

Friday, March 27, 2020

If only in my dreams

Hmmm... I guess they're waiting for me to officially cancel. I've been procrastinating because I really don't want to make it official. Vacation by avoidance.

This was the stateroom I had booked.
I was going to try and upgrade to a room with a veranda.

I was most looking forward to this Skagway excursion: Takshanuk Mountain Trail by 4x4
View cascading waterfalls and beautiful mountain scenery as you head into the heart of Alaska on a 4x4 vehicle.

Thanks, China.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

POP QUIZ: Madonna or GloZell in a Milk Bath?

Seeing 1970s pop star Madonna naked in a milky bathtub of floating rose petals
reminds me of Obama-era YouTube Star GloZell eating cereal from a milky bath of Fruit Loops and Butt Nuggets.  Madonna has declared coronavirus “the great equalizer”  but I think GloZell would disagree.

Rules: There is only one... you must pick one or the other. This is the apocalypse and you need the milk.

By the way, why is Madonna's face look like an over-ripe oriental balloon stretched over the helium nozel at the party store? Did somebody throw a plugged in clothes iron in there with her?

I just hope this $Gazillion dollar stimulus package comes out of the senate with additional cartons of milk for both of these ladies bathtubs. Preferably pasteurized (and over their over-sized pie holes)

Friday, March 20, 2020

Wuhan wet market Spring Break 2020

Spring breaker videos and photos made the social media news rounds yesterday for their flaunting of common sense and social distancing with their ongoing drunken beach parties.  "If I get corona, I get corona," one brainiac student was widely quoted as slurring. This negative attention was noticed by local officials in Florida towns and cities, and they are issuing orders to close these beaches.

Where will these student scholars take their spring break parties now during this China Coronavirus pandemic?

It appears by that many have traveled to the new 2020 spring break hot spot - The Wuhan wet markets. Sounds sexy, 'don'tit' young man?

BTW, did you know that this virus is a zoonotic disease, like SARS, meaning that it spreads from animals to humans?

"If I get corona, I get corona, but I'd rather have a Bud Light. At the end of the day, I'm not going to let it stop me from partying."

Thankfully, they won't go hungry! These markets in Wuhan also sell everything from dogs to snakes, civets, and crocodiles. There are vendors selling all sorts of live animals, including pangolins, badgers, salamanders, scorpions, hedgehogs and wolf puppies. Yum!!!

Looks like a native found some love, too!

Have fun!

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Failing Michigan Gov. gWretchen "The Forehead" Whitmer Finally Gets Mumbling Sleepy Creepy Joe's Attention by not Letting Medical Emergency Crisis to go to Waste

You can always tell when a supposed so-called 'news' site is really just a fake news, leftist, deep state, propaganda spin machine by the structure of their Headlines. Here's one from another obscure electronic rag called "bridgemi dot com".

Trump lashes out at Gov. Whitmer after critical coronavirus comments

They always try to make it about Trump's counter punches. A more descriptive headline would have been:

Hack Michigan Governor Appears on MSNBC Attacking The President In Political Ploy To Audition For Biden's VP Slot

Joe Biden has promised he will select a female VP candidate (whatever the heck that is any more), and apparently gWretchen self identifies as one of those (though I'm not convinced).
or this...

Gov. Whitmer Uses Chinese Coronavirus as Excuse to Play Politics on Fake News Site 

or my favorite...

Failing Michigan Gov. gWretchen "The Forehead" Whitmer Finally Gets Mumbling Sleepy Creepy Joe's Attention by not Letting Medical Emergency Crisis to go to Waste.

BTW, I know Rush Limbaugh designated Paul Begala, the former adviser to President Bill Clinton, as "The Forehead". But Begala is no longer in the game as far as I know, and my horrible, no good, very bad governor unfortunately is.

Monday, March 16, 2020

It's a Wonderful Roll of Toilet Paper

Watching the news conference yesterday when President Trump urged Americans not to hoard groceries amid coronavirus panic reminded me of the bank run scene from It's a Wonderful Life. It made me realize that this movie classic should be updated and improved with these proposed overdubs.

Scene: George pushes through the mob in the lobby of his corner supermarket feigning cheerfulness and trying to calm down the panic.

George: Hello, everybody. What's the matter here, can't you get in? The Federal Reserve has made me very happy by lowering interest rates. I congratulate the Federal Reserve. I think it’s terrific.

Charlie: I'll take mine now.

George: No, but you're thinking of this place all wrong. As if I had the toilet paper back in a safe. The toilet paper's not here. It's in Joe's bathroom. You don’t have to buy so much,” the president said. “Take it easy. Just relax.” There’s no need for anybody in the country to hoard essential food supplies. The stores will stay open.

Charlie I want one pack of Charmin, and one pack of Charmin isn't going to break anyone.

Mrs. Thompson: My husband hasn't wiped in over a year and I need toilet paper.

George How much do you need?

Mrs. Thompson: But it's your own toilet paper?

George Never mind about that. How much do you need?

Mrs. Thompson: I'll take one square.

George Bless your heart!

ZUZU: Teacher says, every time a toilet flushes, a free-market capitalist is able to wipe their ass.

George (smiling): That's right. That's right.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Trumps Tested Positive For Awesomeness

The White House physician has issued a new statement:
"A month and a half after giving the State of the Union speech - and with the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, sitting behind him in close proximity - the President remains symptom-free of from whatever the f&&k she suffers."

TRUMP: I took the test last night. People were asking, did I take the test? Listen, I haven't even been in the same room with that bat-shit crazy, old loon since the SOTU speech when she tore up a copy of my big, beautiful speech. I've been practicing what they call 'social distancing' from Pelosi. A very big phrase, 'social distancing'. But mumbling Nancy is clearly nuts, as is all of the so-called leaders on the democrat side, this I will tell you. Their candidate-apparent, Sleepy Joe, is obviously suffering from dementia. But people ask if I've met with Nancy on this thing or on that thing. People were asking, did I take the test? So I took the test.

The White House physician stated the obvious that the testing confirmed what the country has already known. President Trump tested positive for Awesomeness.

Friday, March 13, 2020

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

I want your AR-14... errr.. or your 14 1/2's - Whatever it Takes

Senile old Joe told a worker in Detroit  "You’re full of sh-- ... I support the Second Amendment," apparently forgetting he recently promised Beto O'rourke the gun commissar position. This ancient fool's mind is half gone, and I think that makes him less dangerous than when he actually had all of his crazy lunatic faculties.

I just watched this worker interviewed on Fox and Friends. After it was disclosed that he did not vote for Trump in 2016, he was asked who he would be voting for in this upcoming election. He stated he didn't want to say. Really? I mean, that's your right, but if you are such the advocate for the 2ND Amendment then you couldn't possibly vote for a Democrat, ANY democrat. Why wouldn't you say that?

I walked into the local poll around 7:30AM yesterday morning. There were about 6 workers and no other voters besides myself. When I filled out the card with the Republican ballot selected as my choice, the gentleman furrowed his brow in confusion. He fumbled around as if he forgot where THAT stack was stowed and finally handed me one from the top. I was chipper and making small talk conversation with the workers. I had my pick of seats with the cardboard dividers... I sat... I selected Donald Trump on my ballot... I submitted to the machine... all is right with the Universe, having righted a wrong I made in 2016.

I was surprised to see that crazy creepy sleepy Joe won Michigan. Many folks on those conservative sites in my feed thought it would be funny or useful to vote for Bernie in the primary and hoping this would cause more division in the democrat party. I would never vote for a communist or any democrat for that matter. Presumably many Trump supporters did. I thought Bernie would take Michigan as a result. Nope.

Monday, March 9, 2020


as if they didn't have enough to worry about...

This next one is not mine, but in keeping with the Seinfeld theme...

Made me think of this old picture of me from way back in my newspaper days. Man, we were sitting on a gold mine and din't know it!

Saturday, March 7, 2020


I had my taxes done by MSNBC's Brian Williams and New York Times editorial board member Mara Gay. I was due to get a $327 Million Dollar refund but I clicked the box to donate it and provide free college for students in American Somoa. You're welcome.

Get off your ath, let's do some math...

A Chattering Teeth health coronavirus danger update: Touching your face. Here is how to stop doing it

Well, this is awkward.

JOE BIDEN: “By the way, this is my little sister Valerie!”

For the record, there is still no evidence one way or the other whether Christine Blasey Ford was or was not a crack whore in high school.

Let's check in with Donna Brazile to see if she's cheered up any.

Moving on... Chuck Schumer threatening two Supreme Court Justices reminded me for some reason of that Weather Channel reporter faking high winds during Hurricane Florence while two neighbors walk nonchalantly in the background.

“I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price!

..and lastly but not leastly, San Jose is prepping “surge tents”, but NOT for Glamping. While you are stockpiling toilet paper during the virus hype, don't forget to order your surge tent glow ropes while supplies last!!

The last thing you need during the coronapocalypse is zombies tripping over your tent ropes.


Thursday, March 5, 2020

Biden Prays and Warren Plays

Today's edition of Chattering Teeth Fake News with pictures...

Vice President Mike Pence was mocked by leftists for praying with his coronavirus task force team. What if Joe Biden saw this as an opportunity to be a uniter?

Mike Bloomberg exits race after securing a whopping 5 delegates from American Samoa. Where will these delegates go now? 

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Is Bigfoot Spreading Coronovirus?

My research is not yet completed, but it is getting harder and harder to ignore the correlation.

Tuesday, March 3, 2020