Thursday, March 27, 2014

Another 'Served' at this Cleveland, Ohio Abortion McClinic

Woman Dies After Botched Legal Abortion, Frantic 911 Call: She’s “Not Breathing At All”

Operation Rescue has obtained a 911 recording and Computer Aided Dispatch transcript that indicates a patient of Preterm, a Cleveland, Ohio, abortion clinic, has died.

This is not an official transcript of the call, as that doesn't appear to have been provided with the story. Rather, this is the artist's interpretation of how he imagines the call to have gone.

DISPATCHER: 9-1-1, what's your emergency?


DISPATCHER: Uhh... OK, first I'm going to have to ask you to log into the Healthcare Dot Gov website, MmmKay? Let me know when you're done registering or you get the 404 error screen, whichever comes first, and that'd be greeeat.


DISPATCHER: Hmmm. Just a couple of questions, MmmKay? You're calling from an abortion McClinic. If the gal isn't breathing, wouldn't that indicate your procedure has been successful? Are you just calling here to brag?


DISPATCHER: 22! That IS a late term, I'll grant you that.


DISPATCHER: Mother? I don't mean to be technical, but the word 'mother' is defined as the relation to a female and the child or children to whom she has given birth. It would appear that your patient is actually the antithesis of a 'mother'. I'm not judging. I just want to be accurate. I have forms to fill out and what-not.

Now speaking of which, have you contacted this 22-year-old female's mother?

NURSE:  What? No! Why would we do that?

DISPATCHER: Silly! We need to determine if your 22-year-old patient is a wanted tissue mass of course!

NURSE:  Never mind. She's not breathing at all... Looks like we won't need you. **click**

Sadly, this lady died less than a week ago and I'll bet not many have even heard this story because it's uncomplimentary to the progressive left's unholy sacrament that is abortion. Yet these same 'activists' would camp outside the prison walls lighting candles in support of the life of a convicted cop killer.

Margaret Sanger, founder of what evolved into Planned Parenthood, would be proud that "the patient was African-American, as are about 80 percent of the high-volume clinic’s abortion business." Genocide against blacks was always her goal.

The video clip showed that emergency workers were not performing any kind of treatment on the woman as she was wheeled on a gurney to the awaiting ambulance. There appeared to be a small towel over the woman’s face.

As a matter of practice, paramedics or EMTs do not pronounce death at the scene, but instead transport the victim to the hospital where a physician can pronounce a time of death.

Pastor Henkel told Operation Rescue that after the ambulance left the Preterm abortion clinic, it was followed by a woman thought to be a nurse wearing blue surgical scrubs, the office manager, and a man believed to be abortionist Mohammad Rezaee.

Apparently, this abortion McClinic is behind the times by hauling its victims away instead of utilizing the 'mother' and the fetus parts as a source of low-cost heating fuel.

Left unanswered is whether or not the abortionist's middle name is 'Hussein', or whether he was still carrying his bloody box cutter.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The One's Fireside Fetus Log Chat With Justice Roberts

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts entered his study, closing and locking the door behind him. He pulled his black robe over his head and put it on the hook mounted on the back of his door. He always enjoyed sitting around in his plaid onesie unitard sipping hot cocoa after a long day of oral arguments.

Today was different, however. Roberts knew that his performance in the Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood cases against the HHS mandate earlier in the day would have gotten back to The One who shall not be named, and he wouldn't be happy.

**RING** **RING** **RING**

Roberts stared horrifyingly at his ringing Blackberry. Not answering was NOT an option. He'd found that out the hard way in the past when The One's surveillance assets and miniature camo house drones had uncovered his "I was in the shower" lie.

ROBTS: Hullo?

The One: Did you know thaaaat... there are 132 rooms, 35 bathrooms, and 6 levels in the White House?

ROBTS: uhhh... Sir?

The One: That's a lot of rooms to heat. Good thing there are 28 fireplaces here. Problem is, the environmental wackos wouldn't appreciate me burning wood and pollutin' the environment, even though my choom gang puts out more smoke than Airforce One, ya feel me?

ROBTS: I'm sorry, do I feel... wha?

The One: Shut up aaand...  just listen. So then I see this story where 15,000 aborted babies were incinerated to heat a UK hospital, and then it hits me! While my base would revolt against theeee... use of wood, they would have no problem with me burning fetus logs to heat the White House.

Aaaand there is an endless supply of these bad boys... and girls. Over 50 Million abortions in this country makes quite a stack of cord wood, ya know what I'm sayin'? The problem is that I have developed an affinity for the UK fetus logs. Those British babies seem to burn more evenly. What can I say? like fine French wines, I have expensive tastes.

ROBTS: Why are we talking about fetus logs again?

The One: Because Justice Anthony Kennedy is trying to make this case about abortion when he asked whether the government’s reasoning would mean “a profit corporation could be forced in principle to pay for abortions.” Then what did you say Roberts?

ROBTS: I simply stated that the companies say the mandate already does just that.

The One: That's the problem Roberts. I need you to align your position to be in agreement with my female political hack partisan Justices Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  Forget once and for all about some 200 plus year old document. This is about women's rights. This is about not daring to oppose me.  Remember last time you tried to oppose me Roberts?

ROBTS: I remember. I suffered a benign idiopathic seizure, which means it does not have a known cause.

The One: Thaaaat's right. But we know what really caused that epileptic seizure, don't we Roberts?

Let me be clear. We can do things the easy way or we can do things the hard way. Do you enjoy flopping around on the ground and foaming at the mouth from a grand mal seizure? Maybe the next time I just give you the Breibart cocktail instead and I find me a new Chief justice. Would you like thaaat Roberts?

ROBTS: *shakes head 'no' *

The One: I saw that. (conciliatory tone) C'mon Roberts. Let's make this easy. Take that old bag Ruth Buzzy Ginsberg. She's, what?... over 100 years old? You think that's luck? No, no, no. Obamacare giveth, Obamacare taketh away. We can prop that old bag up for another term or two. Cooperate and we can do that for you. Are we on the same page again? No more acting stupidely.

Now go drink your hot cocoa.

Monday, March 24, 2014

God's Not Dead and He Shops at Hobby Lobby

Hobby Lobby gets its day in the Supreme Court, with oral arguments to begin tomorrow, March 25.

Obamacare and the HHS Mandate orders people to violate their religious faith and to force their participation in the enabling of the deaths of unborn babies.

Well Virginia, this is it. Do we still have a First Amendment?
(I link to myself all the time because, frankly, I can't find anyone saying it better.)

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is not Roman prefect Pontius Pilate, and Hobby Lobby is not Jesus Christ, the Son of God. That said, the same imagery is in my mind with regards to this 'trial'.

Mark 12:17 Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

We the people elected obama, and in so doing have enabled this crucifixion of this faith-based company. The next target might be one of yours. You can close our doors and shut us down, but Caesar cannot have our souls. Time to stand up.

Chattering Teeth flashback to June, 2009:

PICTURED: A civilian spy drone camouflaged as a dragonfly captures the rare image of wanted and reclusive Conservative blogger known only as "DaBlade" from Chattering Teeth. The tall and handsome DaBlade is pictured here centered between the traffic lights holding a subversive sign uncomplimentary to President Obama, peace be unto him. When the traffic light changed from yellow to red, and DaBlade was still several feet from the sidewalk, agents quickly moved in and subsequently roughed him and cuffed him and arrested him for jaywalking.  

OK, not really. That is me, but I wasn't arrested... and if Janet Napolitano questions me later, I will swear I made it to the curb before the light changed.

I celebrated Mass at St. Matt's yesterday morning with my lovely bride and several hundred of my brothers and sisters in Christ, then rallied for Religious Freedom and the protest for the defeat of Obama's unjust and unconstitutional HHS mandate. The crowd at the Flint rally was estimated to be over 400, joining the tens of thousands rallying across the country.

END flashback

I still have those signs up in my garage, and the top picture has been my FB profile banner ever since then.

Now go see this movie! We went after church and were 15 minutes early, but the theater was almost already packed! Just Wow! This is powerful. What if just ONE college student stood up?

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Government already "Writes" the News - Can Quakebot make Toast Too?

The First News Report on the L.A. Earthquake Was Written by a Robot
While the post appeared under Schwencke’s byline, the real author was an algorithm called Quakebot that he developed a little over two years ago. Whenever an alert comes in from the U.S. Geological Survey about an earthquake above a certain size threshold, Quakebot is programmed to extract the relevant data from the USGS report and plug it into a pre-written template.

So let me see if I have this straight. A government agency reports the "facts" to a news agency Quakebot (The term 'Obamabot' was already taken), where it is plugged into a pre-written template. Sounds like how the 'news' is currently reported, but without the carbon-based middleman.

Once this Quakebot algorith (no relation to the actual human robot, 'Al Gore') is set loose on ALL the news feeds, then the reporters will go the way of the dinosaurs (and the rest of us nearly extinct print newspaper folks).

They better be careful, however, that they don't get their templates crossed. We know how efficient government computers can be after the obamacare rollout, right?

I can almost see the next robot generated quake report (with a few minor 'bugs' in the algorith's pre-written template) confusing Quakebot with RiceBot Embassy news:

BOTNEWS: A shallow magnitude 4.7 earthquake was reported Monday morning five miles from Benghazi, California, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. What our assessment is as of the present is in fact the spontaneous shaking at the epicenter six miles from Cairo was sparked by extremist elements upset by a hateful video insulting the prophet, and was not a preplanned, premeditated earthquake.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers, and other distractions while the unravelling of a nation continues

Clearly, we know beyond a doubt that WH Press Secretary Jay Carney is fed the questions in advance by the state-controlled press. Like everything else surrounding this president and his administration, the media is in complicit collusion and it's all a sham put on for the idiot masses.

So while its accepted that obama is a serial liar and his administration is corrupt, we could always take solace and comfort knowing our game shows like Jeopardy, Family Fued or Wheel of Fortune were paragons of virtue, honesty and integrity. Certainly Pat Sajak or Vanna White wouldn't surreptitiously feed a contestant the answers prior to the puzzle, would they???

or would they?

BREAKING! New Evidence uncovered by Chattering Teeth Blog following the video regarding contestant Emil's veracity! Miracle man or fraud?

Wheel of Fortune Miracle! Man Solves Puzzle w/Just 2 Letters

Emil, the contestant taking the internet by storm the last few days for solving a Wheel of Fortune puzzle with only two letters, has been absolved of any wrong doing.

Folks were understandable skeptical that this dude would guess "NEW BABY BUGGY" by just spotting him the "N" and the "E"! What are the odds, right?

Apparently the odds aren't so bad if you're an Account Manager for Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.

EMIL: So what if I sell baby buggy parts? Would you have guessed this puzzle correctly?

Emil then told this reporter he voted for Obama and thought he was sooo dreamy. When he was given the following puzzle, all but two letters completed and 24 hours of time on the clock, try as he might, he just couldn't solve it.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

When Michelle Obama visits the Great Wall of China on Sunday, will her manly frame be visible from space?

Mooshell obama, her two daughters, (Malaysia and Sashasquatch?), and her mother begin their lavish tour of China today in what is surely just another vacation at huge taxpayer expense. This time the state-controlled press have not been invited to be part of the first family entourage and they don't sound happy about it.

An email to journalists with the following preview of events in China carries the ominous warning 'FOR PLANNING PURPOSES ONLY / NOT FOR REPORTING'.

I didn't get the email.

THURSDAY: Arrives Beijing.

This video IS NOT Michelle being greeted at the airport by Chinese security. (But the resemblance to Moshell is uncanny, no?)

FRIDAY: Meets with Chinese first lady Peng Liyuan. They are to visit the Forbidden City, see a show and have a private dinner.

Probably not this show. (But the resemblance to Moshell is uncanny, no?)

SATURDAY: Addresses students at Stanford Center at Peking University; participates in virtual discussion with American youth; visits Summer Palace; meets with staff and families of U.S. Embassy. (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *yawn*)

SUNDAY: visits the Great Wall of China. (will her manly frame be visible from space?)
You may recall when Barack last visited there in 2009:

Obama met with Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao on the Wall, and our Chattering Teeth reporter was there...

WEN: The Great Wall is a proud symbol of their heritage for the Chinese people.

OBAMA: Well I must admit that this wall thingy does work. I haven't spotted even ONE Mexican inside your borders since I've arrived.


The rest of Michelle's trip is filled with more restaurants, museums and shows. 

Meanwhile, the presidents starts his day early today at 11AM, when he departs for Orlando and a full day of fund raising. 

This, on the heels of working tirelessly on his NCAA bracket and hosting cinema night in honor of Cesar Romero... Chavez... or maybe Che. I don't remember exactly, but I'm sure it was important. 

We are in good hands folks.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

CRISIS! White House Loses Gay Pastry Chef!

White House pastry chef resigns: ‘I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs’
White House executive pastry chef Bill Yosses is resigning after First Lady Michelle Obama fundamentally changed his job duties to focus on healthier food...

The openly gay chef was hired by Laura Bush in 2007 to make his trademark cookie plates and sugar sculptures. Mrs. Obama took over in 2009 and ordered Yosses to make healthier plates in smaller portions.

Yosses began replacing butter with fruit puree and sugar with honey and agave. But Yosses was never fully committed to the new policy.

“I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs,” Yosses said.

There you go folks. Proof of demonic ceremonies in the White House apparently involving desecration of dairy products!

Meanwhile, Obama puts the Russian and Ukranian crisis on hold indefinitely until the loss of his gay pastry chef is resolved. Top advisors are gathered in the situation room for this emergency session.

Help Wanted posters promising $10.10 per hour are plastered all over town. The response was tremendous! A massive crowd of unemployed gay pastry chefs converge on the White House lawn looking to fill obama's opening (and then to apply for the recently vacated job).

Obama gets a Happy Ending!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Obama tightens strap on bicycle helmet for game of diplomatic chicken with Putin

Welcome 'progressives' visiting the Chattering Teeth Blog today because you googled the query 'how to clean tarnished nipple rings'.
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For those obama voters who get their 'news' from Twitter, Facebook memes from their hippy friends and/or watching the Bachelor, let me catch you up to speed.

A true Recap of events:

1. Russia invades Crimea

2. President Obama responds with "stiff" penalties on 7 Russian officials and 4 Ukrainian officials, barring them from holding assets or traveling to the United States.

3. "Nothing personal and please don't take this as a threat in any way," pleads Secretary of State John Kerry to Russian strongman Vladimir Putin.

Not to be outdone my "the prankster" (Russia's pet name for our Commander-in-Chief), Putin releases a retaliation list by preemptively denying travel visas to top Obama administration officials, including Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin.

The following sequences have not happened yet (as far as I know) but are my predictions to date:

1. OBAMA: "Now this sh%# gettin' real. I just assumed Durbin was already barred from every continent." 

2. Obama responds by freezing Putin's hair stylist's bank assets estimated to hold approximately 322 Rubles (or roughly $8.70), a targeted sanction on bristle brushes for Putin's pony groomer and a lifetime ban from selfies with the president on foreign soil.

 No word yet on Putin's response, though if he threatens any of Obama's favorite golf courses or "choom" supply, things could escalate out of control quickly from there.

3. In other news, Prankster's Local 822 has filed a defamation and slander case against the Russian official who used their label in vain.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Obama to Putin: I meant to say I would never recognize the TEA PARTY vote bro

ROBERT GIBBS: If [President Obama] doesn't get, as I said, more involved in raising money, in getting voters excited, we know as you said that Obamacare is going to bring Republicans out... If he doesn't get more involved... you lose the Senate and if you lose the Senate, turn out the lights because the party's over. [source]

The party's over? Is that what this has been? A %*$#ing party? Since Obama flubbed the oaf of office, I lost a job I had with the same company for over 30 years, lost a house and had to move 3 times (I am counting the Wisconsin experiment twice. Like that Dildo Bagginses dude, I went there and back again - but loved the cheese). I've since bounced back and am one of the "lucky" 63.2 percent of working-age Americans who actually have a job or are looking for one.

Chattering Teeth Rewind: The Oaf of Office
ROBERTS: I, Osama Bin Lade.. eh I, Osama Obama. Alabama Osamba. Bric-a-brac arama. Sounds like Candleabra. Not Bin Laden. What is his name?
OBAMA: "I, Barack Hussein Obama, (pause) aaand do solemnly swear... (pause) thaaaaaat..."
ROBERTS: Blah blah blah. Something here about "faithfully", Suuure! As if! Faithfully? That's a Journey song ain't it? *Roberts starts to sing* "Highway run - Into the midnight sun - Wheels go round and round...". Sorry about that. Where were we? Oh yeah. Faithfully execute... yada yada yada. That you'll pretty much ignore the Constitution of The United States?
OBAMA: True Dat.

OBAMA: I appreciate thaaat... Mr. Gibbs is paralyzed with fear aaat the prospect of Democrats losing the Senate. But let me be clear. The United States and its allies will "never" recognize the Tea Party's Senate breakaway vote.

But mister president, wasn't that your strategy with Russia and the whole Crimea thing? Will you recognize the new Soviet Union after it annexes the rest of Ukraine, the Baltics and Poland again sir?

OBAMA: Sorry bro. It's now 3PM but is 5 O'Clock somewhere, know what I'm sayin'?! Democrat Happy Hour begins and its time for my green beer summit. We'll pick this up again at the start of my day tomorrow around 10AM. Now if you'll excuse me, I see Joe Biden started early aaand is already wearing his green cardboard leprechaun hat! PAH TAY!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Obama selects Final Four in the secret First Bracket

Obama orders this year's March Madness seeds to the NCAA men's basketball tournament schedule selection committee for announcement later today.

Friday, March 14, 2014

On this date in 1592 (3.14.1592) Pi was only calculated to the 6th decimal

It is known as the most prolific irrational number in the universe (No, not the number of American 'progressive' obama voters - that's a close number 2).

Welcome to Pi Day, a day set aside by math nerds who love a number a smidgen over '3' with an infinitely huge tail (no, not Kim Kardashian, although a paparazzi would need an infinitely wide-angled lens to capture either in their entirety).

Pi Day, or as the Mexicans refer to it, "Catorce de marzo", is calculated by dividing the circumference of a circle by its diameter, leaving the resulting ratio as 3.14 blah blah blah. It has been 'computed' to over 2.7 TRILLION digits and the Supercomputers are still crunching. I, for one, am infinitely thankful these Supercomputers are doing the work most Americans (or illegal immigrants for that matter) won't do.

Side note, Obama spends $Dollars faster than these Supercomputers can do the math. Cool, aint it?

Pi day just happens to fall on a Friday this year (its always on March 14th. Get it?), but I have always celebrated my favorite Pi almost every Friday for the past few decades. That's right. Pizza Pi. But since its Lent and I can't eat meat and don't like anchovies (or meatless pizza), I will fire up the oven for today's picnic Pi holiday family celebration consisting of frozen fish sticks.

I will remind my kids about the sacrifices of Pi and it's constituting of a 'countable' infinity, and surmiss the joy of infinite pizza. I will tell my kids that when they get tired and feel like quitting, to just think of Pi hanging in there and continuing to grind the sausage with another number.

There is no "I" in "Pi"... errr... OK, maybe there is, but there is no "quit" in "Pi". May we conservatives adopt Pi's tenacity in the long fight ahead. Please join me in this non-synchronized moment of silence in deference and honor to that number that just refuses to give up. [Pause] Amen.

Liked this post? Then Don't miss Life of Pi II

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Dem Sheila Jackson Lee has "a deliberative morning constitutional"

This blog recognizes the distinguished gentle morning constitutional from Texas.

Dem Sheila Jackson Lee Thinks the Constitution is 400 Years Old

Now she is saying that she misspoke and meant to state the Bible is 400 years old.

In either case, she is correct, as President Obama has signed a late night executive order proclaiming all documents written by old dead crackers and Jews to be considered exactly 400 years old retroactively.

The mainstream media has jumped on board to mock the rightwing extremists for calling out Miss Lee prematurely, in what had to be an attack purely motivated by racism.

H.R. 4138 – Executive Needs to Faithfully Observe and Respect Congressional Enactments of the Law (ENFORCE the Law) Act of 2014
(Rep. Gowdy, R-South Carolina, and 11 cosponsors)

LEE: Clearly, a bill that would demand President Obama follow the constitution is unconstitutional, as the document was written with a f%^*ing feather and a jar of ink by the neanderthals and early cave people. Obama has a pen, but more importantly, Obama has a ball point pen. They didn't have those suckers 400 years ago.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Obama goes shopping at the Gap (while the unravelling of a nation continues)

Obama goes shopping at Gap for Michelle, kids

and its unintentionally way funnier than his little "funny or die" promo video with Zach Galifianakis. (If that's a real choice, take a guess on my pick.) Watching that painful video made me wish the fern plant was president.

Obama had the sales ladies at the Gap in stitches!

"I've got two daughters. If I make a mistake, I don't want them punished with an over-sized cardigan sweater. Ya feel me?"

"A little infanticide humor for ya there. May god bless Planned Parenthood, amIright biotches?" 

“It never hurts to bring something back when you’ve been on a road trip. A little something for the girls and a little bit more of something else for the White House Choom Gang."

Gap told its employees late last month that it would raise its minimum wage to $9 an hour, later increasing to $10 an hour, closer to Obama's random mandate. When the subject in the store turned to the minimum wage increase, Obama said, "If you like your jobs, you can keep your jobs. Period." We all had a great laugh at that one!

Then it was time to check out...

"I only have one credit card. It has $17 Trillion on it from the Bank of China in the name of our children."

Monday, March 10, 2014

Today's blog is not about 'angry aliens' or moving day at the college dorms

Its not often when an article makes me go all Forrest Gump and gets me mumbling, "I'm not a smart man", but this one did.

Angry alien in packing puzzle shocks mathematicians

Read this story and then take my quiz

These University of Michigan math students were "shocked" because
A) An angry alien ate their square watermelon.
B) An angry alien ate their Chinese takeout.
C) They saw angry aliens after snorting  nanoparticles.

I admit to being a sucker for headlines and this one reeled me in. Some may be shocked to hear this, but I am no mathmagician. That's not to say I don't know my way around an abacus. What I mean to say is, I can count to 11 without removing a shoe (or otherwise put myself at risk of being arrested), so I figure I will understand the gist of this story.

The article starts out simply enough:
When it comes to packing, you can't beat a mathematician. Centuries of work has gone into finding the most efficient ways to pack identical objects into the densest possible arrangements. But the latest experiment shows that a surprising amount of chaos lurks within our attempts to create order.

So far, so good. I read that the head researcher of this group of University of Michigan math students is a female and this experiment has to do with packing objects efficiently. Having some experience moving boys into, and back out of dorm rooms between semesters, I start to believe I know what this article is going to be about.

With my boys, the rule has always been that if it doesn't fit in the back of the van, it doesn't go to school with them. There are more than a few vans in the school parking lot driven by the fathers of the male students on move day. After the futon, TV, electronic game systems and a change of clothes or two, they really have all their basic needs covered.

Watching the female students on move-in or move-out day is a whole different story. The school parking lot is dominated by U-Hauls, tractor trailors, box cars and other 18-wheelers (driven by the fathers of the female students). There are what appears to be teams of Sherpas hauling furniture, boxes (shaped like cubes, 12-sided dodecahedron and tetrahedrons), and clothes from the trucks to the dorms, sometimes having to scale numerous floors of stairs before reaching the summit - hagard looks on the faces of their unshaven and sweaty fathers.

So I was assuming these female students were researching ways to make move day run more efficiently. Or maybe just how to pack their purses less chaotically. Lipstick on the left. Cell phone in this pocket. Angry Aliens zippered here...

However, at this point the article makes a vicious turn by throwing in computer simulations and 3D tetrahedron landscapes. I start to doubt I have any idea what its really all about. Hence my Gump regression. After reading the entire article numerous times, now I'm thinking these University of Michigan math students are upset that an angry alien ate their square watermelon before crawling into their Chinese takeout (this, after snorting nanoparticles).

Seriously. Check it out. But I warn you it may cause fugue-like symptoms. I either zoned out for over an hour in front of this article yesterday, or the clock on my PC changed for daylight savings time. Either way, my eyes were unfocused for an unspecified amount of time as my mind wandered and I daydreamed about angry 12-sided dodecahedron aliens in my fried rice.

And now for a little math humor... they love this in the math lab (or was it the 'meth' lab?)

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."
The limit of this:

Not that you need it, but here is the explanation: from n=0 to ∞ Σ (1/2n) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + ... = 2

HAHA! I know, right?

Or how about this one...

A cube, a 12-sided dodecahedron and a 4-sided pyramid walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Friday, March 7, 2014

Washington crossed the Delaware while Obama crossed his fingers

December 1776 was a desperate time for George Washington and the American Revolution. The ragtag Continental Army was encamped along the Pennsylvania shore of the Delaware River exhausted, demoralized and uncertain of its future. 

exhausted, demoralized and uncertain of its future

THAT sure sounds familiar. We know how the above story ended (or at least we should).

"The weather was horrendous and the river treacherous. Raging winds combined with snow, sleet and rain to produce almost impossible conditions. To add to the difficulties, a significant number of Washington's force marched through the snow without shoes. " 

Against impossible odds and through grit, determination, leadership and a sheer force of will, Washington crossed the Delaware and defeated tyranny.

Meanwhile, March, 2014 was also a desperate time, yet Obama chooses to boogie board in the Florida surf and afterwards get frozen flavored ice chip treats for his vacationing family. Sad how far we've fallen, isn't it?

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Chipotle's war on guacamole

Seriously Chipotle, if we're talking the production of harmful "greenhouse gasses", the black beans in your burrito bowl make the avocado seem Erf Friendly by comparison.

Just speaking from my own "carbon footprints" experience.

By the way, I went to a Rocco's Tacos in West Palm last month (free plug). I love how they wheel the avocado cart up to your table and prepare the guacomole dip while you watch. Definitely worth the life of a polar bear or two.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Ash Wednesday pause

Remember, blog, Obama is dust and to dust he will return.
No, wait! I said "Ash"

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The unraveling of a nation continues (then its nap time!)

Next on "My $17 Trillion Dollar Life":
President Obama will unveil his 2015 budget this Fat Tuesday at Powell Elementary in Washington, DC, informing the little kindergartners there that "the era of austerity" is over. This should make perfect sense to the little nose pickers (Of course, I mean the press, not the children).

Meanwhile, Vlady "Pooty Poot" Putin takes a break from his iron grip on the Ukraine to reel in this large mouthed bAss.

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
Why don't you go where fashion sits,
Putin on the Ditz

Different types ones shirtless wrestling bears
The other in comfy mom jeans, perfect fits, Putin on the Ditz

Monday, March 3, 2014

DaBlade to end Disney funding over gay policy

Disney to end Boy Scouts funding over gay policy

LOS ANGELES –  The Walt Disney Company will cut funding to the Boy Scouts of America beginning in 2015 because of a policy that bans gay adult leaders in the organization.

OBAMA: "If I had a son, I'd want his scoutmaster to be a gay pedophile."

Nice work Disney. Walt would roll over in his grave if it weren't for the fact this would make his decomposing bum vulnerable.

Progressives are trying to destroy everything that used to be wholesome and pure. Instead of infecting the Boy Scouts, why don't you start your own club? You could call it the Rump Rangers (or whatever you'd like). Leave the Boy Scouts alone in their mission to develop boys into healthy young men. Instead of hiking, camping, shooting a bow and arrow, or any other healthy outdoor activity, your club could instead concentrate on costume designing and/or other dressup games, makeup wars, synchronized yoga or whatever else floats your canoes. Just don't call it Boy Scouts... and get a gay baker to make your f*^ing cakes, OK?

What are you, DaBlade, some kinda homophobe? You don't believe in equal rights for gays? What do you have against the gay community anyway?

I love the homotesticles, I just hate their sin. I would love no less a neighbor suffering from a brain disorder that predisposed him to violent behavior, but that doesn't mean I am discriminatory in not wanting head injury guy to be by little lad's kindergarten teacher. I would hope that brain injury guy sought and received the medical treatment he needs and deserves.

There you go comparing loving homosexuals with a brain tumor! Just shows how much you know! It might surprise you to learn how many of your fellow neighbors are homosexual that you never suspected! You can't always judge a book by its cover DaBlade!

Well then, If I don't SUSPECT them, then that means THEY'RE DOING IT RIGHT! I am quite sure there have been many gay scout leaders  since its founding in 1910. If they kept their private sexuality to themselves, then nobody got hurt.

It is for the same reason I was against the repeal of DADT and allowing this so-called "serving openly" caveat.

The purpose of the military is to kill our nation's enemies and to blow sh*&  up, and I just feel that this activity is "asexual" in nature. I would think that any public displays of affection between a man and a woman gets in the way of this mission.

It is for the same reason I am against any scoutmaster "serving openly" by displaying their sexuality. I would also not want a happily married, Christian  heterosexual scoutmaster who insisted on conjugal visits from his misses while out on safari, OK?

If I send my child into the woods with you, I don't want a sign on your f^*%ing tent that says "If the tent is rockin', don't bother knockin'!" Doesn't matter who (or what) you have in there with you. **BAAAA** **BAAA*** and that goes for the goat too.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Miss Me Yet?

My official desktop computer in the spacious Chattering Teeth Studios turns 5-years-old this week. My blog just turned 6-years-old last month, so the majority of my obama channeling ability can be attributed directly to my current blog machine.

Ever since my first PC from the mid 80s, a powerful DOS 386 with 1 Meg of RAM and hard drive sporting an opulent 40MBs, I've tried to buy a new computer every five years. That means my current PC is about 94 in human years. We've been through quite a lot together and have grown rather close. For this reason, I am going to try to get a little more mileage out of the ol' girl.

To accomplish this, she will be getting a makeover. 

Step 1: Unplug, open the box, take outside, attack cat-sized dust balls with can of compressed air.
Step 2: Insert additional 2G RAM chip to double current memory to 4G.
Step 3: While its still open, sing soothingly to my Motherboard. (She likes Ted Nugent tunes)
Step 4: Full clean Install. No more Windows XP (and its growingly obnoxious faux repeat updates), which Microsoft will no longer be supporting. A new and shiny OS awaits.

The last step encompasses a lot and makes me a little nervous, as I am not exactly a propeller head when it comes to PC knowledge. This has never stopped me from doing this kind of "simple" maintenance before, but I still feel like the hospital janitor drafted to perform emergency heart transplant on the patient. Hey, it saves me about $80 bucks, and really... what can go wrong?

Step 4(a): Download all necessary drivers for the chipset and LAN, and all the other hardware thingys in which I have no idea what I am talking about, or if I've retrieved the right ones.
Step 4(b): Change the boot order in bios to boot from DVD drive, insert new OS. Engage!
Step 4 (c): Fly by seat of pants. Use iPad to google for answers to unexepected crises.

Hopefully this process will result in an actual working computer.

If not, I will put a wig on her, set her in the rocking chair and talk to her daily as if she were still alive, never really seeming to notice her decomposing hardware. I will sing soothing Ted Nugent tunes to her while rocking the chair with my foot. I will smear lipstick on her DVD drawer and on my face, as I dance in my birthday suit in front of a mirror, ignoring the fact that the inner CPU is no longer firing, the main circuit board and power supply long since gone dark. In rare moments of lucidity, I will take comfort in the knowledge that she is no longer in megahertz.

So in conclusion, my blogging will be temporarily interrupted. If all goes well, no one will even miss me. I must go now. Motherboard is calling.