Friday, March 29, 2019

Take a chance and win some crap!

From Tucker Carlson (no relation):

Schiff is back on the House Intelligence Committee. He chairs it... He's an unbalanced hack with a weakness for conspiracy theories... (He's) like a mental patient screaming at cars in an intersection... The Intel Committee handles the most sensitive information our government produces. It's not a place for crazy people. Probably not a good idea to have one at the helm. And so, on Thursday every Republican member on the Intel Committee signed a letter asking Schiff to resign his post. He's not mentally competent for the job. "

Which got me to thinking, what job is Schiff perfect for in his life after House Intelligence Committee chair? Where could he employ his skills of twirling people in circles until they want to hurl?

Where would people line up and pay him to lie, cheat and steal?
Where would he be most at home?
What job WOULD Schiff be 'mentally competent" for? The answer just isn't coming to me...

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Alligator bait in the Louisiana bayou

Jussie Smollett, who is black and gay, has charges dropped.

Mr. Smollett, who is black and gay, had told the police that two white men (who were white and racist) jumped him, taunting him with homophobic and racial slurs and yelling “This is MAGA country.” The assailants, according to Mr. Smollett, who is black and gay, tied a rope around his neck (and throw him in the swamp)  and poured bleach on him.

Please stand by for this commercial break...

We're back... and Jussie, who is black and gay, has made some poo poo.

But through some miracle and secret intercession...


I have a dream that all black and gay children will one day live in a nation where they can hire two black Nigerians to beat them up and call them names, pay them by check, and lie to the police by saying it was two white dudes - get caught red-handed yet have all charges dropped due to their black and gay privilege. I have a dream today!

And now time for some celebrity reaction:
Barbra Streisand

“You can say ‘false hate crime attack’ but those Nigerians were thrilled to be there. It didn’t kill them. Jussie Smollett's financial contractual needs were his financial contractual needs coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever black and gay DNA he has.

The mayor, Rahm Emanuel, called the decision a “whitewash of justice.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took exception to Rahm's racist hate-speech, reminding him that Smollett is black and gay.


Friday, March 1, 2019

"It may be rice wine to you, but it's still sake to me!"

I know most of you are old enough to remember the TV show Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, that sketch comedy television program that ran from the late 60's thru the early 70's. After all, your TV could only get 3 channels (and the reception on two of those were sketchy). But for those few who have no clue - the show was known for its 'edgy' comedy skits against a back drop Sock it to Me psychedelic joke wall - and I don't mean Trump twittering at the border (though I would watch that show all night).

Hey, it was hilarious back in the day! I will admit, however, that the show needs an update. I have an idea for this spin-off. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you.... [self administer a drum roll using your index and middle finger on the top of your skull here]

Cohen and Marten's Laugh-In

See what I did there? "Cohen rhymes with "Rowan", and "Marten" with an 'e' is a weasel. (yes, I'm aware this may be redundantly repetitive, but two weasels for the price of one!) Instead of comedy duo Dan Rowan and Dick Martin as hosts, I envision Michael Cohen as 'the serial lying dumb guy' with his side-kick wise-cracking comfort therapy marten. Hilarity is bound to ensue. Of course we'll have to wait at least 3 years before Michael is available to begin taping, assuming he isn't shiv'd by his bunk mate Bill Cosby in the interim. 

Now that I think of it, this show featuring dumb lying weasels is not a new concept and is actually every show from The View, to the mainstream news to late night pathetic comedians of today who are not fit to carry Don Rickles' jock strap (unless they wore it like a muzzle).

Hahahah  [nervous laughter] of course Ginsberg isn't dead! Just because there have been no photos of her in the last several months [nervous laughter, sporadic giggling] do you think I'm some kind of conspiracy nut?  [wringing hands, beads of forehead sweat]  do you think 'they' would really go to any lengths, including employing a body-double to 'work from home' in order to save their unholy sacrament of infanticide? [nervous laughter, chattering teeth]....