Sunday, November 22, 2020

Trump Won

Time for another free flow of consciousness post, complete with punctuation and speelling issues, and maybe a run-on sentence or three, because I am so steaming pissed off and I have no desire to run this through the grammar police. Maybe theses thoughts have already been stated by others. Maybe not. I don't care. These are my thoughts, unfiltered, with no purposeful Biden-like plagiarism. For these are my thoughts. There may be many like it, but this one is mine. My opinion is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My core beliefs without me, are useless. Without my core beliefs, I am useless... So here goes. 

Now I read that Sidney Powell is being sidelined. 

We have heard from talking heads that the shocking charges of fraud that Sidney Powell has been making, culminating in the Thursday briefing, that there were only two things that could be true. Either Powell is a crazy lunatic making baseless charges that massive fraud was in play; OR that proof is offered to the satisfaction of some corrupt judges that would convince them to rightfully overthrow the fake and manufactured election results and thereby result in the re-election of Donald Trump. One or the other must be true, right? Crazy person or prophet. The same is said about Jesus Christ, and He was crucified, so which does that make Him?

Regardless of how this is ultimately scored, Trump won.

"Where's your proof?" With respect to Powell: “She never demonstrated that a single actual vote was moved illegitimately by software from one candidate to another. Not one.” Right, Tucker? For the record, that buffoon is of no relation to me.

Last I knew, Tucker wasn't on the Supreme Court, and otherwise has no standing to make petulant demands for proof. I know inherently that Trump won. My goodness, that dementia-riddled Biden couldn't even fill his 12 large circles at his choreographed 3 minute speeches during his basement campaign (4 minute rallies if you count the time taken up by the two car horns). This is the guy who secured many million more votes than Obama? That he somehow beat Trump when Republicans basically swept the House and kicked Pelosi's ass?

I may have been born on the back of a turnip truck at night, but my momma didn't raise no vegetable.

Is it easier to believe that the election was on the up-and-up, and that Biden won fair and square, or is it easier to believe the the deep state used these Dominion voting machines run with malicious software (coupled with a pile of fake mail-in ballots to provide cover) for the purpose of ensuring this false outcome? We are being asked to disbelieve our lying eyes.
We have been horribly penetrated by hordes of enemies, not only of this country, but enemies of humanity. They are evil incarnate. The deep state has long tentacles. They can seemingly get to anyone. Maybe even me, and would have already if my audience of readers ever eclipses the current "3". Case in point - Powell is being "distanced". 

So if the usurper puppet Biden is installed, what's a patriot to do? Well, what I won't do is sit cross-legged in the street and scream "NOOO!" like that leftist gender-neutral tool we have had so much meme fun with ever since Trump was announced the winner in 2016. What I won't do is wear black pajamas and burn down small businesses, topple offending statues and beat up old people, like a leftist coward. 

No, we patriots will become part of a 80 million strong resistance. There will be no healing, for there is no common ground. Maybe the damage they do to this Republic will be irreparable. But resist we much. We must and we will much about that be committed.
Trump won. He won by a landslide. That's the good news. The bad news is that it is looking increasingly likely that Biden will be inaugurated in January. I haven't given up hope, and I still pray for a Hail Mary that President Trump will defeat the deep state, the criminals at the highest echelons of the State Department, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, Silicon valley, the fake news, and all of their puppets in the communist democrat party. 

It's a tall order. But our God is Great. All in it's time. Please, Lord. Let the time be now.

Monday, October 26, 2020

Does he know it's Not Christmas? - Sleepy Joe's Holiday Collection

 I know many folks have an unwritten rule not allowing Christmas music to be played until after Thanksgiving, so what better time for Sleepy Joe's Holiday Collection than before Halloween?

Chattering Teeth Music presents the most confusing collection of Christmas songs ever assembled. Sleepy Joe's Holiday Collection - Does he know it's Not Christmas?

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Red Wave (everywhere you go)"

“Silent Election Night (in Biden's Headquarters)”

“Grandpa Got Run Over by the Trump Train"

"Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Lock it Down!"

“O Cry, All Ye Faithful Democrats (Joyless & Defeated)”

Now, for the first time, we bring you all of the great holiday songs you know by heart, unrecognizably stuttered by none other than Sleepy Joe Biden. 

“(There’s No Place Like My Basement) For the Holidays.”

“All I Want For Christmas Is My Short Term Memory"

“Pelosi the Red-Nosed Democrat”

“I Saw Biden Sniffing Santa Claus.”

“Frosty the Basement Window”

“Lunch Box Joe, Did You Know?”

The perfect way to enjoy this holiday season on the threshhold of President Trump's second term. 50 songs on 2 records or 2 8-track cassettes for just $19.95.

“Please, Hunter (Don’t Get high This Christmas).” 

“Up on the Housetop (Basement Ceiling)”

“Rockin' Around the Basement Furnace (Christmas Tree)"

“What Child Is This? (and Who Am I?)” 

“Baby, It’s Cold Upstairs”

Don't miss this opportunity to receive this exclusive collection that can be mumbled by the entire family! Just sent $19.95 plus a $million, billion for shipping, sniffing and handling. 

“Away in the Cellar"

“Jill to the World (Joe's Hot Pocket Is Done)"

"When My Heart Finds My Pop Tart"

“Walking in the Winter Root Cellar"

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Day (nap time)"

“Mele Feliz Kalikimaka Navidad”

"White Christmas (You ain't black)

"Blond leg Hairs, Cockroaches floating in the Community Pool"

Looks like a cold cold winter in the Biden basement, so..

C'mon, man! Order now!

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Too Tall Trump

 Is it me, or has Barron had a wicked scary growth spurt?

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Biden's Cold Winter at his Kitchen Table

“It’s not about his family and my family. It’s about your family, and your family’s hurting badly,” he said. “If you’re a middle-class family, you’re getting hurt badly right now. You’re sitting at the kitchen table this morning deciding...

Well, we can’t get new tires, they’re bald, because we have to wait another 4 years or so to run for president again when I'm 104. Are we going to be able to pay the mortgages on the numerous mansions and lake homes when China comes knocking? Who’s going to tell Hunter he can’t go back to Ukraine? 

Thursday, October 22, 2020

Presidential Debate 2020 Halloween Wars

What costume will Joe Biden (a/k/a "Big Guy") wear?

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Will Trump bring his own mic and roadie crew to the debate?

The Communist Debate Commission is planning to mute Trump's mic when Biden is mumbling (or if the president tries to bring up Hunter Biden's laptop proof that Joe is lying and corrupt).  I heard a snippet from Dan Bongino stating that Trump should answer by whipping out his own mic. I like that! 

h/t Bongino!

In the debate prep scenario above,  the cardboard cutout of Joe is performing better than Joe himself.

Monday, October 19, 2020


 Apparently, THE BIG GUY in Hunter's emails who was to receive a 10% cut in a treasonous venture with China is Joe Biden.

But that's none of my business.

Now for something totally unrelated to the politics of the day... a bipartisan animal pic we can all rally around and come together to enjoy.

Made with the Falling Giraffe Meme Generator

Whatever you do, please don't mispronounce Kamela's name.  [<-- WARNING. DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK. THAT"S RACIST]

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Hunter's Hard Drive


I can't even count the times this has happened to me.


The legally blind Delaware computer repair shop owner:

“I just don't know what to say, or what I'm allowed to say,” Isaac said. “I know that I saw, I saw stuff. And I was concerned. I was concerned that somebody might want to come looking for this stuff eventually and I wanted it out of my shop.”

According to Rudy Giuliani, We've Only Seen Five Percent of What's on Hunter Biden's Hard Drive

What could be worse than the evidence and emails detailing the meeting "between former Vice President Joe Biden and a top Burisma executive and other "disturbing" items"??? What other stuff could this sicko be hiding?? Just where has he been internet surfing???


Friday, October 16, 2020

Jimi Hendrix sings, Hey Quid Pro Joe


Hey Joe
I heard you threatened to withhold a loan
To the Ukrainian President, with a Quid Pro Quo
Hey Joe
I heard you brag about that call to Poroshenko
You had him pinned to the ground

Yes I did, 
Son of a bitch, he got fired
You know, I caught him messing around, messing around town
Yes I did, he was fired
You know, I caught the prosecutor messing around town
And I gave him the boot
I fired him!

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Trump's triumphant return

Trump's triumphant return to the White House yesterday could only have been better had he launched his soiled face mask at the Fake News reporters. 

Monday, October 5, 2020


Trump thanks supporters gathered outside of hospital. Gives them a surprise Trumpman signal in the skies over D.C.

Friday, October 2, 2020

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Biting Biden starts to babble

Biting Biden starts to babble

But his banal banter's bitter.

He besmirches with bogus blemish

And insists he'll build back better

Tenacious Trump with testy taunts

Trump tags the teetering twit 

A tirade of truisms tweak the twerp

A trophy winning therapeutic 

Weenie Wallace begins to wangle

Waylays Trump when Biden wobbles

A warranty for the weary weakling 

Weenie Wallace a wonky wally

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Did that mean orange man hurt your feelings?

Biden IS the face of the democrat party, after Trump was through with him.

A little stream of consciousness from DaBlade... 

Did that mean orange man hurt your feelings? F&*k your feelings, and f&*k that nasty old stumbling fool, Joe Biden, and that political hack of a so-called moderator, turned Biden debate tag team partner, Chris Wallace. There is a country to save. Be part of the solution or get the hell out of the way. 

If you're still confused before or after this debate as to who you're voting for, then let me just say that, "you ain't American."

The leftist marxist BLM and anitfa are rioting and looting in our cities and Wallace wants to know if Trump will condemn white supremacists? What a Jackass. 

Forests are burning because of liberal democrat policies and Wallace wants to know if Trump will now embrace global warming? What a complete and utter jackass.

It is a very dangerous world. President Trump has kept us out of wars, has been bringing our troops home, and all the while staring down the barrel of a rebuilt military at the likes of a very evil Russia and China and keeping them in check. He didn't send planes with pallets of cash to our enemies. 

Who wants to return to the obama days of surrender to our enemies and endless apology tours? Did Wallace ask even one question regarding foreign policy? Did Wallace even ask one serious question? "Did you pay $750 in taxes?" "Will you wear a mask?"... Give me a break!

Remember that "Quid pro quo" bs? The real corruption was from from Joe and his son, Hunter. I thought Trump did a great job giving Biden a face wash with that, and his corrupt dealings with the Ukraine prosecutor. The half of the audience who watch MSNBC, CNN or the other democrat propaganda fronts probably didn't even know what he was talking about, having never heard this story before. Good on Trump for shoving this down their throats.

"Will you accept the results of the election? Trump nailed this by reminding Wallace that the leftists never accepted 2016, as evidenced by the weaponizing of Intelligence agencies and the FBI to spy on him, leading to the fake Russia collusion charges and impeachment coup attempt. The largest corruption scandal in our history, yet you're concerned that a billionaire businessman legally used tax laws set up by his opponent?

As for you dipshits that are butthurt that "Trump didn't follow the rules," or that he kept interrupting.... as Butch Cassidy reminds us...  Everyone knows there are no rules in a knife fight.

Monday, September 28, 2020

Debate snippet

 WALLACE: Mr. president, why did you select Amy Coney Barrett?

TRUMP: I wanted to choose a textualist for the Supreme Court. That's a very important word... textualist.

SLEEPY JOE: Excuse me, Chuck...

WALLACE: It's Chris, but anyway.

SLEEPY JOE: What am I saying, Chuck? Stand up, Chuck, let'em see ya! I was just going to say that the senate should wait until after the election when I will get to pick a replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

WALLACE: Since you bring up the subject, where is your list of potential court nominees? Are you afraid they are too radical to announce in advance?

SLEEPY JOE: No, no Chuck. I would also pick a textilist.

TRUMP: A textilist? did you mean a textualist? I knew he should have been made to take a drug test.

WALLACE: Mr. Biden, the president is correct. You said "textilist", which would indicate you wanted a worker in the textile industry for the court. A person who designs, produces and distributes cloth, yarn and clothing as your Justice. 

TRUMP: I think he meant to say that he's a "testicaless".

WALLACE: Mr. Biden, a textualist is someone who adheres strictly to a text. In this case, the constitution. Something democrats abhor.
TRUMP: My textualist uses the best words. This I will tell you.

SLEEPY JOE: Text and words? Why didn't you say so to begin with? It's my lunch time! Clap for that you stupid bastards!

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Trump Selects Coney!

 PICTURED: "Two-up" coney island hotdogs side by side. The Detroit-style coney, with it's runny chili sauce on the left, and the more beautiful and delicious Flint-style coney, with the normal drier (diced beef heart) sauce topping a Koegel's Vienna. What kind of sick maniac would prefer a runny coney that requires a fork!? C'mon, man!

Now on to the news...

If President Trump selects Amy Coney Barrett (ACB) for the Supreme Court, it begs a few follow-up questions.

*Where does ACB stand on the controversial topic of Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys?

*Should there be a litmus test between the two to determine her fitness for office? (Yes. I will be performing numerous tests later today)

*If Amy Coney Barrett selected a Detroit-style coney, would she have to wear a barrett to keep her hair out of the coney sauce?

*If Amy Coney Barrett wore a barrett to eat a coney, would the barrett be a coney barrett?

These are the things that I think about and that keep me up at night... 

Speaking for myself, I am a one-issue voter and cannot ever imagine voting for someone who prefers a Detroit-style coney island over my beloved Flint-style in a head-to-head litmus test.

If you're not from Michigan, you may be woefully ignorant on this hot topic so let me get you up to speed.

DaBlade's Chattering Teeth Blog History of Flint:

For many people, the City of Flint is synonymous with General Motors (as well as for more than a few homicides). However, well before cars started coming off the assembly line here, folks were consuming coney dogs at a voracious clip. We have Greek immigrants to thank for coming here and opening their weiner stands in the early 1900s. We also have the Greeks to thank for the invention of the f*&%ing alarm clock in the 3rd century BC, but bringing coneys here makes up for that fiasco. In fact, these red hot beauties are probably the reason GM located here in the first place, and the "Flint-style coney islands versus Detroit-style coneys" debate is also probably the cause of so many shootings here.

Flint Workers GM Sit-Down Strike in 1936 Caused by Coney Shortage

...and was only resolved with the arrival of Flint-style coney vendors

So there you have it. If Trump nominates someone other than Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court later today, we may safely assume she did not pass the coney litmus test, and you should not read this post.

But if you check on Etsy, you may still be able to score an Amy Coney Barrett (below)!


Wednesday, September 23, 2020

SHOCK! Trump Taps Gun-Wielding St Louis Woman for High Court

 Chattering Teeth News - President Trump answers the left's call for him to postpone nominating a replacement for Ruth Bader Ginsberg's seat by doubling down and tapping Patricia McCloskey, the gun-wielding woman from St Louis. McCloskey, who with her husband, was the barefoot woman who stared down an angry BLM mob outside their home back in June.

"Patricia will make an outstanding Justice and will protect your Second Amendment rights, this I will tell you," said Trump to DaBlade from CT Blog news in his exclusive interview.

McCloskey has already been to the Court in order to give her seat a deep cleaning from the numerous drool stains and satanic markings. She was last seen bonding with the other two woman on the court. She had Kagan in a head lock was overheard telling a racist joke to the hispanic Sotomayer. "I bet you think Roe V Wade refers to the two options to cross the Rio Grande, dontcha?" 

When Roberts tried to intercede, she pistol whipped him in the temple. It was a light tap, as he was only out for a short time. This is the kind of judicial restraint a great jurist shows. Think about how tempting it would have been to pick off a few of those BLM stragglers threatening to burn their house down.

Now things can finally return to normal...

Monday, September 21, 2020

Saturday, September 19, 2020

M. Night Shyamalan’s The Ninth Seat


Cole Sear from The Sixth Sense is back, but this time he means business.

Cole Sear: I see democrat people. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're brain dead.

Friday, September 18, 2020

Joe Biden new front man for Menudo


Chattering Teeth News - Fumbling, mumbling, stumbling... When Democratic candidate Joe Biden stepped to the podium in Florida fumbling with his phone while mumbling, "hang on here..." - and then "Despacito" began to play while Biden slowly stumbled to and fro - The next Latin dance star was born.

"There you go! Dance a little bit, Joe, c'mon..."

*I catch Biden as he exits a back door into the alley of this Florida venue as he fervently waves to an empty parking lot and the wall of an adjacent building... Forrest Gump never waved as fervently from the boat dock when spotting Lt. Dan.

BLADE: Mister Vice Senator Biden! DaBlade here from the Chattering Teeth Blog. May I ask you a few questions?

JOE: Who am I? Why am I here?

BLADE: Still trying to figure that one out myself. Quickly, before your handlers break through this door brace. Why did you play the 2017 hit song "Despacito" from Fonsi?  

JOE:  I've always loved that Arthur Fonzarelli. I tell you what, man. I don't want to jump a shark here, but if I had the talent of any one of those Happy Days folks, I'd be... I'd be... I'd be elected president in a Harris administration by acclamation.

BLADE: Wrong Fozi, sir. 

JOE: *gives the thumbs up* Ayyyyee!

BLADE: Excuse me, but what are those stains all over your white shirt?

JOE: Oh, that's just my lunch. I had never heard of Despacito before. I thought the young folks back stage with the cold hands and vacant stares told me I would be playing "Gazpacho," and I love cold soup with vegetables. I wouldn't go on stage until they got me some Gazpacho. That's where I learned about roaches. And kids jumping on my lap. And I love kids jumping on my lap...

BLADE: Riiiight. Back to tonight. Why did you play that particular song? Some say that the lyrics are inappropriate.. "I want to breathe your neck slowly - Let me tell you things in your ears - So that you remember when you're not with me - Slowly"

JOE: Well, they wouldn't let me play my first choice. That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

BLADE: Good choice. So is this going to become a regular signature bit at each of your stops?

JOE: When I'm president in a Harris administration, I will mandate social workers go into parent's homes to make sure their kids have their record players on at night so they hear a million, billion more words. C'mon, man!

BLADE: Sir, you will never be president, but I do believe you may have found your special purpose. You can spend the next 4 years of the Trump administration in your basement, singing and dancing your retirement away. May I suggest Desperado by the Eagles...


BLADE: It looks like your friends were able to unlock the alley door and that's all the time we have today. I will leave with this little diddy for your next stop...

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Were Mueller’s team phones wiped with a cloth?

 It would take a criminal mastermind with experience in covering their own electronic tracks in order to coordinate the wiping of Mueller’s team phones. 

Who could have done this?

Friday, September 11, 2020

Joe Biden tries to remember 9/11



CNN's Jim Acosta Says, "This was Lunch Bucket Joe at his best - relating to the little people."

NYT's reporter David Brooks says, "This was real leadership."

MSNBC's Larry O'Donnell says, "STOP THE HAMMERING!"

Here is an excerpt:

As long as I can remember, I will never forget. What we're we discussing? I want to be clear, I’m not going nuts. I’m not sure whether it was the Empire State Building or the Eiffel Tower... 

But it was in New York in the year 2000. (<- Yes, he really did forget)

I have the memory of an elephant... It was big and grey.

C'mon, man! Three million, billion lives lost on 9/11. Do you really feel safer under Donald Bush? Osama Bin Bama has taken this year, just since 9/11, has taken more than 100 years. Look, the lives, when you think about it, more lives this year than any other year for the past 100 years.

Monday, September 7, 2020

Welcome to the Condo Caledonia

I'm sitting on the lone bench in this 8x8 room walled in white cushions. They say that a blind or deaf person adapts to the loss of one of their senses by compensating with more focus and accuity with the senses remaining. I don't know how I know that. I don't even remember my name... Geranium?.. Geranimo?.. Gerard? What I do know is that I can't feel my fingers. My arms have been pulled across my body in a self-hug and these oversized white sleeves are fastened somehow in the back. I hid the pills from that dixie cup under my tongue and spit them out after the large, tattooed nurse left. Sometimes she forgets to check. I can feel my senses returning now... those... horrible memories like worms eating my brain... They're back. I find my red crayon under the bunk. The one I stole from the crafts room the other day. I pick it up with my mouth. I move to the far corner, drop to my knees. Put crayon to flooring and I hum that eerie tune cycling nonstop in my head and begin to document this story. 

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair

Whoever coined the phrase, "You can never go back," must have stayed at this condominium. That had been my intention when planning an overnight trip to visit family in the wealthy district in the city of Grand Rapids. But with everything from The Amway Grand to area Motel 6's booked to capacity, our sights were once again turned dejectedly from the bright, vibrant lights of GR to the darkened underbelly and seedier outskirts of Shag town in Caledonia.

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light

My email spam folder was filled with pleadings from this proprietor insisting that he had rectified the areas of complaint from our last stay, even offering steep discounts, with "expensive $5 downtown parking included" if I picked up the proprietor and his wife's expensive dinner & bar tab".  "Won't you please consider giving the Caledonia Daydreamin another try?" I should have deleted these emails and went instead with that Nigerian Prince fellas multiple offers of laundering his hefty inheritance. I believe it would have been a less risky option.

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night

Nonetheless, I was ultimately drawn in by the proprietor's promise of our trip experience starting with lunch at Founders Brewery, an establishment that has been on my bucket list of musts. I envisioned our host having rented one of those fun looking beer pub cruisers to take us to our reservation at Founders upon our arrival, loading and sitting at the pub cruiser bar stools, drinking, laughing, clapping and singing while being transported to the restaurant... 

And I was thinkin' to myself
'This could be heaven or this could be hell

Instead, when we arrived at the proprietor's establishment, he and his wife jumped into our back seat and I was told to drive. Upon arrival we noticed a long line of masked hipsters on the walkway at the entrance. I was told to 'circle the block' repeatedly while the proprietor's wife tried unsuccessful in securing a table. I was deeply disappointed having my dreams of dining at Founders dashed once again, but the proprietor did find a forgettable alternative. It might have been the drivethru at Popeye's Chicken washed down with a bottle of Ripple from 711, I really don't remember now...

Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way

When we returned to the proprietor's tenement, he stated matter-of-factly that I should remove any valuables from my 2014 Traverse, as it would likely be ransacked during the night. "Those flashy vehicles in these parts are like magnets," he said.

There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

We were then promised a high-end nightcap in the common room and entertainment via a large screen TV with 4k. What I wasn't told was that the sound emanating from the TV sounded like it been piped in directly from the bottom of Buffalo Bill's well in the movie Silence of the Lambs. The proprietor bowed several times as he rushed around unplugging and plugging in cables in the router and soundbar, explaining that the geek squad gave him quite the deal on this open-boxed beauty.

Welcome to the Condo Caledonia
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)

I decided to call it a night before the proprietor sprung another leak. I knew he was "accident-prone" and had been since childhood, when he would come home sporting a new contusion from a neighbor's porch post or another broken brittle bone when trying sports with the boys. Heck, he had already required an emergency band aid from his wife earlier in the day, and who's purse seemed to hold all manner of emergency medical supplies, medications, bandages and tourniquets. 

Plenty of room at the Condo Caledonia
Any time of year (any time of year) You can find it here

I'd like to say that at least I had a peaceful night's sleep after having suffered these travesties. I'd like to say that, but as I pulled the covers over my weary body, I noticed my every move was being watched by Woody, Jessie and Mickey Mouse, who seemed to be placed between the two Toy Story dolls as some sort of macabre chaperone on a far chair in the corner of the room. I stifled a scream, not wanting the proprietor to have that "win". At least it was quiet as a tomb, as that clock that had tormented me the previous stay had it's chimes neutered. "So quiet I would be able to hear the dolls make a move," I thought. But just in case, I lay awake the rest of the night watching these dolls unblinkingly watching me. 

And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

I got up around 5:30 the next morning and decided to read in the proprietor's impressive and cozy library. I curled up and with legs overhanging on the small bamboo couch, I inadvertently knocked over a full glass of water that had been set precariously on the floor and out of sight next to one of the back bamboo legs. "Why would he boobytrap his own place?," I thought, as I mopped up the water with paper towels. He wouldn't set a crude water IED so he could try pinning an upcharge on me, would he?

Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice

It was then I noticed the wall clock in this library as it began to chime. It was 6am now, as the clock worked thru it's preamble of chimes... Doo, doo, doo doo.... Doo, doo, doo, dooo. Doo, doo, doo doo.... Doo, doo, doo, dooo.... While I continued to read from my book, the lizard part of my brain was listening very intently to this clock. *GONG*.... *GONG*... (silence)... Wha?! Why did it stop at 2 gongs? Clearly it was 6AM!  I verified as much with my phone... Am I in some kind of space-time warp, and could that explain the strange occurences here? I sat there shivering, while keeping one eye on the darkened corrider so I would see any dolls attempt to surreptitiously round the corner. Before I knew it, an hour had passed. It was now 7AM and the wall clock began it's bizarre cycle once again. And then,  *GONG*.... *GONG*... *GONG*. "At least there is something to say for consistency," I thought, as I sat there quietly sobbing.

And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast

It wasn't long before I was joined by my wife (had she also been sobbing?) as well as the proprietor and his wife. I will say that she put a wonderful breakfast of eggs, sausage & potatoes, toasts and jams in front of us. I reluctantly shared my story of the haunted clock, fearing they would think me mad. It was explained to me that the clock was a retirement  gift from the proprietor's previous employer. I knew he had worked at GM doing something or other, so I figured the clock was just trying to recover some of the time lost from the numerous 7-day weekends and bi-monthly, month-long shutdowns the proprietor enjoyed during his yet-understood career.

They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast

I began to hope that the madness was now behind us, and even answered to the affirmative when asked by the proprietor if I wanted coffee. I chuckled to myself, thinking about the scene from Vacation, when cousin Eddie asked Clark whether he could use a nice cold one... the warm fuzzy feelings lasted until the proprietor pulled out a coffee percolator from his cupboard. It was rusty and dented, and appeared to be from the late 1800s. "Why wouldn't he use an automatic drip," I thought. I immediately felt like Jack, from the movie The Shining, when he encountered all of the ghosts of previous staff of the Overlook hotel. It was then I glanced out the window and let out a blood-curdling scream. For, hanging from the branches of a nearby tree was a teapot amongst various bird houses. And were those dinner plates and silverware hanging from other branches? I had no doubt if I looked hard enough, I would see a BUNN coffee maker hung from a far-off branch like some twisted modern day appliance lynching!

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before

As I exited the door and sprinted toward my vehicle, I stopped and dropped - for like Marty and Doc Brown watching an earlier version of themselves in that parking lot from the movie Back to the Future - I watched in horror an earlier version of my wife and I pulling into the parking space from the day before!

"Relax", said the proprietor
"We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave" 


Sunday, August 30, 2020

"Rumpelstiltskin" Say his name!


In the photo, White Woke college kids surround and confronts a white female diner outside a D.C. restaurant, chanting “White silence is violence!” and demanding she show solidarity for Rumpelstiltskin. Then her husband, Inigo Montoya, returns from the restroom and sees these White Woke college kids surrounding his wife, and promptly unholsters his concealed 9mm and says, "I do not think the word 'violence' means what you think it means."

In the fairy tale, Rumpelstiltskin is an imp-like creature who has the ability to spin worthless straw into gold, and trades the fruits of this skill in exchange for your first-born sons. Rumpelstiltskin is sort of like Bernie Sanders, except Bernie's spinning wheel only produces fool's gold. However, he'll take your children just the same.

A Chattering Teeth Fairy Tale - 

Once upon a time, well-meaning Christian parents sent their baptized children off to college, assuming they would be taught authentic truths and critical thinking. These loving parent's hope was that those 4 years would be spent with fervent study, development and maturity, and that ultimately this time would provide a complimentary layer - like peanut butter on the bread - that worked in union with their core Christian and family values they worked to instill during the child's formative years.

But instead of these children getting instruction from competent purveyors of actual "Truth, Justice, and the American Way," they spent four long years being indoctrinated by tenured marxist, atheist professors who filled these kid's skulls with godless drivel and America-hating white guilt. While their parents assumed they were getting the aforementioned peanut butter in the classrooms, they were instead force-fed the shit sandwiches of progressivism where "up is down," and truth is scorned. 

They were taught to accuse their parent's and those that still embraced objective reality as "science deniers," while they themselves claimed that SUVs and cow farts were destroying the planet, that gender was somehow a social construct, and - most sinister of all - that baby's lives in the womb didn't matter. 

Some of the biggest lies, half-truths and falsehoods taught were on the topic of American history. While these kids had the absolute good fortune to have been born in the greatest country in the history of mankind and therefore be filled with gratitude - they instead learned that they should hate America, the genius founding fathers, the awe-inspiring Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. 

Instead of falling to their knees in praise and thanks to God Almighty, they were taught by academia, the fake news media, Hollywood elitists and ignorant multi-million-dollar sports figures to kneel in disrespect for our flag and our country. They were filled with more lies that the country is systemically racist. 

They made heroes out of drug-crazed criminals who were killed by police, stating that they were hunted by law enforcement because of the color of their skin and not because they were resisting arrest. They used these false-narratives as a catalyst to pillage, riot and burn down buildings and businesses in the democrat-led cities where they were given free reign to do so. 

Meanwhile, since academia, the fake news media, Hollywood elitists and ignorant multi-million-dollar sports figures ignore the daily bloody massacre of blacks at the hands of other blacks in the big cities (not to mention the black genocide of abortion), they weren't given a second thought by these Woke White college kids either.

But why work so hard to fill these young skulls with so much hate and violence, falsely dressed up as compassion and enlightenment? Because that is the only way to dismantle the civil society built by a religious people of rugged individualism in a capitalist system and replace it with a socialist utopia. For if truth had been taught, then it would be recognized by any rational person that socialism in any form has never worked in the history of mankind. That socialism ultimately leads to rationing, misery, death and destruction at the hands of the all-powerful State. 

Indeed, had there been truth in their instruction, then not even an inebriated, video-game-playing college kid would believe that putting the word "Democratic" in front of the ruinous word "socialism" would somehow transform it into a viable and desirable alternative.

"But health care is a human right!," they will chant. "Yah! Free health care! And while we're at it, free college!... and, and, and THIS flat screen TV! The store owner has insurance, after all! So don't throw that Molotov cocktail just yet... Free TVs!!"

Where will the money come from to pay for all this free stuff? I guess with the piles of cash accumulated after defunding the police and turning our cities into segmented Chaz-like strongholds comprised of White Woke college kids.

Or maybe they expect for the rest of us hardworking stiffs to spin them gold out of our blood, sweat and toil so it can be confiscated and fairly redistributed to the imp-like creature, "Rumpelstiltskin".

Will you say his name?

Saturday, August 29, 2020

Trump & 11-year-old Frank Take Out Rioters

Chattering Teeth News - President Donald Trump invoked the Insurrection Act last night and took back the streets of DC with overwhelming support. "This was not the time for half measures," stated Trump, explaining why he brought in 11-year-old Frank from Virginia. 

These blue-haired and gender -confused rioters never knew what hit them, as Frank plowed through the masses. What the mower missed, the smoke-emitting carburetor finished, sending these anarchists back to their parent's basements with hurt feelings.

Frankie now promises to fire up his weed wacker and take out the weed wack job Democrats in the House.

Monday, August 24, 2020

Trump to win!


Who doesn't love the painting of dogs playing poker? (don't answer that) But if you didn't before, now you will absolutely have to own a print of this canine classic made even better! Just send me a check for $19.999 plus your blank presidential mail-in ballot, and I will send you one of these beauties. 

COMING SOON: Velvet Elvis Votes Trump

Saturday, August 22, 2020

Democrats Push For Voting By E-Mail


Pleased for you to receive from me this email, which I believe to surprise to you. I am big business banker who lives in basement during cold & flu season, so I will be pleased to see if you can help me with voting transaction. Please for you to transfer payment of $5000 today from United States Treasury into my PayPal account (The Nigerian Prince) for compensate of my email expenses and accept my vote for 2020 president candidate, Joe Biden.

P.S. - I have the mandate of two of my senior colleagues to search discreetly and diligently, and they also to make vote mark for Joe Biden. Please to accept this email for 3 votes for Joe Biden which would be of mutual benefit to all.

Best Regards,

Biden: "Once all of the millions, billions and trillions of votes are counted, I will be the... you know, the thing!"

Democrats are pushing hard for voting by mail, with States sending unsolicited millions of ballots out to long-dead individuals and even family pets from voter rolls not scrubbed in decades.  They might as well conduct Ballot Drops from planes and helicopters over the poor neighborhoods to ensure they are not disenfranchised by that bad orange man. 

Their purpose is obvious. They will flood the country with ballots in order to cheat and to overwhelm the system and throw the otherwise landslide win in 2020 for Trump in chaos. 

They never have accepted the results of the 2016 election, and have been trying to overthrow a duly elected president ever since. They are traitors and conspirators. They spied and lied, and after impeaching the president on falsehoods - then passed around pulitzers to the marxist mouthpieces in the complicit fake media.

Throw in a conspiracy that Trump is trying to dismantle the post office, and you have a recipe for more chaos and blood in the streets - a democrat specialty. 


Are you ready?

Thursday, August 20, 2020

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Not a Good Year for this elk

A trail camera recently recorded this elk with a tire necklace in the wild southwest of Denver. Officials believe it's the same elk that was spotted through a scope a year ago doing donuts in a nearby field. The elk appears no worse for wear, though the tread is getting thin, as elk can easily walk 7 to 10 miles a day. Officials would like to catch him and remove the tire, although he is a youngster and is nowhere near retirement.

Residents are being asked to search for his tracks by looking for a symmetric tread pattern indicating extra wear on the sidewall. By this time, he may have picked up a screw.

Experts say the best chance of finding and tranquilizing the elk is during rut season. Rut season must be what we refer to as pothole season in these parts. 

This can't end well for the poor elk. It seems like every time concerned humans try to help an animal... I always think of the seal that was cleaned up after an oil spill and finally released into the jaws of a waiting Orca to the horror of the gender-confused marine biologists on the shoreline.  

Here is my prediction for the poor elk, if it is captured and the tire removed.

At least he will soon be joining Harambe, Cecil and Pedals the bear in animal heaven.

Saturday, August 15, 2020

Today's Chattering Teeth Science Headlines

This is NOT an X-ray of Joe Biden's skull, but rather that of a fish head that shows a vampire parasite masquerading as the fish's living tongue. (yep, it's a thing)

If at first blush you assumed it was an x-ray of Joe Biden's skull, you can be excused for this common error. In fact, the similarities are frightening.

On one hand, you have an unfortunate host who has had it's tongue devoured and replaced in the still-living victim by a buglike isopod, also known as a tongue biter or tongue-eating louse (but his friends call him George Soros). 

This other photo is just some fish with a crustacean for a tongue.

What is still not yet known is whether the fish with the hitchhiking sea monkey tongue that is putting words in the fish's mouth will just be a figurehead for the radical left.

(if you stand at the top of the stairs leading to the Biden's basement, you might hear Joe singing a tune...)

Under the sea

Under the sea

Darling it's better

Down where it's wetter

Take it from me

Up on the shore they work all day

Out in the sun they slave away

While we devotin'

Full time to floatin'

Under the sea

and just because we have displayed this picture of a man with no functioning brain, here is a picture of a man with two brains.

In other science news:

A world-renowned climate scientist who predicted 40 years ago that we only had 20 years left before the ice caps were completely melted- was killed by ice in Greenland.

Who is DaBlade, and why should I believe everything he says?: I am a dedicated part-time independent self-proclaimed Scientolomologist and self-described world renowned leader in sciency stuff. I think I probably have a much higher science IQ than you do. The first year of my blog I decided I didn’t want to be a blogmaster and ended up in the bottom two-thirds of the internet and then decided I wanted to stay and went back to the internet and in fact ended up in the top half of my blog class. I am self-taught and went to home school in my basement on a full academic scholarship. I won the international Woot-court competition. I was the outstanding student in the photoshop'd meme department (as an undergraduate). I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate home school and I’d be delighted to sit back and compare my IQ to yours if you’d like, Frankly. Of course, that may all be damnable lies, but who's paying attention?