Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny

 In another universe... On another timeline... a short story for my own amusement. (I think Kid would have liked it though :)

Chattering Teeth News - Colossal Biosciences has done it again. Earlier this month, the company announced the de-extinction after 13,000 years of the Dire Wolf. Now comes an explosive announcement regarding the creation of a species that never existed in nature, a genetically engineered Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny - made by crossing the DNA of a prehistoric jackrabbit (Lepus Giganteus) and the genes of a Jurassik era Velociraptor. 

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Don't you see the danger, Colossal, inherent in what you're doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet's ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that's found his dad's gun.

According to an anonymous Colossal engineer, Peter Rabbit wanted the company to help create his successor for his early Easter morning duties involving the hiding of colored eggs in every Christian household. It seems that that these duties are handed down every 10-12 years (much like the Dread Pirate Roberts in the The Princess Bride documentary), which is the average lifespan of your typical hare. The current Peter was frustrated that every "Peter" rabbit throughout history was unable to lay their own eggs, (since they were males and mammals). "No longer would he rely on farm chickens to surrogate these proxy deliveries," he thought, asking Colossal to create this cross using rabbit genes with that of an egg-laying giant killer chicken known as Velociraptor.  

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

Pictured: Dr Grant, a renowned Rabbitologist, spotting a glimpse of the Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny for the first time.

Think Jurassik Park movie theme song here for dramatic reveal

Dr. Alan Grant: Dire Rabbit doesn't want to be hide eggs. He wants to hunt. Can't just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct.

Volunteer Boy: That doesn't look very scary. 

Dr. Alan Grant: OK, try to imagine yourself on Easter morning and excited to search for the hidden eggs. You get your first look at this Dire Rabbit as you enter the living room. He moves like a bird and a bunny, lightly, bobbing his head and hopping about. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Dire Rabbit. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but Hippity Hoppity from the side! From the other two veloci-bunnies you didn't even know were there. Because Dire Rabbit's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he nibbles at you with his razor sharp front buck teeth... maybe across the belly, spilling and the basket full of eggs and fake green grass with your intestines... you are alive when they start to eat your Cadbury Eggs and jelly beans. So you know, try to show a little respect.

Volunteer Boy: OK.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: I'm simply saying that Dire Bunnies' lives matter, and uh... life finds a way.