Monday, February 29, 2016

KKK Grand Wizards and White Supremacist PooBahs Line Up For Trump

Free Zombie Generator
For those who have an unhealthy obsession with the coming zombie apocalypse and want to see what you would look like as a walking corpse, or you simply want to graphically express someone who is now dead to you.

The Trump endorsements keep piling up, with Grand Wizards and White Supremacist PooBahs from all the KKK chapters chiming in with their support.

CNN, Jake Tapper asked Trump if he was finally willing to denounce the hate groups, “or that of other white supremacists.”
TRUMP: “Well, I have to look at the group. I mean, I don’t know what group you’re talking about. You wouldn’t want me to condemn a group that I know nothing about. I’d have to look. If you would send me a list of the groups, I will do research on them, and certainly I would disavow if I thought that there was something wrong.”

Thanks, Donald. Just let us know when you're done researching the KKK and white supremacy groups and if you conclude whether "there was something wrong."

[IMAGE source]

[IMAGE source]

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Go see RISEN ("Open your heart and see")

For my Christian friends, do yourself a favor today and go see the movie, RISEN.  For the rest of you, I'll buy your ticket and popcorn if you will see it with me.

Had one of the best Saturdays I've had in a loooong time, yesterday. The wife and I and our 21-year-old son listened to my eBook version of  Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis in the car and on the way to and from the theatre where we watched the new movie, RISEN. (Oh, and had a monster Bacon/Cheeseburger and fries after the movie)

The movie takes up the story immediately following the crucifixion, and covers the period of Jesus' death, resurrection and ascension as seen through the eyes of Roman tribune Clavius. The tribune is tasked by Pilate with finding the body of Jesus, which they believe must have been stolen from the tomb in the night. Here, Clavius questions Mary Magdalene...

I can't do better than this review by Bishop Robert Barron. I actually held my breath in this scene...
My favorite scene shows tribune Clavius (played by the always-convincing Joseph Fiennes) bursting into the Upper Room, intent upon arresting Jesus' most intimate followers. As he takes in the people in the room, he spies Jesus, at whose crucifixion he had presided and whose face in death he had closely examined. But was he seeing straight? Was this even possible? He slinks down to the ground, fascinated, incredulous, wondering, anguished. As I watched the scene unfold, the camera sweeping across the various faces, I was as puzzled as Clavius: was that really Jesus? - See more at:

So, like Mary Magdalene's admonition of Clavius, do "you to look for the wrong thing"?

Happy Sunday, y'all.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Cuban Missile Crisis for Trump at Debate?

Donald J Trump is no John F Kennedy, but he did suffer his own version of a Cuban Missile Crisis at the GOP debate last night in Texas. Trump is also no Reagan, but Trump's unmoving hair mass seemed to be some kind of Star Wars Defense shield, deflecting wave after wave of Truth shells lobbed by both Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz.

Houston, we absolutely have a problem. That big slice of spoiled ham in that Cuban Sandwich last night must be bathed in so much preservative, no amount of truth seems able to decompose and expose it for the 70-year-old pile of fraud garbage that it is.

Nothing seems to be able to stop the Trump Chump Train, but I was very impressed with Marco for at least pointing his missiles in the right direction for once, though it might now be too late. Make no mistake, Trump was a disaster and had cartoon-like responses. But I thought the same thing at the last debate and it didn't seem to affect his supporters.

I feel dumber for watching Trump's constant contradictions (An exact quote: "I don't repeat myself. I don't repeat myself.") Frankly, I found the Kasich's "hand puppets on an escalator" gestures and hand dances much more mesmerizing and thought provoking.

Ben Carson: "A movie was made about these hands..."

Shut up, Ben! Seriously, what are you still doing here? Not that I am not impressed with your neurosurgical past (and the fact you were able to find the debate stage tonight under your own power this time.) But those hnads of yours now make fruit salad, or something.

George HW Bush showed more "energy" at the debate last night from his box seat. I don't know if that was a smile or a grimace on 41's face, but THAT was the EXACT same look I had when Trump was blathering.

That's all the time I have this morning. (lucky you). BTW, is there a bigger jerk on TV than Geraldo Rivera? What a piece of ...(blog edit)

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Marco Roboto tries to pass the Turing Test

Who said?:



Was it
A) Donald Trump to his 'hot' daughter
B) A really thirsty Marco Rubio
C) MUC, the Manchester University Computer


Per wiki: "The Turing test is a test, developed by Alan Turing in 1950, of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human."

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

RUBIO The Cuban Shetland!

Who remembers this scene from Rocky?
Rubio... Do you believe that the GOP is the party of opportunity?

Reince Priebus does. And he’s gonna prove it to the whole world by giving an unknown a shot at the title. And that unknown is you, Rubio.

spoiler alert... Rubio loses in the end.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Perhaps the biggest cheat and deceiver in the animal kingdom is the The Trump

Normally I like my books on my Kindle Paperwhite e-reader, but this one looks like a great coffee table book. It's not available until May 1, but there are plenty of cheats and deceits to keep us busy in the meantime.

Cheats and Deceits: How Animals and Plants Exploit and Mislead
In nature, trickery and deception are widespread. Animals and plants mimic other objects or species in the environment for protection, trick other species into rearing their young, lure prey to their death, and deceive potential mates for reproduction. Cuckoos lay eggs carefully matched to their host's own clutch. Harmless butterflies mimic the wing patterning of a poisonous butterfly to avoid being eaten. The deep-sea angler fish hangs a glowing, fleshy lure in front of its mouth to draw the attention of potential prey, while some male fish alter their appearance to look like females in order to sneak past rivals in mating. Some orchids develop the smell of female insects in order to attract pollinators, while carnivorous plants lure insects to their death with colourful displays.

"...Predators pretend to be flowers, flowers pretend to be bees, harmless snakes pretend to be toxic.“

Perhaps the biggest cheat and deceiver in the animal kingdom is the The Trump, an arachnid with a round and puffy orange face with white circles around its eyes, and an oval mouth that spits nothing but venom 24/7.

It lures its evangelical prey to its web of populist deceit, as if they are in some kind of hypnotic cult trance. These evangelicals should be repulsed by The Trump. They claim to be diametrically opposed to what The Trump stands for, including praising the good works of Planned Parenthood; The Trump has supported the murder of innocent full termed babies; mocks disabled people; makes sexual innuendo regarding his own 'hot' daughter; brags about the married women he has slept with; continuously lies, fabricates, distorts; misreads Bible verses from cue cards; etc. Yet these rats willingly follow single-file this flute playing predator all the way back to his evil lair.

Coming soon... Number Two on the list of cheats and deceivers is The Rubio, a plump and sweaty lying establishment slimeball caterpillar who also pretends to be a conservative butterfly.

Friday, February 19, 2016

What did Pope Francis actually say about Trump and the border?

What did Pope Francis actually say?
“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian. This is not in the Gospel,” the Pope said Feb. 18.

Pope Francis was asked to respond to comments from Donald Trump, who had referred to the Pope as a “pawn” for the Mexican government. Trump says that he will build a wall along the border of the United States and Mexico to prevent undocumented immigrants from entering the U.S.

TRUMP: Pope Francis is a very bad guy. He's a very nasty guy. Who does the Pope think he is saying I am not one of those Christians? After all, my mother gave me a Bible and its very dear to me. Isn't that what you Christians say?

BLADE: The Pope didn't say you weren't a Christian. First, he was responding to one of your unsolicited attacks and insults against him. And it was your rhetoric which he characterized as not Christian. He used the word 'only,' which in this case means 'exclusively'. Maybe if you'd explain your real position to the Pope in which you are in favor of "touch back" immigration, which is really just another form of amnesty...

TRUMP: I've never ever met a person that lies more than the Pope. One of the ways I can fight back is to bring a lawsuit against him... Even highly respected Senator, Tom Coburn, said Pope Francis was one of the most dishonest Popes he has ever seen. This, I can tell you.

COBURN: Uhhhh... That's another absolute fabrication. I’ve never said that about the Pope, period.

TRUMP: Pope Francis has pathological disease with no cure. He has a wall around the Vatican. A wall, people! Yet he would deny us a wall?


We interrupt this fake interview with Donald Trump to bring you these words from the Chattering Teeth Blogmaster.

This is for all you Trump sycophants, apologists and  toady lickspittles who are quick to miss characterize this Pope and what he actually says, and who have posted pictures of the Vatican wall - as if this proves somehow that the Pope is a hypocrite. 

I am no fan of open borders. I am an advocate for controlling the border, just as the Vatican controls their own. However, in any contest between Trump and the Pope, I'm siding with the Holy See. The underlying charge is self evident to anyone paying attention. Donald Trump is just as Christian as Obama.

Full disclosure - Those hateful words I put in Trump's circular piehole above are actual quotes he has used against Ted Cruz and Dr Ben Carson, both honorable men. But Trump's M.O. is to attack and to disparage in the press and on twitter, anyone who dares defy the great Donald.

So ask yourself just who it is criticizing the Vicar of Christ for celebrating Mass at the border because he thinks it 'political'?

TRUMP: I’m very capable of changing to anything I want to change to.

We know.

"It may come as a surprise to detractors of the Catholic position on immigration, but the Catholic Church acknowledges and supports the right of nations to control their borders and to enforce their laws. Indeed, enforcement is a key ingredient of a sound immigration policy, so long as it includes due process protections and safeguards human dignity."

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Trump Would Nominate Giant Tortoise for High Court

Donald Trump told DaBlade from Chattering Teeth News that Jonathan, a 183-year-old "wise" Seychelles giant tortoise, would be a “phenomenal” Supreme Court justice.

Jonathan currently resides on the island of St Helena where many believe he is possibly the oldest known living land animal (apparently narrowly beating out Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg for the honors).  He is reported to be blind from cataracts, has lost his sense of smell, but still has excellent hearing.

Some have criticized Trump for this endorsement, most notably Ted Cruz, who has issued warnings that we are one judge away from abortion on demand, the removal of our Second Amendment rights, limiting free speech, and erasing our religious freedoms.

Jeb Bush's campaign responded with this statement, "Our freedoms hang by a thread and Trump wants us to put our trust in a 184-year-old reptile? And he calls ME 'low-energy'"?

Trump tweeted: Remember, it was the Republican Party, with the help of Conservatives who gave us judges without a track record so that they would glide through the confirmation process, and that ultimately disappointed us. Jonathon might be a lot of things, but he has a 183 year track record, that I will tell you. That I will tell you.

Trump was then informed by his handlers that Jonathan was already likely at the end of his lengthy lifespan, and if he wanted his court appointment to have a longer historic impact - then he should appoint someone a little younger.

After reviewing the short list of potential picks, Trump now promises to pack the court with a mess of ocean quahog, a species of edible clam with a longevity as high as 500 years. Trump stated, "If the clams come down with a decision I don't like, it won't be me who is steamed.  I'll just grab a bib. That I will tell you."

Monday, February 15, 2016

And now a word from our sponsors... New, from MAKEOVER AMERICA




Sunday, February 14, 2016

My favorite moments from last night's GOP Debate from the Peace Center in Greenville, South Carolina

PICTURED: Donald Trump puts on his best face yet!
Seriously, who can still support this jacka@@??  

 and now to the debate, already in progress...

TED CRUZ: “Marco went on Univision, in Spanish, and said he would not rescind President Obama’s executive order on amnesty.”

MARCO RUBIO: “I don’t know how he knows what I said on Univision because he doesn’t speak Spanish,” Rubio said.

Cruz turns and looks at Rubio to address this false charge that he doesn't speak Spanish by ANSWERING IN Spanish...

TED CRUZ: "y vamos a disipar de una vez por todas con esta ficción que Barack Obama no sabe lo que está haciendo. Él sabe exactamente lo que está haciendo."

Now I'm guessing most of the viewers at home watching this, had no idea what Cruz had said. I even had two years of Spanish in High School, but all that means is that I was pretty sure Cruz didn't ask where the baño was. 

The other reason most missed Cruz's Spanish retort is because Rubio continued talking over Cruz, like slick politicians (or a@@hole billionaire real estate moguls) are apt to do. Rubio believes it politically expedient to  continuously lie by falsely accusing Cruz of lying. He's just a Trump mini-me in those regards.

EXCLUSIVE!  Chattering Teeth News technicians have now translated the exchange by isolating Cruz's Spanish with an audio transmorgificator. Here is what Cruz said to Marco in Spanish:

“And let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing.”

BOOM! GAME - SET - MATCH! Rubio’s “memorized 25-second speech” stated back to him in Spanish almost caused him to short-circuit.

MARCO RUBIO: Of course, Cruz then continued debating in his native Canadian gutter-speak!

Shut up, Marco. You didn't completely embarrass yourself in this debate. I loved how you exposed Trump's ignorance with foreign policy during this exchange:
MODERATOR: "...What three questions (on Day 1) do you ask your national security experts about the world?

TRUMP: "What we wanna do, when we wanna do it, and how hard do we wanna hit. Because we are going to have to hit very, very hard to knock out ISIS."

Go read his entire response here (if you have the stomach for it), but it was just more Trump-speak of incomplete nonsensical sentences and sound bytes demonstrating to any thinking and rational person that he has no idea what the "Trump" he is rambling on about.

MODERATOR: Senator Rubio. Are those the questions you would ask?

To Rubio's credit, he did not answer by asking, "What did this moron even say?" Instead, he delivered a very intelligent, and coherent answer.
SEN. MARCO RUBIO: No. I think there are three major threats that you want to immediately get on top of. Number one is, what are we doing in the Asia Pacific region, where both North Korea and China pose threats to the national security of the United States. Number two is, what are we doing in the Middle East with the combination of the Sunni/Shia conflict driven by the Shia Arc, that Iran is now trying to establish in the Middle East and also the growing threat of ISIS.

And the third is rebuilding and reinvigorating NATO in the European theater, particularly in Central Europe and in Eastern Europe, where Vladimir Putin is now territor– the territory of multiple countries, already controls 20% of Georgia, and a significant percentage of Ukraine.

When juxtaposed after Trump's buffoonery, it was a mic-drop moment.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

What to Look for at Tonight's GOP Debate in Greenville, South Carolina

1. Will Trump Show Up, and if so - what color will his face be?
(and will he roll out his new, portable tanning booth?)

2. Will Marco Rubio look like a deer in the headlights again and continually repeat memorized talking points, or now that Christie isn't there to prosecute him, will he continually repeat memorized talking points?

3. Will Dr Ben Carson come out on stage under his own power, or will he debate from the shadows just off stage?

4. Stay out the Bushes. 'Nuff said.

5. Will John Kasich officially announce his change to the Democrat party?

6. By how much will Ted Cruz dominate the evening?

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Do you trust YOUR toaster?

Intel chief: 'We might use smart-home devices to spy on you'
The nation’s top intelligence officer admitted Tuesday that the government may use information transmitted to the Internet from your washing machine, your thermostat, your television, your refrigerator or your favorite video game against you.

Almost every home appliance and electronic gadget sold today is outfitted with a computer chip, constantly feeding information about their owners back to utilities, manufacturers and other data networks.

A slice of personal philosophy, I believe this is just some hyped-up crumby bruschetta perpetrated by some crusty governmental bureaucrats sandwiched inside their little office cubicle loafs and trying to drive a wedge between my toaster and me. Not gonna happen.I will continue to share my inner-most thoughts with my toaster knowing full well it will keep my confidence.

Besides, like we are supposed to believe the government really cares what we are up to...

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

NAHRAL (Nags At Hillary Rally All Lesbians)

In the news:
NARAL was upset by the Doritos Super Bowl commercial because it showed a human baby inside his mother's womb during an ultrasound and not a potted plant. Either that, or they really don't like salted snacks and were upset that the baby wasn't taunted with kale?

I thought the commercial was funny. NARAL... what is that? Nitwits Against Really Awesome Life?

NAHRAL (Nags At Hillary Rally All Lesbians) use anti-common sense tactics by...  trying to humanize Hillary!

Albright Declares: 'Special Place in Hell' for Women Who Don't Vote Clinton

Sunday, February 7, 2016


It all started when neurosurgeon Ben Carson missed his cue to walk out onto the debate stage at St. Anselm's College in New Hampshire. From there, it just got worse and worse.

Chattering Teeth News - Dr. Ben Carson missed his bus ride back to hotel after the GOP debate and suffers mild hypothermia while waiting in the parking lot hours after debate concluded. It took a few hours before family members realized the soft-spoken and reserved neurosurgeon was even missing.

He was found by the stage hand who was walking to his car after closing up the auditorium. This was the same stage hand who could be seen behind the curtain trying to wave Ben through to his podium.

"It was dark and I just thought some fool kids had moved the stone statue of that old dude by the fountain," said the stage hand. "It wasn't until I got close enough to hear his teeth chattering and mumbling something about him not out here just to add beauty to the parking lot, or something..."

Dr Carson will be transported home for additional changes of warmer clothing.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

BREAKING: Marco's Son Yawns - crowd nods off during speech

Ted Cruz Schools ABC on ‘Dirty Trick’ Claim

Silly season has reached the summit of Mount Frivolity. A veritable culmination and crescendo of simple mindedness, and indubitable pinnacle of vacuousness - and other words found in my online thethorus (I can never type that word without a spelling lisp)

Seriously? Is this how low we have fallen that we are supposed to get excited by, and jump to every stupid main stream media twitter feed with the only purpose being to try to knock out the only constitutional conservative in this race? Well I'm not playing. I'm sticking to the issues here.

Chattering Teeth News is reporting that Marco Rubio's son, Dominick, is taking time off from the campaign trail after yawning repeatedly during his father's speech in New Hampshire. Dominick will be making a big announcement at school next week during show-and-tell.

WOW! The water bottle doesn't fall far from the large skid. I wonder if this kid sweats as much as his dad? They say a symptom of dehydration is extreme fatigue. If I had to listen to the exact same speech verbatim, with the exact same jokes, quips and one-liners I'd likely nod off too.

In conclusion, I have nothing against Marco (except for that whole amnesty and gang of 8 thing, and the fact that he is an establishment darling). I don't think he is presidential material. I think Putin would just give the guy a hair tousle and pat on the head before stealing his Cuban Heels.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Trump is calling for Granite Subsidies leading into the New Hampshire Primary

Chattering Teeth News - Most of the Republican presidential candidates are in New Hampshire coming off the heels of the Iowa caucuses where Ted Cruz won by a large margin. It is not known if Dr. Ben Carson has finished doing his laundry and ironing in Florida and joined the rest in New Hampshire, or if Marco Rubio is done polishing his boots - but rest assured the twitter feed will keep the journalists up-to-date on this breaking news.

With the political focus moving from Iowa to New Hampshire, Donald Trump is once again pushing the agenda by announcing he is in favor of granite subsidies with his latest tweet:

@realDoanldTrump - People call me the granite candidate because - like me - granite is a hard stone, capable of withstanding enormous pressure. That's why we need to protect these rocks with government subsidies #NH Rocks!

Not coincidentally, New Hampshire's nickname is "The Granite State", referring to its extensive granite formations and quarries. In fact, much of New Hampshire's bedrock is granite.

“You know what?," Trump said. “I went out to see some of the folks in those quarries, with the sawing and the chiseling. Good stuff and great people, put a lot of people to work out here. I just want to thank them, they’re doing an amazing job with the rock piles, this I will tell you.”

When reminded that Ted Cruz is against government picking the winners and losers in the form of subsidies, Trump responded by saying, "Frankly, I am not surprised. The big Oil companies give him a lot of money, so he's for oil. Tell that to the good people in New Hampshire living paycheck to paycheck."

Aside from the fact that Trump's ad hominem attack against Cruz is patently false, it's not clear what oil has to do with rocks. And with New Hampshire ranked 6th in the nation for median household income, its not known how many quarry workers are living paycheck to paycheck.

Donald Trump held a townhall at Rattlesnake Hill, the largest quarry in New Hampshire, located just outside the state capital in Concord. "I haven't seen this many stoners and slabs of dense granite since that Adele concert in New York last year, this I will tell you."

A hush fell over the crowd and not even a pebble scrape could be heard, as the clueless Trumpeters sported looks of confusion trying to determine if they had been insulted.

"Nowhere else on Earth can you find all these rocks," said Trump. When I'm president, not only will I build that border wall, I will build it using these big, beautiful 20-ton slabs from New Hampshire!"

And the crowd erupted in applause and tears.

Donald then pulled a small, smooth stone from his pocket and held it up for the crowd of supporters to see. "See this stone? My mother gave me this rock — this very rock from her rock garden in our backyard — many years ago. It’s just very special to me and again I want to thank the quarrymen. I will never let you down,” he vowed.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016


Trump Builds Big, Beautiful Wall Around Iowa's State Border 

Iowans woke up Tuesday to find themselves surrounded by a 7oo-foot wall around the perimeter of the State, and Trump has threatened to make Minnesota, Missouri, Wisconsin, Illinois, South Dakota and Nebraska to pay for it - depending on how he finishes in their respective caucuses.

Political pundits call this a high-risk maneuver and thinly veiled threat to future states, but is very telling how impressive the Trump organization really is, to be able to build this huge wall overnight.

"It's called, we have a campaign," shouted Trump from the top of the wall as he urinated into the State. "Don't turn around now, Iowa. It's too late or you might turn into a pillar of salt like a lot of wives did in that verse from  Nineteen Genesis. That’s the whole ballgame. It's called I have a Bible."

Trump gets "Corny"

Trump concluded, “Iowa, we love you. We thank you. You’re special. We will be back many, many times. In fact, I think I might come here and buy a farm, I love it.”

Donald Trump has long been a proponent of eminent domain, the practice of granting government unlimited power to seize private property for public use. He even once bribed Atlantic City officials in an attempt to forcibly evict an elderly widow out of her home so he could bulldoze it to make way for a limousine parking lot for the nearby Trump Plaza hotel and casino. So when he promises Iowans he will come back for their farms...

Frankly, when I'm president, I promise to come back to Iowa for a farm or two. You could say it's EMINENT that I DOMAIN here in Iowa. What did I get in Iowa? 24% of the vote? That leaves 76% of the farms ripe for a Casino, golf course or just a lot of parking lots... This, I can tell you.

‘How stupid are the people of Iowa?’ Trump asks
(not my meme and source unknown, but too good not to share)

Hillary Wins a Delegate With a Coin Toss

It happened in precinct 2-4 in Ames, where supporters of candidates Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton disputed the results after 60 caucus participants apparently disappeared from the proceedings.

Sadly, the 60 missing caucus member's bodies were found in a nearby park, all victims of a spontaneous mass suicide due to depression. Several tow trucks were employed to haul their parked cars away, with one driver named Vince commenting on the coincidence that all the cars seemed to sport Bernie Sanders #FeelThebern bumper stickers on them.

As for the tie-breaking coin flip:
A Clinton supporter correctly called “heads” on a quarter flipped in the air, and Clinton received a fifth delegate.

It was later discovered that the coin flipper was none other than James Carville, the long time Clinton advisor and slanderist who once responding to Paula Jones' sexual harassment allegations against Bill Clinton by saying, "Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you'll find."
PICTURED: Carville's Quarter. No Sanders supporter had one.

This just goes to show - Anything you might catch with a Hondo in a trailer Park is going to be much preferable to what you catch with a Quarter flipped in a democrat precinct.

Jeb Bush says he will now begin his Iowa campaigning in ernest

Clinton Caucus Caught on Camera Committing Voter Fraud in Iowa?

UPDATE: A grand jury has indicted the cameraman who spotted this abhorrent and fraudulent practice...