Thursday, October 25, 2018

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Michigan Wolverines 21 MSU 7 - Hail to the Victors!

Another Michigan State Spartans logo change. Hmmm. I guess this one was necessary. Had this cow college not have several agriculture experts on site, the field could have been ruined after this.

In other news, Mars satellite closeups reveal source of surface scars...

Friday, October 19, 2018


CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Closed-circuit television footage shows a man thought to be CNN reporter Jim Acosta standing outside of the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul and wearing a sandwich board stating, "Low Energy Prince Salman". The man was heard pleading that the sign wasn't his, and that President Trump was actually responsible for the insult attempt against the Saudi Crown Prince.

This coincidentally also happens to be the last place that Saudi journalist and Washington Post contributor Jamal Khashoggi was last seen alive.  Turkish officials claim he was killed and dismembered by a Saudi hit team for being critical of the Kingdom.

We caught up with President Trump in downtown Istanbul at the McDonald's drive thru where he categorically denied the charges. Zip Ties were spotted in the back seat of his limo that matched those used to fasten Acosta's hands to the sandwich board sign and the bone saw from his belt loop.

Stay tuned to the CT Blog for important breaking news updates that will periodically appear here as news breaks and continues breaking... until it is completely broke.


Thursday, October 18, 2018

Stormy Daniels Horse Face

Stormy D, The Talking Whore

Whores are whores, of course, of course, 
And no one can talk to a whore of course 
That is, of course, unless the whore is the famous Stormy D

Monday, October 15, 2018

“The Republican Club” Painting

Coke With Abraham Lincoln Is Now Hanging in the White House
President Donald Trump liked a painting of him having drinks with Abraham Lincoln, Richard Nixon and Teddy Roosevelt so much that he called the artist on the phone and then put a print of it in the White House.

Called “The Republican Club,” the print of 10 Republican presidents sitting around a table could be seen briefly in the background of Trump’s interview with “60 Minutes” Sunday, and an image of that moment went viral on social media.

It didn't seem finished to me, so I fixed it... (can you spot my improvements?)
You're welcome.

"GARCON! Another Appletini for H.W."

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Broken News

The news is broken. I don't mean 'biased'. Of course it's biased, but hasn't this always been the case? No, what I mean by 'broken' is that when I can scanned the headlines on Drudge this morning as per usual, and I see this little diddy:

I immediately think of this

And why not? The day after Kanye West visits the Oval Office no less. In today's crazy world, I think it just as likely (maybe even more so) that pop singer Michael Bolton would be assigned to the weapons department on the deck of the guided missile destroyer USS Soul Provider (the young Michael Bolton, when he still had flowing locks blowing in the winds of change in the South China Sea - not the old, bald version. It's my nervous breakdown, so my prerogative - at least that's what skinny Elvis sometimes whispers to me).

Don't misunderstand. I LOVE that Kanye visited Trump's White House for no better reason than it has driver the left even more bonkers than they already were (and that is saying something). In fact, I think Trump should give Kanye a key and let him crash on the couch there for a while, since I read that Kim Kardashian is giving him the boot.

As for the broken news, I can't tell you how many times I am reading a story and thinking it is legit, then only to realize I was on The Onion or the Babylon Bee (or Chattering Teeth Blog)... and then thinking, "well, it could have happened that way..."

But why stress? I think I will put on this new album, relax and just Drift Away...

Wednesday, October 10, 2018


A productive first day for Justice Kavanaugh...

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

KavaGump - People call me Justice

I like Gump. I like Kavanaugh. I like beer. And now I like Lindsey Graham, but I'm still not sure what he wanted him to tell them...

Saturday, October 6, 2018


'I would like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we've passed the audition.'
Thomas, Roberts, Alito, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh.
Now go get Roe!

Friday, October 5, 2018


A couple things on my mind this morning. First, did you happen to catch the gender-confused male feminist hairdresser who roundhouse kicked a pro life woman in Toronto on Wednesday?

While that so-called roundhouse kick wouldn't break a pane of glass in my old neighborhood, it might crack a smile of amusement. That is, unless his weak-assed kick was directed at a woman in my vicinity. If he did, he wouldn't be performing ballet any time soon.

Next up, we have these fruitloop man-hating bull-dike females and their male hairdresser dirty dancers protesting Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation this weekend. We Believe Survivors! We Believe Survivors!


The band, not the lyin' c*nt, Dr Stormy Ford.

Let's hear it for these true survivors...

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the dream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger

Lastly, this one's not mine but I have to share...

Thursday, October 4, 2018

You're gonna need a bigger liar

First off, I never knew it would be possible for Lindsey Graham to rehabilitate himself in my eyes, but there you have it. Second, I don't know why his outburst at the democrats in the hearings last week reminded me of the Chief Brody/Mrs. Kintner scene from the movie Jaws, but here you have it.

Senator Feinstein? I just found out, that a girl gave you a letter full of lies in July, and you knew it! You knew there was a lying shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let Kavanaugh testify anyway? You knew all those things, yet you didn't bring it up until the end! Boy, you guys want power. God, I hope you never get it. I hope the American people can see through this sham. That you knew about it and you held it. But still my boy's confirmation is delayed now. Oh, he will be confirmed and there's nothing you can do about it. My boy will be confirmed. I wanted you to know that.

[Mrs. Lindsey Kintner walks away]

To my Republican colleagues, if you vote no, you’re legitimizing the most despicable thing I’ve seen in politics. I'm not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see the confirmation spill out all over the dock. To Judge Kavanaugh, I hope you’re on the Supreme Court. That’s exactly where you should be.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018


Just kidding. Sessions was napping at the time.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of this news cycle of the evil democrats trying to destroy a good man. That's what they do. This is all about abortion, and they'll try to crush anyone who dares get in their way, so help them Beelzebub. In fact, I predicted back in July just prior to the hearings that the only way Kavanaugh would get support from the dems was if he did this.

So like I said - This news cycle is oversaturated. Overexposed. The circuits have overloaded.

Speaking of circuits overloading (how about that segue?) in just over 7 hours as I write this, our illustrious and honorable President Donald J Trump will deliver remarks at the National Electrical Contractors Association Convention at the Pennsylvania Convention Center

According to a WH official, there will be an audience of 10,000 electrical contractors, electricians and apprentices from across the country. That's a lot of butt cracks so keep your head down and be on the lookout for leaks if you're in the back row.

My worry is that the livestream will lose power during this speech, but if it does I know who to blame. After all, Philadelphia is a short bus ride from Scranton, PA - and which politician do you know of who is a huge Trump critic (and has likely taken the 'short bus' many times) and hails from Scranton?

Will Joe "Plugs" Biden sabotage the wiring at the National Electrical Contractors Association Convention?