Sunday, August 31, 2008

Flowers for Algernon Obama

Today's "Chattering Points":
Democrats remind me of Charlie in the science fiction story, "Flowers for Algernon." You know, the pre-operation Charlie, before he "got smart". (not that there's anything wrong with that). When the going gets tough, I sometimes envy Charlie Gordon and his IQ of "68". He is constantly smiling and happy, too intellectually inferior to know he should be miserable as a janitor in a box factory. But after consideration and given the choice, I would rather not blindly walk around chanting "HOPE" and "CHANGE" with a plastic smile on my face and a "vacancy" sign between my ears. No, I don't think liberals have low IQs in the literal sense. Rather, I believe they are politically retarded. Algernon, the mouse in the story, learns quickly the correct turns to make in the maze so it gets to the cheese. Why then do liberals keep taking the wrong turns of socialism that history has repeatedly proven disasterous? Government cheese "ain't" free folks. And that's my memo...

On Sarah Palin and the feminists:
I loved Peter Hitchens latest: Why the sisters will be gunning for Palin
Watch as the ultra-feminist sisterhood back away in horror from Sarah Palin, John McCain's new running mate.

Mrs Palin is technically female, but she's enthusiastically married, hates abortion and thinks criminals should not be the only people allowed to own guns. She's everything Hillary Clinton isn't. In short, she's the wrong kind of woman.

Which just goes to show that ultra-feminists are not actually interested in promoting women because they're women. They pretend they are, but really their agenda is a campaign against marriage, in favour of abortion and for every other disastrous liberal and socialist cause that ever existed. In which case, they really can't go on pretending that their opponents are women-hating bigots.

Not least because they are the bigots - merciless when it comes to a choice between their own convenience and the life of an unborn baby.
Could Rush be right about feminatzis? His Undeniable Truth number 24 (out of 35) reads: "Feminism was established as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." Sounds about right to me.

On the idiot that is Charlie Gordon Michael Moore:
I don't know how this buffoon still manages to get my pulse racing with his lunacy. Maybe it's because he is a symbol of what has become mainstream in that other party and that makes me sad. Now he has posted a blasphemous mock letter to God on his website, crediting God with sending Hurricane Gustav on "the third anniversary of the Katrina disaster AND right at the beginning of the Republican Convention." "Divine irony," he calls it. He goes on to say that he doesn't blame God, (How gracious of the slovenly one) stating, "I know You're angry that the Republicans..." Moore ends this drivel with this mock plea: "So please God, let the storm die out at sea... If you do this one favor for me, I promise not to invoke your name again. I'll leave that to the followers of Rev. Dobson and to those gathering this week in St. Paul."

Why would you make a promise not to pray again to a God you purport to believe in? And why would you credit God for Gustav when every "thinking liberal" knows there is no God? No rational religious person could possibly balance faith with abortion rights. These are mutually exclusive deals. Besides, we now know that global warming is the cause of this phenomenon known as hurricanes, and that these massive spinning cyclonic storms that didn't exist before SUVs.

So in conclusion, that is why I believe that the mouse Algernon would make a better candidate than Obama.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Sarah Smile!

MonkeyDarts boldy states that "Michigan just moved to the McCain column!" with the selection of Sarah Palin. Political pundits have been stating for the last few months that McCain needed Mitt Romney (dad was our former governor) in order to carry Michigan. I was buying into that too - but now I see the light! The west side of the state and Yoopers will carry the day after they get a load of those pictures of Palin as the hunter and gatherer. Urban areas like Detroit will not vote for McCain/Palin, but they would never vote for ANY Republican. Democrats seem to be happy with mayor Kwame, our disgrace of a governor Granholm, and overall liberal policies that have decimated this state's educational system and economy for years. However, this year the right-thinking Michiganders will rise up for McCain/Palin and carry the day. I agree that "HOCKEY MOM" Palin only helps in this cause. By the way, THIS IS NOT SARAH PALIN [language warning for previous link]

Here are some noteable reactions to this gutsy McCain pick of the beautiful and tough Palin:

Oprah: "I think it's the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. She's not a woman candidate, she's a candidate for Americans. I cried my eyelashes off. And then I ate a pizza."

Of course, not all liberal reactions were positive, as they immediately fired up their well-oiled attack machine in an attempt to discredit her...

Former president Jimmy Carter called Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin a "babe," but he said the Alaska governor has been "milking every possible drop of advantage" for giving birth to a baby with Down syndrome. "Republicans seem to weave in the fact that she knowingly gave birth to this defective child every time A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOSE is brought up," Carter said.

"Social policy" professor Anita Hill charged that Sarah Palin once put a pubic hair on her Coke can.

Liberal strategist James "serpenthead" Carville lamely tried to discredit Palin with his standard baseless insults: “If you drag a hundred dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you’ll find.”

What trailer park?, asked John Edwards, nervously looking around for Enquirer reporters.

When former vp Al Gore was asked for his reaction to McCain's selection of Palin, he stated, "that's not change, that's more of the same". When asked for clarification, Gore said, "I happen to know for a fact that Sarah would not be the first vp wearing a skirt in the White House. Sure, I waited 'til Tipper was sleeping before I tried on some of her slinkier numbers. Once I even snuck down the hall and tried on one of Hillary's pantsuits. I could have driven a truck through the leg holes. Then she woke up and caught me in front of her full length mirror. Talk about 18 million cracks in the glass!"

Sarah Smile!
"Bring it on Sasha!"

Sarah Palin's daughter appears to be ticked off about something. My guess is she is daydreaming about Barack Obama's daughter, Sasha, and what she will do to her if she tries to interrupt her mom like she did her own dad. "I've had moose turds bigger than you girl!," she seems to be thinking.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Obama's boring address

Obama's convention address

No "Obama bounce" in my household, thank Rushness. As a matter of fact, I was too tired to even watch, being golf night and all. I do wonder if that little brat of his kept interrupting him during this very important speech like she did during one of his video cameos earlier in the week. "Daddy, daddy! Malia is pinching me!"

I have read snippets of his utterances and am happy I missed it. Any Obama bounce around these parts may have involved my T.V. on the sidewalk. I know that Obama has vast experience to lead this country, honing these skills as a "community organizer" and learning thug politics in Chicago. I know that he has the love and support of the MSM and the leftist Hollywood entertainers who think in terms of "Camelot" and movie scripts and "good intentions" over actual results. I know that Oprah was in attendance last night, gushing that team Obama and Biden were 25% African-American. (OK, I don't know that she gushed that because I avoid The Big O like the plague). I read that our friend Algore addressed the raucous audience (is that a mosh pit in front? Sheesh! Bring on the Republican convention for the adults). I'm sorry, but anyone inspired by Algore must be on some kind of chemical induced hallucination.

So now I wait for McCain's announcement of his VP choice to the citizens of the world. Don't be a bonehead sir. This guy Obama is ripe for defeat. For all of the fanfare, a good chunk of these liberals will not actually vote on election day - it's above their pay grade.

Don't p.o. the conservative base.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Biden's boring address

I tried to watch Biden's speech last night but I kept zoning out. I think I caught the gyst of it though. I actually thought his son, Beau, was much more interesting in the introduction. Politics aside, it is a very engaging and emotion-filled story that is the kind of drama tailor-made for TV.

By the way, what's up with Biden's hairdo? I know he had hair plugs stapled on, but why does he wear a mini-mullet? It is really distracting.

OK, another aside. Biden names his sons "Beau" and "Hunter"? Bow hunter? Has this been talked about before? I don't care enough about liberals in general, or Biden specifically, to know if this has been discussed before. If not, I really think the PETA people should ask some hard questions of Joe. After all, bow hunters kill innocent woodland creatures! Ted Nugent is a bow hunter for Gaia's sake! What secret killing instincts does Biden possess by naming his kids so violently? Oh, and his wife "Jill" rhymes with "kill". But I digress. Back to the stupid speech.

"Yes. Yes, I accept your nomination to run and serve alongside Osama, I mean Barack Obama." Freudian slip. Freudian slip."

My eyelids are feeling very heavy. Biden is boring! Wheres the messiah? The news anchors have been gushing that maybe we just miht get a glimpse at him this evening. Tears are welling up in the corner of my eyes just thinking about the possibility that the messiah might grace us with a surprise visit. I feel faint at the thought.

My dad always told me, "Champ, when you get knocked down, get up. Get up."

Finally! A pleasing visual! Biden with a bloody nose. And what an inspiring analogy... America sucks. We have all been knocked down by George Bush. But we are all "champs" and Obama and Biden will pick us up and dust us off.

OK, now he is talking about his mother teaching him that everybody fails at some point in their life. The camera pans to her in the audience. Typical wrinkly white-haired white women.

"When I got knocked down by guys bigger than me, she sent me back out and demanded that I bloody their nose so I could walk down that street the next day."

Again with the violent symoblism. I thought this was an anti-war party full of dope smokers in tie dyed T's, who just believe in peace, love, and understanding. Love is all we need. Imagine all the people (CITIZENS OF THE WORLD!) living for today! Even that Achckmadeena-dude will see the messiah's light! What's with Joe and his Big Bad Mamma kicking everybody's asses? I digress again. Back to this silly speech...

"My mother's creed is the American creed: No one is better than you. You are everyone's equal, and everyone is equal to you." Unless you are an unborn child. Then you are not equal and don't deserve to live. Your existance is at the whim of your mother. Biden, Pelosi, and the rest of the so-called "Catholic democrats" are an obama-nation to their faith. I love them (love the sinner) but I hate their sin (abortion/liberalism).

"But today that American dream feels as if it's slowly slipping away. I don't need to tell you that. You feel it every single day in your own lives. I've never seen a time when Washington has watched so many people get knocked down without doing anything to help them get back up. Almost every night, I take the train home to Wilmington, sometimes very late. As I look out the window at the homes we pass, I can almost hear what they're talking about at the kitchen table after they put the kids to bed." They are saying, "America sucks!"

Isn't that inspiring? Joe, why are you imagining voices in your head? Did the hair plugs burrow too deep? "Washington" needs to take care of us, is that it Joe? Washington should provide us with all of our needs. "Free" health care. "Free" energy. A windmill on top of every shack that our homeless half-brothers sleep in. "FREE" everything! Yeah, that would work!

Oh goody. Now Biden is talking about the great one. Let's listen in. "You know, I believe the measure of a man isn't just the road he's traveled; it's the choices he's made along the way..." What about the associations he has made? What if he surrounded himself with racist hate-mongers in "church" and terrorists as neighbors? Would that give us a measure of a man Joe?

Now the audience, comprised mostly of miscreants, hippees, and "life's lottery losers" are chanting an anti-McCain slogan... "That's not change. That's more of the same!" Of course, they are stepping all over each other in the delivery. But it is really catchy! Their constituency just needs a catchy slogan that fits on a bumper sticker. They are not a collection of real deep thinkers for the most part. They just want Washington to hold them and tuck them in at night.

Blah, blah, blah. Now he keeps repeating that McCain was wrong and Obama was right on matters of Iraq and the like. Revisionist history. Saying it repeatedly doesn't make it so Joe. These are your biggest lies yet. Playing right to the liberal wacko base.

"May God bless America and protect our troops."

Somewhere, Rev. Wright is thinking: "God bless America? No, no, no,..."

I'm going to fall asleep smiling with visions of Biden sporting a bloody nose.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Detroit Lions - is THIS the year?

I've been trying to ignore them because I've been down this road before. The Detroit Lions manage to get the die-hard Detroit fans' hopes up only to crush them like a cigarette butt under their collective heel. Here we go again... The Detroit Lions are undefeated at 3 and oh! Yes it is just the pre-season, but maybe this could be the year they make the leap from perrenial pathetic cowardly lions to a fierce and competitive football team. OK, that may be a stretch. Is 8 and 8 too much to ask?

"I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do, I *do* believe in spooks"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Michelle softens image

Michelle Obama softens image at the Democratic National Convention

Excerpt from her rousing speech:
For the second time in my life, I love this country. Some day I may even be able to say that I love MY country. Maybe after we turn this country into a utopic socialist hell.

We are just like all of you bitter clingers out there. Don't all of you have weekend barbeques with neighbors who just happened to have been terrorists?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Obama Biden. Twin unwanted tissue masses

What? No BIDEN BOUNCE? The first poll taken after The Barack chose Joe "The clean and articulate" Biden as his VP, and we are all tied up!

“This looks like a step backward for Obama, who had a 51 to 44 percent advantage last month,” says CNN Polling Director Keating Holland, as his bottom lip quivered and with tears visibly streaming down his cheeks.

Regarding the long drawn-out presidential campaign - "There are babies who've been born and are now walking and talking since we started this campaign," Obama laments nearly each day.
That's what The Obamabortionist calls "reaching out" to the pro-lifers. He is reminding us here that Roe V. Wade and his party have not managed to kill them all. Really. Some babies have been born. The messiah has let them live!

ACTUAL INSANE PELOSI QUOTE OF THE DAY: via Ed Morrissey at Hot Air: Pelosi lies about Catholicism and abortion -
"I would say that as an ardent, practicing Catholic..."
Shut yer pie hole Pelosi! Nothing irritates me more than this kind of oxy-MORON. You can not be an "ardent, practicing Catholic" while at the same time espouse this kind of anti-Christian, evil, democrat platform, Barack Obama drivel.

Listen to Madame Mengele Pelosi slip up and contradict herself by calling an unwanted tissue mass a "child": [From 1:30 to 1:40 HERE]

"...Roe v Wade talks about very clear definitions of when the child... uhh, first trimester blah blah blah... "

More Morrissey:
Membership in the Catholic Church is voluntary. If people do not want to follow its doctrines, they should find another faith community that reflects their values — and at the least, they should learn what the Church teaches on abortion and life before mischaracterizing it on national television. Pelosi is either a fool or a liar, or perhaps both.
She's both.

Noonan Nails it!:
As I watched (The saddle sore Whatcha-ma-call-it debate
I thought: How about "Let the baby live"? Don't parse it. Just "Let the baby live."

As to the question when human life begins, the answer to which is above Mr. Obama's pay grade, oh, let's go on a little tear. You know why they call it birth control? Because it's meant to stop a birth from happening nine months later. We know when life begins. Everyone who ever bought a pack of condoms knows when life begins.

To put it another way, with conception something begins. What do you think it is? A car? A 1948 Buick?
Maybe if they thought it was a Prius they would let it be born.

Join my campaign now!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Domeward Bound

The DaBlades are on the road today to Southbend, Indiana. We will be depositing our "Number one son" there, along with his wordly possessions (95% of which appears to be electronic game systems, the games themselves, and a t.v. to plug 'em into). He will be startin' his Sophomore year of that fancy book learnin' I'm told they do there.

Go Irish! (please no football insults :)

My oft' forgotten middle son will soon be starting his Junior year at Flint Powers Catholic, where he will be continuing his pursuits in hockey, lacrosse, girls, and fancy book learnin'. The youngin of my three sons will be entering the 8th grade at Saint John Vianney, where he will be adding football this year to his repertoire of hockey, lacrosse, electric guitar, girls(?), and fancy book learnin'.

I sure am glad we moved to Davison so that we could fully enjoy the 20 minute commutes at $4/gallon.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Comedian, humor thyself!

I learned early on in my youth that humor and violence were closely linked, that's why I wasn't surprised when I ran across this AP story by Nicholas Geranios titled, "Study: A bad joke might endanger the teller."
Research by a Washington State University linguist found that people who tell bad jokes often endure an astonishing outpouring of hostility from the listeners.

"These were basically attacks intended to result in the social exclusion or humiliation of the speaker, punctuated on occasion with profanity, a nasty glare or even a solid punch to the arm," said researcher Nancy Bell.
So this guy walks into a bar. No, wait! It's a Rabbi. This Jewish Rabbi walks into this bar. WAIT! Back up. He has this parrot on his shoulder. I think. Or is it the parrot that's Jewish? Oh nevermind.

Some people can tell a good joke and some people can't. I am one of the latter. Some people can remember every joke they've ever heard or received in their email box. They can deliver an appropriate joke for every occasion and tell it with the right amount of timing and inflection, topping it off with a hilarious punch line that evokes spontaneous laughter from their audience. I tend to abruptly start and stop, forgetting exactly where I was going with the joke - I panic when I see my audience's eyes become unfocused - or they check the time by checking the ol' wristwatch. It's not that I am humorless (I hope), it's just the readymade joke I am horrible at. I owe that to Dennis Robbins.

When I was a freshman in HS (1976), I rode the bus to school (about a 45 minute ride from the south end of Flint to Powers Catholic on the north side). I was a skinny and introverted kid who did not want to draw any unwanted attention, so I sat in the back of the bus. I turned around and stared out the back window to avoid eye contact of any upper classman. This worked for a day or two. Until one day, Dennis Robbins shouted, "Hey Carlson! Why ya looking out the back window? Turn around kid and watch where we're going!". I should state here that, like E.F. Hutton, when Robbins talked, people listened. He was a very large senior (maybe 300 lbs to my 120lbs) with very large arms and very large legs. Even his hair was very large. He ruled the bus. It was his kingdom. What I should have done was turn around immediately and look down at the floor without making a peep. Instead, I answered him without turning around, "because I'd rather look out the back window to see where I've been." The bus roared with laughter, not so much for what was said - but rather that this skinny freshman dared to challenge his authority. Punishment was quickly administered. Robbins turned his class ring around on his finger and open-handed me "stone first" to the top of my skull. I saw stars (humor/violence. laughter/pain).

I wished the story ended there, but I had embarrassed Robbins and was going to make me pay. The bus was silent as Robbins began to ramble, "So you're a funny guy, huh? You think you're a comedian, do ya? Well here's the deal. You are going to make me laugh all the way to school and all of the way home. You are going to make me laugh or I will throw you off of this bus!"

I remember going to the library and checking out old and dusty joke books (Lenny Bruce, Henny Youngman, etc.) and running up the phone bill calling the "joke-of-the-day" hotline. I remember outling my standup "set" and timed myself in the mirror to make sure I had enough material for the long bus ride to and from school. I don't remember Robbins laughing at my stuff (it was more of a sneer), but as long as a few kids were laughing - it seemed to keep him at bay.

It worked for about a week. I ran out of material and started repeating jokes told earlier. It's a blur from here, really. Silence. Frown. PANIC! Too late. I am being lifted. I am pushed against the back/side window of the bus.. it swings open from the bottom... I go out. Freefall! I see stars as I impact the curb. I watch the bus pulling away to it's next destination. Incredible! The bus driver never saw a thing. (humor/violence. laughter/pain).

It must have been a pivotal moment in my humor development. I quit telling jokes of any kind. Not even "knock knocks". The part of the brain responsible for the retaining and telling of jokes must have atrophied and withered away from disuse. From then on, I turned my humor inward and developed a philosophy that all I needed to do was to make myself laugh. If another person found something I said or did funny, then bully for them. They were along for the ride, but this time the funny bus is my kingdom. That is the philosophy of this blog. Don't make me throw you off my bus!

Comedian, humor thyself!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Amish thriving

Amish population nearly doubles in 16 years
Apparently the Amish community is thriving. At least it is in Intercourse, PA., where Amish couples typically have five or more children. (My goodness. Talk about "drill here, drill now!) I had to read that twice to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Evidently Jebediah is not spending all of his time in the corn fields of Intercourse, PA. I'm guessing that the next town down the two-track is probably called Screw City. "Well what else is there to do?," thought I, as I read the story. You'd be surprised. There are cabinet makers and goat farmers among other nonfarming occupations. I can almost hear this introduction in Screw, PA.: "Hi, I'm Lester the Amish goat farmer in Intercourse."

The story goes on to state that, "A small portion of the increase (in their population) is also due to conversions to the faith." I am guessing that conversions are proportional to the average price of gas. At $4 bucks per gallon, the stink of riding on a horse-drawn carriage doesn't sound so bad. After all, I pay $60 an hour to do it on MacKinaw Island.

Then again, I don't think it is for me. I just don't think I could stand the itchy beard. If gas goes up to $5 per gallon, I'll probably just end up becoming another "boob on a bike".

Sunday, August 17, 2008


From Hot Air, "There are a lot of things above Obama’s “pay grade”"

"Let's deal with abortion... 40 million abortions. At what point does a baby get human rights in your view?" [video]
The Obama: Well, I think that whether you are looking at it from a theological perspective or a scientific perspective, answering that question with specificity, you know, is above my pay grade.

But let me just speak more generally about the issue of abortion because this is something obviously the country wrestles with. One thing that I’m absolutely convinced of is there is a moral and ethical content to this issue. So I think that anybody who tries to deny the moral difficulties and gravity of the abortion issue I think is not paying attention. So that would be point number one.

But point number two, I am pro-choice. I believe in Roe v. Wade and come to that conclusion not because I’m pro abortion, but because ultimately I don’t think women make these decisions casually. They wrestle with these things in profound ways, in consultation with their pastors or spouses or their doctors and their family members.
And so for me, the goal right now should be — and this is where I think we can find common ground and by the way I have now inserted this into the democrat party platform is how do we reduce the number of abortions because the fact is that although we’ve had a president who is opposed to abortions over the last eight years, abortions have not gone down.
So Obama basically states that he doesn't know the answer - admits that there are "moral difficulties" (presumably with the stack of 40+ million dead baby carcasses), but ultimately he errs on the side of a woman's right to convenience.

But mister "common ground" thinks that we all can come together and agree that we should "reduce the number of abortions". Well why the hell should we! Based on your logic, you seem to be saying that we should increase a woman's inconvenience.

Wrong again Obama. We CANNOT agree that we should limit the number of abortions performed. At least I can't. It's simple, really. It's an all or nothing deal. There is no acceptable limit to the height of the stack of dead babies piled at the unholy altar of Roe v Wade. Would Obama have negotiated an acceptable number of Jews that Hitler was allowed to gas?

That's why we are watching you very closely McCain. If you take the base for granted by selecting a "pro kill" running mate, your presidential ambitions will be sucked down the drain like so much unwanted "tissue mass".

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Family crisis. see ya in a few.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Deploy Michael Phelps to the Strait of Hormuz immediately

So this morning was like any other morning for me. For breakfast I ate three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayo; one five-egg omelet; a bowl of grits; three slices of French toast with powdered sugar; three chocolate chip pancakes; and two cups of coffee.

I guess I'm never really that hungry in the morning.

So Michael Phelps won his sixth gold medal yesterday, huh? He ought to be deployed to the Strait of Hormuz immediately! Just mount a camera on his head and send him out to keep an eye on that Mahmoood Ahkmadena-dude fella in Iran. Or maybe strap a Patriot missile on his back to take out any rogue missile firings from Iran. Problem solved.

As for Putin, what could he possibly have been thinking? It's clear that his goal includes far more than just gobbling up Georgia. But with our new missile defense deal with Poland, maybe Putin will reconsider. Or maybe not. What should be clear to him though is that there is a cost involved with his decision-making. Unlike a scenario with a president Obama, who would simply respond with rhetoric and assigning moral equivalence to Russia's aims to ours in Iraq, and blaming America first.

Or maybe a president Barry would simply hide out in Hawaii every crisis.

So I'm still left wondering why Putin didn't wait to see how this next election turned out. After all, It's roughly 50-50 between The Barack and that wrinkly, white-haired dude.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


World's tallest woman dies in Indiana at age 53.
...and was laid to rest in Indianapolis. and Columbus. And Pittsburgh. Ba dum bum! Get it? I make a joke because she was tall... OK, just forget it.

I do hope that last story has nothing to do with this one: Bigfoot Trackers Say They've Got a Body: "Two Northern California men and two Georgians say they've got a body, a photo and DNA evidence pertaining to the elusive forest-dwelling man-ape." They have released THIS PHOTO

I have no idea why the unabomber gets a dubious nod on this blog two days in a row (or why I always think of Al Gore in flannel every time I hear Teddy K's name).

Putin on the Ritz!

Flint police will soon be riding Segways while chasing baggy pants offenders through downtown streets. New Flint crime fighting tools: Segways
"the Segways should be a common sight downtown from about 7:45 a.m. to 3 a.m. Mondays through Fridays. Don't expect many police chases from the Segways though. They top out at 12 1/2 miles per hour... "
Well that ought to put the fear of The Don in the criminals and PUT A STOP TO THIS.

And now back to your favorite daytime soap opera, AS MY STOMACH TURNS. A continuing saga on the John Edwards - love child scandal (I can't seem to get enough of this). Let's recap the last episode:
We learn from the National Enquirer that John Edwards was sexually involved with Rielle (Hunter) when she (Hunter) became pregnant. Edwards repeatedly denied he is the baby's father and is willing to take a paternity test. Meanwhile, swarms of reporters are shouting "Who's your daddy?" at the tiny bundle in Reille "on the hunt" Hunter's arms, as she leaves her multi-million dollar home that she financed in earnings from her day job as a camera woman (harrumph!). Hunter says no to a paternity test for John Edwards (so the check doesn't bounce). In this week's episode, Hunter agrees to a "hair coif test" to be administered to the baby.

SHOCK VIDEO! You be the judge!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I am still busy testing the new invisibility cloak for the government, so I don't have much time to blog. There will be a full report of this at a later time.

In the meantime, let's play "WHO SAID IT YO?". Let's see who has been paying attention to the news of the day, including the real, the ridiculous, and the sublime.

"...I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic."


Was it:
A) The Burger King punk rocker employee dude who got fired for good hygiene? "Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce fella".

B) Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, describing to an interviewer his state of mind while living in his environmentally friendly shack in the woods of Montana.

C) Vlady Putin, explaining why he invaded Georgia. Or it could just be chemical.

D) Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, on why he chose to use leaky stylish designer goggles that almost sunk his golden dreams.

E) John Edwards, keeping it reille, explaining why he cheated on his cancer-striken wife.

Monday, August 11, 2008

“Mr. President, want to?”

Time to stand up for our allies that stood up for us in Iraq.

Time to defend freedom and democracy and defeat tyranny.

“Mr. President, want to?”

Putin's soul a rotten peach

Georgia on my Mind

Line in the dirt time

Friday, August 8, 2008

Wrinkly, white-haired dude will WIN

With or without Paris Hilton's vote, John McCain will be the next POTUS.

The Wrinkly, white-haired dude was campaigning in Ohio this week, and as Rush pointed out, he actually attacked a democrat. When you remove Obama's slick packaging and teleprompter, what's left is this:
MCCAIN: Behind all the words, Senator Obama's agenda can be summarized as this: Government's too big, he wants to grow it; taxes are too high, he wants to raise 'em; Congress spends too much, and he proposes more; we need more energy, and he's against producing it; we're finally winning in Iraq, and he wants to forfeit. The bottom line, Senator Obama's words, for all their eloquence and passion, don't mean all that much.
I still can't get over Sen. Barack Obama's answer to meeting energy demands hinges on proper tire inflation.

Obama doesn't think much of the country he is campaigning to lead, as evidenced by this answer to a 7-year-old in Elkhart, Indiana, and I paraphrase - "America Sucks!"

As 'Darts put it, "The Barack of Obama came out and said it, he's FOR inflation! That's change I can believe in."

That got me to thinkin' that maybe its time to bring back those stupid WIN buttons (whip inflation now) that president Gerald Ford was pushing in the mid 70's. This time they would symbolize defeating "The Barack of Obama" and his stupid energy policy.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

OBAMANATION causing "Air lines" at local service stations!

Can we INFLATE our way out of this? Should the government step in and provide pressure gauges to the needy and fill the "air gap"? Is "BIG AIR" funding Obama?

I was riding my unicycle to work yesterday, when I noticed my tire was flat.

[to be continued]

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Double, double, oil and trouble

I'm no college professor (just a B.B.A.), but Dr. Mark J. Perry is, and he teaches economics and finance in the School of Management at the University of Michigan - Flint (DaBlade's alma mater!). He also blogs at Carpe Diem and has been "talking oil" lately. I was listening yesterday at lunch when Rush Limbaugh read Mark Perry's post about T. Boone Pickens' rantings about oil and the "biggest transfer of wealth in history".

I know Obama is trying to demonize "BIG OIL", but did you know that the Oil Industry Ranks #60 By Profit Margin? More from Dr. Mark J. Perry:
With all of the media and Congressional focus on Exxon's record profits in the second quarter, what gets neglected (along with Exxon's record income tax payments) is the record amount of spending by Exxon on "capital and exploration," coming in at $7 billion in the second quarter 2008, the highest amount ever spent by Exxon in a single quarter.

I may have walked out with degree in hand 23 years ago, but it's nice to informally continue the education. Thanks professor.

Relax! It's just a video

Via Hot Air,Video: “McCain Girl and the Enchanted Republican Forest”. This is actually pretty funny. I think I recognize the turtle.
[language warning to the sensitive ears]

The other video popping up all over the place is the mock Paris Hilton ad. It's popularity speaks to the success of McCain's ad that spurred this response.

McCain campaign response: "...Paris Hilton might not be as big a celebrity as Barack Obama, but she obviously has a better energy plan."

That's true, but that's not saying much. I think Britney makes more sense [here] than Barry O.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Obama Matrix

Barack was talking energy in Lansing yesterday. He said the nation should set a goal of putting 1 million plug-in electric hybrid vehicles on the road by 2015. While we can't know if this plan would work, it would only cost $4 billion or so to find out.

Hmmm. Having to plug in every night to re-charge. It makes me think of The Matrix. That movie where everybody was living a simulated reality while plugged into electronic eggs (no, not Smart Cars), that is until Keanu Reeves takes this chill pill - unplugs from the Matrix and goes all super-slo-mo Chuck Norris on a bunch of Agent Smiths. But I digress. Who needs a Matrix thingy to brainwash the mindless among us when we have the likes of and the Daily Kos.

Barry O also said that we should sell 70 million barrels of oil from the strategic petroleum stockpile to help with oil prices. This has me confused because Barry has stated on numerous occasions that we can't drill out of this problem, and so therefore, supply doesn't matter. Why would increasing the supply from the strategic reserve matter now? It seems to me that all this would accomplish is diminished strategic supply for emergency use. Then again, what are the odds that we will have problems with Iran (that small little country that Barry says poses no threat to us)? Why go to the grocery store when you can just raid the 'fridge?

More from "the messiah":
"Breaking our oil addiction is one of the greatest challenges our generation will ever face. It will take nothing less than a complete transformation of our economy," he said. "This transformation will be costly, and given the fiscal disaster we will inherit from the last administration, it will likely require us to defer some other priorities."
This is one scary dude.

There is somewhere between 3 to 5 trillion barrels of recoverable oil still in the ground and would only last a hundred years or so. Then again, whose to say that another 5 trillion barrels won't turn up in Jed's back yard by then? The point is, oil will one day run out! Obama says we can postpone that eventuality with proper tire pressure, but drilling won't help. If that's the case, I think he should push for nationalized tire and car care. Don't we all have a right to well-tuned cars with properly inflated tires?

I am starting to see his logic now. Oil is a FINITE energy source. Therefore we must "transform" (READ:"ruin") this economy to find an alternative source (a perpetual motion machine) while there is still time. And let us not forget that Pelosi "has a planet to save." (yes, she really said that).

Obama did flip flop from his prior "no drilling" edict and stated that "he could support limited new offshore drilling if it were needed to enact a compromise energy policy to foster fuel-efficient autos and alternative energy sources."

In other words, the great one would appease us "supply siders" as long as he could transform us. But I thought you said oil from the reserve would help? Now you are saying oil from the ground will not?
McCain again advocated more oil drilling off the U.S. coast. "Anybody who says that we can achieve energy independence without using and increasing these existing energy resources either doesn't have the experience to understand the challenge that we face or isn't giving the American people some straight talk."
I've said it before and I'll say it again. If an engine is developed that runs solely on polar bear blood, and polar bear blood can be pumped for 2 bucks a gallon - I'd say, "fill 'er up!" I believe the time is now for investing in my idea for this renewable energy source. If Obama will send me a piece of that $4 billion I can begin my research by building my baby polar bear matrix. It has as much chance of working as his other bright ideas!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Pelosi's Punks would be a good name for a rock band

House Republicans are expected to continue their revolt today, calling for Pelosi and her punks to return from vacation for a special session on gas prices. Raise those lighters people! We taxpayers have purchased our tickets (at scalper rates, I might add) and demand a full show! Bring them donkeys back on stage!

Pelosi and the Punks will not return to the stage and the roadies have already unplugged the democrat guitars. I'm sure Pelosi would rather follow China's example on how to treat those with the nerve to defy her.

Senator Lindsey Graham appeared on 'FOX News Sunday' and had this advice to Barack: "Pick up the phone":
"We're out of session — we're out of business — on energy when we should be in session doing the American people's business. Pick up the phone and tell Nancy Pelosi, who says offshore drilling is a hoax, Harry Reid, who says drilling is a red herring — call the Congress back in session.

Let's have a debate and start voting on issues that matter to the American people."

Of course you realize, Senator Graham, that this plea to Obama has fallen on very large, deaf ears. He is too busy running around acting like he's the "embodiment of America" and "living off (his) celebrity, not ideas."

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Moore and Less

It's the weekend! Time to fully engage my internet addiction and catch up on some of my favorite blogs. My new S&M Barbie has been giving me the silent treatment lately. Two can play at that game.

MONKEYDARTS tells movie buffs to mark those calendars for October 3rd, the release date of the next Zucker film - An American Carol. According to 'Darts rundown, the movie plot is about Michael Malone,
...a fat, anti-American, propaganda filmmaker in a baseball cap. Said crockumentarian (Kevin Farley) is on a campaign to abolish Independence Day and is visited by three ghosts who show him the true meaning of America. Zucker co-wrote the screenplay and directed a huge cast that includes Kelsey Grammer (pictured above with Farley on the set), Leslie Nielsen, Dennis Hopper, James Woods, Robert Davi, and Jon Voight. Our old buddy Trace Adkins plays one of the spirits.
Thanks for the heads up on this 'Darts. This looks like good escapism fiction. I mean, c'mon! The premise that a slovenly anti-American film hack celebretard would even have any kind of fan base is a little bit of a stretch, 'dontcha' think?

Now to Politico and "Her highness" Nancy Pelosi banging the gavel and adjourning the House, refusing to schedule a vote on offshore drilling. She had a puny little 5-week vacation to get to, damn it, and she was not going to let the bitter clingers stop her. So she "turned off the lights and killed the microphones." Republicans were not yet out of gas, though, talking about gas. They were working the room, standing on chairs, and immitating democrats. Sounds to me like the Republicans were having a good 'ol fashioned tailgate party!

RightWingSparkle asks, "Are Republicans getting their MoJo back?" in response to the Pelosi revolt. She writes:
I just heard that the House G.O.P. wrapped up their protest session at 5:05 by singing "God Bless America" and left the chamber with the crowd chanting, "USA! USA!" Unbelievable.

Of course, democrats were outraged over the USA chant, as it displays a pro-American bias that could be construed as anti-European. And what will Chavez and the rest of the world's socialist dictators and thugs think? After all, the democrats chief concern is to be liked by the rest of the world.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Obama - Who's your Pumba!?

Too Fit to Be President?
This, from wsj:
Speaking to donors at a San Diego fund-raiser last month, Barack Obama reassured the crowd that he wouldn't give in to Republican tactics to throw his candidacy off track.

"Listen, I'm skinny but I'm tough," Sen. Obama said.

But in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.
Maybe THAT'S what he meant by stating he didn't look like all the other presidents on the dollar bill. His handlers are denying that he played the race card, so he must have been talking about weight. (harumph).

The latest GALLOP poll has the race at a virtual deadlock, with Obama at 45%, and McCain at 44%. Obama has been dropping in the polls like a rock these last few weeks. It MUST be because he is too skinny, and overweight Americans are jealous of the "the messiah's" ability to stay fit and trim (READ: wispy and scarecrow-ish). Americans are caddy like that. Look how much attention that fat cat in the news received recently. "Us U.S. Americans" identify with him.

Yesterday I urged McCain to select Romney as his running mate. In the spirit of my always "fair and balanced" approach, I now urge Barack "Timon" Obama to find his compliment for VP. Someone who fills the vast and numerous crevices that are his weaknesses - including his 100-pound-weakling image that is negatively affecting him in the polls now. Someone who is an exact opposite of him - someone who completes him. Too bad Rosie O'Donnell is as clueless as you.

So I ask you Barack "Timon" Obama.

Who's your Pumba!?