Happy Earth Day!

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP) is a swirling island of mostly plastic that is more than twice the size of Texas, and I purchased a time share there. It's very quiet and peaceful here. In fact, except for a very angry tribe of Sentinelese natives on the north shore, I have this flotsam to myself. You get used to the jellyfish for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Every once in a while you may score a floating twinkie still in its wrapper. The GPGP is constantly on the move, so you never know what you're going to get with the night sky. I read somewhere that environmentalists want this paradise removed from the ocean, but reports have estimated it to be expanding 10-fold each decade, so my beautiful beach just keeps getting bigger! I may just stay here until the shoreline finally expands to reach Asia and North America so I can just walk back and save air fare.  

Fun Fact: Did you know that keying 1,000 Teslas will lower the Earths temperature by .0001 degrees?

Air Tag, You're it!

Evidence of my youth: I haven't lost anything in quite some time. The assumption is that when you get old, you get forgetful. You're always misplacing your keys or your purse / wallet. Not me! In fact, I haven't lost anything for... well, a while. Of course, we both work from home so we don't get out much. And not remembering EVERYTHING is not evidence of senility. After all, I have an IDIOTIC memory, not an EIDETIC memory.

Evidence of my old age: OK, so maybe I'm not as young as I used to be.

Me: "Honey, have you seen my reading glasses?," you inquire. 

Hon: "They're perched on your forehead," she answers.  

Me: "I see your lips moving, but can you please speak up!

Hon: "I'M NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA!"

Me: "No, I don't want a soda right now. And for the record, we call those 'pops' here in the Mitten.

Evidence of my youth:  I tend to fool youngins (I assume) who take my order at the drive thru speaker by using their own hip lingo when ordering. They must really think I'm "one of them" until I pull up and they see my greying whiskers.

Me: "Yes, I'd like one of them Outa sight Mc Cafee senior coffees. No cream or sugar. Just Al Dente. I don't need all that and a bag of chips."

Speaker: "Uhhh... we don't sell bags of chips."

Window: "That will be 80 cents, hon."

Me: "That's fire!"

Evidence of my old age: **The room is filled with a ring tone of the Jurassik Park theme song at full tilt**

Hon: "You're phone is ringing. Are you going to answer it?"

Me: "That's just me calling my phone from yours so I can find it.... Where did you hear it?"

All that to say that we have a short trip coming up and I thought it might be a good idea to try those Air Tag thingys I had heard about. I could put one in each of our luggage and track those suckers from my phone. "They're on the tarmac now honey... ON THE MOVE!" I might also stick one on my Kindle in case I leave it at the pool or in the workout room (harumph).

So the wife hands me a small box and tells me it contains four Air Tags she ordered from Amazon. 

I opened the box and it didn't contain any directions for pairing them with my phone. A quick google search and voila!

I'm sure you're way ahead of me. Yes, I spent the next half hour trying to pair the Airtage protective cases with my phone. I took the plastic cover off and removed the keyring (this must be it) and rubbed it on my phone like it was a magic genie. After further research, I discovered that the wife had only ordered the protective cases and that the Air Tags were not included. I don't think it's funny that Apple gets away with teasing Boomers this way.  

HAPPY EASTER! He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said

 He is not here...

Easter Reminds Us All Things Are Possible

Lord, renew our childlike wonder at the miracle of new birth in You. The way You show up in the impossibility of bringing those You created who are dead in sin to new life. Give us the ability to see others with Your eyes so that we do not consider any person out of Your reach. Do make “all things possible” in the hearts of those around us so they become new creatures in Christ (II Corinthians 5:17). We will give you all the praise and thanksgiving this Easter!

Amen.

Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny

 In another universe... On another timeline... a short story for my own amusement. (I think Kid would have liked it though :)

Chattering Teeth News - Colossal Biosciences has done it again. Earlier this month, the company announced the de-extinction after 13,000 years of the Dire Wolf. Now comes an explosive announcement regarding the creation of a species that never existed in nature, a genetically engineered Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny - made by crossing the DNA of a prehistoric jackrabbit (Lepus Giganteus) and the genes of a Jurassik era Velociraptor. 

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Don't you see the danger, Colossal, inherent in what you're doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet's ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that's found his dad's gun.

According to an anonymous Colossal engineer, Peter Rabbit wanted the company to help create his successor for his early Easter morning duties involving the hiding of colored eggs in every Christian household. It seems that that these duties are handed down every 10-12 years (much like the Dread Pirate Roberts in the The Princess Bride documentary), which is the average lifespan of your typical hare. The current Peter was frustrated that every "Peter" rabbit throughout history was unable to lay their own eggs, (since they were males and mammals). "No longer would he rely on farm chickens to surrogate these proxy deliveries," he thought, asking Colossal to create this cross using rabbit genes with that of an egg-laying giant killer chicken known as Velociraptor.  

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

Pictured: Dr Grant, a renowned Rabbitologist, spotting a glimpse of the Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny for the first time.

Think Jurassik Park movie theme song here for dramatic reveal

Dr. Alan Grant: Dire Rabbit doesn't want to be hide eggs. He wants to hunt. Can't just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct.

Volunteer Boy: That doesn't look very scary. 

Dr. Alan Grant: OK, try to imagine yourself on Easter morning and excited to search for the hidden eggs. You get your first look at this Dire Rabbit as you enter the living room. He moves like a bird and a bunny, lightly, bobbing his head and hopping about. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Dire Rabbit. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but Hippity Hoppity from the side! From the other two veloci-bunnies you didn't even know were there. Because Dire Rabbit's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he nibbles at you with his razor sharp front buck teeth... maybe across the belly, spilling and the basket full of eggs and fake green grass with your intestines... you are alive when they start to eat your Cadbury Eggs and jelly beans. So you know, try to show a little respect.

Volunteer Boy: OK.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: I'm simply saying that Dire Bunnies' lives matter, and uh... life finds a way.

Good Friday

 Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.

Holy Thursday

 On Holy Thursday, Christians around the world are drawn into the upper room, where the quiet power of Jesus’ love is made visible in bread, wine, and water.

But what if the Romans were Democrats during Covid? (yes, a partial repost)

The Upper Room...

Jesus washes the disciples' feet and then tells them to wash one another’s feet.

Thankfully, Rosie O'Donell (and the Bigfoot Family) were not disciples. 

We know Jesus is victorious, but Holy Thursday is about not getting the cart ahead of the horse.

Reflection for the Faithful

As Holy Thursday arrives again, we are called to remember not just the rituals but the reality they represent. How do we live the Eucharist beyond the Mass? Whose feet are we willing to wash in our daily lives?

Let us enter the Upper Room with reverence. Let us stay with Christ in His agony. Let us serve with His heart.

Because love like this changes everything.

Is Donald Duck on the Epstein Island visitors log?

Sometimes I'll scan a headline and come to the wrong conclusion. Like this one:

Naked man arrested after roaming around Disneyland

It did inspire me to add to my Witty Comics collection. 

Working from home

 Trending on Glassdoor

This is another reason why manufacturing needs to be brought back to this country and more jobs that require people to physically have to go somewhere to do something. 

Not that remote work doesn't have its place. I work part-time from home doing home mortgage underwriting now with my wife and dog to keep me company. Bonus, we get some or all of our 4 grandkids at the spur of the moment a few times per week. But I'm a Gramps in his 60s so it works. 

I think about the best job I ever had in my life in the 80s and 90s as a district manager for the Flint newspaper - the typical day had me report to the circulation office in the morning to drink coffee, answer phone messages, write up a schedule, and load up newspapers in my trunk (sometimes just 10 newspapers for skip deliveries and sometimes numerous bundles if I had a route to do).  We had an office full of people and we shared some laughs. Then I would hit the road for the day, (sketchy neighborhoods, here I come) first stopping by my adult carrier's homes to do business and entailing picking up their bill money, contracting new carriers, terminating others (lawyers wouldn't let us say 'hire' or 'fire' paper carriers). Then more of the same with my youth force when they got home from school. Then back to the office for coffee, messages, etc. before going home around 6pm (ok sometimes the boys and I would go for a beer or two). 

It was after my promotions and when I was taken out of the field and put in the office going to meetings all day that the newspaper industry started to collapse. Cause and effect I guess. I'm thankful I was born when I was and able to work outside the home when it counted. I wish we still made newspapers among other things. The state-of-the art multi-million dollar press hall was retrofitted and currently serves as Flint's Farmer's Market slinging vegetables instead of newsprint. But I feel sad for the data analyst above who probably never felt that adrenaline rush while working in the field and wondering if they were about to get shivved. 

Who likes their Earth rare?

 I like my steak medium rare. I like my burgers medium well. I like my Earth well done.

I have devouted a good portion of my adult life (if not the last 3 minutes google-searching) studying rare earth, what is it and why has China decided not to export any more to us. WHAT I FOUND MAY SHOCK YOU!

OK, probably not. But 'rare earth' is not really rare at all. In fact, its abundant. I don't know if China knows this, but they are not going to hear about it from me! I don't need them escalating this tariff war thingy by halting oxygen exports. Or General Tso's Chicken.

I give you Michigan's own Rare Earth

Rare Earth on my way

Get ready 'cuz here I come

Oxymoronic

Blue Suede Skates

 I'm old enough to remember when Kalamazoo, Michigan was known for Elvis sightings in the late 1980s despite passing away in 1977. It seems like there was a morbidly obese fella with mutton chop sideburns and bejeweled caped jumpsuits on every corner back then. You don't hear too many "live" Elvis sightings any more, but fun fact - I usually see the "spirit" Elvis every time I visit my brother over there on the other side of the mitten. Of course, this usually follows a trip to Bell's Brewery and a few of my fav craft beer Two Hearted Ale IPA.  

I almost forgot the point of this post. Congratulations to Kalamazoo's own Western Michigan University and the Bronco's win over Boston University in the championship game of the NCAA Frozen Four men's college hockey tournament. Their first NATTY! Way to bring it back to the Mitten! 

Now I'm strangely in the mood for a peanut butter and banana on white bread.

We're caught in a trap

I love my Elvis sandwich

Always on My Mind

Ring me up before you go-go

 Apparently, the planet Saturn has lost it's ring. So-called scientists would have you believe that the ring is still there, but something called the "ring plane crossing" has oriented the ring per our perspective to be an almost-invisible line.

At least this what Saturn told his wife when he returned from a night at the bar after having told her he had to work late, and forgetting his ring was in his pocket. 

Today's Haiku (with a confusing ending)

Put a ring on it

get the band back together

Lost in Uranus

Apologetics accepted

 Still a proud dad , but deleted photo as I thought better than to draw him any heat. As to school presentations, I never liked them.. I have always hated public speaking. I never knew what to do with my hands... or my tongue for that matter.

No haiku today

I can't come up with any

Will try tomorrow

Judge James and the Giant Impeach

 The House finally got their act together and passed a bill yesterday that will limit activist federal district judges' from making spurious rulings and trying to jam up President Trump's agenda. They've done everything from trying to dictate who he can fire, who he can hire, what gets cut and what gets funded.  

And who could forget when Judge James Boasberg ordered 2 plane loads of Venezuelan Tren de Aragua gang members to be turned around and brought back to the U.S. I ran across this meme of Judge James Boasberg.

Today's Haiku (they can't all be gems)

Jail Rogue Robed Judges 

James and the giant Impeach

Send soap-on-a-rope

Dire Wolf Redux

 This is NOT a photo of Remus, the de-extincted dire wolf with his toy Lamby.

This is Zeke (a/k/a "ZekeyBoy").

Who is Remus?

Colossal Biosciences has successfully de-extincted the dire wolves which disappeared about 13,000 years ago.  DNA and CRISPR technology resulted in 3 pups named Remus, Romulus and Khaleesi (the later of Game of Thrones fame). What's the odds a breeding pair escape from a theme park zoo, evade capture and grow to 7 feet and weighing in around 200 pounds and whose descendants hunt us like so many field mice?  

 

This is 6-month-old Remus, one of the de-extincted dire wolves.

Today's Haiku

Jurassik escape

The island of misfit wolves

Dire consequences

Haiku Hot Dog News

 It was believed to be a record that couldn't be broken, but yesterday it was.

No, nobody consumed more than 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. That record still stands, and Joey Chestnut is still the hot dog-eating GOAT (for now). 

I'm referring to the NHL record for most goals scored. Wayne Gretzky, also known as "The Great One", scored his 894th and final goal of his career in 1999.  Yesterday, Alex Ovechkin scored his 895 goal - So I wrote this Haiku:

 Alex Ovechkin

Passes Gretzky for most goals

Wayne now "The Good One"

I have scoured the news feeds and I can't find any comment from Ovechkin as to his future plans and whether there is any truth to the rumor that he is now planning to go after Joey Chestnut's record as "The Gurd One". Stay tuned for updates...

Remember when Home Depot had convenient hot dog stands by the exit door? I do - So I wrote this Haiku:

Home Depot hot dogs

Joyful memories now gone

Stands closed since covid