THIS FALL...
From Chattering Teeth Studios
a blogspot blog...
Captain Phillips II
THIS FALL...
From Chattering Teeth Studios
a blogspot blog...
Captain Phillips II
Per this Fox News story, Las Vegas investigators say they've ID'd body found in Lake Mead barrel.
Welcome back, to the continuing adventures of Detective Pun, LVPD. The scene opens at dusk, a rusted metal barrel sits exposed from low water levels on the shore of Lake Mead. The glow of colorful neon from the Las Vegas strip alights the horizon like a macabre northern lights display for the homeless, hopeless and ill-repute. Detective Jim Pun arrives, wearing his ill-fitting beige trench coat - hair unkempt, as his wandering good eye falls on Dr. Bones, the county coroner, who is already on the scene and singing a tune...
"♫ Just a castaway, ♫ an island lost at sea, oh..."
Det. Pun: Hey doc, do you have Prince Albert in a can?
Dr. Bones: Let's not do this again...
Det. Pun: Well ya better let him out!
Dr. Bones: The vic. was shot twice in the back of the head sometime in the late 80's and stuffed in this barrel and dropped to the bottom of the lake where it washed ashore in 2022...
Det. Pun: You have me over a barrel, doc. Is he gonna make it?
Dr. Bones: He's dead, Jim.
Det. Pun: Well aren't you a barrel of laughs! From a cask to a casket, eh? I've been tapped to lead this investigation. I'm just gonna roll out the barrel. I don't think we are looking at a suicide. Here is my profile... We're in Vegas, so I suspect we are looking for a one-armed bandit - call him Charlie Tuna - who had just gotten canned at his soup factory, so he takes it out on our vic here like shooting so many ducks in a barrel. How am I doing?
Dr. Bones:How did you pass the police academy?
Det. Pun: Don't be so can-tankerous, doc. I'm on a roll. We need to keep a lid on this, eh doc? So I imagine you need to get this vic. on ice. Is your refridgerator running back at the distillery?
Dr. Bones: Please. I'm begging you...
Det. Pun: Well, you better go catch it! Nature calls, I gotta go to the can.
Fade scene - roll credits
In unrelated barrel news...
The Message in a bottle story reminded me of an old picture in my archives I've often wondered about. Pictured from left to right: my mother, me, brother Greg, brother Donz and my dad. My brother Rick and sister Cindy apparently had better sense than going over Niagara in a barrel.
I've spent most of my life trying to ignore the birds around me. Now I am getting such a kick out of these visitors to my newly purchased feeder with the spycam. They are hilarious! There is certainly a hierarchy in the bird world - kind of like high school. The Tufted titmouse and the Black-capped chickadees (think debate clubbers) will defer to the Downy woodpecker (validictorian) but the Downys defer to the feeder-squatting House finch (think lunchroom bully). They all scatter for the Northern cardinal (prom king / queen) and the cardinal thinks he's big and bad until the Blue jay (football blu chip) checks in. Of course, the a-hole squirrel pisses in the punch bowl. There is one in every class.
PICTURED: Federal agents executed a pre-dawn search warrant at the home of Representative Ilhan Omar.
I was exiting a Whole Foods Market empty-handed (the "W" on the sign was burned out, so it read "hole Foods", which I naturally assumed meant Donut Shop) when the store greeter - a long-haired freaky person wearing a nametage with "Skippy" on it - engaged me in a repartee...
SKIPPY: Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day.
BLADE: Deciduous Day? Like when trees lose their leaves? And people have to rake them up? It's about time we had a day for that.
SKIPPY: IN -DI- GE- NOUS! Indigenous Peoples' Day.
BLADE: Did you say, "Happy In Dungeness Peoples' Day"? Like the crabs? I loved Half-Life 2, that PC game with the parasitic alien crab creatures latch onto the human hosts to create zombies. Think CNN as the crab and the average anti-Trumper as the zombie. I must have played that game half a dozen times. Happy In Dungeness Peoples' Day to you!
SKIPPY: Crabs? No. I said INDIGENOUS. It means...
BLADE: (interrupting) Don't tell me! I'll get it. Is it INGENUOS Day? I believe the definition means "naive or innocent". So it's naive day, where the ignorant liberal white women pretend Michigan senate candidate Abdul el-sayed is a sincere champion of catch phrases for dummies and not actually a trojan horse for jihadists and communists?
SKIPPY: It's INDIGENOUS Peoples' Day!
BLADE: Let me check my calendar... I believe you meant to say, Happy Columbus Day! You know, "In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."
SKIPPY: Nope. I meant to say "Indigenous"... You know, referring to the the native people who were here more than 20,000 years before Columbus arrived in 1492!
BLADE: And yet, they didn't even have the wheel. I mean, the ocean goes both ways. Nothing was stopping these "native people" from building huge ships and sailing east and discovering Italy. And by "native people," do you mean the Indians? Also known as "Injuns?" That's it, right? Injun-eous peoples' day?
SKIPPY: I didn't say Injuneous! That term is a racial slur and used as a pejorative against the red skinned peoples. I said Indigenous! The first peoples!
BLADE: The first peoples were actually the crabheads. They were here before the Younger Dryas. That's science. Anyway, their time ended with the great flood. Eventually, the waters receeded and tribes of humans migrated over a land bridge between Siberia and Alaska - completely bypassing the border wall I might add. These illegal alien tribes were very territorial and not very good neighbors, frequently engaging in warfare with each other long before the Europeans landed. Conquest was in their very nature. Might makes right. So had Columbus, or any Europeans not discovered this land mass, would the great plains of North America still be sparsely populated with violent spear-chucking hunter-gatherers like the Sentinelese people (google it) even today? I think, yes. Columbus was the tip of the spear for bringing civilization to a backward third-world people.
SKIPPY: (hands shaking, as he takes a long drag from his marijuanna stick) That is NOT what my Berkeley professor told me! He said, the INDIGENOUS...
BLADE: (interrupts again) AH, I get it... You're saying INGENIOUS, which (according to Britannica) is an adjective that means very clever, original, inventive, or resourceful. What better way to describe Christopher Columbus, the Italian explorer who discovered America? Sorry I misunderstood originally... Yes, Columbus was Ingenious. And brave. Can you imagine sailing one-way across a vast ocean without knowing if there was even safe harbor on the other side, or if the water just cascaded over the edge of the flat Earth? So... Happy INGENIOUS Peoples' Day to you!
SKIPPY: (starts to cry) The white man was bad! The indigenous native peoples were a peaceful folk who wore loincloths and ornamental feathers while dancing around the campfire smoking peace pipes (sob)... until the white man came and did bad things or something...
BLADE: I think you're being disingenuos, which means lacking in true honesty, candor, or sincerity, often by pretending to know less about a situation than you actually do. Then again, maybe you're just high. Happy disingenuos indigenous day.
SKIPPY: AND I THINK YOU'RE A RACIST who hates the Native Americans because their skin is red! Why else could you be against honoring them with this special day!?
BLADE: Wrong again, Skippy. Just pick a different day. Heck, take the whole late Autumn... I love a good Indian summer. You are the low t self-hating white dude that hates white people, evidenced by your social media virtue signaling, parading in the racist BLM parades and tearing down statues of long dead founders and pioneers because they were white. Us christians love all people because we understand we were all created in His image. That's why we object to the attempted canceling of Columbus Day. So when I hear someone say, "Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day," I picture you with a crab on your head.
Now I need to see a man about a donut.
Pictured: In the game Half-Life 2, Dr. Kleiner made a pet of a headcrab and named it Lamarr. Lamarr's sharp "teeth" or beak were removed so she cannot latch onto or control a human host. The same would happen with the crabs infesting The View.
While I don't blog here anymore on a regular basis, I still do a golf blog during the season for our mens league. I have usually not crossed these streams, but I thought I would re-post a recent one here. It amuses me.
Who remembers the time (back in 2005) when The Snappers Golf League was NATIONALLY FEATURED on CNN for our opposition to the push for a Michael Moore sign? OK, 'featured' may be overstating just a bit. Watch the clip below and you be the judge.
So far, 99.99% of the seed eaters have been between a Black-capped chickadee and a Tufted titmouse. The chickadees remind me of Elvis, what with there black domes and dark sunglasses. The Tufted titmice (Aside from the unfortunate name) remind me of Johnny Bravo, so that is what I call them instead. We have also had a visit or two from a House Finch and a return of the Downy woodpecker.
Black-capped chickadee
Tufted titmouse
Downey woodpecker
House Finch
Ruby throated hummingbird (see ya next year!)
Not birds
Katydid
"You know, Blade, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"
The following was meant for my golf league site, but I thought I would re-post here just to see if this thing was still on. It's been a while. I like to think of that period of Chattering Teeth as "before AI". Life was 'more simpleriest'. That's why the wife and I watch re-runs of Happy Days.
Oh boy. Even the Fonz has jumped the mechanical shark and is on the AI wagon. So here goes (with a few modifications)...
Back in 1988 when my golf league started, I was sure that we would have flying golf carts by now. Oh sure, we have since reached "the singularity" with Artificial Intelligence, but instead of self-tying sneakers and flying cars, we have AI created memes of Enes Kanter stealing Natasha Cloud's wig.
Still worse, large data centers being built to address AI's insatiable need for power uses significant amounts of water for cooling (think of the beverage consumption of the average hacker on my golf league on a 90+ degree evening).
BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS! We have AI to generate golf-themed Haikus featuring The Snappers! No need for creative thinking! If we are going to dry up, we might as will go down with ignorant grins. So I entered the necessary prompts, and this was the instantaneous result...
Here are custom 5-7-5 golf haikus for each pair on your list:
1. Snapper & Tony T
Snapper hooks it left, (5)
Tony T is in the weeds, (7)
Both need better luck. (5)
2. Timmy K & Hollywood
Timmy K chunks shot, (5)
Hollywood just poses nice, (7)
Vanish in the pond. (5)
3. Wolf & Jason
Wolf mutters a curse, (5)
Jason muffs a easy chip, (7)
Pack knee deep in mud. (5)
4. C Money & Cam
C Money is broke, (5)
Which club will Cam snap in half? (7)
Deep into fescue.(5)
5. Shang & Ogy
Shang shanks it way wide, (5)
Ogy throws his heavy wedge, (7)
Total golf despair. (5)
6. Blade & Ed
Blade slices his putt, (5)
Ed is stuck inside the sand, (7)
Scores are way too high. (5)
7. Mike T & Rick North
Mike T slices right, (5)
Rick North heads south in the pond, (7)
Goodbye Titleist. (5)
8. Furey & Romo
Furey whiffs the ball, (5)
Romo hurls his putter far, (7)
Time to hit the bar. (5)
I'm not sure why AI insisted on counting the syllables at the end of each line (precious ounces of water lost), but we can rest assured that AI has a good grasp on us and this technology is finally being used for the greater good.
Anyhoo, I thought it was funny. And THAT has always been my motivating factor. See ya when I see ya!
For our 37th Anniversary, the wife and I went to our favorite watering hole at Ciaos in downtown Fenton. This was about 2 and a half years ago, and it was Happy Hour. We always get the Meat Balls and the Bruschetta appetizers, which are phenomenal. The wife likes a Pinot while I'm an "Old Fashion" guy.
We normally take a booth - but with none being open, we bellied up to the bar. There was only one other couple on the stools, and they were around the corner and on the end of the bar. They looked about 20 or so years younger than us - and they sat slightly turned towards each other talking softly. It's a quiet setting, and also keeping to ourselves, just enjoyed each other's company - as well as the food & drink. There are three Meat Balls total, but the wife always splits these evenly (one for her and two for me). But I "digest"... I mean digress.
I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but either we were overheard (or we shared with the bartender) that it was our 37th Anniversary. The young lady must have noticed my wife's Disney-themed Vera Bradley purse, and she commented that she loved it. Now keep in mind that the feud between Governor Desantes and Disney was very much in the news. I tell you this so you understand my knee-jerk reaction to a compliment of my wife's Disney purse. I said to the couple, "We like the old Disney, not the Woke Disney of today." Or something to that effect.
I had no idea of this younger couple's politics, but I made the assumption they were probably very liberal just based on the demographics of our town and their age. I certainly wasn't trying to pick a fight with them, but I was horrified thinking we would be mislabeled as leftists just because of my wife's purse. Much to my surprise, the man seemed to perk up a bit and said he agreed. We shared our dislike of the democrats and their insanity, and I told him I no longer watched cable news. He said, "I bet you watch Charlie Kirk." I answered, "Yes, we watch him every day!"
The couple left shortly before us, telling us "Happy Anniversary," as they left. The wife and I finished our drinks, and I asked the bartender for our tab. (Yes, you guessed it. Just like those corny commercials) - The bartender said, "Your tab has been paid."
I've thought about that exchange many times since Charlie was assassinated by a trans-terrorist almost two weeks ago. I originally made the wrong assumption about the politics of that younger couple. Charlie was making converts and having a huge impact even before then. The wife and I watched The Charlie Kirk show every day - it was on in our home office while we worked. His tragic loss hits me harder every day and we are going to miss him.
I have no doubt that Erika Kirk will now take TPUSA to new heights. I can only assume that the message will be exponentially greater even now. What man (democrats) meant for evil, God has turned to good. RIP Charlie, we've got it from here.
I know, I know. Thoughts used to cost only a penny, but - inflation. Also, the Treasury is killing the production of the Penny.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. I guess I just don't like change. I don't mean "change" change, as in loose coins. I love those, especially when I have exact change. "You just want one gallon of gas? That'll be $3.18, sir." Here's 12 quarters, a dime, a nickle and 3 pennies." (all procured from the console of my 2014 Traverse.) A little shot of endorphins there. However, nothing worse than falling a penny short when paying for transactions in cash, with no "need a penny, take a penny" tray in sight. I hope I am making cents.
What about the pressed penny machines? First, Lincoln is shot and now this.
Fun facts about pennies.
* The penny, though worth only a cent, costs nearly 4 cents to make.
OK, that makes no economic sense, but instead of discontinuing them - how about just quartering them?
* The last year U.S. pennies were made of 100% copper was 1857. Before that, they were pure copper. Pennies minted after 1982, including those circulating today, are primarily zinc (97.5%) with a thin layer of copper plating (2.5%). This change was due to rising copper prices.
Had the song been about pennies, it might have gone something like this...
♫Penny coins are behind my ears and on my eyes ♫
♫Found beneath the couch cushions prize... ♫
* The atomic symbol for copper is Cu. See you later.
* By the way, did Penny Marshall play Laverne or Shirley? Or Squiggey?
In other news - Stop Making Sense is an awesome live album by the American rock band Talking Heads (not by The Treasury Heads).
And that's all that is known about pennies for the moment. Stay tuned for important updates on the matter.
And this guy wants $300,000 for each speech...
Act now and get a Hunter painting thrown in!
America back in the respect column. That calls for a Haiku:
Three Hundred Thousand
Dog faced pony soldier speech
Deaf, where is thy sting?
Wasn't Shedeur Sanders (son of Deion) projected to be a first round quarterback? Why is he still undrafted after three full rounds? This draft slide is said to be the worst in history, and the scuttlebutt was that his pre-draft interviews were horrible. Anonymous scouts and coaches have questioned his character and ability, calling him entitled, arrogant and brash. One quote seemed to sum it up by stating, "...the biggest thing is, he’s not that good,” and the “worst interview ever.”
Meanwhile, still sidelined....
Zeke lets us know when he thinks we should go on his walk by coming into the office and whining.
He usually gets his way.
Yes, I use two leashes on him (double-leaded?). He becomes a sled dog if he sees a 'Pride Puppy' on our walk.