Friday, January 13, 2023

BIDEN AND SON'S GARAGE

 

Obama-era documents were recently found at a storage space in the garage of his home in Delaware. The classified Obama-era documents purport to expose Michelle Obama as "Big Mike", a transgendered college choom mate of the ex-president.

"OK Choomer.."



Biden told reporters that he was "surprised" to learn that his lawyers found the government documents in his garage. He said he was also "surprised" by the "Snap, Crackle and Pop" his breakfast cereal emitted earlier that morning.


Biden defended storing these highly classified documents in several old coffee cans next to oily rags on a shelf, stating that, "it's not like they're sitting in the street," then leaning in and whispering... "The garage is locked."



Biden is reported to be cooperating fully and completely with the Justice Department's review. Of course, the agent in charge has to wear an Easter Bunny costume in order gain the president's trust.


Danny Ocean: We can rob three Las Vegas casinos simultaneously, but we aren't getting into this garage. It's locked.

"it's not like they're sitting in the street."



FBI agent-in-training, Clarice Starling, was finally able to gain access to the garage by administering a severe hammer blow to the padlock. 



After several minutes of rooting around inside, she found what appears to be Joe Biden's Laptop in the glove compartment of his corvette.


Whatever happens with the discovery of these classified documents, at least we can rest assured that the media will cover it fully.


THE END

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Cooky the Clown Joins White House Staff


 
Chattering Teeth Breaking News Update Thingy.... 

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (KJP) received a new briefing partner this week when Cooky the Clown (CTC) joined her at the podium to perform as her sign language interpreter. Not really, but that is the only way I'd watch that clown show. 

Is it just me or are her eyelids way lighter than the rest of her? Is it makeup, and if so, which is her natural color? Her eyelids are actually caucasian in color which has me wondering if she(?) is actually a white chick in brown-face, ala Rachel Dolezal or Justin Trudeau? It doesn't matter to me, but we know there is nothing more important to the leftist democrat diversity box-checkers.

By the way, who remembers Cooky the Clown on Chicago's Bozo's Circus Show? 


We actually had our own Bozo show in Flint when I was growing up. I was in the studio audience for one show back in 1971 and was selected to be one of the hula-hoopers for the outro. (yes, that was me). Maybe I'd watch the KJP's Circus Show if the 'reporters' in the audience had to hula hoop. And Peter Doocy dressed as Bozo and throws a pie in KJP's face at the end of each briefing. Maybe Biden shows up in a tiny clown car and unloads with 32 secret service agents...



Nah. Still no.


Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Just get vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated

I'm fully vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated and, no, I don't know what's in it -


neither this vaccine, the ones I had as a chimp... I mean child, nor in the Big Mac, or the bunches of bananas... 



I also don't know what's in Ibuprofen, nor apparently the difference in risk between a drug used safely for decades and decades that cures my headache versus an experimental mRNA injection with a track record of injury and death... 



I'm fully vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated and, no, I don't know what's in it because ignorance is not only bliss but also virtuous. I don't need to burden myself with fancy reading or questioning when I can just watch government approved media. Leaves more time to watch the Tik Tok dances.



In short ...

There's a lot of things I don't know and never will... ooo ooo eee eee ah ah.



I just know one thing: life is short and I still want to travel and hug people... pick bugs off their backs, fling my own sh*t and climb trees.



Just get vaxxi-MonkeyPox-inated.


(below is not mine but too funny)



Monday, April 25, 2022

The Legend of Reedy Creek


 Things aren't so rosy for Disney, as the company has suffered major financial losses since it's CEO, Bob Chapek, picked a fight with Governor Ron DeSantis. It got me to wondering what the almost 40 square miles that encompasses Disney World in Florida known as Reedy Creek will look like in 2024 and beyond under the next Trump / DeSantis administration. Perhaps Trump will build a border wall around  Reedy Creek and let the weeds grow up around it and store all of the woke groomers and pedophiles inside.

A quick internet search string of "abandoned Disney World" opened a treasure trove of a potential Disney future. I think the artist had a comet strike, climate change or a zombie apocalypse to blame for his dark visions, not Chapek's wokeness. In any case, the results would be the same. I'm hoping Disney does an about face ala Scrooge, as he asked the spirit whether these were visions of things that could come true or will come to pass?

"Spirit!" he cried, tight clutching at its robe, "hear me. I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope?"

Sorry folks, the park is closed. The mouse should have told ya.

Here we see Chapek riding the monorail through Disney World. It is in slight disrepair but Bob is hopeful that Governor DeSantis will approve the infrastructure improvements any day now. Don't be like Bob...


Governor DeSantis will review this proposal after the family vacation at Mar-a-lago World. Here we see him and the family riding the Ron-o-rail through Future Trump Land. Be like Ron...

 Here we see Mayor Vaughn getting interviewed on Main Street, USA, encouraging more tourism.


Friday, April 22, 2022

Tyson on a plane

 Here's what we know so far. 

Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson mercilessly pummeled a man on a plane. Video evidence taken from a cell phone taken from across the aisle from this altercation revealed that the man on the receiving end of Tyson's rage was sitting behind Tyson. This fact alone removes Tyson's automatic and universally acceptable excuse for mercilessly pummeling a person on a plane. Namely, if that person was sitting directly in front of you and lowered their seat back chair. Anyone callous enough to lower their chair in wanton and reckless disregard for the passenger's knees behind them deserves such violence. However, as already established, Tyson was sitting in front of this man. 

Prior to Tyson turning around and delivering punches, the man is witnessed standing, pointing and seemingly taunting a seated Tyson. Why? We can only speculate. The numerous times I have stood and taunted fellow passengers is when they had a wailing infant. OK, not really, but it's the only time I thought of standing and hurling insults at people on a plane. 

Now it just so happens that this incident happened on a flight from San Francisco to Florida. Everyone knows that only fruitcakes live in San Francisco, and my extensive research indicates that Tyson resides in Nevada. Therefore, odds are that this man has a 50% chance of being a resident of San Francisco (he either is or he isn't = 50%) and we can all agree that fruitcakes from San Francisco deserve random and sporadic beatdowns. 

Reports from amused passengers suggests that at some point this man threw a water bottle at Tyson. This makes me ask the obvious question, and I'm sure you are way ahead of me here. Namely, how did this man get past the TSA gestapo with a water bottle? The attendants give you a cup of water and not the bottle, correct? More riddles, wrapped in a mysteries, inside an enigma.

I guess we'll just have to wait for these questions to be answered, and rest assured I will be scouring the news feeds for any news crumbs of this top story.

In any case, one can only imagine the conversation that the lispy Tyson may have had with yesterday's blog star, SCOT, 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot. 

But we'll have to leave it there.  Refresh this page repeatedly for breaking news.


Wednesday, April 20, 2022

What now for SCOT the 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot?

 Frankly, I think the thought engineers missed their mark with this oversize airport paperweight. Not that the not-so-hidden security spy camera isn't effective in alerting the closest TSA government soldier of a possible free-roaming free thinker who didn't have their useless paper mask pulled up over their nose. And the display screen appears to be broadcasting CNN in HD.


I just think the Lost in Space robot would have been more intimidating, with his flailing accordian arms and "WARNING, WARNING!" admonishments like he is in a robot sissy fight. They could have still used the lispy queer voice for a chilling prison yard feel.


In case you missed it, here is KAREN... I mean SCOT during happier times... 
Welcome to Dallath!


Earlier this week, a Judge voided the US mask mandate for travelers. Now what's an effiminate 7-foot tall gender-fluid, non-binary kiosk airport robot to do?

SCOT: Excuthe me, mithter, pleath put on your faith mathk.

BLADE: Maybe you missed it but a Trump appointed Judge lifted Biden's unconstitutional mask mandate for airports.

SCOT: Well that's dithappointing!

BLADE: That's what Biden said.

SCOT: What am I thuppothed to do now? What if there ith an atthathan traveling from Mithithippi with hith thupport thquirrel which ith infected with Covid!

BLADE: Well, you can't tell the assassin or his support squirrel to wear a mask.

SCOT: Inconthieeevable!

BLADE: Somehow I don't think that word means what you think it means.

SCOT:: I don't gif a thit. 

BLADE: Cheer up buddy. You still have that spy camera. Just watch for the red Trump hats. And you still have your display screen. Just broadcast those mindless vaccine propaganda commercials on an endless loop. That's still legal somehow...

SCOT: WAIT! ITH THAT A GOVERNOR DETHANTETH PIN ON YOUR BACKPAC? THECURITY ALERT! THECURITY ALERT!

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

The Crack's in the Ladle

 

and the cracks in the ladle, a large silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know where"

But we'll get together there

You know we'll have a good time there

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Quitting Disney

 

It is easy to boycott a product when the product sucks. It is exponentially more painful to extricate yourself from something that you love.

For example, it is easy for a conservative 'coffeyholic' to not overspend on a burnt cup of coffee at Starbucks, even when there is no viable alternative, because of Starbuck's woke corporate culture. I would rather suffer the onslaught of raging  morning caffeine withdrawal than chew on that sludge. The fact that it is a horrible company is just a side benefit. 

Quitting Disney will be a little tougher for some of us who vacation there on a regular basis and have so many great family memories made there. I am reminded of these in every room in our house from the Disney coasters on our coffee table, to a Mickey Mouse soap dispenser in the bathroom, assorted coffee mugs in the cupboard, shirts, purses, toys and other assorted souvenirs we've accumulated from Disney over the years. 

Status-quo is not an option, however, what with Disney CEO Bob Chapek 'coming out' against Florida’s anti-pedophile grooming bill. The last Disney collapsible paper straw for me came from a Disney staff meeting where "an executive producer at Disney said she was advancing a “not-at-all-secret gay agenda” to insert queerness into children’s animation."

Call me old fashioned, but I preferred when they were a little more subtle about their queerness.


OK, I get it Disney. You hate us. Traditional families of Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls are no longer welcome. Therefore we will begin the painful process of Disinvestneying from Disney.

The wife and I decided to take the plunge in early 2019 and bought into Disney Vacation Club (DVC), which is Disney's version of a vacation timeshare. This was an impulse buy while visiting there as guests of my brother & sister-in-law. Since then, we have gone back 7 times in the last 3 years, with another trip scheduled for this October. More to come on that.

The wife and I love our Disney vacations, whether it is a couples only trip during Epcot's Food & Wine or Flower & Garden festivals, or a big family trip with our kids & grandbabies (and my brother and sister-in-law, and their kids, and their kid's kids - like we did for a Christmastime trip this past December). Every trip so far has been different, and until recently we have been looking forward to many more. 

Regrettably, those plans will change, barring a major reversal by Disney.  

"Do you really think your little threatened boycott will have any effect on this almost $150 billion company?" - (disembodied voice in my head)

No, I don't think they'll care. That's not my motivation nor how I roll. I'm doing it for my soul. It's why I don't drink Coke nor watch the NBA or NFL anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd love it if thousands followed suit thereby forcing Disney's hand by firing Chapek and the whole boardroom of blue-haired gender-confused groomers. There is a better chance of Elon Musk buying Disney and bringing back The Great Movie Ride and the Back lot Tour. A man can dream.

So here we go. We canceled our Disney+ subscription this week. The automated process informed us that we were paid thru November and that our subscription would cease at that time. That was not good enough, and we stated so. Finally we got a live operator involved for an immediate cancelation and a $50 pro-rated refund is on the way. I don't want their promised future garbage in my home.

As for the DVC contracts we own, there are a couple of options I'm chewing on. The upfront cost to join was significant and basically covers the resort stays for 50 years. Disney really makes the $jack from money spent at the theme parks, restaurants and Disney Springs retail sales. So I was thinking...

Option 1) Sell my DVC points on the resale market and recoup all (or the majority) of my initial investment. The resale price for points at our home resort have increased in value to match what we paid Disney Direct for them in 2019. This doesn't really hurt Disney, any more than selling your used Chevy hurts GM. And the new owner will still be buying gas. That leads me to my second thought...

Option 2) What if we keep our points and simply did resort stays? I'd rent a car and we would go to non-Disney restaurants off site. We would also trade Disney Springs for Universal's City Walk and Universal theme parks. Hmmm...

More to come. As for the October trip, that has already been paid for so we will probably be going (and using Option 2 for that trip as a trial run). Taking some inspiration from the "Walt Not Woke" dadI may make my own shirt using my Woke Disinvestney logo above.  

What ever we do, we will always cherish the memories we were able to make.

The wife and I taking a boatride from Disney Springs to Port Orleans French Quarter for their famous Mickey Beignets.

My brother and me at this year's Flower & Garden festival at Epcot.

My kids and grandbabies...

December, 2021 at Chef Mickey's (my grandbabies and their cousins) Eagle eyes may spot Mr & Mrs DaBlade in the background on this one :)

We literally have hundreds and hundreds of like pictures taken in the last 3 years during our Disney vacations. Gonna miss it...

Bye Disney.

 

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

It has been 111 days since my last blog post

 Yes, I checked my math on my wood abacus. 

A quick impromptu poll... should I start back blogging on a semi-irregular schedule again, or stay in a semi-lucid retirement state?  Just comment on this post either "Yah" or "Yes". (I will even accept obvious lengthy spam comments that never even mention the post these bots are replying to and assume these as "Si'".


Stay tuned for the surprising results!  

Thursday, November 25, 2021

The First Thanksgiving, as told to the drunks lining the bar by AOC.


Long before the white dogs came to the United States, the area was inhabited by many Native American tribes. These native people lived in peace and spent their days dancing and singing and planting trees. They didn't pollute the land or water. They didn't own anything and were happy about it. 



One day, a ship called the Mayflower filled with white supremacists and Proud Boys landed somewhere near Kenosha, Wisconsin. 

They immediately began to throw toilet paper at the indigenous people's homes, which is why they call it tee peeing.

Then Chief Thomas Rainwater invited Captain Dutton and the invaders to share in their meal of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. 


The mostly peaceful Native Americans waited on the white devils 'hand and moccasin', and for a short time, peace and harmony returned to the pristine land. 

A short time later, the whiteys massacred all of the natives and stole the land. The climate immediately began to change.



THE END

Sunday, August 8, 2021

Obama 'S-Show' Continues

 When I read this NY Post story headline with photo .........


I assumed the cause of this traffic jam 's-show' had to be something extraordinarily macabre and frightening...



Saturday, July 10, 2021

Knock, knock. Who's there? VaxNazi. VaxNazi who? C'mon man!

 


Aquaman and Game of Thrones actor, Jason Mamoa, had one of the more memorable Super Bowl commercials for Rocket Mortgage last year. I no longer watch woke sports (so I missed the game) but somehow caught this humorous commercial. In it, he gets home and kicks back by taking off his fake muscles and mane. I think the unvaXXed patriots will need a similar disguise for the door nazis in the near future...


Monday, July 5, 2021

Just Golfin'

 Yep, still 98.6 degrees in the shade. Just posting links to a few recent golf videos from my league to make sure this thing still works. To my 4 0r 5 blog buddies, I promise to come around again soon...


Beautiful sunset over Lake Walden (followed by a ghastly moon over the pontoon dock)



Three turkeys, a deer and a feral cat walk into a bar... No, wait... That was me. Sometimes it is difficult concentrating on your golf shot when you are constantly being surreptitiously surveilled by these nosey woodland creatures.

WHY MUST THEY STARE!?



League night start at tee #10 across Lake Walden requires transportation to the dock before loading onto the pontoon. Which Snapper almost lost all of their clubs during this trip?

(and who is responsible for loosening the strap?)




Thursday, March 25, 2021

Biden's Song

 Last November...

Obama tells Stephen Colbert about his dream of being the puppet master

“I used to say if I can make an arrangement where I had a stand-in or front-man or front-woman and they had an earpiece in and I was just in my basement in my sweats (size petite) looking through the stuff (child porn) and I could sort of deliver the lines while someone was doing all the talking and ceremony, I’d be fine with that because I found the work (the destruction of America) fascinating,” Obama quipped.

Aaaand now...

WH Confirms Joe Biden and Barack Obama Regularly Talk, Consult on a ‘Range of Issues’

Asked by a reporter whether the former president had visited the White House and if the two speak, Psaki replied both Obama and Biden have a collegiate relationship undefined by the traditional roles of president and vice president – instead, they are “friends.

PICTURED: This is not Obama visiting Biden in the White House to give him his marching orders. Rather, it is a scene from the movie Brian's Song, when Chicago Bears football player Gale Sayers (played by Billy Dee Williams) visits his teammate Brian Piccolo (played by James Caan).


That was a great movie. Who can forget that emotional 'speech' scene when Sayers accepts the trophy on behalf of Piccolo, who was in the hospital suffering from dementia. 

SAYERS: Brian would like to be here tonight, but everyone knows that you put your dumb uncle in the basement.. 


PICTURED: An actual photo of Obama coaching Biden in the basement of the WH while Joe gets his nightly transfusion of aborted baby blood to keep the necromantic old fool semi mobile for just one more day...



Tuesday, March 23, 2021

keep your immigrants fresh!

Reynolds Wrap® Aluminum Foil has been saving time in the kitchen since 1947 - And NOW, thanks to the Biden White House, at the southern border!



Aluminum Foil can be molded to any shape you like, whether your illegal immigrant is an unaccompanied child or a virus-infected terrorist. You just wrap those swarms in foil to keep them fresh without having to worry about getting a dish back. We call it, wrap and release.

Organize your latest catch!


Foil can also be used to minimize cleanup, and convenient for freezer storage for the high volume of those who die in the processing. No matter, they can still vote democrat.

Q: Do you wrap the immigrant with the shiny side in or out? 

A: Many border cage pitmasters claim that the shiny side of the aluminum foil should face in to reflect the heat back towards the meat. Others swear by radiating the heat away from the leftovers. I guess it would depend on whether you the border of the Arctic circle or the equator.

Q: Should we line the cages with foil and poke fork holes into the foil-wrapped immigrants to allow air flow?

A: Not unless you want sporadic grease fires. Keep them burritos (and burritas) wrapped up tight!

Q: My immigrants are wrinkly!

A: Foil paper creases very easily. In fact, it creases so easily, you often cannot flatten out even a small wrinkle. Line up your hermanos and hermanas edges and crease carefully, or else your entire border will be wrinkled.

Q: I prefer reusable beeswax wrap on my illegal catch.

A: Let us know how that works out for you!