Friday, October 19, 2018


CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Closed-circuit television footage shows a man thought to be CNN reporter Jim Acosta standing outside of the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul and wearing a sandwich board stating, "Low Energy Prince Salman". The man was heard pleading that the sign wasn't his, and that President Trump was actually responsible for the insult attempt against the Saudi Crown Prince.

This coincidentally also happens to be the last place that Saudi journalist and Washington Post contributor Jamal Khashoggi was last seen alive.  Turkish officials claim he was killed and dismembered by a Saudi hit team for being critical of the Kingdom.

We caught up with President Trump in downtown Istanbul at the McDonald's drive thru where he categorically denied the charges. Zip Ties were spotted in the back seat of his limo that matched those used to fasten Acosta's hands to the sandwich board sign and the bone saw from his belt loop.

Stay tuned to the CT Blog for important breaking news updates that will periodically appear here as news breaks and continues breaking... until it is completely broke.


Thursday, October 18, 2018

Stormy Daniels Horse Face

Stormy D, The Talking Whore

Whores are whores, of course, of course, 
And no one can talk to a whore of course 
That is, of course, unless the whore is the famous Stormy D

Monday, October 15, 2018

“The Republican Club” Painting

Coke With Abraham Lincoln Is Now Hanging in the White House
President Donald Trump liked a painting of him having drinks with Abraham Lincoln, Richard Nixon and Teddy Roosevelt so much that he called the artist on the phone and then put a print of it in the White House.

Called “The Republican Club,” the print of 10 Republican presidents sitting around a table could be seen briefly in the background of Trump’s interview with “60 Minutes” Sunday, and an image of that moment went viral on social media.

It didn't seem finished to me, so I fixed it... (can you spot my improvements?)
You're welcome.

"GARCON! Another Appletini for H.W."

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Broken News

The news is broken. I don't mean 'biased'. Of course it's biased, but hasn't this always been the case? No, what I mean by 'broken' is that when I can scanned the headlines on Drudge this morning as per usual, and I see this little diddy:

I immediately think of this

And why not? The day after Kanye West visits the Oval Office no less. In today's crazy world, I think it just as likely (maybe even more so) that pop singer Michael Bolton would be assigned to the weapons department on the deck of the guided missile destroyer USS Soul Provider (the young Michael Bolton, when he still had flowing locks blowing in the winds of change in the South China Sea - not the old, bald version. It's my nervous breakdown, so my prerogative - at least that's what skinny Elvis sometimes whispers to me).

Don't misunderstand. I LOVE that Kanye visited Trump's White House for no better reason than it has driver the left even more bonkers than they already were (and that is saying something). In fact, I think Trump should give Kanye a key and let him crash on the couch there for a while, since I read that Kim Kardashian is giving him the boot.

As for the broken news, I can't tell you how many times I am reading a story and thinking it is legit, then only to realize I was on The Onion or the Babylon Bee (or Chattering Teeth Blog)... and then thinking, "well, it could have happened that way..."

But why stress? I think I will put on this new album, relax and just Drift Away...

Wednesday, October 10, 2018


A productive first day for Justice Kavanaugh...

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

KavaGump - People call me Justice

I like Gump. I like Kavanaugh. I like beer. And now I like Lindsey Graham, but I'm still not sure what he wanted him to tell them...

Saturday, October 6, 2018


'I would like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we've passed the audition.'
Thomas, Roberts, Alito, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh.
Now go get Roe!

Friday, October 5, 2018


A couple things on my mind this morning. First, did you happen to catch the gender-confused male feminist hairdresser who roundhouse kicked a pro life woman in Toronto on Wednesday?

While that so-called roundhouse kick wouldn't break a pane of glass in my old neighborhood, it might crack a smile of amusement. That is, unless his weak-assed kick was directed at a woman in my vicinity. If he did, he wouldn't be performing ballet any time soon.

Next up, we have these fruitloop man-hating bull-dike females and their male hairdresser dirty dancers protesting Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation this weekend. We Believe Survivors! We Believe Survivors!


The band, not the lyin' c*nt, Dr Stormy Ford.

Let's hear it for these true survivors...

Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the dream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger

Lastly, this one's not mine but I have to share...

Thursday, October 4, 2018

You're gonna need a bigger liar

First off, I never knew it would be possible for Lindsey Graham to rehabilitate himself in my eyes, but there you have it. Second, I don't know why his outburst at the democrats in the hearings last week reminded me of the Chief Brody/Mrs. Kintner scene from the movie Jaws, but here you have it.

Senator Feinstein? I just found out, that a girl gave you a letter full of lies in July, and you knew it! You knew there was a lying shark out there! You knew it was dangerous! But you let Kavanaugh testify anyway? You knew all those things, yet you didn't bring it up until the end! Boy, you guys want power. God, I hope you never get it. I hope the American people can see through this sham. That you knew about it and you held it. But still my boy's confirmation is delayed now. Oh, he will be confirmed and there's nothing you can do about it. My boy will be confirmed. I wanted you to know that.

[Mrs. Lindsey Kintner walks away]

To my Republican colleagues, if you vote no, you’re legitimizing the most despicable thing I’ve seen in politics. I'm not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see the confirmation spill out all over the dock. To Judge Kavanaugh, I hope you’re on the Supreme Court. That’s exactly where you should be.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018


Just kidding. Sessions was napping at the time.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of this news cycle of the evil democrats trying to destroy a good man. That's what they do. This is all about abortion, and they'll try to crush anyone who dares get in their way, so help them Beelzebub. In fact, I predicted back in July just prior to the hearings that the only way Kavanaugh would get support from the dems was if he did this.

So like I said - This news cycle is oversaturated. Overexposed. The circuits have overloaded.

Speaking of circuits overloading (how about that segue?) in just over 7 hours as I write this, our illustrious and honorable President Donald J Trump will deliver remarks at the National Electrical Contractors Association Convention at the Pennsylvania Convention Center

According to a WH official, there will be an audience of 10,000 electrical contractors, electricians and apprentices from across the country. That's a lot of butt cracks so keep your head down and be on the lookout for leaks if you're in the back row.

My worry is that the livestream will lose power during this speech, but if it does I know who to blame. After all, Philadelphia is a short bus ride from Scranton, PA - and which politician do you know of who is a huge Trump critic (and has likely taken the 'short bus' many times) and hails from Scranton?

Will Joe "Plugs" Biden sabotage the wiring at the National Electrical Contractors Association Convention?

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Flake on an elevator

Sen. Jeff Flake was hailed as a hero Saturday by Judiciary Committee colleague Sen. Chris Coons at the Global Citizen Festival in New York's Central Park.

"So feel free to join me in an elevator any time," he said.

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - It is not surprising that the mainstream media is ignoring this blatant sexual innuendo perpetrated by the very creepy looking Coons against the frightened and effeminate looking Flake. Smelling a story, I put on my Matt Drudge hat with the fake press credentials tucked into the band - sneaking onto the grounds of this gender-fluid festival, I cornered Senator Flake in an out-of-the-way elevator. The following impromptu interview transpired.

'BLADE: Thank you for doing this, senator.

FLAKE: I didn't really have a choice since you pushed me in here when I was on my way to the bathroom.

'BLADE: Still. Mr. Flake, you have been called a fake conservative and liberal sellout. You are a Republican senator from Arizona. I apologize if your liberal leanings are due to you working on your own brain tumor - but if they aren't, why else would you buckle to democrat pressure in delay tactics calling for a 7th FBI investigation of the squeaky clean Kavanaugh?

FLAKE: Well as you may have heard, just prior to the vote I was cornered on an elevator and confronted by a group of rabid feminist radicals chanting, WE BELIEVE SURVIVORS" or some such drivel. What you may not know is that once they left - and the cameras with them - Democratic Senator Chris Coons jumped onto the elevator with me just as the doors were closing. 

'BLADE: Did Coons bribe you to join their unholy coalition?

FLAKE: Worse. Coons began running his hands over my body and grinding his hips into me. I tried to yell for help. When I did, Coons put his hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming. Then he tells me, "Either call for an additional FBI probe into Kavanaugh, or the next probe will involve Joe Biden into Jeff Flake!"

'BLADE: Egads! Then what happened?

FLAKE: Just then, the doors opened and I escaped! I heard him laughing as I ran away. Had he confronted me on a broken down escalator, I'd have been there all day!

'BLADE: Thank goodness you were not trapped on this elevator with a leaking Dianne Feistein. Who Boufed, indeed!

FLAKE: Indelible in the hippocampus is the laughter.

And now you know... the rest of the story. Good day!

Friday, September 28, 2018

Dr Stormy Blasey Ford can't remember where she parked her car in Senate parking lot - "Maybe I ubered?"

Memories are funny things. Psychologists have said that they are malleable constructs that are reconstructed with each recall. Each time we recall an event, it changes. We forget some details, mix them up with other details from other points in our life, or even with a character from some obscure TV program we watched. They are faulty and inaccurate over time. 

That said, it has been OVER 20 HOURS since I watched Dr. Stormy Blasey Ford and her panel of slip-and-fall porn lawyers in front of the senate committee and listened as she told HER TRUTH. After 20 hours, I may have miss-remembered a few details from this Kavanaugh hearing, but this was my take-away ...

The lisping Senator Whitehouse grilling Kavanaugh on his "Beach Week" calendar entries.

If this were a scene in a Farrelly brothers movie, you'd think it over the top. 

Whitehouse: "Anthher the quethjun! Anthher yethh or no! Itth the 'Ralph Club' referenthing vomiting after conthooming too much booothz?"

Kavanaugh: I have a weak stomach, senator. In fact, your lisp makes me want to hurl right now.

Whitehouse: "What about thith Devilth Twiangle? Ithh that a refwencth to a female's Hoo-ha? A coochie cooch vajajay puthhhy?"

Kavanaugh: It's a quarters drinking game with 3 shot glasses. Have you ever had a friend, senator?

Whitehouse: What are theesth two, thwee... thix, theven F's in front of the Fourth of July? What doesth that thignify? Are these the number of gang raypths that day?

Kavanaugh: As my friend Squi would say, "F-fffffffuc* you thenator. You want any more on the Fs?

Whitehouse: What itth thith refwethce that sayth "Have you boofed yet?" Judge, have you — I don't know if ith 'boufed' or 'boofed' — how do you pronounce that?

Kavanaugh: That refers to flatulence. We were 16.

Cruz: Feinstein leaked!

Feinstein: I held it confidential but in the end this had to come forward. 
Cornyn: Can you tell us that your staff did not leak it? Cuz something smells to high heaven!
Feinstein: I don't believe my staff would leak it. I have not asked that question directly, but I do not believe they would boof.
Cornyn: Do you know that?
Feinstein: The answer is no. The staff said that they did not boof.
Cornyn: Have you asked your staff, or other staffers of the Judiciary Committee?
Feinstein: I just did. ... Jennifer reminds me I've asked her before about it. And that's true.
Cornyn: Well, somebody boofed it if it wasn't you.
Feinstein: Well, I'm telling you it was not -- I did not. I was asked to hold it in. And I was criticized for that, too.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Democrats gather outside around the crack pipe vending machine

It's been two weeks since crack pipe vending machines were discovered on Long Island. Now they are popping up in Washington, and the sales are brisk.

PICTURED: Dianne Feinstein and Senate Democrats gather outside around the crack pipe vending machine in preparation for the Kavanaugh hearing.

Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) - Will the entrepreneur who services this crack pipe vending machine please come and refill it.  Cory Booker has bogarted the last batch.

Cory Booker (D-NJ) - I am SPARTACUS!

Mazie Hirono (D-HI) - Just shut up and step up, Cory! Do the right thing for a change and give me a puff on your pipe.

Patrick 'Leaky' Leahy (D-VT) - I just wet myself.

Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) - Sheesshus! I wissh you would ssshtop embarassshing ussssshh!

Li'l Dicky Durbin (D-IL) - Is my fly open?

Monday, September 24, 2018

Exorcist Removed for Hate Crime Against Lesbian Demon

Chicago priest who burned rainbow banner removed from church
Days after it was revealed that the Rev. Paul Kalchik of Avondale’s Resurrection Catholic Church burned a rainbow banner that once hung in the church, Cardinal Blase Cupich, archbishop of Chicago, has removed him from his role as head of the North Side church...

“I’m about as much of a ‘gay basher’ as Mother Teresa of Calcutta,” the 56-year-old said in an interview with the Tribune on Friday. “Love the sinner, hate the sin — that’s as harsh as I get.”

From The Church Militant