Bird Watching

 So this is what I have now resorted myself to... bird watching in my backyard. Yes, I realize I am using the phrase in the opening sentence slightly out of standard grammar, as the correct idiom is to resort to something rather than "resort oneself to." (at least according to the annoying and sarcastic AI Overview. Who asked you?) But I don't blog much anymore, so bear with me.

The wife and I like to hang out in the 3-season room (which we call "the screen room") during the afternoon & evenings watching tv. We have comfy furniture in there, a ceiling fan for warmer days and a space heater when it gets cool. It won't be long before winter arrives and insists we huddle indoors for the next 6 months. 

A few weeks ago, we noticed a hummingbird flutter just outside the patio door, briefly staring at us as if to say, "where's the nectar?" before zooming away in search of better offerings. "let's get a feeder!," I said to the wife. Mrs. DaBlade got on her phone and ordered one from Amazon. In what seemed like only seconds passing, the front door camera alert went off on my phone and indicating it had been delivered. (those deliveries get quicker and quicker). 

We filled it with bird crack and hung on a shepherd's hook by the patio with care, in hopes that the hummingbird soon would be there. It didn't take long. I zoomed my phone camera in for a video. A quick search identified her as a female Ruby throated hummingbird (apparently the husbands are red necks wearing wife beaters). I'm old and semi-retired, so I really got a kick out of this. However, when the bird didn't return the next day, I began long and intensive research (5 minutes on google) and learned these buggers start escaping Michigan during September. Maybe they learned about Gretchen Whitmer from some of the crows?

Well that didn't go well. A new feeder for one sighting - at least until next April. Thankfully the wife also ordered a regular seed feeder for year round birds that was getting noticed. When a wood pecker showed up, I said, "let's get one of them bird feeders with a camera!" I no sooner said this and a package appeared on the porch in violation of the space-time continuum. 

So far, 99.99% of the seed eaters have been between a Black-capped chickadee and a Tufted titmouse. The chickadees remind me of Elvis, what with there black domes and dark sunglasses. The Tufted titmice (Aside from the unfortunate name) remind me of Johnny Bravo, so that is what I call them instead.  We have also had a visit or two from a House Finch and a return of the Downy woodpecker. 

Black-capped chickadee

Tufted titmouse

Downey woodpecker

House Finch

Ruby throated hummingbird (see ya next year!)

Not birds

Katydid

"You know, Blade, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!"

THIS WEEK: SHOCKING HAIKUS THAT AI CREATED ABOUT EVERY SNAPPER MEMBER IN THIS WEEK'S "SLICE"!!

The following was meant for my golf league site, but I thought I would re-post here just to see if this thing was still on. It's been a while. I like to think of that period of Chattering Teeth as "before AI". Life was 'more simpleriest'.  That's why the wife and I watch re-runs of Happy Days.

Oh boy. Even the Fonz has jumped the mechanical shark and is on the AI wagon. So here goes (with a few modifications)...

Back in 1988 when my golf league started, I was sure that we would have flying golf carts by now. Oh sure, we have since reached "the singularity" with Artificial Intelligence, but instead of self-tying sneakers and flying cars, we have AI created memes of Enes Kanter stealing Natasha Cloud's wig. 

Still worse, large data centers being built to address AI's insatiable need for power uses significant amounts of water for cooling (think of the beverage consumption of the average hacker on my golf league on a 90+ degree evening). 

Per an AI generated search (irony intended) these data centers consume "between 1 million and 5 million gallons per day under peak conditions, which matches the daily usage of a town with 30,000 to 50,000 people." Is it any wonder why Lake Mead, the reservoir that services Las Vegas, has water levels down 33% due to this high water demand from the Colorado River. At this rate, the only "bones" being rolled in Vegas will be found in the empty alleys along Fremont Street.

BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS! We have AI to generate golf-themed Haikus featuring The Snappers! No need for creative thinking! If we are going to dry up, we might as will go down with ignorant grins. So I entered the necessary prompts, and this was the instantaneous result...

Here are custom 5-7-5 golf haikus for each pair on your list:

1. Snapper & Tony T

Snapper hooks it left, (5)

Tony T is in the weeds, (7)

Both need better luck. (5)

2. Timmy K & Hollywood

Timmy K chunks shot, (5)

Hollywood just poses nice, (7)

Vanish in the pond. (5)

3. Wolf & Jason

Wolf mutters a curse, (5)

Jason muffs a easy chip, (7)

Pack knee deep in mud. (5)

4. C Money & Cam

C Money is broke, (5)

Which club will Cam snap in half? (7)

Deep into fescue.(5)

5. Shang & Ogy

Shang shanks it way wide, (5)

Ogy throws his heavy wedge, (7)

Total golf despair. (5)

6. Blade & Ed 

Blade slices his putt, (5)

Ed is stuck inside the sand, (7)

Scores are way too high. (5)

7. Mike T & Rick North

Mike T slices right, (5)

Rick North heads south in the pond, (7)

Goodbye Titleist. (5)

8. Furey & Romo

Furey whiffs the ball, (5)

Romo hurls his putter far, (7)

Time to hit the bar. (5)

I'm not sure why AI insisted on counting the syllables at the end of each line (precious ounces of water lost), but we can rest assured that AI has a good grasp on us and this technology is finally being used for the greater good.

Anyhoo, I thought it was funny. And THAT has always been my motivating factor. See ya when I see ya!

This Is The Turning Point

 For our 37th Anniversary, the wife and I went to our favorite watering hole at Ciaos in downtown Fenton. This was about 2 and a half years ago, and it was Happy Hour. We always get the Meat Balls and the Bruschetta appetizers, which are phenomenal. The wife likes a Pinot while I'm an "Old Fashion" guy. 

We normally take a booth - but with none being open, we bellied up to the bar. There was only one other couple on the stools, and they were around the corner and on the end of the bar. They looked about 20 or so years younger than us - and they sat slightly turned towards each other talking softly. It's a quiet setting, and also keeping to ourselves, just enjoyed each other's company - as well as the food & drink. There are three Meat Balls total, but the wife always splits these evenly (one for her and two for me). But I "digest"... I mean digress. 

I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but either we were overheard (or we shared with the bartender) that it was our 37th Anniversary. The young lady must have noticed my wife's Disney-themed Vera Bradley purse, and she commented that she loved it. Now keep in mind that the feud between Governor Desantes and Disney was very much in the news. I tell you this so you understand my knee-jerk reaction to a compliment of my wife's Disney purse.  I said to the couple, "We like the old Disney, not the Woke Disney of today." Or something to that effect. 

I had no idea of this younger couple's politics, but I made the assumption they were probably very liberal just based on the demographics of our town and their age. I certainly wasn't trying to pick a fight with them, but I was horrified thinking we would be mislabeled as leftists just because of my wife's purse. Much to my surprise, the man seemed to perk up a bit and said he agreed. We shared our dislike of the democrats and their insanity, and I told him I no longer watched cable news. He said, "I bet you watch Charlie Kirk." I answered, "Yes, we watch him every day!"

The couple left shortly before us, telling us "Happy Anniversary," as they left.  The wife and I finished our drinks, and I asked the bartender for our tab. (Yes, you guessed it.  Just like those corny commercials) - The bartender said, "Your tab has been paid."

I've thought about that exchange many times since Charlie was assassinated by a trans-terrorist almost two weeks ago. I originally made the wrong assumption about the politics of that younger couple. Charlie was making converts and having a huge impact even before then. The wife and I watched The Charlie Kirk show every day - it was on in our home office while we worked. His tragic loss hits me harder every day and we are going to miss him. 

I have no doubt that Erika Kirk will now take TPUSA to new heights. I can only assume that the message will be exponentially greater even now. What man (democrats) meant for evil, God has turned to good. RIP Charlie, we've got it from here.

A Nickle for your thoughts

I know, I know. Thoughts used to cost only a penny, but - inflation.  Also, the Treasury is killing the production of the Penny. 

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I guess I just don't like change. I don't mean "change" change, as in loose coins. I love those, especially when I have exact change. "You just want one gallon of gas? That'll be $3.18, sir." Here's 12 quarters, a dime, a nickle and 3 pennies." (all procured from the console of my 2014 Traverse.)  A little shot of endorphins there. However, nothing worse than falling a penny short when paying for transactions in cash, with no "need a penny, take a penny" tray in sight. I hope I am making cents.

What about the pressed penny machines? First, Lincoln is shot and now this.

Fun facts about pennies.

* The penny, though worth only a cent, costs nearly 4 cents to make. 

OK, that makes no economic sense, but instead of discontinuing them - how about just quartering them? 

* The last year U.S. pennies were made of 100% copper was 1857. Before that, they were pure copper. Pennies minted after 1982, including those circulating today, are primarily zinc (97.5%) with a thin layer of copper plating (2.5%). This change was due to rising copper prices. 

* "Penny Lane" is a song by the English rock band the Beatles that was released as a double A-side single with "Strawberry Fields Forever" in February 1967. It is about a street in Liverpool, not about the smallish 1 cent coin.

Had the song been about pennies, it might have gone something like this... 

 ♫Penny coins are behind my ears and on my eyes ♫

 ♫Found beneath the couch cushions prize... ♫

* The atomic symbol for copper is Cu. See you later.

* By the way, did Penny Marshall play Laverne or Shirley? Or Squiggey?

In other news - Stop Making Sense is an awesome live album by the American rock band Talking Heads (not by The Treasury Heads).

And that's all that is known about pennies for the moment. Stay tuned for important updates on the matter.

Comey dates cartels in the prison cell

 Comey belongs in prison.

First 100 days of middle term

 First one hundred days

This is what I voted for

Donald keep Trumping

Mumbling Joe

 And this guy wants $300,000 for each speech...

Act now and get a Hunter painting thrown in!

America back in the respect column. That calls for a Haiku:

Three Hundred Thousand

Dog faced pony soldier speech

Deaf, where is thy sting?

NFL draft news: Shedeur Sanders is still waiting to hear his name called

 Wasn't Shedeur Sanders (son of Deion) projected to be a first round quarterback? Why is he still undrafted after three full rounds? This draft slide is said to be the worst in history, and the scuttlebutt was that his pre-draft interviews were horrible. Anonymous scouts and coaches have questioned his character and ability, calling him entitled, arrogant and brash. One quote seemed to sum it up by stating, "...the biggest thing is, he’s not that good,” and the  “worst interview ever.”

That's not what I heard. I heard he's just like everyone else, but a little slower. He pushes a shopping cart around and barely speaks.

This story makes me remember some of the really horrible interviews I have participated in from the "coaches" side of the table.  Maybe the lad will get the call today in round 4, but at this rate, someone might be more likely to take another chance on Colin Kaepernick before this guy.

Meanwhile, still sidelined....

Zekey Boy goes for a walk

 Zeke lets us know when he thinks we should go on his walk by coming into the office and whining.

He usually gets his way. 

Yes, I use two leashes on him (double-leaded?).  He becomes a sled dog if he sees a 'Pride Puppy' on our walk. 

The Supremes to decide if public school parents have any rights

 The sick and twisted public school teachers in a Washington, D.C. suburb got their blue and pink hair buns in knots when some parents wanted to opt out of their children being forced to attend some gay time story hour, so they ended up in court. 

The Supreme Court on Tuesday was sympathetic to a group of Maryland parents who want to be able to opt their elementary-school-aged children out of instruction that includes LGBTQ+ themes. The parents argued that the local school board’s refusal to give them that choice violates their religious beliefs and therefore their constitutional right to freely exercise their religion. During nearly two-and-a-half hours of oral argument, a majority of the justices seemed to agree with them, with several justices questioning whether there would even be any harm to simply allowing the parents to excuse their children from the instruction. 

The linked article lists the title of one of these books as Pride Puppy, about a dog that gets lost in a pride parade (Better wash them paws when you get home, Spot). They mention another book about a girl who goes to her gay uncle's wedding.  I'm sure that gay uncle Buck is awaiting this decision with "baited breath" (sic), but even with a sane decision, why would a parent keep their child in a school full of witches?

I had this same decision to make. 

The date was November 3, 2000 (4 days before the election) My middle son's 3rd grade class assignment was - "If you were old enough to vote, who would you vote for, and why?" 

As you can see, he apparently got the answer wrong, as he was supposed to say, Algore.

Needless to say, I had a meeting with this teacher the next day. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do still remember the rage I felt by her "correcting" my 3rd graders' paper. Her response was something along the lines that these papers would be taped to the children's lockers for the upcoming parent/teacher night and she thought it would cause a stir. She sprung tears and appologized, and even stated that Joe could re-write his report verbatim and she would see that it was used. I didn't expect this response, and thanked her and conceded that I would have him re-write it using the politically corrected ending of hers. 

Fast forward to 2001 and shortly after the 9/11 attack. My oldest (same public school system, in ninth grade) informs us that he was selected to be pulled from class to attend some presentation by a muslim imam on the virtues of islam, or some such nonsense. Needless to say, I wrote a note stating I did not give permission for this, and that under no circumstances was he to be pulled from class for this. I remember stating in the note that we were practicing Catholics, and that I doubted they would allow our local priest to recruit here. I also did not have warm feelings for the religion that inspired taking down the WTC.

When he arrived home the next day, he informed us that he was pulled from class and made to attend this muslim presentation. I immediately went to the office (probably frightening the busy-body women on the other side of the counter) and demanded to see the principal. She refused to see me with some excuse. I immediately pulled my 3 boys from this public school system and enrolled them in a very expensive Catholic schools. 

I only wish that had been enough. "2 out of 3 ain't bad" in many things, but in raising decent human beings it sucks.

Happy Earth Day!

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP) is a swirling island of mostly plastic that is more than twice the size of Texas, and I purchased a time share there. It's very quiet and peaceful here. In fact, except for a very angry tribe of Sentinelese natives on the north shore, I have this flotsam to myself. You get used to the jellyfish for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Every once in a while you may score a floating twinkie still in its wrapper. The GPGP is constantly on the move, so you never know what you're going to get with the night sky. I read somewhere that environmentalists want this paradise removed from the ocean, but reports have estimated it to be expanding 10-fold each decade, so my beautiful beach just keeps getting bigger! I may just stay here until the shoreline finally expands to reach Asia and North America so I can just walk back and save air fare.  

Fun Fact: Did you know that keying 1,000 Teslas will lower the Earths temperature by .0001 degrees?

Air Tag, You're it!

Evidence of my youth: I haven't lost anything in quite some time. The assumption is that when you get old, you get forgetful. You're always misplacing your keys or your purse / wallet. Not me! In fact, I haven't lost anything for... well, a while. Of course, we both work from home so we don't get out much. And not remembering EVERYTHING is not evidence of senility. After all, I have an IDIOTIC memory, not an EIDETIC memory.

Evidence of my old age: OK, so maybe I'm not as young as I used to be.

Me: "Honey, have you seen my reading glasses?," you inquire. 

Hon: "They're perched on your forehead," she answers.  

Me: "I see your lips moving, but can you please speak up!

Hon: "I'M NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA!"

Me: "No, I don't want a soda right now. And for the record, we call those 'pops' here in the Mitten.

Evidence of my youth:  I tend to fool youngins (I assume) who take my order at the drive thru speaker by using their own hip lingo when ordering. They must really think I'm "one of them" until I pull up and they see my greying whiskers.

Me: "Yes, I'd like one of them Outa sight Mc Cafee senior coffees. No cream or sugar. Just Al Dente. I don't need all that and a bag of chips."

Speaker: "Uhhh... we don't sell bags of chips."

Window: "That will be 80 cents, hon."

Me: "That's fire!"

Evidence of my old age: **The room is filled with a ring tone of the Jurassik Park theme song at full tilt**

Hon: "You're phone is ringing. Are you going to answer it?"

Me: "That's just me calling my phone from yours so I can find it.... Where did you hear it?"

All that to say that we have a short trip coming up and I thought it might be a good idea to try those Air Tag thingys I had heard about. I could put one in each of our luggage and track those suckers from my phone. "They're on the tarmac now honey... ON THE MOVE!" I might also stick one on my Kindle in case I leave it at the pool or in the workout room (harumph).

So the wife hands me a small box and tells me it contains four Air Tags she ordered from Amazon. 

I opened the box and it didn't contain any directions for pairing them with my phone. A quick google search and voila!

I'm sure you're way ahead of me. Yes, I spent the next half hour trying to pair the Airtage protective cases with my phone. I took the plastic cover off and removed the keyring (this must be it) and rubbed it on my phone like it was a magic genie. After further research, I discovered that the wife had only ordered the protective cases and that the Air Tags were not included. I don't think it's funny that Apple gets away with teasing Boomers this way.  

HAPPY EASTER! He is not here, for he has been raised just as he said

 He is not here...

Easter Reminds Us All Things Are Possible

Lord, renew our childlike wonder at the miracle of new birth in You. The way You show up in the impossibility of bringing those You created who are dead in sin to new life. Give us the ability to see others with Your eyes so that we do not consider any person out of Your reach. Do make “all things possible” in the hearts of those around us so they become new creatures in Christ (II Corinthians 5:17). We will give you all the praise and thanksgiving this Easter!

Amen.

Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny

 In another universe... On another timeline... a short story for my own amusement. (I think Kid would have liked it though :)

Chattering Teeth News - Colossal Biosciences has done it again. Earlier this month, the company announced the de-extinction after 13,000 years of the Dire Wolf. Now comes an explosive announcement regarding the creation of a species that never existed in nature, a genetically engineered Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny - made by crossing the DNA of a prehistoric jackrabbit (Lepus Giganteus) and the genes of a Jurassik era Velociraptor. 

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Don't you see the danger, Colossal, inherent in what you're doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet's ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that's found his dad's gun.

According to an anonymous Colossal engineer, Peter Rabbit wanted the company to help create his successor for his early Easter morning duties involving the hiding of colored eggs in every Christian household. It seems that that these duties are handed down every 10-12 years (much like the Dread Pirate Roberts in the The Princess Bride documentary), which is the average lifespan of your typical hare. The current Peter was frustrated that every "Peter" rabbit throughout history was unable to lay their own eggs, (since they were males and mammals). "No longer would he rely on farm chickens to surrogate these proxy deliveries," he thought, asking Colossal to create this cross using rabbit genes with that of an egg-laying giant killer chicken known as Velociraptor.  

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.

Pictured: Dr Grant, a renowned Rabbitologist, spotting a glimpse of the Dire Rabbit Easter Bunny for the first time.

Think Jurassik Park movie theme song here for dramatic reveal

Dr. Alan Grant: Dire Rabbit doesn't want to be hide eggs. He wants to hunt. Can't just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct.

Volunteer Boy: That doesn't look very scary. 

Dr. Alan Grant: OK, try to imagine yourself on Easter morning and excited to search for the hidden eggs. You get your first look at this Dire Rabbit as you enter the living room. He moves like a bird and a bunny, lightly, bobbing his head and hopping about. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Dire Rabbit. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but Hippity Hoppity from the side! From the other two veloci-bunnies you didn't even know were there. Because Dire Rabbit's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he nibbles at you with his razor sharp front buck teeth... maybe across the belly, spilling and the basket full of eggs and fake green grass with your intestines... you are alive when they start to eat your Cadbury Eggs and jelly beans. So you know, try to show a little respect.

Volunteer Boy: OK.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: I'm simply saying that Dire Bunnies' lives matter, and uh... life finds a way.

Good Friday

 Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.