Monday, September 23, 2019

What Barbara Bush Would Say

When I saw that photo of the Iranian militiamen above the fold and big as you please, I couldn't help wondering what Barbara Bush would say. I think she's cleared that up. I tend to agree with her.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Bongo Joe "behind the gym"

"Bongo" Joe Biden threatens to beat Trump "like a drum".

What is it with Joe Biden's threats of violence against Donald Trump?

"Bongo" Joe has a long history of making threats of physical violence against this president. Remember back in 2016 when he said, "If we were in high school, I'd take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him".

A year later, he doubled down on his physical threats. “The idea that I’d be intimidated by Donald Trump? ... He’s the bully that I’ve always stood up to. He’s the bully that used to make fun when I was a kid that I stutter, and I’d smack him in the mouth.”

"Oh, just trust me, I would kick his ass. He'd be easy," Trump has said.

This Chattering Teeth reporter has used Justice Kavanaugh's Frat House Time Machine (made from a car battery, jumper cables and spare beer kegger taps) to go back in time to peek in on Donald J Trump and his visit to the puny Bongo Joe Biden at his locker in order to collect his lunch money.

Friday, September 20, 2019

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau now says Wearing black face is a human right

Here come the long lines. When the government makes black face "free," woke white guilt progressives' demand for black face services surges. They have no incentive to limit their visits or choose more cost-efficient makeup.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

The New York Times Supermarket Tabloid Landfill Fodder

Chattering Teeth News - The New York Times latest explosive report claims that when Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was still at Yale, he used a hot tub time machine from the basement of his frat house (and made from a car battery, jumper cables and spare beer kegger taps) to go back to November 2, 1948 and rape Harry S. Truman on the eve of his election.

Democrats immediately began calling for Kavanaugh's impeachment and removal from the high court after these baseless allegations.

The paper was forced to issue an update that included the significant detail that several friends of the alleged victim were exhumed and could not recall the purported sexual assault. The paper also had to admit that time travel was not yet possible, let alone in the 1980s when Brett was at Yale. However, they theorized that sometime in the distant future, time travel is likely, and that a future time traveler could potential go back to the 80s with a spare time machine for Brett to then use to go back to 1948.

When the NY Times was asked how this fake hit piece came to be published, a spokesperson for the paper claimed "friends pushed a pen into the hand of a female reporter and she has no memory of using these words."

The reporter herself used a Joe Biden gaffe as her defense, claiming that she came from a very poor background and therefore "heard 4 million words fewer spoken by the time she got there".

The alleged victim's desiccated corpse refused to be interviewed.


Sunday, September 15, 2019

Beto: "Hell yes. We’re going to take your baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet"

Beto: "Hell yes. We’re going to take your baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet"

O’Rourke says baseball is a sport that involves attempting to hit a high-velocity ball and designed to entertain people in a ballpark. Sure, it looks easy for a muscular and fit professional baseball player to shred the cover off the ball with a high-impact swing of the bat - but when I see this sport played by children... I saw a 9-year-old girl in Podunk, USA, cry after dribbling the ball 2 feet off a tee and failing to make it to first base before getting tagged out by the catcher! 

And the hot dog? When this high-cholesterol, high-sodium weiner, when it hits your body, shreds everything inside of your body, your waistline and arteries, because it was designed to do that...

As for the apple pie and their classic pastry crust made from butter, flour and sugar... how could I hope to maintain my 6'4" 90-lb effeminate girlish figure by consuming these?

Forget about the Chevrolet and it's planet-destroying and fossil fuel guzzling combustible engine.

Hell yes. We’re going to take your baseball, your hot dogs. Your pie. Your cars. We’re not going to allow fellow Americans to enjoy unhealthy freedoms anymore.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Politicians in cars getting Cheeseburgers

BLOG ANNOUNCER GUY: Good afternoon, and welcome to another exciting episode of Politicians in Cars Getting Cheeseburgers, with your host, President Donald J Trump!

[theme music - Glenn Miller's opening of In The Mood starts the show!!!]

SHOW RECAP: Whether Trump is entertaining visiting dignitaries, royalty from overseas, business tycoons - or just Whenever he gets a hankerin' for a late night cheeseburger - the president calls down to his secret motor pool to have James 'Mad Dog' Mattis pull around to the South Lawn door for a quick exfil and gettaway from CNN fake news reporter, Jim Acosta, who is usually hiding naked in some White House bushes taking notes (or something).

Mad Dog has been President Trump's wheelman and impromptu valet ever since he resigned as Secretary of Defense last December. Today, he is driving a mini eco car in order to throw off the press pool, who would never dream that Trump would ever ride in an environmentally friendly car. What they don't know is that Trump had his smart cars retrofitted to run on high octane Polar Bear blood.

...and now, on to the show!!! [raucous applause]

In this week's episode, President Trump takes John Bolton for a ride. The National Security Adviser thinks he is being treated to a Big Mac from the boss, but actually Trump tells him that his services are no longer needed at the White House, and instructs Mad Dog to pull over and throw Bolton out at the corner of First Street and Union Station Plaza Northeast.

This latest move has once again stymied the fake news media who hate John Bolton and his hawkish foreign policy positions, yet hate the president even more. Trump calls this pulling the rug with the fake news media. He did the same thing with the firing of James Comey, whom the leftists hated while he was FBI director, but suddenly loved him after Trump fired him.

Now that John Bolton is out as National Security Advisor, who is the next in line? Chattering Teeth News has it on good authority (made up) that MICHAEL Bolton will soon be named to fill the slot.

Before anyone feels sorry for the departing Bolton, John has signed with Chattering Teeth Publishing to record this new album...

(yes, those last 2 are repeats of mine but I like them, so...)


Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Trump's Sharpie Does it Again!

Trump uses sharpie to extend Conservative Republican Dan Bishop's victory in NC to include Alabama's 7th Congressional district and unseating Terri Sewell, the only Democrat Congressman in Alabama.

Friday, September 6, 2019

Creepy Joe Biden and his Blood Eye of Sauron

Is this blood in his eye medically just a subconjunctival hemorrhage, or is this a bad omen and foreshadowing of doom? Is the evil eye a curse? And if so, will this result in Obama's endorsement now?

"Far off the shadows of Sauron hung; but torn by some gust of wind out of the world, or else moved by some great disquiet within, the mantling clouds swirled, and for a moment drew aside; and then he saw, rising black, blacker and darker than the vast shades amid which it stood, the cruel pinnacles and iron crown of the topmost tower of Barad-dΓ»r. One moment only it stared out, but as from some great window immeasurably high there stabbed northward a flame of red, the flicker of a piercing Eye; and then the shadows were furled again and the terrible vision was removed."

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Biden awards medals to North Korean Generals

Chattering Teeth News - Joe Biden has recently received a ton of negative attention for his telling of stump speech composite stories that never actually happened. 

To one crowd, he says he traveled to godforsaken country of Kunar province in Afghanistan in order to pin a medal on a grieving Navy captain in recognition for his heroism.

In another, Biden tells how he bravely brushed off warnings from staff for a risky trip to Walmart in outskirts of Kabul in order to award medal to stock boy who rappelled down a stack of 60-foot shelving after retrieving a bulk-sized brick of toilet paper while under verbal fire from a sheep herder with the runs.

“He said, ‘Sir, I don’t want the damn thing!’ ” Biden said, his jaw clenched and his voice rising to a shout. “ ‘Do not pin it on me, Sir! Please, Sir. Do not do that! He crapped his pants! Sir, he crapped his pants!’"

Joe's latest version has him recounting a peace-keeping mission to PingPong, North Korea, under invite from Gleatest Reader, Kim Jong-Un in order to pin several thousand medals on his current staff of Hundred-Star Generals in honor of them avoiding Kim's wrath for yet another week and having not been sent to a labor camp been or executed and fed to his dogs.

Snopes, the 'independent internet truth barometer', has rated this latest recount as a Mixture of truth and harmless misspeak.

What's False
Biden's story is not "false," as was widely reported, because his underlying recollection of pinning a medal on a grieving soldier who did not want the medal is based on a real occurrence, when as a boy in Scranton, Pennsylvania, he cried when he was blindfolded and couldn't successfully pin the tail on the donkey during his 10th Birthday party, and then shat himself in the process.