Sunday, July 28, 2013

More on ABC 12's sketch artist

ABC 12's reporter (and sometimes sketch artist) Siobhan Riley drew on live TV what many perceived as an inadvertent depiction of male genitalia on a map of Saginaw last month, drawing national attention and the TV station's pleadings that it was all 'an honest mistake'.

Miss Riley's art has been the subject of much ridicule and featured on Comedy Central's The Daily Show, Huffington Post, Salon, The Daily Mail, Gawker, The New York Daily News, The Daily Telegraph and others.

"This is just another phony scandal," said the station's news director. "If they just would have let her finish. I just wanted Siborner to insert a little culture into her reports which symbolized Mid Michigan's renaissance, and what better way than Da Vinci's 'The Vitruvian Man'!"

Mission accomplished sir!

The news director continued: "Did Leonardo have to suffer 'penis jokes' over HIS sketch in the 14th century? The Vitruvian Man exemplifies the blend of art and science during the Renaissance. The drawing is based on the correlations of ideal human proportions, and frankly I think Siboner's drawing has been blown out of proportion.

Miss Riley: That's 'Siobhan' not 'Siboner', but thank you sir. As our Flint audience knows, the word Renaissance is literally translated as "rebirth". I knew the cultured Flint audience would pick up what I was laying down on that touchscreen.

If this blog lasts more than four hours, call your doctor immediately.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Please forward all my calls to the pool noodles

Somewhere in the world...
* NSA whistle-blowing Edward Snowden is hiding out and on the run because he had the audacity to shine a disinfecting floodlight on obama's sponsored warrant-less surveillance practices perpetrated against average American citizens.

* Earlier this week came the surprise announcement that Homeland Security chief Janet "Big Sis" Napolitano would be vacating her post so she could spend more time working on her manly linebacker body frame and perfecting her butch salt 'n peppa hairdoo.

OK, that isn't really the official cover story for her leaving (I forget this lie). But with Snowden hiding out in A Russian Airport Terminal and Janet "Big Sis" Napolitano 'retiring... do they REALLY want me to believe these two stories are just a COINCIDENCE???

PUH LEEZE! If I wanted to send a super secret spy to a Russian Airport Terminal to check the male bathroom stalls without drawing undue attention from the Politburo, WHO BETTER than the Big Sis? In the unlikely event she were to be captured in her search for Snowden and thrown at the feet of a shirtless Putin for questioning, who better than she to take him down?

* Meanwhile, George "White Hispanic" Zimmerman is spending Day One a free man, but likely on the run and in hiding due to the numerous death threats he has received from the tolerant progressives.

George - If I may offer you some advice on how to remain anonymous and undiscovered? Forget the Russian airport terminal bathroom stall hiding place scenario (as attractive as that might seem at first blush). Trust me. You want no part of Big Sis in a hoody.

Ask yourself where one lone white hispanic could hide in plain sight among an estimated 12 - 16 million other ones... THE BORDER DUMMY! The progressives have no desire to shut that whole vote machine area down. 

You're welcome. Glad I could help.

Now in the unlikely event that Big Sis was sent to track and surveille me, let me just save her the trouble and fully disclose this "creepy ass cracka's" where-abouts for today. With the post church service forecast reaching 90+ degrees today, I no doubt will be in my backyard swimming pool - consuming an ice cold LaBatts Blue and reading from my Kindle. Please forward all my calls to the bouyant pool noodles.

After all, I believe it is the Fourth Amendment that states in part: "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses and swimming pools, against unreasonable searches and seizures of their beer and noodles shall not be violated.

Friday, July 12, 2013

How to spot a "white Hispanic"

It's been just over 19 years ago, on June 17, 1994, when O.J. Simpson captivated the American public by leading the LAPD in an hour-long low speed "police chase" around Los Angeles in his infamous white Ford Bronco.

That got me to thinking.. If there is an acquittal in the George Zimmerman murder trial, and with the lib progressive elites invested in a conviction (facts be damned!), could we have a repeat police chase, complete with celebrity 'chopper 4' news footage in the near future?

"One Adam-12, One Adam-12. We are in pursuit of a white Hispanic driving a lowrider family mini-van that appears to have been modified with hydraulic suspension. We are currently bouncing north on Florida's I-4 at approximately 5 miles per hour. The white Hispanic avoided the last road block by executing a two tire wheelie with the flip of his dash switch..."

To be continued...

Lesser known celebrity police chase involving Tiger Woods