Democrats need the Smart Goggles

Don't confuse beer goggles with Smart Goggles, invented by Professor Kuniyoshi at the University of Tokyo. These goggles have a built in camera, display screen, and computer-powered brain thingy. Other than making the wearer look like a complete dork, they reportedly remember where you last saw your keys, your iPod, your pocket protector, etc.

Just read the following assorted features and tell me that you don't have the urge to run out and buy one of these Goggles:

...it could also be used as an educational tool. If given the right programming, it could allow wearers to walk through gardens, stare (at) unfamiliar plants and find out their names instantly.

More sophisticated versions could also help people who are bad at remembering names get through awkward social situations.

The invention does have flaws. It cannot cope with family members who insist on hiding or moving objects. And it struggles to cope with objects placed in unusual positions.

OK, listen up Yoshi, allow me to help you out with a few things. First, I get it. You invented these glasses because in some nerd-logic way, you thought that it might help you get a girlfriend, and not one that has one of those valve stems, am I right? What you need to do immediately is to STOP walking through gardens with those goggles staring at plants. You're scaring the chicks. Seriously.

Next, you say that these goggles will remind the wearer the name of the person they are conversing with, thereby avoiding that "awkward social situation." The computer evidently has face recognition technology and will flash the name of your subject on the view screen, correct? well, unless you are trying to pick up a cyborg "woman" while wearing these goggles, EVERY situation might be construed as "awkward". Man, you are just trying too hard! Turn the viewscreen on ESPN-HD, grab a cold one and chill. Your rugged disinterest and anti-social behavior will actuallly ATTRACT the females. Trust me here, Yoshi.

Lastly, what the $%^& kind of sick family members do you have, and why do they insist on moving and hiding your keys? You might want to equip those goggles with a little side laser. Keep that baby on "stun" and let them have it if they get close to your stuff. This laser should also be equipped with a lethal setting, as you never know when you might run into Godzilla in the streets. (GO-ZEE-RAAA!!) Just kidding. Didn't mean to scare you.

Hope that helped.

Now I'm thinking that this invention might help the Democrats find a solution out of their current cunnundrum. Perhaps these Smart Goggles could allow the wearer to discern the true nature of the candidate. A glimpse at their soul, if you will. This should be within the parameters of what these goggles can do. I mean, these are Democrats we are talking about. The software wouldn't need to be any more complicated than the program used for plant staring in that garden.

So rather than an expensive re-do of the primaries in Michigan and Florida and being no better off for it, just try the goggles. What do you have to lose? Certainly not your dignity. Put them on and power them up. Let's start by taking a closer look at Barak Obama. No, no, no. I mean, Really LOOK at him. After cutting through the packaging and marketing, what do you think the goggles might reveal? If the goggles worked as advertised, you might just be staring at that empty suit. Maybe you want to give Obama the goggles and let him wear them throughout his presidency. Obama has no real experience to draw from in a time of crisis. Maybe the goggles' viewscreen would constantly display correct responses to world leaders for unlimited hypothetical situations. The goggles could be programed with a smart chip routine called, "what would Ronald Reagan do?". Nah. As Ron White says, "you can't fix stupid".

What about the true Hillary exposed? Yikes!

On second thought, just put on those beer goggles!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Michigan Mulligan on primary re-do

So Michigan Democrats will get a mulligan with a tentative June 3rd "do-over" primary. Evidently, DNC rules dictate that a re-vote must be held by June 10 for the results to count. If there is one thing we know for sure, it's that these people are real sticklers for the rules. Oh sure, Michigan thumbed it's nose for the rules by originally moving up their primary, but that was done in order to coronate Queen Hillary on Super Tuesday.

Hmmm. That didn't work out so well. Clinton operatives argue that Hillary won the January 15th primary and that those votes should count. Of course, she was the only candidate on the ballot, but why should that trifle be used to disenfranchise those who voted? Obama argues that he shouldn't be penalized for his unilateral withdrawal.

I asked Jeremiah Wright (Obama's pastor of 20 years,) after church last week, what he thought about this Michigan delegate debacle. He answered, "God Bless Michigan? No, no, no, God #$%* Michigan!.” Whoa there fella. You have a little bit of spittle foam at the corner of your mouth.

In the spirit of fairness, I want to step in and offer a real solution before Cuomo's prediction that this fight could become ruinous is realized. First, we need to level the playing field. If the DNC insists that a do-over be held before June 10, then Michigan should schedule it for June 11. This time however, the ballot should offer Obama as the only option to the voter. I will go out on a limb here and predict that Obama would win this election.

Now what?

Well, they would have several choices at this point. The Dems could compare the results of this re-do with the January tally, with the highest vote-getter declared the winner. Or they could simply declare a tie and run both as the co-presidential candidates (as they are equally inept). Obama could govern by day, since he gives better speeches, and Hillary could take the night-shift, since she feels more qualified to answer that 3 A.M. phone call.

The important thing here is that they continue to spend money to beat each other up rather than save it to use against McCain in the general election.

Go Bucs and Chargers!

Go Flint! Bring home the hardware boys!

Congratulations Beecher!

Beecher makes it to "the show" by beating number one ranked Negaunee Thursday night. The Bucs will take on the winner of today's matchup between Ann Arbor Gabriel Richard and Kalamazoo Christian. The Class C boys basketball championship game is Saturday at high noon.

And Powers!

The Chargers dumped the top ranked Detroit Country Day team to advance to the semis tonight against Forest Hills Northern at the Breslin Arena and I will BE THERE!

Democrat Dream Ticket

Camille Paglia, feminist writer for Salon.com, makes a compelling case that Hillary is toast (my words, not hers). She touches many areas in this column, including knocking Rush Limbaugh's appeal to his listeners to cross over and vote for Hillary to prolong her beating. Vote tampering, she calls it. I almost blew coffee out of my nose for laughter when she wrote about the 3 a.m. phone call ad, where she makes this observation:

If it's 3 a.m., why is the male-seeming mother fully dressed as she comes in to check on her sleeping children? Is she a bar crawler or insomniac? An obsessive-compulsive housecleaner, like Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest"? And why is Hillary sitting at her desk in full drag and jewelry at that ungodly hour? A president should not be a monomaniac incapable of rest and perched on guard all night like Poe's baleful raven.

What hillarious imagery Paglia paints! I also happen to agree with her observation that a Hillary/Obama or Obama/Hillary ticket is not the dream ticket for Democrats that many have espoused it to be. As she points out, a VP candidate should be someone who fills the vast void of the other's weakness on military and national security issues. Like Renee Zellweger to Cruise in the movie "Jerry Maguire". "You complete me." Can Hillary and Obama say this to each other?

As Mitt Romney so eloquently stated, Listening to Obama and Clinton discuss their national security credentials is akin to “listening to two chihuahuas argue about which is the biggest dog,” and McCain is the "big dog".

Let me just think out loud here for a second... So Obama will get the nomination. Who should he select as his running mate? Geraldine Ferraro stated the obvious with her comments that Obama wouldn't be where he is if it weren't for the fact that he is black. Isn't he only half black? Hey, maybe that explains Obama's sudden rise from virtual obscurity (and zero experience) to the lead. Maybe folks are thinking to themselves..."Obama is black and it would make me a good person if I voted for him because of this, but he is really only half black, which makes him much more palatable then, say - Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. It would mean that our democrat party really is progressive and anti-discriminatory, but since he is of mixed race it hedges our bet."

If this is true and a person of mixed race needs to break the race barrier, then wouldn't we need a halfway measure before we ever elect the first woman as president? Someone that was called a woman, but really wasn't feminine entirely? Someone who wears makeup and a fancy hairdo, wears dresses, but has a penis? In other words, would the country find it more palatable to elect a transvestite in an interrum step?

If so, then Obama's VP selection becomes obvious. Nancy Pelosi.

A tale of a fateful trip

Gilligan's Mary Ann busted for dope possession

"Come and taste my herb" -Jimi Hendrix


Other notable Gilligan busts...
Thurston "Thirsty" Howell III, for bootlegging jungle juice to support Lovey's crack addiction:


The professor caught running an island meth. lab:


and perhaps the saddest vice story of ex-islanders involves the Skipper getting busted for running a boy prostitution ring (poor "little buddy"):


What about Ginger?

Eliot Spitzer, phone home?

Extra-Marital-Terrestrial
"Ouch!"

E.T. phone home...


E.S. call girl...

DaBlade's "Hall of Rock"

Madonna is officially inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame tonight at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York City. I will waste no space here to discuss why this is a travesty in the highest magnitude. You are on the wrong blog if you believe that Madonna rocks. While I am horrified to admit that I found her hot during her "material girl" days, no amount of alcohol ingestion ever made me believe that she "rocked". But hey, VH1 is broadcasting the ceremony (VH1-need I say more?) so watch it if you "dare".

There are many great bands that are not in the hall, and undeserving ones in my opinion that are. Obviously the official R&RHOF list will not suffice for me and so I will ignore it completely. Jed Gottlieb of the Boston Herald has come up with a beautiful formula to "change the Hall’s express train to obsolescence". Here's how he would fix it:

THE NEW RULES
The revised criteria for getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

1. You have to rock. If Janis Joplin, Bon Scott or Joe Strummer wouldn’t have toasted your tunes with a pint, you’re out.
2. You have to blow minds. The Beatles and Hendrix switched the world from black and white to color. Well, you gotta do that. Or at least come close.
3. You have to have done at least one thing that categorically qualifies as rock ’n’ roll: lighting your guitar on fire, getting busy with your 14-year-old cousin or writing a letter to the Hall of Fame calling it a, um, urine stain after being inducted (as the Sex Pistols did) all qualify.

While these rules would never be adopted, it is nice to dream, and it did inspire me to create my own list. I do so knowing full well that this list could be upsetting to some of you (especially my older brothers). Feel free to give me crap and tell me the errors of my ways (nothing has ever stopped you before:), but before you do, understand the criteria that I used. Rather than just make a hypothetical list of my favorite rock bands, I decided to back my list up with personal evidence.

To make my "Top 15" list, two criteria needed to be met. Number one, it must be an individual or a band that I have seen in concert at least once. Number two, I must still actually own at least one recording in vinyl album format from their heyday. The "Next 15" list is a compilation of bands that I really wanted to put in my top list, but they couldn't meet both criteria. Aerosmith, for example, is one of my all-time favorite bands. I own 6 or 7 of their first albums but I have never had the pleasure of going to any of their shows. Same with Van Halen. I hate that neither of these are on my top list but I had to stay true to my own rules. So here goes...

DaBlade's Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame:

TOP 15
Ted Nugent
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Alice Cooper
Boston
J Geils Band
KISS
The Rolling Stones
Cars
Tom Petty
Cheap Trick
Foreigner
Eddie Money
George Thouroughgood
Blue Oyster Cult
Jethro Tull

NEXT 15
Aerosmith
Van Halen
AC/DC
Lynyrd Skynrd
Huey Lewis
Grand Funk Railroad
ZZ Top
The Who
Rush
Eric Clapton
Bad Company
U2
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd
Thin Lizzy


The third criteria is that they had to comply with Gottlieb's list above. In other words, they had to rock. I did not allow consideration of bands that met my other criteria, but were from my 20-something "new wave" years. I am guilty of still enjoying that stuff, but it ain't rock... (B-52s, Devo, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, Joe Jackson, to name a few).

By the way, I just noticed that my top 3 are all from Michigan (pure coincidence). On the "Next" list is Grand Funk, who are from Flint.

My favorite band in concert would be unquestionably The J Geils Band, with Peter Wolf and Magic Dick. I still play their early stuff on a regular rotation in my car. Ted Nugent, Alice Cooper, and KISS also put on unbelievable shows. Flaming arrows from the back of a buffalo, snakes and guillotines, Pyrotechnics and vomiting blood. Does it get any better than that?

Our time is now

Everyone who knows me will understand that there is only one thing on my mind today. Our time is now.

Delegate Debacle

So Howard Dean weighs in on the Michigan and Florida delegate debacle:

Officials in Michigan and Florida have shown renewed interest in holding repeat presidential nominating contests, and Dean has urged party officials in both states to come up with plans for how that can be done so their delegates can be counted at the national convention in late August.

If there is one blue state in this union that should stand as an example to the rest of the country of the devastating impact of full-on governmental liberalism, it's Michigan. Spread the misery around, I say! Let Michigan dumocrats be heard!

Hillary playing dirty with O's picture in ad?

Hillary's round of Texas commercials doctored O's photograph, claims left-wing nut J. Thomas Cronin, a Daily Kos blogger. "Call me crazy, but it certainly appears to me that Sen. Obama's skin tone is significantly darker in the Clinton campaign commercial" than it appeared in the debate, he writes.

"Darkening a black person's skin is seen by many as a deliberate way of making them seem more menacing", says Bill Sanderson inThe New York Post.

The Obama campaign declined to comment on the ad, which appears on the Clinton campaign's Web site. Clinton campaign spokesman Jay Carson rejected any suggestion that Obama's skin was deliberately darkened as "totally bogus." A person's skin color "in every single screen shot looks different . . . It looks different in every single place," Carson told the New York Post.

I love it when liberals "eat their own." I don't know if there is anything dirty or underhanded going on here. Certainly, Hillary wouldn't stoop to these means herself, would she? You be the judge...

Brattleboro Yahoos!

First the Berkeley City Council commits an act of treason against the US Marine Recruiters stationed in their city. Now comes the yahoos in Brattleboro Vermont:

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. (AP) - Voters in this southern Vermont town were deciding Tuesday whether to approve a measure calling for the indictment of President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney on charges of violating the Constitution.
The symbolic article seeks to have police arrest Bush and Cheney if they ever visit Brattleboro or to extradite them for prosecution elsewhere—if they're not impeached first.

If Bush has stones, he would gather a handful of the few and the proud, march down Main Street Brattleboro waving and smiling, take a leak in the street when the urge hits, and have orders to waterboard the first f#@& that even looks sideways at him. Better yet, he doesn't need the marines (God bless 'em) to deal with the panty-waste liberals that apparently infect this town. I'm sure Cheney would love to go hunting quail with him.

Super Tuesday Two

What happened to the "Do not resuscitate" order?

It's 3 A.M., The phone rings in the White House

There is a crisis brewing.
Who do you want to answer the phone?

Hussein? I invoke a peremptory challenge!

By now, everybody has heard ad nauseum about conservative talk show host Bill Cunningham using Barak Obama's middle name, Hussein, during a crowd warm up last Tuesday for McCain. “at one point, the media will quit taking sides in this thing and start covering Barack Hussein Obama,” said Cunningham.

You know the rest. McCain immediately "repudiated" Cunningham for attacking Obama's integrity, character, honesty." Cunningham, apparently upset for being repudiated, got out in front of the cameras to endorse Hillary.

On Hannity and Colmes, Cunningham said this:

CUNNINGHAM: Well, Alan Colmes, let me tell you my intent. Instead of you speculating in the dark, let me give you the facts. Some of the great presidents of American history where Obama wants to be John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Ronald Wilson Reagan, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, one of your heroes. Ronald Wilson — how about Jefferson Clinton? How about — how about Hillary Rodham Clinton?

I gave him three proper names, elevating him to almost a presidency. In fact, isn't your middle name Youssef? Alan Youssef Colmes?

Not only is that funny, but he has a good point. Three proper names is very common for the leader of the free world. This story will just not leave the news cycle. Every roundtable full of political pundits has had their say on this so I figured I might as well briefly chime in, so here goes...

Barak HUSSEIN Obama, Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,Barak HUSSEIN Obama,...etc

Karl "The architect" Rove says this tactic could backfire on Republicans and reinforce views that they are biggoted, and so therefore we should abide by Obama's request that his middle name not be used. Well, I must admit to having a bias against terrorists and dictator thugs.

Don't misunderstand. I do not confuse Barak Hussein Obama with Saddam Hussein, although I wish Obama would find his own spiderhole to crawl into. I will even accept at face value that Obama is not a Muslim, and that as a 6-year-old boy studying in an Islamic Madrassa, was not brainwashed into becoming a terrorist mole, sent to the US so that he could become president before being "activated". There is plenty more to be afraid of with the prospects of a president Obama than this fantasy.

However, Hussein is his name and should be a consideration for voters before they pull the lever for him because of the "slippery slope." I do not want the American public to become desensitized to muslim and/or dictator names when it comes to the big chair. That goes for either party too. If John McCain's middle name was "Mahmoud", "Gengis Khan" or "Pol Pot", that alone should be a disqualifier. As Simon Cowell would say, "sorry!".

Slippery slope. Incrementalism. Insidious creep.

In fact, I say we install the Voir dire system used in our legal system for jury questioning, examination and selection during the primary season in a presidential campaign season. Let's give each side one peremptory challenge. According to Wikipedia: "Peremptory challenges are largely based on hunches of how a juror may vote. These hunches are usually due to the stereotypes given to people of different occupations, socio-economic backgrounds, and ethnicity. This use of stereotyping in the configuration of a jury could result in some groups being challenged more than others, going against the principle that a jury is a uniform sample of the community."

Works for me. Barak Hussein Obama? Your out.

Happy Colorblind Conservative

Mucho Gracias' to C. Bearup for emailing me the link to an article titled, "In election 2008, don't forget Angry White Man." It appeared recently in the Aspen Times Weekly of all places. That's in Colorado, right Kalush? I didn't think they had any Hillary haters there, what with the thin mountain atmosphere clouding brain functions and all. Or maybe Gary Hubbell is your pen name? Anyway, good article, although I do have a slight bone to pick with it. Hubbell makes the point that there is a very large constituency of voters who are being ignored and "marginalized," yet they will rise up and decide this election. If you are too lazy to click the previous link provided, here is the meat of the article...

The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he’s willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.

He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

He also might be of Swedish descent and live and breathe hockey, although he probably can't skate himself (just guessing). He may also be an African-American family man who loves God, is a good husband/father/friend, and plays by the rules.

Yes, you heard me. My point of contention with this piece is that it labels the wrong group as disenfranchised and unrepresented. "Angry White Man?" Couldn't this label describe Barney Frank when he can't find his male page boy? Or wouldn't Senator Kennedy be an Angry White Man if the bar closed early?

This election has left out the CONSERVATIVE. White males may make up a block of the larger pool, but it is LIBERALISM that we collectively despise. We recognize that liberalism is what has been tearing at the very fabric of our country, and it is liberalism that is at the root of our problems. And while we may get "Angry" and frustrated at times, we do not walk around "Angry".

Hubbell singles out Hillary Clinton at the conclusion of this piece as the target of the so-called Angry White Male's loathing. While I have no love lost for Senator Clinton, I found the author's omission of any mention of Barak Hussein Obama as rather conspicuous. It is almost as if he stopped typing at this point, began to wring his hands thinking, "should I or shouldn't I?" and deciding that mentioning Obama would open him up to charges of racism. Well, I don't know about Hubbell, but I believe Obama is even more dangerous to our "Hope" and our "Future" than even Clinton. Why? Because of LIBERALISM!

Am I an "Angry White Man?" If you ask me, I'm a "Happy Colorblind Conservative."