Sunday, July 19, 2020

Covid Face Masks on a Stick!

Do your glasses fog up from breathing while wearing the mandatory face mask? Has this fogged vision almost caused an accident while driving by yourself inside a 120-degree car with the windows up? Do the mask loops make your ears stick out, resembling an out-of-control taxi barreling down the street with the driver's and passenger's doors open? Do you feel like you are being waterboarded when swimming with your cloth mask? 

Hi, Billy Mays here for the new Covid Face Masks on a Stick!

This new handheld stick mask is the latest type of face mask approved by the State! It is no less effective at protecting the wearer against virus particles as the ear loop cloth masks, but JUST AS EFFECTIVE in virtue-signaling the holder as an obedient citizen and member of the subjugated collective!

This same mask-on-a-stick technology was used in Venetian masks and have been since antiquity in concealing the identity, whether at a masquerade or in daily life. The masks served an important social purpose of keeping every citizen on an equal playing field. Was the masked person a servant or a nobleman? WHO CARES! Because when everyone wears a mask, there are no individual faces and only ONE acceptable voice. Say hello to your neighbor, turned State inquisitor, for me!

Right about now I imagine you saying, "Billy, why would I want a mask that I have to hold, effectively making me one-handed? And didn't you die from Covid back in 2009?"

While the citizen is required to hold the mask up to the face when in public indoor and crowded outdoor spaces, stick masks enable the wearer to eat and drink efficiently because of the ease in lowering the mask and sitting it on the ground. And since your Covid Face Mask on a Stick doesn't anchor on your face with those silly one-size-fits-none loops - NO SORE EARS! 


How many times have you witnessed a person in non-compliance by not wearing a face mask and selfishly putting your life in danger - not from the virus (again, for which they're less than useless) - but from your self-righteous narcissistic indignation causing you to hyperventilate carbon dioxide through your mask!? Well, just snap their picture via the miniature camera in the face mask stick and have the built-in Bluetooth technology automatically send the perpetrator's likeness to the nearest police station. 

Call now and get your Covid Mask on a Stick with built-in camera AND we'll throw in the state-of-the-art Barcode hand implant for convenient identification and making payments so easy in the new cashless society. 

Call right now and we'll double the offer. Just pay separate shipping and handling. 

Order now! 


  1. Only if it comes with a genuine mark of the beast. And no, I'm not talking about clinton either.

  2. OK, My wife wants a quote on the cost of shipping and handling for the 2nd unit. She just doesn't trust anyone.

    1. Just sign over the next stimulus ck and that should cover it.

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks Z! It's tough to be in good humor with so many crazy people in this country.

  4. “And didn't you die from Covid back in 2009?"... Hahahahaha!! I’m betting that “Taxi door ears” Barack will be ordering one, as he no doubt has difficulty with the traditional style masks staying on. Not to mention having the stick to use for double-duty, in fending off Michelle’s unwanted amorous advances. Well done bro!

    1. HAHAH! just saw this. I was on a bit of a hiatus...