Friday, February 19, 2010

Spandex or Plastic?



I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again... especially if that same thing is watching the Olympic Curling competition from the couch through several commercial breaks and expecting an exciting outcome." ...Or something like that.

This is not how I had envisioned my post newspaper career. I always figured it would be me playing shuffleboard on the deck of a ridiculously expensive cruise ship. Oh well. At least there is spandex and drooling involved in both scenarios.

Just so all of you know, most of the above is satire and not necessarily true. I am not spending my time sitting on the couch all day, drooling and feeling sorry for myself, and I never expected a retirement of riches on a cruise ship. I did , however, falsely assume that I would be treated with the consistency and fairness afforded the other departing executives who also found themselves adrift and up the ink creek without a paddle (to continue with the "boat" theme)... but that's for another time.

So in conclusion, that's why I haven't been blogging with any regularity as my computer time has been almost predominately used in actively pursuing employment opportunities. The spandex unitard simply helps prevent chaffing in this endeavor.

OK, it also makes me feel spectacular, ITAWWT?

While I'm here, I might as well take this opportunity to point out a few things I have noticed lately...

In his SOTU address in 1996, President Clinton declared "The era of big government is over." Of course, he was biting his bottom lip and had his fingers crossed behind his back when he said it... but say it, he did.

I am just thankful that Obama, peace be unto him, saw the error of this statement when he poured trillions of dollars into boondoggle projects and future democrat/union slush funds to "stimulate" the economy and save jobs. Sure, the economy continues to shed jobs by the millions, but just think how much worse it could have been.

By the way, I missed Obama's SOTU address. Did he make a declaration that "The era of big Walmart is over", as the behemoth discount retail chain suffers it's first U.S. sales decline?

Great timing. Just as I enter Obama's underground economy, I can't even land a position as a Walmart greeter.

I had my wardrobe all picked out to.

BTW, Tiger Woods owes ME a personal apology. Why do I say this? Well, Heller has been wrong 98.2% of the time, so I'm just playing the odds on this.

3 comments:

Chuck said...

Can't really say what Obama said during SOTUS, I didn't watch. It was something about the economy is fixed now and it was Bush's fault that it is doing better, or something like that.

As far as Walmart, if they start tanking we are in deep doo-doo.

Hope things pick up for you.

cube said...

Ditto what Chuck said on the SOTUS. Prolonged exposure to Obama can trigger projectile vomiting at my house. We have to keep the remote handy 'cause you never know when or where BO will pop up.

BTW Walmart doesn't need greeters. They need expediters to speed things along. The lines are always long and slow whether it is at the check-out or the return lines. They need to stop acting like postal employees and act like they want to keep their job.

I also hope things pick up for you... and the rest of the country.

Z said...

boy, Chuck and Cube covered it, didn't they...
I sure do hope things go well for you.....ALL the best..you deserve it. z