Monday, June 7, 2010

Sh*t Helen Thomas Says

New this fall on Al Jazeera TV, it's the new comedy, "Sh*t My Teacher Says".
You'll laugh uproariously at the off-the-cuff quips and mindless drivel from cantankerous old Elementary teacher "Mrs. Hezbollah," played by longtime White House correspondent Helen Thomas. It's non-stop hilarity in season one's pilot episode, when the ancient and kindly Mrs. Hezbollah fills her students with revisionist history, while at the same time advocating the benefits of religious cleansing.

MRS. HEZBOLLAH: Tell the Jews to get the hell out of Palestine. The Palestinian people are occupied and it’s their land. The Israelis should go home to Poland, Germany, America and everywhere else.

STUDENT: My dad says there has never been a land known as Palestine, and therefore there is no such thing as a Palestinian people, language or culture, and that the Jewish people have thousands of years of history in the land of Israel. By the way, isn't today's lecture supposed to be about the American Indian?

MRS. HEZBOLLAH: Tell the Americans to get the hell out of North America. The American Indian people are occupied and it’s their land. U.S. citizens should go home to England, Europe and everywhere else. Except for the illegal Mexican immigrants. They can stay.

STUDENT: My dad says that Homo erectus immigrated out of Africa about a million years ago. Would you have them return?

MRS. HEZBOLLAH: I'll pack my bags immediately.


  1. I guess you just can't fix ugly...
    Inside or outside...

  2. Audios to the useless sack of stuff. She should have had the decency to "retire" 40years ago.

    But, is this a voluntary or involuntary retirement? Me thinks she was told that she was retiring.

  3. "Everything's just going down the drain!!"

  4. When your 'sponsors'and agent retire you, YOU retire, right?
    Born Again American's comment is hilarious and SO true.
    Super post, DB...

  5. Born Again- Helen, not "Blade, right? Z is correct - hilarious!

    Bill-CT- I'm sure she was given a little push. Put her on the next Iranian ship to gaza.

    Anon- Keep the faith that there will be light at the end of this sewer.

    Z- I agree with your post on this in that I'll miss her, only in a twisted and macabre sort of way ;)

  6. You'd think a woman this old would've found wisdom along the way. Not so. I blame her liberal mindset which refuses to look at reality.

  7. THANK YOU for posting this!

    I love your blog!!

    Common Cents

  8. talk about 'missing''re sure missed DB!! I hope you and yours are fine. xx

  9. Great post! LOVE the laugh tracks!!

    Helen Thomas, not so much.