Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Children of the Corn

In an attempt to shrug off his expected poor showing in today's Hawkeye Cauci, Republican Presidential hopeful Jon Huntsman was quoted last week as saying, "They pick corn in Iowa."

Armed with a disposable cell phone and an Iowa phone directory, I decided to put his allegations to the test.

Shock Mock Poll Results:
When Iowans were given a choice between A random generic ear of corn or Jon Huntsman, they "picked corn" 5 to 1. Huntsman was also outpaced by write-in candidates, an arrogant carrot and punch-drunk bunch of grapes.

In a retraction attempt, Huntsman tries a final appeal to Iowans:

"Corn is the fruit of the sea... err, I mean vegetable of the fields. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, corn muffins, corn bread, corn-kabobs, corn creole, corn gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried creamed corn. There's corn casserole, corn salad, corn holios, pepper corn, corn soup, corn stew, corn and potatoes, corn pancakes, corn mash. That- that's about it."