Hello again boys aaaaaaand girls. As I told CBS News earlier this week, what this country really needs from me is a good story. Now some people claim thaaaat... all I do is make shit up boys and girls. But I say "Jobs Schmobs", it's storytelling time again!
(NOTE: Dear Reader, I realize that the prior paragraph is heavily blogged down with links used as sourcing for the material used here as evidence in the possible future trial, DaBlade vs. The United Socialist States of Amerikka, and if you're like me, you usually ignore those links and move on. However, the last link above, "it's storytelling time again!" is worth a look. Seriously, this guy is good!!!)
"Dreams of My Fodder"
Once upon a time, there was a snack named Barry. He lived in the United Bakes of America, a land overfloweth with carbs and fiber. It was populated by legal imi-ingredients from all over the world's bakeries.
There were Crumpets of British origin, French Baguettes, Japanese Anpans, Flatbreads - leavened and unleavened - from places like Turkey, China and Pokystaan, just to name a few. More and more, there were also undocumented Tortilla recipes from Mexico. But mostly there were European white breads, boys and girls
"Haha! save some of that for the Bagels boys and girls!"
Don’t Call It a Cracker: Wheat Thins Prefers to Be Billed as a Snack)
Barry grew up and became the first snack president of the United Bakes. (Yaaaaah!)
Barry liked to say. "All the better to hold the cream cheese I'm gonna spread around to y'all. You'll eat so much free cheese, you won't help but to grow from the middle, out!"
Barry promised free condiments (and condoms) to all the baked goods. As promised, spread the free cheese he did, but instead of the bread rising - something else happened boys and girls. (Ewwww!)
He told the tea and crumpet crowd that he believed the citizens of the United Bakes should provide for their own sandwich spreads. He also believed in the "Bread of Life", and that every bun in the oven deserved a chance at the dinner table. Can you believe THAT boys and girls?! He would take away your right to discard your unwanted dough in the trash before it has a chance to rise. (Boooo!) Knowing exactly when yeast becomes a golden brown and buttery dinner roll is above my pay grade - but when in doubt, throw it out I say, right boys and girls? (Yaaaaah!) Mitt is even against allowing marriage to be redefined by allowing same-sex fruitcakes to wed.
What do you care where the chopped, candied fruits put their nuts and spices sir!
educable" the voting public is.
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