*Cue Theme song* (Think horns, drum rolls, out-of-tune string pieces and other various non-complimentary musical instruments played by deaf people for the first time.)
*start fog machine*
Liiive!... from the Chattering Teeth Studios, it's time to play, What's My Trans?
It's your favorite blog feature game show where you, the audience, are the panelists tasked with matching the correct quote with the transracial and/or transgender contestant. I'm your host, Jerry DaBlade!
Now, let's meet our contestants.
A) First up in the post position, the Montana-born lilly white gal with the horse face, spray-on tan and "finger in the light socket" hair meet Rachel Dolezal. Like our current President, Rachel misrepresented herself as a black civil rights activist, but is now well known to be a fraud.
B) Up next, meet the hideously ugly, middle-aged white chick name Caitlyn Jenner who was born a white male. Like our First Lady, I believe Caitlyn is still biologically a male, but at least Caitlyn has the common courtesy "to tuck," but that's none of my business.
C) Next, we have Robert Matthew Van Winkle, better known by his stage name, Vanilla Ice. He gained fame performing rap music with songs that repeatedly have the word "Yo" in them, and has been called "the first #transblack man". He manages to stay in the public eye with a home improvement TV show and the occasional petty larceny.
D) Last, we have Chuck Knipp. Chuck is a gay, white male comedian best known for his most popular radio show character, a black, straight female welfare queen, Shirley Q. Liquor.
Let's begin. Hands on your buzzers... not you, Caitlyn. I was talking to the Chattering Teeth blog studio audience. Besides, that's not "your buzzer."
Circle the correct answer on your screen whem prompted:
A. Rachel Dolezal B. Caitlyn Jenner C. Vanilla Ice D. Shirley Q Liquor
DaBlade: Who said,
1) "Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know, Turn off the lights and I'll glow." "Dance, go rush the speaker that booms, I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom" "If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it, Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it"
2) "Actually, I don’t like the term African-American; I prefer black. So, if asked, I would say, yes, I consider myself to be black." "We’re all from the African continent." (Are you African American?) “I don’t understand the question"
3) "I wish I were kind of normal. It would be so much more simple...The uncomfortableness of being me never leaves all day long. I'm not [transitioning] to be interesting. I'm doing this to live."
4) "Girl, I've been puttin' Budweiser cans on a string for more years then you've been in this world and I better not hear no more about it." "Who is my Baby Daddy?" "If I was a white lady i would sit around and lounge around and watch the price is right all day long I'd sit up on the phone and order stupid stuff from QVC."
If you guessed "A. Rachel Dolezal" for all four random quotes, you are not correct, but I can see why you would think that. In fact, it was that crazy white chick with the horse face that successfully passed herself off as black who made me think of Shirley Q Liquor.
What? Some of you have never heard of Shirley Q? Her 'Kwanzaa Memories' CD has been a Christmas tradition in our family for the last 20 or so years. I'm being serious. All 3 of my boys know every track by heart, and I gifted this CD to my brothers and sister and their families many years ago. Shirley quotes randomly pop up at family gatherings throughout the year ('you ignunt!'). Every Christmas season, we try and do a road trip to cut our own tree, and this is usually when I bust this CD out.
Like I said, Rachel Dolezal made me think of Shirley Q. With Rachel's resignation as an NAACP Leader yesterday, there is now a vacuum of leadership in this racist organization. Who better to fill this void than a gay, white male who passes himself off as a straight, black welfare queen with '19 childrens'? There is one stip. Kipp has to fully transform by stating Shirley is really who he is, and it is not a comedy act. Then it's not only 'OK', but something to be celebrated. Confusing, right?
Times change. It was just 2007 when "A national campaign to retire white gay comedian Charles Knipp’s character Shirley Q. Liquor, a self described inarticulate Black woman on welfare with 19 kids, has been kicked off by activists after the success in canceling a scheduled performance in Los Angeles during Black History Month."
Apparently, his Shirley Q act was/is considered racist, though Kipp has a closet full of characters he performs and even lampoons his many white characters. But because he is white, he is not allowed to satirize a black character. Not once does Mr. Kipp make the claim that Shirley represents ALL black women, but we are not allowed to believe even one obamaphone lady exists, because somehow that perpetuates a stereotype. Seems weird, for its the socialist, progressive welfare state that breeds these types of societal parasites of all colors. However, it is OK for the Wayan brothers to do the double trans White Chicks, and nobody raises an eyebrow because they are black. Oh, and it is never acceptable to insult the mooozlim 'prophet'.
Got all that?
Jerry Seinfeld (and others) have stated they will not do their comedy at colleges because kids have been so PC indoctrinated that they humorless kids do not allow satire of any sort.
Now that our society and culture have been completely "transformed" where up is down and the perverse is the norm, Shirley Q Liquor is the perfect transracial AND transgender NAACP leader candidate!
Or maybe that's just ignunt.
Shirley Q. Liquor - Gas Problem in Church
Sad but true! What a world. Well done observation again of the seemingly inexhaustible parade of weirdo's DaBlade. ~:)ReplyDelete
That was punishing. Just punishing.ReplyDelete
I'm glad I'm mexican and not like those black and white weirdos.
Thanks Sparky, but some (most?) would say I am in my own parade of weird :)ReplyDelete
Ed, Si! I always had you marked as a Ukrainian and a heavy vodka drinker. Congrats on your transitiones'
Jerry, what would YOU like to transition into? Did you know there are something like 56 gender choices for Facebook now? Can you even think of six? (No, your mind isn't QUITE that perverted!!!!)ReplyDelete
GREAT post....I'm still laughing at the comment including MICHELLE !!!
Z, I'm am perfectly happy with the naughty parts and skin tone I was assigned. I do seem to remember hearing about all the 'gender choices' you mentioned, but I think we can simplify to just 3. Male, Female, Whackjob.ReplyDelete
Glad you liked. Sometimes its just spaghetti at the wall :)
I IDENTIFY as a scrambled egg!...can u poach me now! LOLReplyDelete
This whole subject leaves me confused. Can that be a choice? Gender-race-species-human befuddlement syndrome. Whatever gets me the greatest amount of remuneration and attention will do ;)ReplyDelete
Angel, You are sunny side up my friend!ReplyDelete
cube, I see a reality tv series in your future!