French Kitchen Nightmares with celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay

Welcome to another exciting edition of Kitchen Nightmares with celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. The episode opens with a voiceover from Chef Ramsay, as the camera pans the exterior of the inn. In this episode, I visit a troubled Inn and restaurant called the Boar Door. It was once a flourishing inn with a rich French history, culture and cuisine where people once wanted to travel. However, since the french owner Emmanuel Macron decided to leave the inn open and unguarded during the evening hours because he was a compassionate restauranteur, many now refer to this establishment as the Open Boar Door. The inn has been over-run with illegal third world middle-east muslims and a sprinkle of their leftist college punk apologists.

Gordon Ramsay arrives and sits on a well-worn tree stump pulled up to a filthy wooden table. The waitress arrives, as she is no French Maid. Instead, she is sporting full black burqa, and barks for Chef's order. It's breakfast time, so he looks into her eye slit and orders the classic omelette au fromage, a Croissant and a hot cup of Café au Lait. She leaves to submit his order, giving chef Ramsey time to look around and take in the rowdy ambience. There is shouting, cursing and clinking of tankards and swinging of swords. Chef backs against the wall in an attempt to keep his pristine chef's coat unblemished by flying debris and blood.

Just then, the burqa clad waitress returned and placed a gnarled and smoldering unidentifiable hunk in front of Ramsay. He takes a nibble and spits it back onto the plate. He grabbed what he thought was his Café au Lait to wash the awful taste from his mouth, but instead was warm goat's milk with specks of beard hair floating on top. "C'MON," he yells. 

Ramsay launches from his stump and storms toward the kitchen for an inspection to discover what could possible be happening at the back of the house. What he saw when he arrived stopped him cold. There must have been 30 or more muslim men of military age crowded shoulder-to-scintar in the small kitchen, shouting a mixture of unintelligible arabic & farsi. Ramsay looks at the ticket rail and an untold number of yet unfilled orders hanging there. "C'MON," he yells again. 

Just then, plates of 'food' begin sliding through the pass ON FIRE! "What the (beep) is going on!? What is this? French toast... french dip on french baguette and french fries smothered in french dressing!? ALL ON FIRE!?" "No quiche or even a crepe?," asks Ramsay. 

"Those no have the word 'french' in their name," answers a bearded wild-eyed cook in a thick persian accent.

"C'MON," Chef Ramsay yells for the last time. "GET OUT! ALL OF YOU!," he yells in his thickly accented King’s English. "I'd call the French Guard, but the entire army has already surrendered."

Known for his sharp knife skills, Ramsay unsheaths his 8-inch Wüsthof Classic Chef's Knife and points it at the unkempt horde. They exit post haste, with the occasional "Allahu Akbar!"

The Redecoration and Menu Overhaul segment of the show is accomplished with fire exstinguishers and a large padlock on the front door at night.

It's common sense that you can't have an Open Boar Door.