Holy Saturday

Before the Resurrection, there was only the tomb.

Will Hillary's Campaign be Punished with a Grandbaby?

WITCH: There must be something your little heart desires.

HILLARY: Well, there is something. I want to be president, but I'm afraid the country isn't ready for a grandma president.

WITCH: I thought so. The presidency was stolen from you last time and You've EARNED it! Old Granny knows! Now take this apple, dearie, and give it to your daughter and make a wish!

HILLARY: You're right! Why should I be punished with a grandbaby during my campaign? And all I have to do is give her this apple?

WITCH: Yes, dearie. What difference, at this point, can it possibly make?

THE END

Isn't it sad, when you wonder whether the news that a married couple are expecting a baby is actually welcome? Apparently, if you're a progressive, it's not really a baby until you say it is. 

Abortion supporter Chelsea Clinton announced today that she’s pregnant — not with a fetus or clump of cells but with a “child.” 

from Chelsea's official announcement:

“Marc and I are very excited that we have our first child arriving later this year, and I certainly feel all the better — whether it’s a girl or a boy — that she or he will grow up in a world full of so many strong young female leaders...

Uhhh... excuse me Chelsea, but "whether it's a girl or a boy?" The LGBT called to complain you are forgetting someone.  

By the way, I'd be careful accepting any congratulatory cigars from grandpa Clinton if I were you. Now go eat your apple!

Freed Bundy Cows Exhibiting Livestock-holm Syndrome

While it's true that  the Feds left a trail of wreckage after the Bundy ranch siege, we are only now just discovering the psychological impact on the freed cattle.

The cows have been exhibiting communist and socialist tendencies since the release. I have coined this form of mad cow disease as "Livestock-holm Syndrome", a form of the more widely known Stockholm Syndrome, where the captive hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. (per wiki)

As regular readers of this blog know, I have dedicated my life and lengthy career, if not the last 5 minutes in this nonsensical blog post, in the study of cow psychology. It is with those impressive credentials that I sat down to interview the self-named Cow Tse-dung, newly appointed leader of the herd (who asked to be shown only in silhouette to protect himself from the "Free-rangers").

CT NEWS: Mr. Dung, thank you for doing this.
COW TSE-DUNG: My pleasure. Before we get started, can I have the first cow, Mooshell, get you a cup of tea?
CT NEWS: No thank you. Good to know some things never change. First question, why is the entire herd just laying around smoking the tumbleweeds instead of grazing?
COW TSE-DUNG: In my cowmune, its each according to his ability, to each according to his need for feed. We just send a few agents out to tip over the few cows still trying to graze for themselves, and add their cuds to the collective. It's all gooooood.

To be continued...  (some people still have to go to work :)...

AMCs new series Turn gets a 9.5 out of 10 Desert Tortoises

What I'm watching: AMC's TURN

 ...The storyline follows a farmer who just wants to grow his cabbages in peace, but the red-coated Bureau of Land Management Stormtroopers of his majesty's army have other ideas.

Desperately out-numbered and against all odds, these freedom loving patriots of childhood friends band together to form The Culper Ring, an unlikely group of spies who turn the tide in America's fight for independence.

It's early, and only two episodes in, but so far I give this new historical series a nine-and-a-half Desert Tortoises out of ten. 



 

Harry Reid clarifies: Only the government can violate the law

“Well, it’s not over. We can’t have an American people that violates the law and then just walk away from it. So, it’s not over,” Reid said.

You ought to pray it's over.

Cowboys and tyrants. God Bless my fellow Americans!

MUST SEE: Citizens Rise Up – The Real Nevada Story the Media Won’t Show You (Video)

I do believe I've watched this movie before. A thief steals a cowboy's property. The thief tries to sell it back to the cowboy. It doesn't go well for the thief.




Bureau of Land Management: "Did you bring some gold or silver with you?"
The Duke: Just lead.

Somebody ought to belt that thief in the mouth, but I won't... I won't...

Eric Holder is an Asparagus

Holder goes green

Excuse me...
Are there IRS agents targeting tea party groups in my teeth? I did some Fast & Furious tooth brushing, but it still feels like I have some fully armed Mexican Drug Cartels in there. Tell me the truth, do I have a few stalks of dead and abandoned U.S. diplomats in my teeth? You should not assume that is not a big deal to me. I think that it was inappropriate, I think it was unjust. But never think that was not a big deal to me.

Can you spot the Presidents and First Ladies in this photo?

Jumbotron (no, this is not the code name for Mooshell) during the anthem for the NCAA men’s basketball final. How many POTUS and FLOTUS can you find?

President Bush and the Facebook Gallery of Leaders

When Obama discovers he did not make the cut in former President George W Bush's art gallery wall exhibit titled, "The Art of Leadership," he ordered W to "Tear down this wall!".

First Lady Criticized Over Trip To The International Space Station

Fresh on the heels from her estimated $150 Million March Madness trip to China, First Lady Michelle Obama is now en route to The International Space Station (ISS) and once again is accompanied by her mother and daughters. Right wing critics are once again bellyaching at the price tag, this time estimated to be $1.5 Billion.

Once again, the First Lady is traveling conspicuously without her husband, pouring rocket fuel on the rumor flames that their marriage is on the rocks. Sources say the couple had another blowout, during which Mr. Obama was overheard pleading with his wife not to go to the ISS.

Excerpts of fight:
OBAMA: Woman, Where's yo dollah? Don'tchu even think about another vacation woman! Makes no sense! Makes me look bad!
MICHELLE: Don't YOU tell me what to do! I need another vacation from YOU! I need SPACE!
OBAMA: (*pause* *hand on chin in thought* *IDEA!*) Let me be clear. I forbid you to go to space.

A reporter for Chattering Teeth News caught up to the president at the putting green at Augusta National Golf Club.

CT NEWS: "Mister president, there are some who say you used reverse psychology on your wife, and that you really wanted nothing more than having her, the two brats and the mother-in-law orbiting 240 miles above the surface of the Earth because you had already made this tee time.
OBAMA: *wink* Now what kind of husband would I be if I denied my wife another spectacular view of the Great Wall of China.

The First Lady's itinerary includes space walks, zero gravity "Let's Move" aerobics and classroom video lessons, and a possible moon landing to collect rocks and maybe make a deposit or two, depending on the girls behavior.

The space station has more than 15,000 cubic feet of habitable volume, 14,500 of which has been cordoned off by a very demanding mother-in-law, who has already been insulting the international astronauts and scientist with orders to retrieve her floating shawl. 

Did Obama Daughter's Twitter Post Leak Parent's Divorce Rumors?

"Yah! Two Ramadans Bitches!"

BARACK and Michelle Obama are getting closer to divorce!
He's lost control of his wife

The couple apparently had a MAJOR blowout over Michelle’s lavish vacation trip to China! Sources say Barack exploded when Michelle refused to cancel her pricey getaway – even after White House advisers warned him that the first couple’s six-year string of extravagant vacations had already drained the U.S. Treasury of a whopping $150 million in tax­payers’ money. “This was a blowout of epic proportions. Probably the nastiest White House fight they’ve ever had,” a Washington, D.C., insider told American tabloid the National Enquirer. “They were both screaming at one another."

OBAMA: If my marriage to Mooshell was a sandwich at Zingerman’s, they’d have to call it the Stinkburger, or the Meanwich. Or maybe a Double decker Furberger with cheez whiz... uhhhh, maybe a Bratwurst and fish taco slider. Let me be clear. When this Amazon straps on her cod piece, it's like Chipped Beast on Powdered Toast Man. What a pulled Pork on Panini with limburger crap sandwich.... uhhh, gotta go now. I made myself hungry."

zero-sum passion, and how to properly display the flag

When you watch the following video,

Who do you most identify with?


A) The marine and soldier who "serve their f-ing country" and take back the flag from protesters for disrespecting it.
B) The two protesters on the moped with the upside-down flag, celebrating one of those amendment thingys.
C) The seemingly homeless dude who appears to be panhandling on the side of the road and who mumbles something to the marine soldiers.
D) Any one of the honking drivers who just want them to get out of the way so they can get to the liquor store.
E) Need more info to answer.

I contend the answer is 'E'. I need more information before making an informed selection.

"C'mon 'Blade! The obvious answer is 'A', the marine and soldier who protected the honor of the flag. I thought you were patriotic?"

I am patriotic, just to the country as it was founded. And I have nothing but love and admiration for our service men and women risking everything to protect what's left of our freedoms (just not the pseudo-service folks planning jihad). I just don't salute the 'new' flag and what it stands for these days. I will always salute and honor the Old Glory from the history books. You know, the flag obama refused to salute before Mooshell and him actually loved their country?

Stunning satellite photographs prove Obama is not impressed.

and now for Sports...

I will not be watching the NCAA Final Four Men's Basketball tournament games this weekend. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact. I have only watched parts of two games total in this tournament out of a mild interest in the 'home' teams, Michigan and Michigan State, and they were both losses. That's OK. I'm not bitter and it didn't ruin my day or ruin my non-existing bracket.

I used to care about March Madness. I used to be totally invested. I would have several variety of pools going simultaneously. I watched every game, including matchups of teams I had never heard of... like Gonzogobeans vs Beaver Lick State. I had a war room of brackets affixed to the wall with push pins, inter-connected by various colored crossing strings and yarns signifying outcome scenarious, yellow highlighters and black markers nearby and at the ready. It may have appeared to passerbys I was trying to solve a series of crimes by my "clue wall" rather than following a basketball tournament.

Now? Meh.

Is 'passion' a zero-sum game? Is one's passion like a finite amount of water in a bucket? In other words, if my passion and concern for something is increasing exponentially, does it draw that passion and concern from other areas in my life, thereby causing me to necessarily care less about something else? An interesting query that I would ponder further if I could only manage to muster the passion to care about the answer. Meh.

During the Michigan game, I sensed that my wife was actively rooting AGAINST my Wolverines. After almost 28 years of marriage, you fine-tune that sixth sense regarding your spouse. That, and I heard her say, "I hope Michigan gets their a$$es kicked!," or something to that effect.

Hmmm. She was evidently more passionate regarding this game's outcome than I was. Oh well, here's my 'Man Card'. It was a good run... Wait! My wife doesn't care about basketball, let alone any sport for that matter (unless when her boys were playing).

No, my wife is not a passionate Kentucky fan. And no, she is not a Sparty fan who relishes in the intrastate rival's woes. In fact, her passion for Michigan to lose had nothing to do with basketball at all and everything to do with the story I mentioned in yesterday's blog about the university sponsoring a perverted, disgusting and blasphemous exhibit praising abortion as a "Gift From God".

"Honey, do you think the other team's university is any less secular-progressively screwed up?," I asked.

"I don't care," she answered. AH HAH! ZERO-SUM!

The brand that is "Michigan" has taken one too many hits, as far as my wife is concerned. I get it. I like to watch sports as an escape from the reality that the progressive left has destroyed this nation's cultural foundation, not to be reminded of them. I guess that's hard when your home team's uniform represents a school who's mission seems to be to tear down truth and righteousness. When I see the Maize and Blue, I try to remember the Wolverines from my youth when the brand was shiny and seemingly wholesome.

Maybe that is how to view the flag. I know what it stands for, regardless of how the left tries to re-define it. So without evidence to the contrary, I change my answer to 'A'.

7.1 MILLION students to attend Obama's speech at U-M in Ann Arbor today proposing to raise the minimum wage to $10.10/hour

(and other completely arbitrary and made-up bogus numbers to appease his low information supporters)

The serial-liar-in-chief really is paying a visit to U-M today, but the 7.1 MILLION attendees number is completely fabricated on my part. I just wanted to get in tune the our president and his propensity to make s*%t up.

Top 5 reasons why the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor is a good venue for Obama:
#1: Mooshell will not be there.

#B: Michigan constitutes one of the largest Arab and Muslim populations in the U.S., and Dearborn to Ann Arbor seems to be ground zero. The president should be made to feel very welcome here.

#&: Obama does NOT have to send his advance team with various tarps and canvas to cover Christian religious symbols like Crosses and any mention of Jesus (like he has done before when desecrating the grounds of Georgetown University or Notre Dame with his presence).

In fact, the University of Michigan actually has a pro-abortion display on campus called “4000 Years of Choice”, which declares “Abortion as a Blessing” and a “gift from God".

Seriously, how much more f%$*ed up can the progressive left get?

(yes, I used an ampersand instead of the #2, and a 'B' instead of a '2'. This is my blog and I can make 'numbers' up to.).

Mateo Bama!

Cute li'l guy, ain't he?

 

Common Core in Obama's War Room

What I'm reading

Common Core Predictions Offer Much-Needed Dose Of Encouragement

Though the leftist indoctrination of America’s public school system has been a concern for parents over the past several generations, the introduction of the federal curriculum known as Common Core has caused anxiety to increase exponentially. Course material in all subjects has a very direct political agenda that contradicts the values held by millions of American families. As disastrous as these initiatives are, some experts have found a potential bright spot. All but five states have begun to adopt the Common Core curriculum and, in those states, the backlash among citizens has been cacophonous. Many feel such activism at the community level will translate to big wins for conservative candidates who adamantly oppose the intrusive and propagandistic educational material.

Obama uses Common Core worksheet for the problem of the day