Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Alaskan Cruise - The Lost Blog Diaries of Chattering Teeth

"It will be fun!", they said... Zzzzzzz

cue wavy lines for blog dream sequence

Blizzard winds blow the yellowed and torn parchment across the ice. A young Eskimo boy stops his dogsled and picks it up...

Day 5
It has been five days since our Royal Caribbean cruise ship, Radiance of the Seas, froze solid in a passing glacier. I am starting to regret our little party's decision to take off on our own over the ice. I can't be positive, but I think we might have taken a wrong turn at our last baby seal kill (glad I brought that table leg)...  we likely wandered thru the Bering Strait and into the Arctic Circle. It was certainly nice of the Radiance Captain, Sir Earnest Shackleton, to let us keep our assigned steward. At least we have a Sherpa who can also sing and juggle ice cubes during our breaks. (if we get thru this, sir, I'm putting a little extra something on top of that 18%!!) I'm worried though... Not sure how much longer we can hold on... Our steward says we are down to our last bottle of champagne and after that, no more mimosas. Nights are the worst out here on this ice desert. It might have something to do with the "half Polar Bear, half 'Squatch" creature stalking us...I sure am glad I brought this typewriter...

Will our hero be rescued before he becomes a frozen blogcycle? Is there enough roasted seal veal and mimosas for tomorrow's breakfast? How many show tunes does this cruise steward know before he starts to repeat himself? Oh, and will author Dan Simmons file suit for plagiarizing his scary creature from his book, The Terror?

Check back later for the exciting conclusion!!!


  1. The horror.
    Sitting on the frozen tundra, teeth chattering.
    does the steward know Hillary Don't Take My Uber Car Away?

  2. "The Terror"? I thought that would be the autobiography of B. Hussein O'Bama. Oh, wait, that would be "The Terrible".

  3. Ha! I've been humming that tune in my head. I think you've got a hit on your hands.

    Sparky, That skinny community organizer with the Dumbo ears doesn't deserve either moniker. Albert II was just along for the ride. I blame the rocket scientists who launched him.

  4. Well I sure hope you're having more fun THAN THAT! :-)

  5. Z, this was just a scary dream. Not even there yet but I might start another Alaska reality series when I eventually get there. Stay tuned.

  6. A scary dream, eh? I should've known. You probably haven't even left Poughkeepsie, or wherever it is you're from. Does Bobby come out of the shower soon? That's what I'm hoping for ;)

  7. I figured you weren't stuck in ICE, but thought this was your, as usual, amazingly funny way of saying 'We're off on our trip!'

    When do you leave? I hope you have SUCH FUN!
    (watch out for ice :-))...except in cocktails, of course!

  8. In Juneau free wifi cafe see us next week :)