Sunday, August 30, 2015

Dr Death in a van down by the river

I have never watched Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel, but that may be about to change. That's because the show's host and lead paranormal investigator, Zak Bagans (any relation to Bilbo?) just bought an old 1968 Volkswagen "assisted suicide" van that was used by Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian.

 Rick Harrison of Pawn Stars is right. You never know what is going to come through that door...
Southfield — A pawn shop owner has sold an old Volkswagen van that was used by assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian...
Kevorkian sparked the national right-to-die debate in the 1990s with a homemade suicide machine that ended the lives of about 130 people. He helped people die in their homes, motels and in the back of the 1968 van. Kevorkian died in 2011 at age 83. He spent eight years in prison for second-degree murder after “60 Minutes” aired a video of him giving a lethal injection to a man in 1998.

Zak Bagans be like, "We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious."

I am going out on a limb here and guessing that Zak did not buy this van for the gas mileage or the custom original blood-stained upholstery... (ACTUAL PHOTO OF INTERIOR)

My guess is that Zak plans on using his "ghost channeling" skills in an attempt to contact Dr. Death (and/or his victims) in the back of his creepy mystery machine. (NOT ACTUAL PHOTOS OF EXTERIOR)

I for one am curious what Jack now has to say, and whether Hitler and he are best butt buddies in the sh*t shoveling pits.

Many of you (none of you) probably remember my fake interview with Jack "Dr Death" Kevorkian back in 2008 after he announced a congressional run. I'm guessing most of you have it bookmarked in your favs,
clawed at your eyesbut for the rest of you... here is an excerpt with Dr. Death explaining how his new "Vote and/or Die" voting machine invention works.

Jack: I have created the perfect polling booth. With a few modifications installed in the back of each booth, you have the first ever error-proof voting machine! In fact, I have offered to install these free of charge all over the 9th Congressional district.

Me: Cool! How does it work?

Jack: It's proprietary information. Let's just say there are computer chips and vote recognition software and just leave it at that. Would you like to try the demo machine?

Me: Errr. Sure. Hey, what are these wires that are connected to the button for your opponent? Why do they lead to this car battery and what are these test tubes of colorful liquids, this series of pulleys and a hydraulic powered syringe doing here?

Jack: It's all very technical, but it is to ensure accuracy. In fact, Hillary had planned on using this baby in the do-over primary against Obama, but it doesn't look like she will get the chance to give this baby a test spin now. Go ahead. You can be the first. Make your selection. Vote for me, or vote for that other guy.

Me: I'm sorry Mr. Death. You scare me. I'm afraid I need to vote for this other guy... *press* Ow! What was that!?

Jack: That is the sweet sound of democracy in play.

Me: I feel sleepy. Hey! Where'd the tunnel come from? I see a light. You in there Mr. Death?

Jack: Please. Just call me "doctor". Or better yet. Call me "Congressman".

Jack received 2.6% of the 2008 vote in his bid for Michigan's 9th congressional district. Thankfully, he never received a patent for his invention (or by my math, Bloomfield Hills would have lost 97.4% of their voters)


  1. you just made me a fan as well!!
    HAPPY SUNDAY my friend!! xoxox Keep up the great fight! :)...Angel

  2. Maybe we could send the Kevorkian van to the WH? You know, tell them it's a Chum Wagon, come on, load up! We could wipe out a whole nest of commies in one fell swoop. ~:)

  3. I've always felt those that play around with the paranormal dabble in things best left alone. Sooner, or later, they do something really stupid, while placing themselves in scary situation, and cause serious injury from fright. Doing such things in a moving vehicle is beyond insanity.

  4. Those VW hippie vans are known death traps.

  5. Thanks Angel. I'll be around shortly to visit!

    Sparky, cracking up! Love the Choom Wagon idea. If only it was so easy.

    Jess, I agree. Very stupid to mess with the occult. That's why I never vote democrat.

    Ed, it would make an apt presidential limo for our current occupier, would it not?