Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Chattering Teeth Exclusive with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Blade: Today I have the pleasure of sitting down with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the 14-year-old Latina upstart who recently defeated 10-year incumbent Joe Bag-o-donuts by an estimated vote tally of 116 to 80-something. Thank you for doing this - - may I call you Al?

Alexandria: You must call me Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, por favor, and roll your tongue on the Rrrr's.... And I am veintiocho aƱos.

Blade: So Al, congrats on the narrow victory over that white guy in the uneducated and majority Hispanic New York's 14th Congressional District which includes parts of the Bronx and Queens - though most folks don't know where that is.

Alexandria: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps.

Blade: OK, let's talk policy then - What is this Democratic Socialism you so eloquently espouse? Free maps? Free college? Free health care? Free everything? AND THE POOR FOLKS IN THE BRONX ACTUALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF FREE STUFF?

Alexandria: I personally believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so that we will be able to build up our future for our children.

Blade: Wait... your policy platform seems familiar. Some would accuse you of plagiarizing Miss South Carolina from the 2007 Miss Teen USA Pageant.

Alexandria: such as?

Blade: Well, you've convinced me. Now I see what all of the media, hollywood and late night hosts are so fired up about. You are the most brilliant mind to come out of the socialist democrat party this side of Bernie Sanders, Nancy Pelosi or Maxine Waters. And your googly eyes are somewhat endearing. Good luck to you. This is going to be entertaining to us flyover folks.


  1. You know, her TEETH are often what stands out in her pictures, so it's good you're on the case, Mr. Chattering Teeth!
    Very good interview; her platform DOES sound like Miss Teen USA........and she'd look every bit the 'deer in the headlights' if anybody on the stage followed up with Miss Teen USA and asked "World Peace? HOW?" uh............
    With AL, it's "And how do you PAY for universal healthcare? and how do we stay safe without immigration enforcement, etc?" "uh............... PAY? uh..........I think Donald Trump should pay. He's RICH! And we DESERVE IT"

  2. I think you are mis-underestimating her Mr Blade. I think she could go all the way to the white house, employ 187,322,814 assistants and put the country in debt another 999 trillion bucks.

  3. She often looks like she forgot her meds.

  4. Z, in a country this rich, there is no reason we should all not be overweight and have a 97 thousand acre Barack Obama presidential library and bathhouse national park. And yes, miss cortez does have some choppers on her... like extra large chicklets. Her vacant stare is what distracts me tho.

    Kid, Not until after Donald Trump's 3rd term mister!

    Ed, or like she just popped an extra couple?

  5. Her crazy eyes are what hits me first. The teeth come second, but I can see, given your dental proclivities, you would be first in line to interview the dentally and thyroidically-gifted Ms. AO-C.

    I'd love to hear AO-C's side of the story where she allegedly stiffed the waitress at the place where they both worked. Stiffing a co-worker doesn't say much for your character so speak up, Ms. Goo-goo eyes.

  6. The problem is of course that those bozo's in her district will elect her to congress for at least two terms, and then she gets salary and benefits for LIFE. Me? I'll have to take a part time job at McDonalds in semi-retirement just to make ends come closer to meeting.

    Maybe I should set up a GoFundMe page with the title, "I'm not a *ng Retard! Send me Money!". whaddya think?