O’Rourke says baseball is a sport that involves attempting to hit a high-velocity ball and designed to entertain people in a ballpark. Sure, it looks easy for a muscular and fit professional baseball player to shred the cover off the ball with a high-impact swing of the bat - but when I see this sport played by children... I saw a 9-year-old girl in Podunk, USA, cry after dribbling the ball 2 feet off a tee and failing to make it to first base before getting tagged out by the catcher!
And the hot dog? When this high-cholesterol, high-sodium weiner, when it hits your body, shreds everything inside of your body, your waistline and arteries, because it was designed to do that...
As for the apple pie and their classic pastry crust made from butter, flour and sugar... how could I hope to maintain my 6'4" 90-lb effeminate girlish figure by consuming these?
Forget about the Chevrolet and it's planet-destroying and fossil fuel guzzling combustible engine.
Hell yes. We’re going to take your baseball, your hot dogs. Your pie. Your cars. We’re not going to allow fellow Americans to enjoy unhealthy freedoms anymore.